Hello,
My name's Mathias, and I recently had, nearly 3 weeks ago now, a sudden hearing loss. I've been totally deaf in the right ear since 43 years (I'm 46). Of course, that feeling of "bloated" ear put pressure on myself because it is my " last " ear. Went to the doctor, the inside of the ear was a bit red, prescribed antibiotics. Had a little tinnitus, nothing really important. 3 days later I was driving to Spain, and then it came, in all its strength. I remained quiet, had a little panic attack at night, and the next day, I was at the emergency unit of the main hospital. Doctor checked, found my eardrum was a little red, the audiogram showed I had lost some frequencies. Nothing important, but on high and low, there was a "hole". Steroids were prescribed, the week after once I came back, the " holes " had disappeared. Doctors told me my Eustachian tube is in path of being healed and I won't have anything left in a few weeks. I don't know why, but I doubt it. If it happens, the better, but until then?
Of course, like most of us should probably not do, I've ran through the internet and read terrible stories. At the same time, I was totally unable to have good nights of sleep, sleeping 2 hours a night at most. So anxiety came by but only by moments.
I have been treated for heavy OCD and related depression years ago (and I can say I'm healed, if one needs help about OCD, I'll do my best to help you, but not here, it's all about tinnitus). Since then, I've trained into MBSR, self-hypnosis, and a little in EFT. I'm basically a very anxious, ruminating, overthinking person. It makes me realize that there're some tools we'd better acquire when we're "sane" or "healthy" instead of learning this while suffering, may it be physically of mentally.
My tinnitus is present most of the time, I sometimes have days where I get up and it's not there until a few hours later. It's high frequency. So I've started meditating again, haven't done self-hypnosis yet but it will come. I sometimes feel tempted to shout at it "Get out", but it only brings bad feelings of anger and anxiety. I've decided to let it be, may it leave or not, in a corner of my head, like those people living in front of the railway but that don't "hear" the train anymore, or, in fact, pay attention. I've tried masking, but I have the feeling it makes it worse, like if by masking I was actively doing something "against it" and it was trying to bypass the masking. I want to habituate, that's simple, may it stay or not, for now. I don't want to wait a year and realize it's still there and I'm still hoping it leaves by itself. I accept it, now. Of course it was annoying today when it was on spike at McDonald's while talking to my colleagues. But eh, It doesn't prevent me from focusing at work, live my life, I consider I "forget" it most of the day, and yesterday, I fell asleep with tinnitus ringing without taking an Atarax to sleep.
My feelings:
- Even if I "accept it", I'm sometimes taken by some kind of primitive fear for a second "It will never leave!!!"
- Sometimes it really leaves, really, I often then have the bad idea to "call it".
- It doesn't affect my meditation (relief).
- Depending on how I put myself lying, with my arm over my head, it can become close to silence, but I have to check that again.
- Driving the car seems to over stimulate it.
- It's more present in the evening, even while watching tv.
- On one evening, I played with it and was able to really, with a concentration effort, lower it and keep it low for longer intervals (a minute or two, not hours!). Worked once, never again.
My ideas:
- I'l meditate to remain in an "accepting" view, and relax. The intention is here, the fact not yet...
- I'll try the BTS (Back to Silence) method (I strongly believe in neuroplasticity, that's how I ran away from OCD. Check Jeffrey Schwartz 4 steps if you want to know more).
My questions:
- I'm just investigating, and I'm a Star Trek fan, I was reading about William Shatner and TRT: is it a hard therapy, and are the results globally satisfying?
- Tinnitus in general and step 1 of BTS: how do you stop looking for it? Is it something you actively do, like setting up an immediate "escape pathway" kind of "if I start thinking about it, I'll think of me gardening"? But I fear doing this would maybe anchor gardening. Looking at a point in the room, coming back to something physical (putting your hand on your desk)... ? In fact, what I don't understand yet about this first step: "stop giving it conscious attention", is there a method, refocusing on something else, emptying your mind, whatever? Does something specific work well? I think I'm not too conditioned yet, but I'm an overthinking person and if I can get the right tools now, the sooner the better.
Thanks in advance, I realize many here habituate (and I guess most of those who fully habituated don't come anymore), science is improving, there is hope.
Thanks for being here and helping.
Mat
My name's Mathias, and I recently had, nearly 3 weeks ago now, a sudden hearing loss. I've been totally deaf in the right ear since 43 years (I'm 46). Of course, that feeling of "bloated" ear put pressure on myself because it is my " last " ear. Went to the doctor, the inside of the ear was a bit red, prescribed antibiotics. Had a little tinnitus, nothing really important. 3 days later I was driving to Spain, and then it came, in all its strength. I remained quiet, had a little panic attack at night, and the next day, I was at the emergency unit of the main hospital. Doctor checked, found my eardrum was a little red, the audiogram showed I had lost some frequencies. Nothing important, but on high and low, there was a "hole". Steroids were prescribed, the week after once I came back, the " holes " had disappeared. Doctors told me my Eustachian tube is in path of being healed and I won't have anything left in a few weeks. I don't know why, but I doubt it. If it happens, the better, but until then?
Of course, like most of us should probably not do, I've ran through the internet and read terrible stories. At the same time, I was totally unable to have good nights of sleep, sleeping 2 hours a night at most. So anxiety came by but only by moments.
I have been treated for heavy OCD and related depression years ago (and I can say I'm healed, if one needs help about OCD, I'll do my best to help you, but not here, it's all about tinnitus). Since then, I've trained into MBSR, self-hypnosis, and a little in EFT. I'm basically a very anxious, ruminating, overthinking person. It makes me realize that there're some tools we'd better acquire when we're "sane" or "healthy" instead of learning this while suffering, may it be physically of mentally.
My tinnitus is present most of the time, I sometimes have days where I get up and it's not there until a few hours later. It's high frequency. So I've started meditating again, haven't done self-hypnosis yet but it will come. I sometimes feel tempted to shout at it "Get out", but it only brings bad feelings of anger and anxiety. I've decided to let it be, may it leave or not, in a corner of my head, like those people living in front of the railway but that don't "hear" the train anymore, or, in fact, pay attention. I've tried masking, but I have the feeling it makes it worse, like if by masking I was actively doing something "against it" and it was trying to bypass the masking. I want to habituate, that's simple, may it stay or not, for now. I don't want to wait a year and realize it's still there and I'm still hoping it leaves by itself. I accept it, now. Of course it was annoying today when it was on spike at McDonald's while talking to my colleagues. But eh, It doesn't prevent me from focusing at work, live my life, I consider I "forget" it most of the day, and yesterday, I fell asleep with tinnitus ringing without taking an Atarax to sleep.
My feelings:
- Even if I "accept it", I'm sometimes taken by some kind of primitive fear for a second "It will never leave!!!"
- Sometimes it really leaves, really, I often then have the bad idea to "call it".
- It doesn't affect my meditation (relief).
- Depending on how I put myself lying, with my arm over my head, it can become close to silence, but I have to check that again.
- Driving the car seems to over stimulate it.
- It's more present in the evening, even while watching tv.
- On one evening, I played with it and was able to really, with a concentration effort, lower it and keep it low for longer intervals (a minute or two, not hours!). Worked once, never again.
My ideas:
- I'l meditate to remain in an "accepting" view, and relax. The intention is here, the fact not yet...
- I'll try the BTS (Back to Silence) method (I strongly believe in neuroplasticity, that's how I ran away from OCD. Check Jeffrey Schwartz 4 steps if you want to know more).
My questions:
- I'm just investigating, and I'm a Star Trek fan, I was reading about William Shatner and TRT: is it a hard therapy, and are the results globally satisfying?
- Tinnitus in general and step 1 of BTS: how do you stop looking for it? Is it something you actively do, like setting up an immediate "escape pathway" kind of "if I start thinking about it, I'll think of me gardening"? But I fear doing this would maybe anchor gardening. Looking at a point in the room, coming back to something physical (putting your hand on your desk)... ? In fact, what I don't understand yet about this first step: "stop giving it conscious attention", is there a method, refocusing on something else, emptying your mind, whatever? Does something specific work well? I think I'm not too conditioned yet, but I'm an overthinking person and if I can get the right tools now, the sooner the better.
Thanks in advance, I realize many here habituate (and I guess most of those who fully habituated don't come anymore), science is improving, there is hope.
Thanks for being here and helping.
Mat
