Tinnitus and Its Effect on Relationships

[Telis]

Does anyone have a family member, a close friend or maybe even a spouse that just doesn't get it, or doesn't really care to get it?

I'm very surprised to be in this situation with what I considered the go to people in my life if things went sideways.

I thought that maybe this was common as you can't see this damn thing. People look at you like, ya what's the issue here, you look fine to me!! Almost give you a eye roll if you want to talk about it. Or tell you there are sick or hungry people out there struggling, you are fine!

 

[amandine]

Does anyone have a family member, a close friend or maybe even a spouse that just doesn't get it, or doesn't really care to get it?

Totally right Telis. Yes I have in answer to your question. I know this is an old thread but I only just saw it.
I have just this minute been told that I have ''a little bit of Tinnitus'' (or rather had it shouted at me) and that I should, Tinnitus Head, get over it! That is the maximum support that I have! So what to do? Meanwhile he consumes his gaba as he has all day and every day drinking huge amounts of beer. Hope he gets a stroke so I could shout at him Stroke Head. He already had a stroke at what is considered to be a young age for that. It happened two years ago and he was paralysed on one side (over consumption of cigs and alcohol).....but I found him and got medical help in time so that he regained full function. One hour later and it would quite probably have been too late for him. He lay there downstairs for two hours and did not call up to say there was anything wrong but crawled to the tv and managed to put it on and roll another cigarette with one hand.
So what did he say to me re this.....''well no one asked you to call the doctor and I would have been fine''....ie he would have laid there and he would have been fine and miraculously got his limb function back.....so it was only through me ''meddling'' that he ended up in hospital where he didn't want to go......and where he immediately received the clot busting drug that meant he didn't suffer life long brain injury and paralysis.
Go figure his mentality.
Now I have T and he is just awful to me and has been since I got it. He thinks that it is a big nothing as does his mother who by the way told me she could not come and see her son when he had the stroke due to the fact that she had to look after her two dogs! Brilliant - what a supportive bunch they are.....it is only when the sh.. hits the fan that we discover the real true nature of people...and so far I have been the only decent one among all of us.
So yes Telis I know what it is to live with no support or empathy or attempt at understanding. Would have made all the difference to me. Maybe with some people it makes the difference between living and dying.
Anyone else with non supportive close people?

 

[Telis]

Totally right Telis. Yes I have in answer to your question. I know this is an old thread but I only just saw it.
I have just this minute been told that I have ''a little bit of Tinnitus'' (or rather had it shouted at me) and that I should, Tinnitus Head, get over it! That is the maximum support that I have! So what to do? Meanwhile he consumes his gaba as he has all day and every day drinking huge amounts of beer. Hope he gets a stroke so I could shout at him Stroke Head. He already had a stroke at what is considered to be a young age for that. It happened two years ago and he was paralysed on one side (over consumption of cigs and alcohol).....but I found him and got medical help in time so that he regained full function. One hour later and it would quite probably have been too late for him. He lay there downstairs for two hours and did not call up to say there was anything wrong but crawled to the tv and managed to put it on and roll another cigarette with one hand.
So what did he say to me re this.....''well no one asked you to call the doctor and I would have been fine''....ie he would have laid there and he would have been fine and miraculously got his limb function back.....so it was only through me ''meddling'' that he ended up in hospital where he didn't want to go......and where he immediately received the clot busting drug that meant he didn't suffer life long brain injury and paralysis.
Go figure his mentality.
Now I have T and he is just awful to me and has been since I got it. He thinks that it is a big nothing as does his mother who by the way told me she could not come and see her son when he had the stroke due to the fact that she had to look after her two dogs! Brilliant - what a supportive bunch they are.....it is only when the sh.. hits the fan that we discover the real true nature of people...and so far I have been the only decent one among all of us.
So yes Telis I know what it is to live with no support or empathy or attempt at understanding. Would have made all the difference to me. Maybe with some people it makes the difference between living and dying.
Anyone else with non supportive close people?

I'm sorry you are is this tough situation. It's funny how having T seems to weaken us, I would imagine just making a move out of that situation is very tough at this point given that you are maybe sometimes debilitated by your T.

I find that my brain works at a small fraction of what my working capacity used to be. Making any life decisions with this condition seems almost impossible, even the big things in life that would have been major issues that need to be taken care immediately get pushed aside and filed into my brain as who gives a shit, I suffer 24 7 anyway, what does it even matter if I change this, or change that to better my life, it just doesn't really matter what I do, I still suffer forever.

Anyway, sorry to hear that you have no support or understanding but to be honest, I don't think anyone will get it unless they suffer from it, even if they want to. There are people in my life that care about me but they have no clue, so I don't bother talking about it, I might as well be talking Chinese while I explain T and H to them. I'm not Chinese by the way. Haha. I think you get my point.

 

[glynis]

It is hard for people to understand about tinnitus as its a condition people can not see like some other illnesses.
I would try share the problem by letting some one you trust read the forum posts or attend appointments with you.
At the beginning I felt alone but in time I got some family support and just a hug made all the difference.....lots of love glynis

 

[amandine]

It is hard for people to understand about tinnitus as its a condition people can not see like some other illnesses.
I would try share the problem by letting some one you trust read the forum posts or attend appointments with you.
At the beginning I felt alone but in time I got some family support and just a hug made all the difference.....lots of love glynis

Very kind of you to reply and thank you but......
Life is just not like this Glynis for some of us. I appreciate you have your close family and your husband but for some of us this is not the case.
What if there is no one to turn to....at all.
That is the point of my post and I think also Telis post although I dont speak on his behalf.
There is no hug or understanding and I for one do not have any family either although I believe Telis has his family there. Mine all passed away - and I am left....
So what do you do when there is no one except someone who does not understand and never will and in fact just makes it worse.....

 

[AnnieM]

That would be hell piled on top of hell. I'm fortunate to have a supportive group of people around me otherwise I might possibly be dead now myself. Even posting here - or just reading reading others' posts - is therapeutic, but it doesn't (or shouldn't!) take the place of caring family or friends.

 

[amandine]

That would be hell piled on top of hell.

well that is what it is hell upon hell.....

 

[I who love music]

Being one of the "Invisible" diseases, you can expect some people to respond that way.
At the other end of the spectrum.. I had a friend in a wheelchair and he didn't like the way people overcompensated with their behavior when they were around him. They told odd stories, assumed he needed advice, stared, and treated him like a child.
I always say there's nothing weirder than people.

 

[Zug]

Just got dumped for "being a child" about "only a noise in my head": https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...ting-like-a-child-and-broke-up-with-me.11834/

 

[Mad maggot]

Totally right Telis. Yes I have in answer to your question. I know this is an old thread but I only just saw it.
I have just this minute been told that I have ''a little bit of Tinnitus'' (or rather had it shouted at me) and that I should, Tinnitus Head, get over it! That is the maximum support that I have! So what to do? Meanwhile he consumes his gaba as he has all day and every day drinking huge amounts of beer. Hope he gets a stroke so I could shout at him Stroke Head. He already had a stroke at what is considered to be a young age for that. It happened two years ago and he was paralysed on one side (over consumption of cigs and alcohol).....but I found him and got medical help in time so that he regained full function. One hour later and it would quite probably have been too late for him. He lay there downstairs for two hours and did not call up to say there was anything wrong but crawled to the tv and managed to put it on and roll another cigarette with one hand.
So what did he say to me re this.....''well no one asked you to call the doctor and I would have been fine''....ie he would have laid there and he would have been fine and miraculously got his limb function back.....so it was only through me ''meddling'' that he ended up in hospital where he didn't want to go......and where he immediately received the clot busting drug that meant he didn't suffer life long brain injury and paralysis.
Go figure his mentality.
Now I have T and he is just awful to me and has been since I got it. He thinks that it is a big nothing as does his mother who by the way told me she could not come and see her son when he had the stroke due to the fact that she had to look after her two dogs! Brilliant - what a supportive bunch they are.....it is only when the sh.. hits the fan that we discover the real true nature of people...and so far I have been the only decent one among all of us.
So yes Telis I know what it is to live with no support or empathy or attempt at understanding. Would have made all the difference to me. Maybe with some people it makes the difference between living and dying.
Anyone else with non supportive close people?[/QUOTE
Just now I cannot think of anything I've heard that's quite so horrible!

 

[glynis]

When I first started with tinnitus and Menieres my family and friends did not understand what was happening to me and did not understand the change in me and why I feel in to a dark depression and just wanted the ground swallow me up.

My family were supported over my asthma as can see I was struggling to breath and needed ambulances and trips to hospital and got great support.
For my ears it was a different story and I went to counselling for support and felt I had to go through this alone .
Blasting tinnitus 24/7 and as soon as I woke up I would rush to the bathroom dizzy and throw up and this was all day every day and was hard walk feeling like you were bouncing when walking and soon as I moved my head I was sick and dizzy.
Back to the thread...my family did not understand and in law who said lots of hurtful things until she realised I could not cope with my health conditions and depression on top.
I was a sad withdrawn person looking in the mirror and expected to be a good mum,do the house work and go to work struggling and ended having time off work .
Forward on a few years ....
My family started to be more supportive regarding my menieres that was on top of breathing problems but for my tinnitus they still could not understand what It was like.

T told my family it was mental torture and played them a tinnitus sound same as mine and told them it was like that non stop.

I now wear duel purpose hearing aids but family still don't really understand about tinnitus but understand I have problems with my ears.....lots of love glynis


I totally understand some people have no family,live alone and no close friends and a forum the best place come for support.
I hope one day they find a cure for everyone as I know tinnitus can be mild to severe and life changing ,but with help and support and staying positive we push forward and find we can still live a happy life still and do what we love to do as we adapt to tinnitus.