This is my first time posting on a tinnitus forum. The reason I'm doing it right now is because I think I might have dug my own grave this time around. I am in a really bad place and it might be reflected in my writing.
Short story about my tinnitus: Got it out of nowhere when I was about 10-11 years old, I am 26 years old today. For years it fluctuated, changed pitch, volume etc without any logic to it. The spikes always gave me panic. It eventually always went back to baseline after a few days and baseline did not bother me much because I was habituated to it. Maybe because my tinnitus was more low pitched and not screeching.
Fast forward to my past months. I am in grad school and should start my master thesis in January. Recently I got diagnosed with a couple of physical health issues that caused me great distress and sadness. I have been to more ER visits than parties these last couple of months. I developed depression coupled with anxiety and can barely function in school or in society.
I was so fed up with my health that I suffered a breakdown and decided to go on an all night bender. This was almost 3 weeks ago. I drank a ton of alcohol and called up some friends and we went to a nightclub (You might see where this is going).
I remember walking into the club and it was a dance floor with a separate section that you could sit and have drinks. The venue was loud as in you had to raise your voice to talk with each other, but not loud enough to be painful. I was pretty drunk at this point so it might have been louder than I thought. We stayed there for about 2 hours, with me barely going to the dance floor, just sitting by myself and getting drunker and drunker. Left the venue without my ears ringing or feeling painful.
The next day was completely fine, apart from my massive hangover and worse anxiety/depression. No ringing ears, nothing at all. About 2 days later I woke up one morning with a high pitch hissing in my ears. Did not think of it much because it always resolved itself. It has now been 3 weeks and still has not subsided, my depression and anxiety is through the roof. Tinnitus keeps getting worse and worse for each day and I don't know what to do.
We all know what usually happens, we try to replay the events that might have caused the tinnitus. Did I stand next to a speaker? Was I in a "quiet" area? Did someone shout in my ears? Yadda yadda yadda. Was my tinnitus noise induced? If so, why did I not hear it the day after? Why did it creep up to me after several days?
This is the longest I have gone with a spike, if it even is a spike. University does not pause because of my tinnitus and I am falling behind.
I am sorry, I just wanted to vent. This might be my first and last post because at this point I feel that suicide will be the only option for me. If every day is about barely surviving then I don't want to be alive at all. My health issues and now worse tinnitus has tipped me over the edge.
Thank you if you read my story and I wish you all the best of luck in the future.
Please do not repeat my mistakes.
Short story about my tinnitus: Got it out of nowhere when I was about 10-11 years old, I am 26 years old today. For years it fluctuated, changed pitch, volume etc without any logic to it. The spikes always gave me panic. It eventually always went back to baseline after a few days and baseline did not bother me much because I was habituated to it. Maybe because my tinnitus was more low pitched and not screeching.
Fast forward to my past months. I am in grad school and should start my master thesis in January. Recently I got diagnosed with a couple of physical health issues that caused me great distress and sadness. I have been to more ER visits than parties these last couple of months. I developed depression coupled with anxiety and can barely function in school or in society.
I was so fed up with my health that I suffered a breakdown and decided to go on an all night bender. This was almost 3 weeks ago. I drank a ton of alcohol and called up some friends and we went to a nightclub (You might see where this is going).
I remember walking into the club and it was a dance floor with a separate section that you could sit and have drinks. The venue was loud as in you had to raise your voice to talk with each other, but not loud enough to be painful. I was pretty drunk at this point so it might have been louder than I thought. We stayed there for about 2 hours, with me barely going to the dance floor, just sitting by myself and getting drunker and drunker. Left the venue without my ears ringing or feeling painful.
The next day was completely fine, apart from my massive hangover and worse anxiety/depression. No ringing ears, nothing at all. About 2 days later I woke up one morning with a high pitch hissing in my ears. Did not think of it much because it always resolved itself. It has now been 3 weeks and still has not subsided, my depression and anxiety is through the roof. Tinnitus keeps getting worse and worse for each day and I don't know what to do.
We all know what usually happens, we try to replay the events that might have caused the tinnitus. Did I stand next to a speaker? Was I in a "quiet" area? Did someone shout in my ears? Yadda yadda yadda. Was my tinnitus noise induced? If so, why did I not hear it the day after? Why did it creep up to me after several days?
This is the longest I have gone with a spike, if it even is a spike. University does not pause because of my tinnitus and I am falling behind.
I am sorry, I just wanted to vent. This might be my first and last post because at this point I feel that suicide will be the only option for me. If every day is about barely surviving then I don't want to be alive at all. My health issues and now worse tinnitus has tipped me over the edge.
Thank you if you read my story and I wish you all the best of luck in the future.
Please do not repeat my mistakes.
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