Today, I was on a 10+ hour plane ride. I was so terrified of my tinnitus getting permanently worse. Thankfully, I just got home and I didn't notice much of a difference. I think its' slightly louder, but not nearly as loud as I thought it would get. I had to wear the earplugs the entire time because I measured the noise level on my decibel app (not sure how accurate it is) and it was 90+ the whole time. 104 decibels at takeoff. I temporarily removed the earplugs during takeoff and landing because I was afraid of "barotrauma" caused by pressure changes (I'm still not fully informed about the subject, so I'm not sure how likely it is.) The engine sounded very, very loud but I just pressed my fingers against my ears and things went OK.
At landing, the flight was experiencing a lot of turbulence and it took a very long time for the plane to descend, so I removed my earplugs about 30 minutes before landing (when they announced the descent) and held my fingers pressed against my ears the whole time. I was so worried about my tinnitus getting worse. I was silently (at least, I was trying to be silent) crying and I felt so nauseous, I couldn't eat any of the meals or sleep at all. My mom was trying to comfort me and telling me it was going to be OK, and that did help a little, but I was still being weepy and I felt a heap of anxiety. I really thought my tinnitus was going to be insurmountably, unbearably worse when I got home. I was so relieved when I stepped into the house and took out my earplugs and realized I had a little spike in the volume, but nothing like I was expecting. I still have a lot of anxiety, and I still haven't slept in over 24 hours, but no panic attacks so far like I used to get, thankfully.
Once, an ambulance was passing by and I ran straight into a place where they were doing construction work and the men kind of looked at me like "huh?" and I was so frantic, I just covered my ears and smiled and blurted out "sorry," "it's the ambulance," or something like that. I must look crazy when I do these things.
I just hate other people's opinions of me being in the forefront of my mind when something like this is happening. I don't want to care what others think of me. I hate how I can't politely ask someone to turn their radio down, or tell someone I can't be around their dog because the barking makes my tinnitus louder. I can't be assertive, and I wish I could change that so much. But I don't think it's possible to change a personality trait you were born with, so I don't know if it'll ever get easier for me to do. I'm the one who has to deal with the long-term consequences, so I need to muster up the strength to speak up. I just cringe thinking of how I've embarrassed myself so many times running away from some noise. But I don't want to think that way.
At landing, the flight was experiencing a lot of turbulence and it took a very long time for the plane to descend, so I removed my earplugs about 30 minutes before landing (when they announced the descent) and held my fingers pressed against my ears the whole time. I was so worried about my tinnitus getting worse. I was silently (at least, I was trying to be silent) crying and I felt so nauseous, I couldn't eat any of the meals or sleep at all. My mom was trying to comfort me and telling me it was going to be OK, and that did help a little, but I was still being weepy and I felt a heap of anxiety. I really thought my tinnitus was going to be insurmountably, unbearably worse when I got home. I was so relieved when I stepped into the house and took out my earplugs and realized I had a little spike in the volume, but nothing like I was expecting. I still have a lot of anxiety, and I still haven't slept in over 24 hours, but no panic attacks so far like I used to get, thankfully.
Once, an ambulance was passing by and I ran straight into a place where they were doing construction work and the men kind of looked at me like "huh?" and I was so frantic, I just covered my ears and smiled and blurted out "sorry," "it's the ambulance," or something like that. I must look crazy when I do these things.
I just hate other people's opinions of me being in the forefront of my mind when something like this is happening. I don't want to care what others think of me. I hate how I can't politely ask someone to turn their radio down, or tell someone I can't be around their dog because the barking makes my tinnitus louder. I can't be assertive, and I wish I could change that so much. But I don't think it's possible to change a personality trait you were born with, so I don't know if it'll ever get easier for me to do. I'm the one who has to deal with the long-term consequences, so I need to muster up the strength to speak up. I just cringe thinking of how I've embarrassed myself so many times running away from some noise. But I don't want to think that way.
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