Tinnitus Ruining My Career

[Mikel]

My life was always difficult. I was followed by bad luck but I didn't let it get me down. I always told myself that the bad luck has to stop at some point. I was pretty positive.

I started twice from zero again. after loosing years of work I've put into my business and always due to things I couldn't influence. Two years ago, when I was rebuilding I told friends that I am afraid that something unexpected could happen again. Something which was impossible to predict and would ruin everything again.

I work at my computer from home and in May I was getting excited because the last two years of hard work finally started to pay off. The moment had finally come!

Then I got a cold, ear pain and when it was gone Tinnitus followed. I immediately stopped working, relaxed, meditated, went to see doctors, did therapy but nothing helped. I also felt very dizzy and could barely walk. Two weeks later I had a breakdown and was hospitalized. I couldn't stand up anymore. Nothing like this ever happened to me.

The infusions helped but the doctors found nothing. No matter with whom I spoke I got the same response: "learn to live with it. beside the cortisone there is nothing we can do about your tinnitus". Several days later I was released and my dizziness came back. I couldn't drive my car anymore. I couldn't do anything. Instead of picking up my work I stayed in bed doing nothing. The tinnitus made sure that I couldn't even read a book anymore.

None of the supplements had even the tiniest impact on my tinnitus.

I had three doctor appointments per week and my sickness became the center of my life. My dizziness started to slowly get better and since then I've been trying to work. But I couldn't. As soon as I concentrate my ears become painful (needles in the brain/ears?) and I hear the most annoying kind of noises.

Every day I tell myself in the morning that I will manage it, but nothing helps. I can't work when I play loud music. I am unable to find a solution.

My last hope is that one of the new supplements I ordered will do something.

I have a family which relies on me and I am at the end of my wisdom...

 

[Leah]

I have no medical advice for you but I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time. I also feel like my doctor's appointments control my life and finances too.
Have you been given a "diagnosis"? Maybe someone else on this forum has a suggestion. Mikel stay strong, I know how hard it is.

 

[MichaelM]

Life has been tough for you. Any idea what caused the dizziness?

I have heard so many doctors saying "live with it" to me i really dont wait for hearing anything else anymore. That is their main message. Wish they new what these invisible scourges can be like. I sometimes hope Meniere´s disease simulator is invented one day and put to use in doctors training.

 

[NeoM]

The first couple months are rough, but you have to get through them.

 

[Telis]

My life was always difficult. I was followed by bad luck but I didn't let it get me down. I always told myself that the bad luck has to stop at some point. I was pretty positive.

I started twice from zero again. after loosing years of work I've put into my business and always due to things I couldn't influence. Two years ago, when I was rebuilding I told friends that I am afraid that something unexpected could happen again. Something which was impossible to predict and would ruin everything again.

I work at my computer from home and in May I was getting excited because the last two years of hard work finally started to pay off. The moment had finally come!

Then I got a cold, ear pain and when it was gone Tinnitus followed. I immediately stopped working, relaxed, meditated, went to see doctors, did therapy but nothing helped. I also felt very dizzy and could barely walk. Two weeks later I had a breakdown and was hospitalized. I couldn't stand up anymore. Nothing like this ever happened to me.

The infusions helped but the doctors found nothing. No matter with whom I spoke I got the same response: "learn to live with it. beside the cortisone there is nothing we can do about your tinnitus". Several days later I was released and my dizziness came back. I couldn't drive my car anymore. I couldn't do anything. Instead of picking up my work I stayed in bed doing nothing. The tinnitus made sure that I couldn't even read a book anymore.

None of the supplements had even the tiniest impact on my tinnitus.

I had three doctor appointments per week and my sickness became the center of my life. My dizziness started to slowly get better and since then I've been trying to work. But I couldn't. As soon as I concentrate my ears become painful (needles in the brain/ears?) and I hear the most annoying kind of noises.

Every day I tell myself in the morning that I will manage it, but nothing helps. I can't work when I play loud music. I am unable to find a solution.

My last hope is that one of the new supplements I ordered will do something.

I have a family which relies on me and I am at the end of my wisdom...

I hear you, I went from the top to a pile of useless flesh.

It is hard to concentrate for sure, I have serious ear pain along with my tinnitus as well. I thought that meant things were healing/changing I use to like the pain, thought things were getting better. Doesn't seem like it now, it's just another thing to deal with along side the tinnitus...not to mention stuffiness, sensitivity to sounds etc (all kinds of surprises). On the positive side, seems like the dizziness does go away. I could barely stand in the dark at the start.

Give it time, and try not to be too hard on yourself, this is tough, tougher than anything I could have imagined. I would like to think our brains will kick this to the curb while trying to work/concentrate eventually.

At the moment I'm off work, hard to sit around all day tormented. Like you I have a tough time reading or concentrating. Even doing the small things around the house seem to be a challenge for me, never mind going back to a high pressure job.

Hope time will help us adjust to this madness!

 

[RicoS]

Stuffiness and sensitivity to sound...... i feel your pain ...sometimes I dislike that even more...

 

[MichaelM]

hyperacusis, pressure in the ear, fluctuating T and loss of hearing (one ear only), balance difficulties, constant slight dizziness & nausea for weeks and sudden vertigo attacks every now and then, fatique....

I got diagnosed with Meniere´s disease this year. It has been a huge life changer and i think i cannot work like i used to. So you are not alone @Mikel

At work they offered me a "support package", money that is, if i quit. Everything was going pretty well before this. Obviously there are big trust issues going on at work.

After a few desperate months i start to feel again life can still be worth looking forward to.

 

[Martin69]

I hear you, I went from the top to a pile of useless flesh.

It is hard to concentrate for sure, I have serious ear pain along with my tinnitus as well. I thought that meant things were healing/changing I use to like the pain, thought things were getting better. Doesn't seem like it now, it's just another thing to deal with along side the tinnitus...not to mention stuffiness, sensitivity to sounds etc (all kinds of surprises). On the positive side, seems like the dizziness does go away. I could barely stand in the dark at the start.

Give it time, and try not to be too hard on yourself, this is tough, tougher than anything I could have imagined. I would like to think our brains will kick this to the curb while trying to work/concentrate eventually.

At the moment I'm off work, hard to sit around all day tormented. Like you I have a tough time reading or concentrating. Even doing the small things around the house seem to be a challenge for me, never mind going back to a high pressure job.

Hope time will help us adjust to this madness!

Yes, T takes all our energy.

I also work in high pressure job (IT support). Luckily I can work from home. And I cut down my work to half-time. Also I am working now in the background assisting my colleagues. Nevertheless I hate those adjustments. But I push myself to work, however difficult it is (anxiety, tension).

And as you said, even small things are difficult. This is due to depression and the missing energy T takes from us. So for example doing sports at the moment is difficult.

But I am sure things will get better. I am no longer freaking out and no more panic attacks. I can sleep very well (sleep is my escape from T) and can work to some extent. Most people habituate between 12-18 months. Some are faster, some take longer. So it is a tough time, but things will get better.

All the best for everyone.

 

[Mal]

Software developer here also. I have desperately held on to my profession, because it is my passion, life and way to make a living. I have been stubborn for 1.5 years, but my conclusion is clear: I cannot continue.

Mikel, we really feel you. Now I can see, that you have had tinnitus for just some months now, and you haven't got it from a hearing injury. I think that should raise your chances. Let's hope for the best.

I am also curious how other people, who are as severely affected by T, manage to provide a life for themselves. How do you guys have an income? How do you provide your family with a 'functional person', that they appreciate?

 

[Martin69]

Software developer here also. I have desperately held on to my profession, because it is my passion, life and way to make a living. I have been stubborn for 1.5 years, but my conclusion is clear: I cannot continue.

Mikel, we really feel you. Now I can see, that you have had tinnitus for just some months now, and you haven't got it from a hearing injury. I think that should raise your chances. Let's hope for the best.

I am also curious how other people, who are as severely affected by T, manage to provide a life for themselves. How do you guys have an income? How do you provide your family with a 'functional person', that they appreciate?

Luckily, income is no issue for me. My wife runs her own business and we have money. We could survive many years. But if I have to quit my job, what shall I do? Sitting whole day on my balcony listening to my T? I would definitely jump after a while.

Functional person? My wife is happy that I have no more panic attacks. Nevertheless, every day is a challenge. Everyone is very patient with me and I give everything being as normal as possible. But I don't know what will be in some months when I still do not habituate. Cannot imagine living with this and suffering for the rest of my life (I am 45).

BTW, my T is stress-induced. 10 months in, but no change of T.

 

[MichaelM]

After i got sick i lost interested on many things. I use to like cars and motorbikes... many things, but now i find myself rarely thinking about those anymore. I can admit i do worry about money. I might have to change the job for a less-stressing one with not so many working hours. I struggle to keep things going.

This could be depression, who knows. Loved ones really dont understand this: girlfriend said once "you are lazy". I understand she dint mean that but still.... I am not exactly the same person i used to be. the functioning person is gone now. I like to spend time alone just thinking "where and how do i go from here with my ear problems".

Been wondering about the same triangle: this is not lethal, this is no visible, there is no cure.
What on Earth is this for a disease. i realized: this doesnt actually exist for other people! that was a devastating thought and made me sad. Tinnitus keeps me company all time, among other symptoms. There are not-so-good weeks and then there are really, really bad weeks. No wonder the psychiatrist suggested a month long sick-leave, which i didnt take.

 

[RicoS]

Software Developer and ICT Manager here also ... T possible also stress induced.

 

[Mikel]

thanks for the replies everyone.

in the hospital they couldn't find any reason for my dizziness. Luckily it got better on its own though.

 

[Telis]

Software developer here also. I have desperately held on to my profession, because it is my passion, life and way to make a living. I have been stubborn for 1.5 years, but my conclusion is clear: I cannot continue.

Mikel, we really feel you. Now I can see, that you have had tinnitus for just some months now, and you haven't got it from a hearing injury. I think that should raise your chances. Let's hope for the best.

I am also curious how other people, who are as severely affected by T, manage to provide a life for themselves. How do you guys have an income? How do you provide your family with a 'functional person', that they appreciate?

Looks like I worked my ass of all these years, not for the good life, but so I could support my ass being disabled. Who knew! Life's a sick joke sometimes.

 

[Mal]

Luckily, income is no issue for me. My wife runs her own business and we have money. We could survive many years. But if I have to quit my job, what shall I do? Sitting whole day on my balcony listening to my T? I would definitely jump after a while.

Functional person? My wife is happy that I have no more panic attacks. Nevertheless, every day is a challenge. Everyone is very patient with me and I give everything being as normal as possible. But I don't know what will be in some months when I still do not habituate. Cannot imagine living with this and suffering for the rest of my life (I am 45).

BTW, my T is stress-induced. 10 months in, but no change of T.

My girlfriend is very brave in my situation, and she will also fight as hard as possible for me to remain in this T-struggle, but we are unfortunately not wealthy. If I could keep my profession, we would be though (Ironically enough ). I'm 30 btw.

You are definitely right, that it should not be preferrable to quit your job. One needs some distraction from T and things to work with. I still have my skills and education in the field, but I can't gather my focus to apply them. Further, I don't enjoy it and I'm close to directly suffer, when I'm trying to. So I have to quit, simply

I want a break from it all. I want zero responsibility. So I can sit in my code basement and slowly try and figure out, what I am capable of. If I don't get back in my programming somehow (either hobby or professional), then I am afraid, that I have lost too much of myself.

 

[Mal]

Looks like I worked my ass of all these years, not for the good life, but so I could support my ass being disabled. Who knew! Life's a sick joke sometimes.

That exact thought!!

Using my first 28 years to build a passion for information technology and finish a computer science degree to enjoy 1 year of work before destiny said: "how about NO".

 

[Martin69]

Looks like I worked my ass of all these years, not for the good life, but so I could support my ass being disabled. Who knew! Life's a sick joke sometimes.

My stress-induced T has multiple reasons: Highly complex support job, caring for my kids since my wife runs her own business, doing all the necessary things at home (washing, shopping etc.). Further worked as football trainer with kids. All was great since I liked being busy 24/7. But this totally exhausted my body and brain. Breakdown with dizziness, vertigo, T, stomache issues, migraines, high blood pressure - the complete program. Now I pay the bill for all my engagement.

 

[Telis]

My stress-induced T has multiple reasons: Highly complex support job, caring for my kids since my wife runs her own business, doing all the necessary things at home (washing, shopping etc.). Further worked as football trainer with kids. All was great since I liked being busy 24/7. But this totally exhausted my body and brain. Breakdown with dizziness, vertigo, T, stomache issues, migraines, high blood pressure - the complete program. Now I pay the bill for all my engagement.

It's funny mine started from cleaning my ears because they felt itchy and I had never cleaned them before(thought it was a good idea)....blocked them up on my own with oil...then took tons of meds to unblock...then even antibiotics because my ear looked inflamed (I was warry but followed the doctors orders) Basically messed with my ears for no reason at all(never had any ear issues in my life). Never even experienced ringing after a concert!

I wish I caused this because of a lifestyle choice I enjoyed. Not because one day I felt the need to clean my ears which weren't even giving me issues. Fatal idiotic mistake.

So don't feel too bad Martin! At least you were just living life and shit just happened!

 

[Martin69]

It's funny mine started from cleaning my ears because they felt itchy and I had never cleaned them before(thought it was a good idea)....blocked them up on my own with oil...then took tons of meds to unblock...then even antibiotics because my ear looked inflamed (I was warry but followed the doctors orders) Basically messed with my ears for no reason at all(never had any ear issues in my life). Never even experienced ringing after a concert!

I wish I caused this because of a lifestyle choice I enjoyed. Not because one day I felt the need to clean my ears which weren't even giving me issues. Fatal idiotic mistake.

So don't feel too bad Martin! At least you were just living life and shit just happened!

Hi Telis,

I guess more or less everyone could have avoided T.
When I had the first symptoms, doctors would have done better completely knocking me out with Benzos. Because the huge illness stress brought T into my head. Like someone switched on the fire alarm.

Like you I never had any ear issues. Also no ringing after a concert, no fleeting T, nothing.
So don't blame yourself. It happened and we have to deal with it now.

Stay strong,
Martin

 

[Denny]

Just be grateful guys many of you are young and single . If you had a family
you would be forced to work no matter how badly you are suffering , bills don't
stop and your family has expectations of being provided atleast the basics.
This is something healthy people who do not have tinnitus ever have to worry about
but this is a constant pressure for many with families who have t ,that also at times wish
they can hide under a rock.

 

[Mr. Cartman]

My stress-induced T has multiple reasons: Highly complex support job, caring for my kids since my wife runs her own business, doing all the necessary things at home (washing, shopping etc.). Further worked as football trainer with kids. All was great since I liked being busy 24/7. But this totally exhausted my body and brain. Breakdown with dizziness, vertigo, T, stomache issues, migraines, high blood pressure - the complete program. Now I pay the bill for all my engagement.

If stress brought T into your life, maybe relaxation and self-care will bring T out of your life!

 

[Floyd Mayweather]

Sorry to hear that. If your Tinnitus is bothering you that much maybe you should sign up for those AM-101 trials.
Good luck.

 

[cullenbohannon]

@Mikel I also have had a hard life i guess. What i would say in follow this thread closlley, it might be we are some close to some effective treatments, https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/retigabine-trobalt-potiga.5074/page-19#post-58594

More importantly I truly believe you should look into some sort of CBT, TRT or some type of counseling from someone experienced in treating patients with T. These type of things do not cure the sound but can help you get to a place where T does not matter at all, and has no impact on your life. Best of luck.

 

[UserID]

As I sit here typing to you, Mikel, my ears/brain are ringing at a frequency too high to measure and too loud to hear the quiet that my house would be at 3 am otherwise. My cat lies on my right shoulder as I type this, and with hearing loss (my aids aren't in), I can barely hear her purr. She is still a blanket of love to this single 62 year old man who has suffered with T since '72 brought on by artillery and the use of pneumatic tools while in the Navy. I receive a $129 monthly compensation for this daily devil's symphony, but I am in good company. T is the leading disability for veterans. To give my symptoms a bit more color, I've also known hyperacusis, dizziness, vertigo and, there were times when I wanted to end my life.

And yet, here I am, with these decades of experience with this beast, knowing at least something about what has worked for me, and what it is that allows me to continue wanting to go on, to put one foot in front of the other. The regimen that helps one sufferer doesn't always help the other, as I've noticed. For some reason, God has seen to it that we be different and our assistance be varied.

Believe me when I write that I've tried everything to rid myself of this ringing, from the simplest pill to the purchase of a $5200 Neuromonics unit. Placebos, really. What did start me on the right track, however, is having finally realized deep inside the truth. That this thing can't/won't kill me, and, after exploring tons of sounds to aid mitigation, I finally found one that closely resembles what I hear in my head. And so I carry that recording with me at all times and transmit it through an iCom from my MP3 player to my hearing aids almost daily.

The road you're on will take you to experiment after experiment, but soon you will find something that helps you to cope. Don't think in terms of a cure, but think instead of coping mechanisms. Something will become a benefit to you, then something else. Added up, they will help you to cope. It's a true adventure of the grotesque, sometimes disabling, but there is light ahead. There is reason to hope.

Continue to explore various avenues, maybe experiment with sound, maybe try mindfulness meditations, or just get out of the house. Whatever it is that helps, add it to the puzzle, here a little, there a little, and be patient.
David

 

[Martin69]

If stress brought T into your life, maybe relaxation and self-care will bring T out of your life!

Yes, I thought the same in the beginning. But that is the problem with T.
It is the biggest stressor now. My life is adjusted as much as possible that I have no stress.
The stress comes from inside:
- thoughts not to function anymore
- thoughts not being able to work anymore
- if I will not habituate, what will I do?
- many other distorted thoughts
I challenge them as good as possible. But after a day, which is a little bit better, T brings me down again.
It is not only T, but the side effects it brings. For example stomacheache, anxiety, depression.
This is not really a life, although I live my life as good as possible.

 

[Mikel]

Sorry to hear that. If your Tinnitus is bothering you that much maybe you should sign up for those AM-101 trials.
Good luck.

I signed up for the AM-101 trial one month ago. It's a two and a half hour trip to the hospital to have the interview and my case wasn't completely clear. But Auris Medicalis approved it and said that the doctor confirmations I could get would be enough.

My hope was back.

I was told that I would get a call in the same week by the doctor in charge and that things would move fast. I waited in vain. Then I contacted the doctor and he gave me a new appointment. A day before the appointment I tried to confirm it and it got delayed. That went on multiple times and one time I even went to the hospital and wasted a whole day only to find out that my appointment was moved back again.

I didn't do any other treatments because I always thought that I would start the trial "in 3 days". I was also told multiple times on the phone that when I go to my appointment that I might get treated immediately. So I made sure that relatives knew about this and that I had a place to sleep near the hospital.

Then, about 4 weeks later, finally the appointment wasn't delayed anymore. I went there and had the same interview as before and was told within minutes that they won't take me for the trial - based on the same information they had the first time I went there.

I wasted a whole month spending afternoons trying to reach someone on the phone, going back and fourth, wasting hours with my doctors to get their confirmation papers and spending over 180 Euros just for the trips alone.

That was the last month of my acute tinnitus.

 

[Mikel]

I challenge them as good as possible. But after a day, which is a little bit better, T brings me down again.
It is not only T, but the side effects it brings. For example stomacheache, anxiety, depression.
This is not really a life, although I live my life as good as possible.

For the side effects like anxiety you might want to try L-Theanine and if you can't sleep then use time released Melatonin. These things actually do work and I wish that I would have known about them before I had tinnitus.

But it's similar for me. This morning I was again in high spirits and told myself that I can manage it, until the moment I sat down and felt the pain in my ear getting stronger.

 

[Martin69]

For the side effects like anxiety you might want to try L-Theanine and if you can't sleep then use time released Melatonin. These things actually do work and I wish that I would have known about them before I had tinnitus.

But it's similar for me. This morning I was again in high spirits and told myself that I can manage it, until the moment I sat down and felt the pain in my ear getting stronger.

Thanks Mikel. I could try L-Theanine.
Sleeping is no problem for me. Sleep is escape from my T. I easily sleep 9-10 hours every night.
But I also take Remeron against the depression - which is also a sleeping aid.
Yes, it is like a roller coaster ride. One moment you feel you will make it. And next moment it causes you to cry. I think is is normal for a chronic illness. But T cannot kill us. So we have enough time getting used to it.

 

[Denny]

Valerian root is also good for sleep.

 

[UserID]

I've been taking xanax (alprazolam) for many, many years; but then, I deal with more than just T. Fibromyalgia, peripheral neuropathy and chronic fatigue are also daily challenges for me. Fibro and PN fool with nerves painfully all over my body, and xanax helps to calm some of the stinging and burning, along with pain meds and Lyrica. Plus, I have IBS-C, which is no picnic, I've undergone two prostate operations, and the list keeps growing.

It's when all of the conditions chime in at once that I think, "Now how do I get out of this one?" Normally, I just patiently hold out, sometimes in agony, take the meds, rest, and eat what I'm able. Eventually there's improvement. And still, while all this goes on, I hold down a 40 hr. week job, play a bass for three hours on some nights, read at least one book a month -- at times they are histories that are a labor of love to complete; I write for publications, keep my house clean and picked up, wash the car, cut the grass, date on occasion, and shop.

Even when you feel truly lousy, you can get things done; at least, I do.