Two Weeks and I Am Dying Inside

[wishingluck]

Fangen,

I can't bear the hiss at night either. I mask it with noises of different colours, and I use purple noise too. I have mixed it to an audio file of falling rain. I feed this through a set of earphones, the ones that go inside the ear. Then I have another mp3 plays connected to a normal set of headphones, that play music or audiobooks. I can't stand silence anymore, and avoid it nowadays. I too live alone.

all the best
WL

 

[ceauses97]

Hej Fang, how is it going for you right now? Is the Tinnitus still there?

I am from Norway, and 18 years old. I got mine T 2 weeks ago, after blasting loud music and drinking a lot of caffeine. The first week I didn't slept at all, and right now I'm on some strong heavy sleeping pill at night, just so I don't get a heart attack because of the lack of sleep during the past weeks. My T is very mild. I can't hear it at day time, but at night it's so loud. REALLY loud. Sometimes, the T is so loud that even the sleeping pill wake me up at night. (so hey, atleast you can sleep). I have been depressed the whole week, and I still am. All the things I cared about before, doesn't bother me no more. I want my life back, wishing I could go to sleep wherever and however I wanted, just like the old days (3 weeks ago).

It's scary how life can change so fast, so quick. Before the tinntus attack, my biggest problem how I was in love with my high school teacher, now all I can think is when my tinnitus is going to fade away. But I'm not here to complain, but to give you some hope. Why? Because my doctor told me that ringing ears can take up to weeks, and somethimes months before the Tinnitus fades away. You would be suprised knowing how our body can heal, and thats why It's important you keep your ear away from loud music till your T disappear.

I am 99 % sure your T will be gone soon, as I am sure mine will too. Just wait and see. It's only permanment after having the T 3 to 6 months. And there are people who had their tinnitus gone away after years! Two weeks is nothing. We will be fine, and soon, and hopefully, enjoy silence again.

And even If we're so unlucky that the T doesn't goes away (it will, but let's say it doesn't), there will be a cure for this disorder soon. They are working on it right now, and some years from now, we all can enjoy silence again! Good luck.

Aaand if this helps, my T is not only ringing, it's like a standing under a plane at night. Well well... life is.... life?

 

[Fangen]

Hey!

I am doing okay. I have ups and downs right now. Past two days have been really shitty. I accidently put on some purple/violent noise on a spotify playlist for tinnitus relif sounds. Since then my T has a higher and louder pitch. Some told me that it's just me being reactive to the sound or the anxiety is causing the new sound. Still has a higher pitch and I have slept bad. The new pitch keeps me up, and I feel like shit. I want to go back to my old pitch, it was at least less high frequent.

I do feel encouraged by your words, I know you are younger and hopefully have a better/faster healing than me. I hope for you and I that it'll fade. I know my boyfriend's first T went away within months (then he got it again for being stupid and not protecting himself). He also told me specifically that it was a Möterhead concert and they are infamous for playing very VERY high. So that gives some hope.

I feel the same way about small issues that wasn't even an issue before, and i feel stupid thinking back at that. I can watch images or something I took before T and kind feel sad looking at it. Why didn't I appreciate my silence? Will I ever have it back? I know we shouldn't feel that way, since it will just cause us to get stuck in that chain of regret or anxiety. I know it's hard, it is for me too. I feel anxious just thinking about going to sleep, and I feel full of regret for putting that song in list on (I know that it can't cause any damages or anything unless it's on a high volume) but the high pitch in my ear is just a reminder of my fuck-up. It should go away but I am scared it won't. It's a vicious cycle. Now I can't even sleep anymore and that makes me even sadder. At least I had that right?

I hope you don't feel too bad, and if you like to Skype or anything (just to clear your mind or share stories), send me a private message I will try to sleep soon, even if my high pitch and anxiety of causing the new sound is keeping me up.

I wish you the best and speedy recovery, please don't be a stranger. I'd like to know your progress!

/F.

 

[glynis]

Hi Fangen,
Have you had any positive improvement in your tinnitus and doing anything help you sleep better ? .....lots of love glynis

 

[Charlie396]

I do feel you when you say that you feel helpless, I do too sometimes. Not sure why I have it easier to fall asleep, it feels almost quiet just before I do fall asleep and it's actually kind of nice. Does your girlfriend and you live together? I feel that having my boyfriend over (unfortunately he is working during the Holidays and I can't always have him with me) does help a lot. Hearing the other person next to you breath and that kind of relaxes me and my brain to hear something else.

I will try that attitude as well, I have been feeling rather "okay let's do this" today but not sure how I will feel once I get home and feel very lonely. If you like, add me on Skype (i will be up when others aren't, it's like 2.30 pm here). In case you feel really down or just want to talk. It's up to you!

Hey Fangen,

Unfortunately we don't live together, although she's been very supportive during this 2 and a half weeks of my 'woe is me' attitude. Although I don't use Skype I'll probably take your offer to chat sometime, I get the feeling this journey is gonna be full of massive ups and downs soon.

I am doing okay. I have ups and downs right now. Past two days have been really shitty. I accidently put on some purple/violent noise on a spotify playlist for tinnitus relif sounds. Since then my T has a higher and louder pitch. Some told me that it's just me being reactive to the sound or the anxiety is causing the new sound. Still has a higher pitch and I have slept bad. The new pitch keeps me up, and I feel like shit. I want to go back to my old pitch, it was at least less high frequent.

Oddly enough my pitch has also gotten so much higher for several days now. Similarly, not sure if it was due to more loud noise exposure or anxiety.

A part of me doesn't believe anxiety can cause such an awful spike. On the other hand, 2 years ago when I first had anxiety attacks I was convinced for over almost two months I had some heart issues. I'd constantly feel weird twinges and pinches in my chest, turns out there was nothing medically wrong at all. So I know anxiety can really do some really strange, awful things.

 

[Fangen]

@Charlie396,

It is great that she has been supportive. I know very well how important that is. It's okay to not be okay. We are sometimes too hard on ourselves about feeling better soon, when I know time is the only medicine, it's not very comforting right now. But I guess it will still take time, and the good thing is that time is still moving on and hopefully we'll be where we want to be soon. It's been 3 weeks soon, and even if time has passed slowly, it has still been 3 weeks for us already. I know we'll get there!

I feel sorry that the pitch has turned louder, do know that you're not alone. Mine is louder too, with a higher frequency. Like an old TV with lots of electrical buzzing/pitch. I think that, in my case, my fear of having done something to make T worse is causing my anxiety to rise and then the brain just go into full panic mode. Slept bad, eaten bad, worrying and anxiety past days does not help at all. Maybe the anxiety is keeping the pitch to go down? I guess when we notice something new in our pitch, we just scan the sound for any change and we keep listening to it (when we shouldn't).

I met a great person here at TT and I can say that he has been a great friend and support for me. I know that you needs someone too, our SO might be a great support but sometimes you need to ventilate with someone that knows how it is to have T. I'll send you my skype nickname in a private message.

Take care now!

/F.

 

[Hunszi]

He has had T for quite a few year, probably since he was 15. I think he was a hearing loss on one ear and T in both, now increased T in the left due to the concert of DOOM as well. He always goes around with headphones with loud, LOUD metal music and goes to clubs and concerts all the time. I am amazed he isn't deaf by now. I am fascinated about his care-free attitude towards T, somehow I wish I could just go "meh" towards my T as well.

@Fangen Don`t ask for this "meh" attitude...because a little panic before the calm period is a very good lesson. You described just me with your boyfriends story. I just accepted my T and for 7 years was never a big issue, I went to concerts, parties, used headphones etc. I was so habituated or "meh" as you said that I didn`t noticed that I had a volume increase (just if a think back). So I kept going to parties...but one night my ears just had enough and cracked up the volume again what I just can`t accept now. So tell your bf to don`t be soo stuuuupid and protect his ears of don`t go to parties. I`m not kidding...it`s a very serious thing.

Nobody told me to protect my ears when I go to parties...and nobody told me that T can get louder.

 

[Fangen]

I will tell him, if I was aware of this T since before I'd ask him to take care. He is only 24 and I don't want him to suffer more later on.

 

[Hunszi]

I had some pretty obvious warnings to stop doing things...but my habituation was hard as a rock so never payed attention to them.

I was used to sleep with TV so I did not noticed that the volume increased at first...just it was too late and my T started to bother me even when I listened to music.

 

[ceauses97]

Hey again.

First of all, you should really warn your boyfriend. This is nothing to joke about, and he might not understand how serious this is and can be. You need to make him rethink and change his lifestyle. His ears will be seriously damaged if he dosn't pull himself together. I'm talking about your boyfriends music taste.... I mean, Möterhead? Come on! The music alone can give you tinnitus...

Hehe... but all joking aside, now to the less serious issue. Please tell me you haven't been using headphones since you got your tinnitus? If so, that's a big mistake. Your ears needs relief, and that why I have been avoiding loud places since I got my T. The ringing and the sounds you hear, is the only sign your body gives when something is seriously wrong.

And like all disorders, it takes times to get back to normal. That's why I If I were you, I would avoid loud places and loud music, specially music with headphones. And is it very noicy where you work? If so, I would rather choose to stay home till your T gets better. Because it will. One concert usally can't give you permanment Tinnitus. Drink a lot of water, and cut down sugar, caffeine and alcohol. Believe it or not, but my doctor told my that caffeine was the main reason for my tinnitus, and not loud music. I guess it a common problem, and I know is seems very strange how caffeine and sugar can cause T, but our body is a very adcanced ..uhm, "machine". I suck at English, so I can't really find the right words. But I think you understand, hehe.

I can't really tell you when your T will fade away, cause I don't even know when mine will. And I'm pretty depressed myself, so I don't really know what to say to keep your courage up. But hang on there. I'm sure everything is going to be alright. Hey, astleast we still have the ability to hear and see, right? Our T is like a broken leg, or arm. It takes times for the body to treat itself. Patience is the key. And when you're finally back to normal, and can enjoy silence again, don't forget to protect your ears.

If you're having troubling sleeping, a good tip can be thinking of lyrics from music you like. I know it's hard ignoring the T, cause I haven't really slept for days myself. But just think of something you like, good memories. And try not to move a lot, our body is so adcanded that it can automatically fell to sleepmode after 30 minutes laying in bed.

I don't really use skype, and I'm going to be honest here, It's good to have someone to talk too, but it would be very ankward considering English is not my first language (for christ sake, it took me ages to write this post). I'm still going to be active here, atleast till my T fades away.

haha... yeah yeah, I will pay more attention to school form now on. But we can still chat, if you still want to. Or I could write/talk in Norwegian, and you Swedish. hehe... anyways, I hope you get better. I mean, you WILL get better. Or we will. Have a good weekend, and hopefully a VERY silence christmas =)

 

[Fangen]

@ceauses97 ,

I'm not a big fan of Möterhead either. Metal is not my kind of music at all. Haha oh well. No worries I will nag the crap out of him until he uses protection.

I have used headphone maybe 5 times, a few times at work at low volume with calming songs/sounds at max 1 hour (usually 30 min) since I sometimes need relief from the ringing. I have cut down usage of them by A LOT. I dont sit on my way to work with them and rarely use them at all. I'll avoid it from now on, I have kept then very quiet so that the road next to me (if walking outside) is more loud than the music.

From what a lot of people have told me is to not avoid regular noises too much, since it can cause you to be hypersensitive. My office is fairy low, also I have the holidays off now My ears will have two weeks of silence, not going out for new years either. I will keep watching tv and playing games at a moderate level, cant let it take all of my life away.

I'll send you a private message

 

[ceauses97]

Don't use headphones!

You know, not to destroy your hope or someting. But I think your ringing could have been gone now if you kept your ears away from your headphones. Your ears need relief. It doesn't matter if the sound is low or loud, when you're using headphones, the music is going directly to you ears. That's proably the main reason your T have gotten worse. I'm not comming up with stuff to scare you, I'm only saying things my doctors have been telling me. Your Tinnitus will still fade away, but may take longer time.

As I wrote before, you have a very, very, VERY high chance of getting rid of your Tinnitus. Because one simple concert can not cause permanent T. People get a lot of warning before theire tinnitus gets permanment, and I mean A LOT. Like weeks with ringing, before if fades away, and then again months with tinnitus, before it again fades away. Maybe like this 2-5 times, and only then you should start being worried. The reason I'M depressed is because i've gotten those warnings. Damn it. But only one or two nights. I can't remember. But I didnt pay much attention to it, cause it faded away next morning. This was some months ago. But even I have a high chance of retting rid of the T. Hey, you gotta trust those doctors. They know a lot more than we do....

And don't forget the fact that you're very young (yeah yeah, I know I'm younger than you). Those hell sounds you hear from your ear is just a warning to take better care of your body and hearing. Did i wrote that before? Maybe. My memory is very poor. Can't blame me tho, havent slept naturally for weeks... But It will fade away. And If I could, I would bet all my money in my pocket that your tinnitus most likevely will be gone soon. Most likely= 99 %. And everyone knows 99 % means 100 %. Hehe...

Anyyyway... my points is: relax. You will find your silence. And your life will go on. Keep your head up. Soon your biggest problem will be if you have taken your pregnancy pills or not, and if your new jacket suits your black shoes.

I'm suprise I have been writing that much. Proably cause I'm bored and depressed. Tired of watching TV for two weeks now. I need my sleep soon. I don't even know what time is anymore, I'm just waiting it for fade way.

And you have to do something with your boyfriends music taste! That can't be healthy, hehe

 

[Fangen]

@ceauses97,

Yeah you're right. Maybe it'd be gone by now if I hadn't used headphones. I talked to like 4 doctors and none told me this. Just remembered I also used my headphones to my PS4. That was longer, 1-3 hours maybe on maybe four-five occasions. Still very, very low but yeah, that doesn't matter if your doctors are right. Oh well, done is done. Now I know better As long as it will go away eventually then I can live by me, causing "longer" T by using headphones. My doctors must have been shitty.. Better late than never right?

My spike now is linked to my anxiety I think. I had not use my headphones at all recently and it spiked anyway. My anxiety has been bad, and no sleep on that. I used a very mild pill yesterday, Atarx, helped me sleep. It was screeching as usual but I couldn't really bother to care. Feel asleep around 1am, woke up at 7am when my boyfriend was leaving for work and I remember I texted him saying I was scared that I wasn't going to fall back asleep. Took me 4 minutes and fell asleep again. I would have slept until noon if I had not already something booked. I can't say that the T is more quiet or not, maybe a little, haven't tried to listen too much to it since I don't want my brain to get stuck on that again. I do know it's still some kind of electrical buzzing, not really like my old T. Wonder if it will ever come back?

As far it goes with the warnings, I had lots of them before too. This was primary when I was younger, like 22-23, I stopped going out the past few years ( I guess you just get like that when you go older), hopefully that break would have "reset" my warnings, or at least given my ears time to heal. Otherwise I am majorly screwed I wouldn't worry too much for your sake, I think it'll be just fine. Especially if that was too much coffee/energy drinks that caused the T and not so much from the music. If you trust your doctors, then don't dwell too much on it. I know it's SUPER ULTRA MEGA HARD to stop doing that, but I try to say this both for you and for me. I am not very good at stop blaming myself, hating how ignorant I used to be, how much I miss the silence, why I wasn't appreciating my old life, why my T has spiked, if it was the noise playlist, if it's always gonna be like this, will I always live with T and so on. I could go on forever, and maybe you don't share exactly the same thoughts, but I know that T is defining our lives right now. And it shouldn't, T has to adapt to us and not us to it.

I hope you'll get to sleep now, taking care of that and eating well helps a lot on the recovery. I supposed you're taking vitamins aswell? I have multi-vitamin supplements, along with magnesium and vitamin C. Just in case it'll help.
Let me know if you wanna chat, I'm always on Skype on my phone so i'm always reachable.

Take care!

 

[ceauses97]

Can I ask how loud your T is? Can you hear it at day time, or only in a silent room? Have there been times when you don't hear the tinnitus at all?

As for me, my life is getting worse. I'm even more depressed. First of all, my sleeping pills doesn't even work anymore. I can't sleep, and I've been experiencing sleep paralysis with hallucination and exploding head syndrome three nights in a row. Now as the T wasn't enough, I'm now more afraid to go to bed. I can't tell the difference between reality and nightmare anymore. I don't know if thats a side effect because of the sleeping pills, or due to fact that I haven't sleept for days. Or maybe I'm just going crazy, and developing an mental illness. It's a matter of time before I become like Van Gogh...

I'm so tired, and I can barely keep my eyes open. But I still can't sleep. Like...what the heck is happening? haha, it's actually funny thinking about it. How fast life can change. I never appreciated my life before. And I even dealed with depression before I got my T. (over stupid things I couldn't care less about now). I feel really alone, and my friends doesn't even seem to care. The only thing they seem to care about is football, and wich team they think will win Premier League. (I can't blame them tho, I was like that 2 weeks ago) I guess everyone takes life for granted. It's only when life hits you like a bullet, one understand how worthy full life used to be.

I think it's a good sign your T is getting quiter. It's only a matter of time when your T will fade away. Just keep your ears away from headphones and loud places, and you will get better. Not going to lie, my T is also a lot quiter now than before. But I still just want to be able to read a book in silence, ahh, I remember how peaceful it was. Now I can't even focus before the ringing comes and distracts me. I also remember the good days when I could sleep for over 10 hours. All in silence. That was such a good feeling!! I miss it so much.

I'm not taking any vitamins, but that's actually a pretty good idea. Thank you. I will start from today. I did read somehwere that vitaminpills (specially b12 and magnesium) has some impact on the tinnitus, don't know if that's true. But it's still worth trying.

Anyway, have a safe weekend. Take care.

 

[Fangen]

Hey,

I usually only hear it at night/in a silent room. If I have some background noise, could be like the fan in the bathroom or tv, I don't hear it unless I put my head on a pillow. I haven't had a day when I haven't heard it, this morning however, I felt it was more quiet. Fell asleep a few times, but one time it was almost silent, I could hear it just very very faintly. Woke up again, then it was back to normal. Still most noticeably in a quiet surrounding, or when going to sleep.

It was a little quieter like I told you before, until I triggered something (either it is in my mind or not), the pitch is different but maybe not the volume. It is hard to tell when the pitch is different. I can't say it has been a major improvement at all, it'd say it stay the same.
I am sorry to hear about your issues with sleep, I was there to just a few days ago. I took my Atarax, and they make me so sleepy eventually and I fell asleep pretty fast. I think I slept like 12 hours today. I was scared to go to bed as well at some point, just because I associated the bed with something bad.
Do you live with your parents? If so, take support from them. I live alone and I am going to them soon, funny thing that my mother and my sister has T as well. So 3/4 of my family have T. It's almost a joke.

I do miss the silence as well, it seems that you're on the way to getting better soon, so hopefully you'll have all that soon. I am still kind of stuck on the same page, we'll see if it will get better.

Best,
Fang

 

[ceauses97]

god damnittt!!!! My iphone didnt have enough storage to download skype (cause you told me to!!). and i accidantly restarted me whole mobilphone and data. NO!! i didnt pay attention to what i was doing, cause at the same time, i was typing this. oh my god...shit... all the pictures and memories was inside that phone, now its all gone. im so pissed off right now. arrhghh this is almost worse than the tinnitus =/ how will i sleep at night now? oh wait, never mind.

anyway... i tried to sleep without sleeping pill last night, and I relaized that my T is actually the same as it was when it all started. This made me realize something. It made me realize that I may have to live with this the rest of my life..

To be honest... I'm sorry to tell you, and I'm not trying to destroy your hope or something. But I've been lying to you. I don't really know if our T will fade away or not. I just told you that so you could feel better, and I myself was trying to be optimisic. But I can't lie to myself anymore. I've been having this for three weeks soon, and my T is still the same (if not louder than before). So there is a chance that we (or just me) will suffer for T our whole life, and the reason I tell you this is so you don't get too shocked if it does. We have to hope for the best, but still not forget that it can get worse. That's just how life works. But hey, it may fade away. Who knows.

I live alone. duhh, thats the reason I'm here. cause no one seems to understand how I feel. By reading your post, your T seems even quiter than mine. And my T is comming from my head.. It's like i can "feel" the sounds. It's very annoying. My brain can't seem to relax anymore.

But for some reason, I'm not depressed anymore. I read somewhere that a blind, and deafness women became a lawyer (for the first time in history), and It made me realize: Who are we to complain? We both can see, we both can walk, we both are are able to talk. We got legs to run with, we got arms. And we are not even deaf. Why should some sounds in our head stop us from doing what we love?

My point is: I'm going to live my live exactly the way I lived before. and I want yout to do the same. I'm going to start going out again. Eating what I enjoy. I will not care if its unhealthy or not. I will just LIVE my life.

I will leave this forum soon, because I don't want to be constanly remined that I have tinnitus. Yeah. F**k this. Tinntius can go to hell. I don't even care If I can't sleep. I don't care if the T is loud or not. I don't care if I can't enjoy silence anymore. (just joking on that part). But if you want to chat, I will download skype now and give you a message. you can answer it or not, its your call. ( will be kinda pissed of if you dont, since i accidentally restarted my phone just do download that app!!) : p

But hopefully we both will get better and love our life again.

and by the way, my name is Jonas.

peace.

 

[Andersson]

Jonas.
Hope can be there for quite some time, but it's better to say ok it might go away, if not I will find a way.
Both you and Fangen have fairly mild T and are able to mask it with daily activities, the best way to move on with that kind of T is to keep doing what you did before.
Be active and do what you did before, if you don't hear T over daily activities then there is no reason to give it thought or respond to it either.
Save that for night time and in time you will get over that small hump as well

Live life, don't read to much into it
If night time is the main problem there are so many ways to relax and calm down before bedtime to help sleep, the natural way.
In time you will not care at night either and will sleep as you did before.

And since it is so mild now even with high anxiety over it it will quite down a lot when the anxiety gets better in time.

 

[ceauses97]

where is the answer button here? am i stupid? because i cant seem to find it...

But Andersson: Yes, you're right. I should apperciate that my T is mild. I know there is a lot of people with Tinnitus here who would wish having the same mild T as i have. but its stil kinda tough functioning in daylife life when you have a hard time sleeping at night. I'm still hoping my T will fade away soon, but if not, im just going to learn cope with it.

This is so strange. It seems like everyone here is so nice and humble to each other. I have never seen something like this before.

you know... this place makes me wonder. What if everyone in this world suffered from Tinnitus for 1-2 weeks? think howpeaceful this world would be, and all the people who would be apperciating life more and not taking it for granted.

anyway, have a good christmas, and a happy new year. take care man. ; -)

 

[Fangen]

Jonas,

I am sorry about your phone, it should have have some back up somewhere, regardless if you have an Android or Iphone. I hope you haven't lost it all, I'm sure you haven't

Andersson here have been helping me out a lot, we have chatted on Skype since we both are Swedes. I know that nobody can say for sure if it goes away or not, I didn't get my hopes up too much from your post, so please don't feel bad. I know the hopelessness when you realize that you may live with this, and how hard it is to cope with that feeling. I was in battle with my head and anxiety about that, I didn't want to have to accept the fact. I wanted for it to go away right now and forever. Now that three weeks have passed, I slowly accept it a little more each day. I still have anxiety about it, especially when my T spiked and changed pitch and loudness. I can't say if it is milder or louder than yours, since we can't hear each others T. I think that we probably have around the same volume or tone, to be honest. I think I saw that you wrote somewhere that your T has been gone for a day or two?

Like I mentioned a zillion times before, feel free to message me on Skype. Sometimes you need to ventilate, especially if you live by yourself. That way you don't get caught up in your own head and thoughts. That can cause you more suffering that you have to. And I agree with what you said, that T shouldn't stop us from doing what we like. I try to live as normal as I can, and yes, it's hard to find energy to go out sometimes. I don't wanna fake that I am well when I am not, but that is where your real friends shows. I know that you probably have some that would be there for you regardless, and not maybe those friends that only care about football.

TT is a great place, lots of great people, we all know how it is. So you'll always have a friend here at least.

Take care Jonas,

Love,
Fang

 

[ceauses97]

hei Fang.

You wrote somewhere that 3/4 of your family member suffers from Tinnitus? not to scare you, but you got some bad genes : -p

thats proably the reason your T is still there, even after three weeks. and all because of one single concert. youre luck is bad but hopefully your Tiinnitus will still fade away. What i wonder is, how could you not be aware of it when you got so many family members with tinnitus?? If someone had told me about tinnitus, my ears would never hear loud music again. I never knew the consequences. Well well... thats how life works i guess.

and yes, i've been having moments without the ringing and hissing sound in my head. Last time was a week ago, when my T disappeared for many hours. I could "hear" silence again. I was so happy, but then ofcourse, it came back. I still take that as a good sign. My T seems to get louder depending how much time i spent in a quite room, that's why it gets very loud at night, even if I have music in the background.

I don't know if you know it or not, but I did make a post somewhere where I wrote how I had been dealing with cancer when I was 14. I havent really got my MR result yet, but I got told by my doctor that my Tinnitus may be a result of all the medicine I took when i was younger. I know how much of a serious thing cancer is, but I have to admit, this is far by the worst weeks of my life. Knowing there is no cure for Tinnitus makes you even more depressed and frustrated. And the only thing you get told by doctors is:"live with it" or "just wait for it to fade away". How is that going to help? What a devastating message to get...

But most likely, I still think loud music may be the cause for my T. I just talked to my uncle, and he told my that he in his younger days also suffered from Tinnitus from time to time. It was never permanent, and somethimes it could last up to many months before the ringing faded away. That gave me some hope, and I hope ours T will be gone as well.

Maybe I'm going to stay here after all, hopefully till my T disappears completely. it's not like I'm going somewhere.

take care. enjoy your day. peace

 

[Fangen]

Jonas,

I wouldn't say it is that easy. For example, did you know that your uncle had T when he was younger? Probably not right? I didn't know my sister had it. I know that my mother had T, it was noise-induced from working in a factory for many years. She has told me once or twice about it during my childhood, saying it was ringing. That it was from working in the factory. She didn't mention anything more, nothing about ear-plugs or so. I was younger so that maybe wasn't an issue, me going out to party or to concerts. I think my sister have gotten it due to medications, she has been on several anti-depressive medicine since she was 13.

My point is, that yes, you may think that I should have known, or that I have bad genes. I don't think I have bad genes, I do think that we have been unlucky in my family. I'm more surprised that my father doesn't have it, since he worked in the same factory as my mother. I know that mine and your generation will see an increase in the numbers of T-suffers within the coming years. Blasting music all day, cinemas, restaurants and all being louder and louder.
Even if I had known about it, would I have listened? Maybe? Maybe not? I know I talked to Andersson about it, that we don't fear something we have no perception of. Neither of us are going around fearing to get MS, or I don't know, getting lupus or something. So of course we'll go around and living like we are immortal. People know that you can get lung cancer from smoking, but people still do it right? I bet a lot of those who get it will be feeling regret and feeling that "why didn't someone tell me that this was this severe?". We often think, if we have had a warning, we'd listen. Truth is, we probably wouldn't have.
Reading lots of posts here, people have gotten it from LOTS of different reasons. Accidents (loud, sudden noise), pregnancy, medicine, depression, infections etc. So even if we stayed away from loud music, we could still have gotten it some other way. It's too late for regrets. I know it is hard, I battle with my regrets too. I often look at my photos in my phone and think "that was before my T". "What did I do on my last day without T?" But yes, what does that do for me? Will it change anything? Nope.
One of my old co-worker, a guy that loved the outdoors and sports, he got MS suddenly on a vacation. He was gone for almost 2 months from work. He had MS for years, but didn't get symptoms until now. He could not walk anymore, all this neural reaction (like throwing a ball) was delayed. So for him he reacted instantly, but his body reacted late. Now he is back at work, being just the guy he used to be. MS doesn't have a cure, he will most likely become worse with age. Maybe sitting in a wheelchair eventually. We may hear an annoying sound when it's quiet, but it won't hurt us. We will ignore it soon. We have a mild T, and I know lots of members here that wished they had our T. So we should be happy. It could have been better yes, but it could also be a lot worse.

It's great that you T has been silent for a few hours. Mine has been on the same level, but I feel like I am coping better to it. I was awake for an hour in my bed just browsing the phone, in silence. I didn't get anxious, didn't think too much about it at all. I realized that my fear of it was getting lower. I don't know if I am getting more and more habituated, or maybe that I am trying to let it go a little. I can still hear it at night, when I get up. But I just ate some pancakes, drank coffee, watching a documentary on Netflix (about somebody that was sitting in prision for over 18 years despite being innocent) and I can't hear it right now. I probably won't hear it all day. So, if we can only hear it at night, when we are going to sleep anyways, why should we let it bother us so much? Maybe I am having a great day, but there is so much to be thankful for. I spent the day before Christmas with my family, watching South Park with my sister. Yesterday I spent all day with my boyfriend, playing with the BB8 Sphero toy I bought him, watching two or three movies and then falling asleep. Later we are going to see Star Wars again (with plugs!!) and having dinner somewhere. I have a good friend that has been supporting me every step, once I called him in the middle of the night with a panic attack and he stayed on the phone until I feel asleep. So I am still happy for all the things I have in my life. I wish T will go away for you and I, so we can live life in silence. But if it doesn't happen, I know we'll be okay. Even if it's hard. At least you have had silence during T, so be happy for that. Maybe it's a sign that it's getting better

Take care Jonas.

 

[ceauses97]

hei fang.

yeah, you're right. We only learn when it's too late. I agree with you for the most part, but the fact that someone else has it worse, can not be compared to what we go trough. It's basically saying as soon as i realise that people are suffering, that's supposed to suddenly make me happier. Why would anyone be happy at that? I know there is a lot of people here who suffers from loud T, but that doesn't really make me happier. If anything I feel worse knowing that these people are suffering. There will always be people out who have it worse, even if you have cancer or MS. There will be people out there who would happily switch life with you right now if they could. But life doesnt work that way. It's okay to be sad, and and its okay to think life is unfair. Yes, it could be worse, but it could also be better.

I have a hard time expressing myself because I can't seem to find the right words in English, but I will try my best.

the thing is, what annoys me more than the Tinnitus itself is the question I often ask: Why me? Why us? We both have proably been living good our whole life. I don't know about you. But never ever have I hurt anyone. But yet, my life seem to face so many challenges. I never had any normal childhood, due to mu previous medical condition. and when I'm finally cured and normal again, this happends to me. It doesn't make any sense. There are literally devils and assholes out there who doesn't seem to suffer. Not a single bit. This is the reality, and it kind of pisses me of. Just read the news, you will hear about people killing innocents children and bombing men and women. Yet, only good things happend to them. A good exemple is people like Benjamin Netanyahu. Why does God allow good thing happend to bad people?

Even I have been witnessing my classmates bullying people with handicaps. Yet, they seem be happy all the time. There are so many assholes in this world, but these kind of things never happends to them, and proably never will. They get away with it. Why is it like that? Karma doesn't excist. It's just some random word made by some random guy just so we didn't lost our hope in justice. But at the end of the day, and start of a new, justice doesnt excist. How unfair..

don't get me wrong. I'm happy that I have I food to eat, water to drink. But its all about the standard of living. We can't compare our situation with people in Syria or Gaza, only with people we are around with and the country we live in. For example, I got two older brothers who have never suffered from any diseases or disorders. Both are happily married and got good jobs. Never ever have I seem them depressed. And I'm happy for them. I am. but then again, it kind of makes me wonder. Why me?

What's even more annoying is due to the fact that I didn't get my T by partying, having fun at concerts or being with my friends at cinema. I simply got it by sitting depressed at my room, ALONE, listening to loud music. What a shitty way of getting T. It's not like my life was flower, bies, sunny with green threes before I got my T. I've been dealing with depression a lot. Most due to the fact that my family never seemed to care about me. (proably because I'm the most non-successful son they got) To be honest, I don't like them either. Thats why I live alone. (duh). But hey, at least you have a good family and a boyfriend who cares about you.

I'm sorry, you're proably tired of me complaining. This was actually just for me. I wrote this so I could get this out my chest. And to be honest, even if my T fades away, I know that I'm never going to be normal. I never was. My dream was to become an professional football player, but not anymore. I'm going back to school now, and I will dedidcate my whole life to find a cure for this disorder myself. Atleast I will try.

and you know, my life is like a typical recipe on a future serial killer (joking) , or one of the greatest geniuses alive. Hopefully the last. Life will tell. I'm out.

Peace.

 

[Fangen]

Jonas,

Don't misunderstand me, I don't mean that we can't complain because others have it worse. Our issue are not smaller or bigger than anyone else. I can't answer why some people that do shitty things seem to live good lives anyway, but I can promise you that they most likely are not. Like we put on a happy face even when we are sad. You may think that I had a great life either, but I'm just like you. I didn't have a great family when I was younger, it's only now that I don't live with them anymore, that I understand how they were thinking and that sometimes I was wrong. I try to work things out with them the best I can, because truthfully, I don't know how long they will be around. And last thing is I want is to regret that I didn't spend time with them. Maybe you will understand this too, I know that you are angry at them. I know how it feels, but I know that they care. Even if they don't show it.
I have had depression too, so bad once that I really wanted to commit suicide. For months I just cried and cried, barely left my bed, didn't sleep, didn't eat.. just laying there and feeling like death would be my relief of the pain I felt.
But it'll pass, just like our T. It will be okay one day, even if we don't believe it now. Just like how you got cured from cancer and now you are well again. But it was maybe hard in that time to believe or to think it would.
Look, not saying that there is a good or bad way to get T. Still sucks like crap to get it. If you got it my listening to loud music, you'd blame yourself for it. If you got it from an infection, you'll ask yourself why you were so unlucky. If you got it and you didn't know why, you'd ask why and how you got it. Either way, we still have to deal with the T. I ask myself too, why just me? It was plenty of people at the gig and still it just seems to affect me, why do I have to go through this? And there won't be an answer to that. So Jonas, you need to stop asking why. I know it's hard but the sooner you stop asking, and just accept that this is the situation right now, the sooner you'll feel better.

Everybody has something to battle with, you say that your brothers have it well. How do you know for sure? How do you know that they aren't sad over something? Having something to deal with too? Maybe they haven't told you, maybe they want to hide it because they don't want to show everyone that they are sad or having an issue with something? It's like relationships, lots and lots of couples pretend they have the perfect relationship. But really they might have big issues and fighting all the time. But for the audience, they pretend it's all good. I believe the majority of the people in this world have depression at least once. But we like to hide it. Don't wanna be weak right?

You can still become a football player, you can still do what you want to do. T isn't stopping you from that. But if you like to find a cure for T, I'd be more than happy to cheer you on. Just don't feel that you have to give up on your dreams because you have T.

 

[Xorthian]

@ceauses97
@Fangen

For acoustic trauma only recommended treatment/first aid is steroids course snort term.
I read some science arricle that also said its best to be in high frequency enriched environment (crickets tracks help me to mask hissing a little)

Tinnitus sucks.
However if you acquired it fairly recently it should mostly go away. no guarantees of course. Keep your chin up.

 

[Fangen]

Hey.

I tried talk to the ENT I was seeing next month and she told me that they only give steroids within the first 72 hours. I called several doctors the first two days and they told me to wait it out. Then it was too late. The ENT claims that there is no treatment for T, and basically that acoustic trauma has no treatment either. Don't ask me why, but seems that doctors here don't have that much knowledge about T. Not even the ENT. So I don't know what to do, I guess being 3 weeks in is too late for steroids anyway.

Thank you for the support!!

 

[Xorthian]

Hey.

I tried talk to the ENT I was seeing next month and she told me that they only give steroids within the first 72 hours. I called several doctors the first two days and they told me to wait it out. Then it was too late. The ENT claims that there is no treatment for T, and basically that acoustic trauma has no treatment either. Don't ask me why, but seems that doctors here don't have that much knowledge about T. Not even the ENT. So I don't know what to do, I guess being 3 weeks in is too late for steroids anyway.

Thank you for the support!!

It is not too late. It helps mostly up to 3 days, then 2-3 weeks and then Up to 2 months or so (but a lot less). Try 10 different doctors or whatever but get that prednisone. I have stash of pils for 2 days if tinnitus ever will increase a lot in volume.

Heck once i had to talk with 3 different gp doctors and only last one understood my situation. You need to show them research data or show that you are aware of side effects and risks and you want to take them because tinnitus id too big of an issue in your life compared to possible steroids complications. Dont give up. You have one life, make it count and not regret later that you didnt try your hardest.

 

[ceauses97]

My football dream? nope, lost all motivation. I have lost joy in everything, even music... Proably a phase I'm going trough right now. I'm just watching TV this holiday, and waiting for silence to come back. I hope it will, for you too.

Anyway, thank you for cheering me up. or trying to. hehe. I admire your courage after reading your story and struggle with depression. But I still have to ask so I get this right; did your depression came after you got T? Or did you suffer from depression already before that? Cause If so, I'm starting to belive there is strong connection between Tinnitus and depression. I've read that a lot of people suffering from tinnitus has a story with depression and anxiety before their T attack. Including me. Coincidence? I belive not.

By the way, is your T still as loud as it was when it all started? Or has the volum decreased? I don't know if my brain is getting used to the ringing, or if my T is actually fading away. cause my T is not as loud as it was the first night. Hmm..

And last but not least, did hearling loss come with your T? I think mine did. Everything sounds so different. Traffic, music, TV. It just doesnt sounds the same anymore. Don't know if that's a mental result or actually physical. I know my hearing is normal (i have checked it), but they still can't tell me if I had any hearing loss or not.

ja ja.. take care Fang. im out

 

[Fangen]

Hello Jonas,

I'm pretty sure its just a phase, I thiml that you'll feel different about it soon.
I had depression twice before T. Once around age 20 (I'm 26 now), which was my longest and most difficult one. Last one was last summer (this year) where I totally lost it for 2-3 weeks. I had almost everything going for me, new job, own apartment, you know it was going good. But I felt I lost my safety, everything was changing into something I didn't know about and that scared me. I was so angry, I had no right to be sad, depressed. I had it all right then, right? But I just freaked out, couldn't stand one second in my house, panic attacks off and on.

Eventually it calmed down oncemi moved. And started my new job. That was the last time I suffered depression. Until now I suppose.

I can't tell either, I think its more quiet. Then again, my pitch changed. But it has calmed down a little I think. However if it changed, it's not a major decrease.
I haven't been to the ENT, they don't want to see mee until end of Jan. Told me that it was better to come later when its been a while. I think I will call around on Monday and see I find someone else. But you have to get remitted to lots of hospitals or you'll wait a long tim anyway. I don't feel any changes in my hearing, beside T. If I have been in a quiet room for a long time i get a little sensitive to sounds for a little while. But I don't feel the sounds to be different. Have you been outside anything? Like going into town and doing stuff? Maybe you have been inside too much? Good that you haven't gotten any hearing damage. I don't know, maybe I have lost my hearing in certain frequencies (hence why I have T), that I don't know about yet?

Take care Jonas.

 

[Lmsdocjeff]

Hi Fang,
Dealing with T is one of the most frustrating things I've ever had to do. I am a psychologist and I have T from 14 years in the Air Force from aircraft noise and munitions. I know many people will tell you that they know what you're going through. Actually, they don't. No one knows just how T is effecting you and what emotions and thoughts you are experiencing. I can share some ideas with you that may help. I've found that when I don't fight or resist T I have better results. Fighting T is like walking or running against the current or waves in the ocean. It makes it worse and it's exhausting. However, moving with the waves I have greater control. Flowing with my T I have had better outcomes.

 

[ceauses97]

hei Fang

I just talked to an EAT doctor, and I know you proably have heard it from them as well, but:

Just think about it. I know how many experts feel that prolonged levels above 90dB can cause permanent damage to our hearing. And don't know how loud the concert you took a part in was, but even movie theaters blast our ears with levels that often reach 100dB. If that was really so damaging to our ears, you would think everyone would suffer from ringing in ears. But that's not the case.

The truth is that your body only reacted differently than others. I know I have written this before, but right now, I'm very sure you will eventually heal and your tinnitus will resolve.

Unlike me, you clearly have experienced acoustic trauma. I've been readling a lot, and what from what I have read is that one single concert can't cause permanent Tinnitus. Even my EAT doctor told me this. Your body is reparing itself now, that's why you're T seems quiter than before. My doctor also told me if noise exposure is the reason for my T, it can't be done anything medically. That's why your ENT told you to get back after a while. You have damaged your inner ear, it's an area that can't be imaged or viewed. So you just have to wait for it to fade away. He also told me to trust my own body. Because your body is not happy about this damage either, and will try and repair itself.

As for me, to be fully honest. I don't really know the real reason behind my tinnitus. My T did not came after blasting loud music, but in the middle of the night. If I really had experienced acoustic trauma, as you have, my ringing should have occured as soon as I took off my headphones. This was not the case. There is more likely that my T can be a result of my previous medical condition (or just caffeine), rather than blasting loud music. I still haven't got my MR result yet, so I don't know. Hopefully mine will fade away as well.

Trust me. I'm not comming up with stuff just to make you happier, or to make you feel better. Why would I? It doesn't help me. No offence. Just get my point. I wan't to give you hope. I'm telling you people above ENT doctors have been telling me. (There is a title for it here in Norway).

Because of my previous medical conditions, I was sent to the hospital as soon as the ringing in my head started. Usally, people here in Norway have to wait many months before they get the same check or treatment as I have required.

I know you don't trust me, but just do. I know your ENT doctors most likely have been telling you the same: Your T WILL go away on it's own. My ENT doctors almost started laughing when I asked if I had caused permanent Tinnitus because of loud music. They told me it was unlikely, since "everyone" would have been dealing with T then.

One day you will visit this post, with a smile in your face, and say to yourself: damn, cant belive this kid had right all the time. hehe

enjoy your day Fang. take care. im out.