@MattK , you know, I am really happy for your friends that they can manage to experience a
perfectly normal life. Even though they suffered for a few years prior.
Thanks, but I don't want to give the wrong impression. They don't live
perfectly normal lives with their T. As I've said about the one who had brain cancer, he said it still gets to him. What I said was that they don't let their afflictions rule their life. This does not mean that they don't have bad days. For example, the one who is deaf in the ear with tinnitus has a hard time in social events where there is a lot of people who try to talk to him at once or from different angles. He also has a hard time with noise in general, because as he says, it's too much noise in one ear.
So no, it's not
perfectly normal, but he is doing well overall considering the circumstances. I mean, he graduated med school, is working full time, he since got married and had a kid. And he still goes 4-wheeling on the weekends. But certainly things could be better. Of course he'd rather have his hearing back with no T, but that's simply not an option.
And I only bring this up because you said that perhaps only someone who is deaf and has tinnitus may have it worse than you do, and I am bringing him up in hopes that his story will help encourage you, not discourage you. When I was at the height of my worries, what helped me a lot was knowing other people had it, but yet, lived life to the fullest still.
Now being half deaf on one ear, which is already pretty bad, the T-noise is killing it. Not only is it extreme loud, annoying and painful but it is reactive. Ultra reactive! I know yours is not. You said it once. But you did experience spikes or increase in loudness, right? Usually people call this a bad T day. Now imagine you have that bad T day everyday.
This is true, my T is not reactive. I've definitely never said that mine couldn't be worse, it sure could be. I used to think mine was reactive to white noise, but what I think actually was happening is that my T is very high pitched. And white noise sounds couldn't mask it and it made it stand out more, but I think that was due to frequency, not reactivity.
You're also correct in that I had a bad spike, and yes, I was miserable. But, I never gave up. I knew I had to habituate (which thankfully it got better and the spike was due to allergies). Assuming that my spike wasn't a spike, but a new normal, I would keep an open mind about habituation protocols, like TRT (assuming of course I didn't habituate naturally). Because as of today, there is no universal cure, so habituation is really the only game in town for most of us. One day, when that cure comes, I'll gladly shut my mouth about habituation, but until then, people need to know that there is hope. There is hope for you too. After all, you've made it this far. Something's kept you going, and I know it's not a cure, because there isn't one.