Worsening Tinnitus... Stress? Benzo Withdrawal? Any Ideas?

[Damocles]

So, I will update you guys because things couldn't got worse, I think. This post is mega long, I hope you do not get bored...

I screwed up my life and all my future, that is how I feel, I have also been unlucky and punished in this life, like really hard. Sadly I didn't follow @Brian P's advice, and I didn't go to the ER, although I was worsening. I called the ENT Thursday, told her about my worsenings of tinnitus, and she didn't even tell me anything about doing an audiogram, as @Matchbox suggested. I trusted her. First big mistake.

I was thinking maybe I was spiking to a firework that was thrown close to my house or the ambulance sirens, that I had the previous days, I didn't want to put headphones to worsen my tinnitus even more and also I didn't really experience a muffle like hearing, and the tinnitus increase was bilateral, so I've never expected to be something serious. Second big mistake.

Sunday night woke up with even worse spike, and I freaked out so I did the audiogram online with the proper calibration and guess what I found out? Some hearing loss, mild, in low frequencies and some others (I had no hearing loss in the audiograms I had 3-4 weeks ago, I was around 5 dB-10 dB I think).

I will not blame anyone, but I got also convinced that it might be psychological, so I did not rush to the ER, till Saturday night.

Things do not end here, I rush into the ER, I'm really nervous, and I tell the nurse from the ER that I think I lost hearing suddenly that's why my tinnitus worsened and I need an emergency audiogram and treatment. She said there are no emergency audiograms.

So they put me in a psychiatric box, I realized it because the bed had some containments, I was just freaking out. Guess who is the first doctor to visit me? A psychiatrist, asking me if I hear voices... Like seriously man? I might have an history of OCD/anxiety but this has NOTHING to do with that. I explained him my situation, he understood it and called the ENT. For a moment I plugged out my protection, when there was no noise, to listen how bad my tinnitus was, and just in that moment two strong beeps sounded, it scared me, it was loud, not sure how loud but surely around 85 dB I think it was the smoke detector. Third big mistake. So I think I did an acoustic trauma there. I was just in denial, how no earth it is possible, just in the moment I plugged out my earmuffs for few seconds, I wanted to die.

The ENT came and I told her about the strong sound, she didn't like really cared, and I told her about my worsening of tinnitus after taking Prednisone and coming off from it... So she just asked if I am 100% sure I have lost hearing, I told her I am not sure, but the audiogram I did online said so. She dismissed that, she said that's 0% reliable... So didn't prescribe me Prednisone. Also I was scared of Prednisone since it just made things much worse while on it and after...

Monday, I had a bit muffled hearing and worse tinnitus. This was just feeling surreal, so to sum up: I went to an ENT to have nothing done and to get and acoustic trauma. I was thinking really about committing suicide.

Monday, I told to my ENT about the audiogram and the possible acoustic trauma, she was just blaming me why I do not take the treatment she gave me (Alprazolam) I told her okay I will take it (I will not, tbh), she really didn't want to do an audiogram to me.

I talked to an other ENT Wednesday and told me to take Prednisone 30 mg*5 days till Monday, which I did not because again, I am scared to worsen things even more, but maybe I need to take it, not sure what to do.

So Thursday went to a 3rd ENT to ask for an audiogram and to see what we can do, and she didn't want to test me, either she didn't recommend me any Prednisone.

So here I am, trapped, lost hearing, don't know why or if I will recover it, will make an appointment tomorrow since the window is max. 2 weeks to treat SSHL... Even then there is no guarantee...

I feel miserable really, I'm a Christian so suicide isn't an option, but how will I endure these worsenings and all the things that are happening to me? I just cannot believe the situation I am. I was a med student, dropped out of 5th year since the tinnitus (I cancelled this year just 2 days ago). To help people was my biggest goal in life, I wanted to be a clinician and researcher. I studied really hard, I sacrificed EVERYTHING for med school. Studying 18 hours each day for 2 months while having exams, and when you didn't have exams you had a lot of hours spending in practices at the hospital and a lot of homework...

So it was 4 years of pure sacrifice, to see nothing now... and here I am now, not even being to enjoy music at low levels, watching a movie or even going out. When I see all my family, friends and college mates being able to carry a normal life, and me, being tortured 24/7 I can't keep asking myself why? Like I have done mistakes for sure, but these 4 weeks I was really protecting my ears, and didn't have any major incidents since I was at home protected always with at least earmuffs.

Thank you 10 tones tinnitus. I just wish this worsening to stop, to recover my hearing and to go back where I was before taking the damn Prednisone. With that tinnitus level being stable, I could cope and do a "normal life". If that happens, and I'm praying each day, I will tell you guys here you will have an ENT that will do everything to find, at least, a treatment for the damn tinnitus. I do not want to sound cocky, I just want to speak out how motivated I would be to end with this sh.it. As I'm writing this I am in tears how desperate I feel to get good enough to carry on and to be able to study and finally help you all guys.

Thank you for reading me.

Hi @Guest5401,

So I've read a couple of your posts on the forum lately, and I can see you're going through a very rough period in your life.

Tinnitus is a rude awakening for anyone who suffers it significantly; that our lives are as fragile as the world is brutal.

Prior to my tinnitus becoming bad enough to disable me in 2009, I had been preparing to take a degree in East Asian Languages and Traditional Art. It was just when I was putting together my application that I got hit by the mother of all ear infections, that changed my reality forever.

Despite this, for a couple of years I continued to entertain the thought that I might return to studying those subjects at university, eventually. Although I pretty much accept now, that for me, this would be impossible, and considering my reactive tinnitus, plus my semi-reclusive lifestyle (with tinnitus), not particularly enjoyable either.

Keep in mind: I'm only talking about my particular case here. There's nothing to say you won't recover enough a couple of years down the line, that you won't be able to resume studying for your preferred career. But even if you don't, you'll eventually find something else you're passionate about, that you can contribute to the world through.

For example, right now I'm studying several subjects, with the aim of giving some European languages a try next summer. And if that doesn't work out (with my ears), then I'll probably start studying programming and computer languages (see the connection there?), because I spend three-quarters of every day at my laptop already anyway...

Seriously though, I totally get the thing about feeling useless when you develop a crippling disability like this. I feel like the failure in my family so often. Two of my sisters already have husbands, good careers, a house of their own; one even has a child already... and I'm the eldest sibling... yet I'm the "Peter Pan" of my family, still living with his parents, studying for university etc.

But the thing is, it doesn't matter. You can't beat yourself up about your circumstances. Just look at @Zugzug (a member of Tinnitus Talk who I have great respect for). The guy is hilarious, super-intelligent and a very skilled Mathematician (with a degree), and yet life went south for him, just like us (only after he finished his studies, instead of before). So you see my point. It doesn't matter when it happened: it was going to happen somewhere down the line.

Simple fact: We have to practice acceptance. That we have no control in life, and that there is a plan for us all.

Forget what you can't do, and focus on what you can.

Anyway, this may all be too much for you, too soon. I realise you're at the beginning of your journey, and I have had a good long time to come to terms with mine. But trust me, despite the fact it feels like the world has turned against you right now, you'll see with time, how it all comes to make sense. Just have faith, and focus on looking after yourself for now.

All the best, @Damocles.

 

[Johan001]

Hi @Guest5401, I was feeling just like you when I was hit. I had some nasty personal circumstances around getting tinnitus too. Just progressed in my career and spent thousands of pound from my savings on a professional qualification and ended up disabled by tinnitus. The disrespect from doctors is unfortunately not foreign to my story as well. It was a rude awakening for me realising how full of s...t they are. I now have much more trust in the traditional medicine in case I need anything.

I was unable to work for about a year, in fact I did work, but I was like a zombie at work. And the worst thing, the company went bust and the guys who ran it didn't pay me and my colleagues a penny for 6 months of work, which for me was extra painful, literally money earned with blood.

On top of this, I was receiving horrific abuse from the narcissistic ex-woman who caused my tinnitus in the first place. No family of my own nearby, parents live in a other country unable to travel due to lockdowns, I was ready to end it all too.

My tinnitus is severe and it didn't significantly change since I got it. It actually varies every day.

However, I did manage to turn some things around for the better.

My best mate helped me to break free from an abusive relationship and take a job that is less in qualification that I obtained but fantastic in lifestyle. I now have lots of time to take care of myself and I am grateful to have a job like this amid the global crisis where lots of people struggle to find one.

After I stabilised my personal situation, I got more time to help my situation with tinnitus. Some supplements started to calm me down (before that, even benzos didn't take me, can you imagine), I got a hearing aid, started yoga etc. Everything that I do is directed at calming my anxiety. Of course, it's directly correlated with tinnitus intensity, but anxiety is at least something that I can do something about.

Do I feel like a failure? Hard to say. It's a wrong thought in the first place. I probably became much less materialistic, less judgemental and more compassionate. It made me realise my mortality and amidst massive health crisis, it made me realise how fragile we are and how all these things like status, money etc is just unimportant, but people keep chasing it. I now feel less of a failure because this tough period made me realise the true values, being more grateful and compassionate.

Another positive progression, I started to study again. Interesting, before tinnitus, I was studying for diplomas and fancy titles. Outwards basically. The stuff that I study now is about getting myself the skills I want, so pretty much inwards.

That being said, it's still possible to adjust your life and continue something that you are passionate about, albeit in a different form.

 

[Forever hopeful]

So, I will update you guys because things couldn't got worse, I think. This post is mega long, I hope you do not get bored...

I screwed up my life and all my future, that is how I feel, I have also been unlucky and punished in this life, like really hard. Sadly I didn't follow @Brian P's advice, and I didn't go to the ER, although I was worsening. I called the ENT Thursday, told her about my worsenings of tinnitus, and she didn't even tell me anything about doing an audiogram, as @Matchbox suggested. I trusted her. First big mistake.

I was thinking maybe I was spiking to a firework that was thrown close to my house or the ambulance sirens, that I had the previous days, I didn't want to put headphones to worsen my tinnitus even more and also I didn't really experience a muffle like hearing, and the tinnitus increase was bilateral, so I've never expected to be something serious. Second big mistake.

Sunday night woke up with even worse spike, and I freaked out so I did the audiogram online with the proper calibration and guess what I found out? Some hearing loss, mild, in low frequencies and some others (I had no hearing loss in the audiograms I had 3-4 weeks ago, I was around 5 dB-10 dB I think).

I will not blame anyone, but I got also convinced that it might be psychological, so I did not rush to the ER, till Saturday night.

Things do not end here, I rush into the ER, I'm really nervous, and I tell the nurse from the ER that I think I lost hearing suddenly that's why my tinnitus worsened and I need an emergency audiogram and treatment. She said there are no emergency audiograms.

So they put me in a psychiatric box, I realized it because the bed had some containments, I was just freaking out. Guess who is the first doctor to visit me? A psychiatrist, asking me if I hear voices... Like seriously man? I might have an history of OCD/anxiety but this has NOTHING to do with that. I explained him my situation, he understood it and called the ENT. For a moment I plugged out my protection, when there was no noise, to listen how bad my tinnitus was, and just in that moment two strong beeps sounded, it scared me, it was loud, not sure how loud but surely around 85 dB I think it was the smoke detector. Third big mistake. So I think I did an acoustic trauma there. I was just in denial, how no earth it is possible, just in the moment I plugged out my earmuffs for few seconds, I wanted to die.

The ENT came and I told her about the strong sound, she didn't like really cared, and I told her about my worsening of tinnitus after taking Prednisone and coming off from it... So she just asked if I am 100% sure I have lost hearing, I told her I am not sure, but the audiogram I did online said so. She dismissed that, she said that's 0% reliable... So didn't prescribe me Prednisone. Also I was scared of Prednisone since it just made things much worse while on it and after...

Monday, I had a bit muffled hearing and worse tinnitus. This was just feeling surreal, so to sum up: I went to an ENT to have nothing done and to get and acoustic trauma. I was thinking really about committing suicide.

Monday, I told to my ENT about the audiogram and the possible acoustic trauma, she was just blaming me why I do not take the treatment she gave me (Alprazolam) I told her okay I will take it (I will not, tbh), she really didn't want to do an audiogram to me.

I talked to an other ENT Wednesday and told me to take Prednisone 30 mg*5 days till Monday, which I did not because again, I am scared to worsen things even more, but maybe I need to take it, not sure what to do.

So Thursday went to a 3rd ENT to ask for an audiogram and to see what we can do, and she didn't want to test me, either she didn't recommend me any Prednisone.

So here I am, trapped, lost hearing, don't know why or if I will recover it, will make an appointment tomorrow since the window is max. 2 weeks to treat SSHL... Even then there is no guarantee...

I feel miserable really, I'm a Christian so suicide isn't an option, but how will I endure these worsenings and all the things that are happening to me? I just cannot believe the situation I am. I was a med student, dropped out of 5th year since the tinnitus (I cancelled this year just 2 days ago). To help people was my biggest goal in life, I wanted to be a clinician and researcher. I studied really hard, I sacrificed EVERYTHING for med school. Studying 18 hours each day for 2 months while having exams, and when you didn't have exams you had a lot of hours spending in practices at the hospital and a lot of homework...

So it was 4 years of pure sacrifice, to see nothing now... and here I am now, not even being to enjoy music at low levels, watching a movie or even going out. When I see all my family, friends and college mates being able to carry a normal life, and me, being tortured 24/7 I can't keep asking myself why? Like I have done mistakes for sure, but these 4 weeks I was really protecting my ears, and didn't have any major incidents since I was at home protected always with at least earmuffs.

Thank you 10 tones tinnitus. I just wish this worsening to stop, to recover my hearing and to go back where I was before taking the damn Prednisone. With that tinnitus level being stable, I could cope and do a "normal life". If that happens, and I'm praying each day, I will tell you guys here you will have an ENT that will do everything to find, at least, a treatment for the damn tinnitus. I do not want to sound cocky, I just want to speak out how motivated I would be to end with this sh.it. As I'm writing this I am in tears how desperate I feel to get good enough to carry on and to be able to study and finally help you all guys.

Thank you for reading me.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I am really perplexed at the thought that you've seen all these EMTs and they refused to test your hearing. At my ENT practice the first thing they do when someone complains of changing or worsening tinnitus is test the hearing. I don't know where you live but that just seems crazy. What the heck is wrong with these doctors?

If in fact you have sudden sensorineural hearing loss, the treatment for that is prednisone or a steroid injection and in severe cases, HBOT.. So in terms of talking about the window for treatment if you have prednisone and you won't take it there's probably not much they can do for you to recover your hearing. I totally understand being medication adverse. I've taken prednisone many times and have had no impact on my tinnitus. In fact, it significantly improved a drop in hearing I had. It's very easy to attribute changes in tinnitus to certain things that may or may not be the cause. My otologist said there are over 200 things that cause tinnitus and apart from hearing loss, you almost never really know the cause.

I have read about many people talking about the negative impacts of microsuction on their tinnitus.

I highly doubt that the benzodiazepine withdrawal is causing your tinnitus. You would have to abruptly stop taking it and that would be after a long period of consistent use. And tinnitus from Benzo withdrawal tends to improve in time not get worse.

I hope you can find some relief soon.

 

[Guest5401]

@Damocles, thank you for your kind words, and all your support. I understand your point but it is still hard, really hard. I sometimes almost have panic attacks when I think about where I was and where I am right now. It feels surreal...

And yes, I feel like I am the black sheep of the family too...

Actually I can't do much... 2 months without being able to enjoy anything... Specially these last weeks where I am worse than the last month... If it would just stop progressing I could habituate. I think I am still habituating quite fast to each new change/worsening. But this madness has to stop or I will lose it.

I'm having faith, but sometimes I feel really desperate, not only because all I have lost in this life, but because I know tinnitus can be so bad that it's almost impossible to habituate to... And I am writing while wearing earmuffs and listening to my tinnitus 24/7 with null reaction to it (maybe the sound sensation I got its around 50 dB, pretty loud), but still just annoying can't concentrate on other things.

Guess I still need time to figure out what can I do to feel useful for this world.
I don't know how old you were when I hit you so hard, but I'm only 27 and I can't imagine living like this or worse for the rest of my life, just wow. I'm still inspired by how you managed to cope.

@Johan001, thank you for your support, I hope I can find something to be useful at... I'm really desperate to finish my career since it was pure vocation, it wasn't because of the money. And actually can't find anything else that would fill this emptiness I feel.

@Forever hopeful, thank you for your kind words, I felt the same, why would they refuse to do an audiogram? I don't know. I have done one this Monday, and the thresholds were about the same as before (no hearing loss). Still I don't know my hearing feels a bit less or maybe it is just my imagination... I haven't started prednisone, but I would be out of the 2 week window I think... I still could give a try, I asked my professor ENT about what to do, and he told me to take Deflazacort... Still don't know what to do honestly. What I have learnt from this is tinnitus can be way worse than you would imagine... And that is what I am scared about...

 

[volsung37]

Guest5401.

Sometimes I think we are all just waiting until our tinnitus improves.

Some of us rush to ENT, some take supplements, some do yoga.

I did all those things. None helped really. It got better after 2 and a half years. Very little sound. Life was normal.

Now I'm back at the beginning again with one little COVID-19 jab.

The only healer is time. Do what you have to to put the time in.

 

[Happy Hisser]

Hi everyone who is suffering, I hear YOU

Please DO NOT think that taking benzos is going to make your tinnitus life calmer and better. Having tinnitus is a pleasure compared to the living hell of being addicted to benzos. If you can't get off of them, try professor emeritus Heather Ashton's method of what I nicknamed 'The Valium Transfer Method' and then weaning off the Valium. I was so GRATEFUL to get my normal life back and live again, accepting the tinnitus! I almost died from what is called Protracted Xanax withdrawal; with no more than 2 hrs. of sleep at a time for 4 months.

My body started to break down. Professor Ashton's published work saved my life. I Now Live In Gratitude With My Tinnitus.

P.S. There was a thread on here about taking vitamin D3. This is how I got onto Tinnitus Talk in the first place. I wanted to let everyone know that the 5000 IU of D3 daily does make the tinnitus much louder. Within 48 hours of stopping it, any ringing becomes super soft and barely noticeable, If you have indeed been on it routinely for a while.

I am a huge fan of vitamins and supplements; as you can imagine from reading me, I will take no medications. But even with these you have to be cognizant.

One more thing... Weighted blankets provide a sense of serenity and security and promote a deeper sleep in spite of any bedtime tinnitus.

Good Wishes to All!