2049v

2049v

Member From London
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  • 2049v
    Sure, why would I be part of the lucky majority? I often forget that I came to this world just to suffer.
    2049v
    I also don't want anyone's love, nor do I need it. Just save me from this torment, that's enough.
    L along the way
    If i could have the most wonderful girlfriend in the world, or have the t be gone, i'd definitely choose the t be gone. No doubt about it. This stuff has been harsh. Every day i keep praying it will get better in time
    2049v
    @L along the way, I can hear it over everything. It's as if it's being transmitted to me through a different audio channel. Unfortunately, there's no way to beat this fucking thing.
    L along the way
    @2049v there's no way of beating this with any sort of force.. the acoustic harm has really injured me i feel like.. the only hope i have is that healing can take place with natural living and time..
    2049v
    My family and friends still love me, or rather the old me, but I'm not the old me anymore.
    Pinhead
    This is exactly what I tell everyone. You really did like me pre-March 2021. I'm not that person anymore, nor can I ever be that person again.
    2049v
    @Pinhead, I'm struggling so bad, man. I spent my whole day crying.
    2049v
    I had floaters a year before my T. Were the floaters a sign that T was coming? They started suddenly, just like T did.
    2049v
    Every night, siren sounds explode in my ears, making me think about my future suicide. One day, I'll finally be free from this.
    2049v
    I am a physically and mentally strong person but due to the catastrophic tinnitus I have, I am struggling not to end my life soon.
    2049v
    I have the worst addiction in the world, there's nothing worse than this: masking sounds, I wish I could die from an overdose.
    L along the way
    I also listen to calming sounds a lot. And am trying to sleep a lot. The difficulty with T is that I had troubles sleeping. But yeah.. plenty of sleep when it's possible seems like a good thing.. but pffft.. it has been harsh.. hoping for a better day
    2049v
    @L along the way, Most of the time, I can't live without ACRN and masking sounds. It's inevitable that I will have to work remotely but I haven't found a job yet. Even if I did, can life even be called life like this? Fuck this BS man. I'm so tired.
    2049v
    I'm one of the those in the world with inner ear damage that has led to the most diseases and symptoms. Nice to meet you.
    L along the way
    Suffering :( unwellbeing :( i'm longing for the opposites of these things, the natural way
    2049v
    L along the way
    @2049v well it hasn't been just a straight line 1 thing experience in that sense.. but indeed.. the general sense of all these past years have been enduring the days.. instead of enjoying the days.. :( i hope we can experience more joy, aliveness and health in the days to come
    2049v
    While everything around me moves at full speed, my life feels like it's come to a standstill. It's like I'm watching from behind a glass.
    View previous comments…
    ECP
    My tinnitus used to be much louder and more reactive. There were also many more different sounds that changed throughout the day. My pain level and brain fog and depression were also much worse. I still have all these symptoms, just at a lower level. The improvement isn't obvious from one day to the next. It's observable only when comparing different points in time that are several months apart.
    ECP
    I still fall into the Mariana Trench sometimes. Quiet hobbies and distractions help because they keep my mind from thinking about my problems. It's a conundrum, though, because the worse my symptoms are, the harder it is to distract myself and feel like I'm climbing out of the trench. Then I get even more upset. I've had to teach myself how to relax and patiently wait for something to improve.
    ECP
    For what it's worth, I read somewhere that a water lily has roots in muddy water. It can't blossom until it grows tall enough to break the surface of the water. The mud fertilizes the water lily plant, and ultimately that mud is what makes the plant grow tall enough to transcend the water and bloom. I try to meditate on that when I'm depressed, so I'm sharing that in the hope that it helps you too. Big hugs to you.
    2049v
    Oh my dear ACRN, what would I do without you? When nothing else helps, you're by my side. I'm so glad you're here.
    View previous comments…
    Yellowblue44
    Do you play it on low volume? And it doesnt make your h worse ?
    Yellowblue44
    Just played. Can i ask, how does playing another T type tone help? It was horrible just like my T
    2049v
    @Yellowblue44, I prefer the sound to come from an external source rather than inside my brain. It partially helps me. It needs to be played at a frequency close to the ringing frequency, with an adjustment to the sequence.
    2049v
    I have suicidal tinnitus. No one can understand this apart from those who actually took their lives over it.
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @Yellowblue44, Yes, I have hyperacusis. The biggest obstacle to going outside is that as I am exposed to sound, I start to lose my balance, feel like I'm drunk, and experience confusion. I experience this when I'm outside, at the market; it doesn't have to be a very loud sound for me to feel this way. On some days, I can't cope without masking sounds. As that fucking sound screams in my ear, I want to kill myself.
    Yellowblue44
    Sounds like you may have merines which could be causing dizzyness. Medication for that should help. Have you seen an ent yet? If you can mask your T then that is a bonus to. I have servere T which means I can never mask it as its reactive and even if I tried it would make my H worse.
    2049v
    @Yellowblue44, No, I don't have Meniere's disease. My tinnitus doesn't get masked; I just feel partially relieved with some methods. Neither of the two ENT specialists applied any treatment. One of them just said that my complaints would decrease over time. Since the MRI and other tests came out clean, the problem is in the inner ear.
    2049v
    I don't want to die (yet) but at the same time I don't want to live. Idk if anyone reading this would understand what it means.
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @tpj, I'm also a victim of earbuds. Unfortunately, before this incident, I didn't know that loud noise could lead to such an illness, so I never paid attention to it. The last time, I listened to music at an extremely high volume one night, and the next morning I woke up, and my life was over. I have one of the worst cases of tinnitus in the world.
    C
    @2049v As with many of your posts, you speak from my heart. I have often described this condition here as a vacuum or stalemate. You are paralyzed and can't move forward or back. It's unreal and yet so shockingly true. A paradox that defies all laws of nature and your own imagination.
    2049v
    2049v
    I swear I have one of the worst tinnitus in the world, I swear on everything.
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @MiaVIL, I also get that once in a while and I know it's terrible. What was the cause of yours?
    M
    2049v
    @MiaVIL, I had it when I was 6 or 7. I remember telling my parents about my ringing. I even had hearing tests and everything but in time I think I totally forgot about it even though it was still there. With the last acustic trauma I remembered about this infection. Now it's suicidal level.
    2049v
    It's a very strange feeling to want to die every day because of inner ear BS that no one knows about in 2024. I don't want to live!!!!!!!!!!
    2049v
    I'm writhing in pain in bed. I had goals, dreams, and plans, but now there's only pain and torture.
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @L along the way, Yes. If my condition weren't the most severe type, my life would be a bit easier, but I suffer torture every single day.
    L along the way
    @2049v i know exactly what you mean, sadly enough.. awful painful suffering on the daily pffft.. painful and just ridiculous beyond words, im saying that without exaggeration. I hope and pray we can be reborn. That somehow our ears and brains can heal back to our natural way of being. Natural health and wellbeing. Natural health and wellbeing.
    2049v
    2049v
    I'm ashamed of myself for falling into such a situation and writhing in helplessness.
    L along the way
    It's understandable to feel like this.. i also have been enduring a lot, and it's really not fun.. just remember that you didn't ask for all this.. trying to be kind to yourself
    2049v
    L along the way
    @2049v this is the thing i struggle with too, like what is an actual solution for this? And sadly.. nobody has any answer basically. Yes, i do believe that a healthy lifestyle (i switched to plant based foods), mindfulness and plenty of rest is good, also distraction. But it hasn't cured t. So, that's why i try to put my trust in the hope that time is a healer.. i mean.. what else sensible can i do
    2049v
    It's not "hard" to live with this, it's just not possible. People can't comprehend what is like to live with a constant torture.
    View previous comments…
    L along the way
    @2049v i don't know how i'm still alive tbh. The stresses i've been through.. pff.. somehow the days have passed and im still here.. i've suffered for many years.. sadly.. now i just wish a calm life and praying for t to heal, hope to finally find some real peace
    2049v
    L along the way
    @2049v I am single, 36. I have some hope of finding new love, and maybe starting a family some day, but for now my own wellbeing deserves most priority and care
    2049v
    At the end of this, I'll either sink to the very bottom, or I'll emerge stronger than ever before.
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @kingsfan, I try to do things I used to enjoy to escape this curse, but as soon as I step outside, I experience balance issues and nothing feels enjoyable. Three months ago, I woke up one morning, and everything was over for me.
    BrOKeN_1
    @2049v I totally get that. Considering where you are in your journey. 4 months in with no Sleep and my wife was looking to have me committed. It's hard to say what will happen should you stay in the fight. But I've been here long enough to see major improvements in most people. And others habituate to a livable degree. I wish you the best. Truely.
    2049v
    @tomytl, Thank you for your supportive words, my friend. They truly mean a lot to me. One morning, I woke up with hearing problems, ear pain, dizziness, hyperacusis, and extremely severe tinnitus. Suddenly, I found myself in the middle of hell. I just want to escape from this.
    2049v
    I can't sleep again. It's impossible. Despite the masking sounds from my phone, PC and fan noise, it is unbearably loud. When will it end?
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @Pinhead, do you have any idea what might have caused it? Any ototoxic drugs, noise or physical trauma etc. As far as I could see those with no obvious reasons tend to get better in time but it wasn't the case for you, very interesting. How is your relationship going?
    Pinhead
    I was leading a very healthy lifestyle. Weightlifting 5 times a week and counting my calories. I was in a stable relationship and had no excess noise exposure, but of course who knows how to estimate "excess".
    I just had my six-year anniversary yesterday.
    2049v
    @Pinhead, apart from the "noise exposure" it was quite similiar for me. Last night before it all started I listened to some music with earbuds for 10 mins and here I am. I was shocked because I wasn't a regular headphones user. Even those who use them 24/7 on the loudest level don't know what tinnitus is.
    2049v
    My ringing is so intense that there's no way this could be real. It feels like my head is going to explode. I can't believe it.
    2049v
    I can't sleep, it won't let me. I'm going to lose my mind. It's like there's a constant firework going off in my ear. I want to die.
    Asta
    2049v I had hearing tests that suggested hearing okay, but isn't. ENT let me have OAE tests ( to 'reassure' me...)- measures out hair cell integrity- opposite effect- damaged ear had many low and absent OHCs compared to high and present OAEs for good ear.
    Has anyone else had OAEs, where hidden hearing/ cochlear damage can be seen?
    View previous comments…
    Asta
    I had NO problem before the microsuction. I wasn't even aware of what tinnitus felt like...
    Asta
    I have been describing it as an altered sense of hearing. When I cup my ear in my hand and listen for the 'sounds of the sea' that you can normally create, it's not there- asthough there is a problem with conduction or amplification or something. My ET I keep looking in the hole that it might help, but it didn't l doesn't...
    2049v
    @Asta, Our hearing issues are quite similar, but mine started due to headphone use. Are you certain yours began after microsuction? It might have been the last straw. Were you exposed to loud noises before that? Like headphones, nightclubs, concerts, etc.?
    tomytl
    I checked again quickly, and my crash in 2014 lasted with the unpleasant symptoms of tinnitus, hearing loss, and hyperacusis from mid-February 2024 to mid-December 2024. I confirmed this by checking my emails. And I had further recovery in 2015 and 2016.
    It took a long time
    View previous comments…
    tomytl
    Tomorrow, I'm attending an event organized by a tinnitus/hearing loss organization from Switzerland. People affected and specialists will discuss how to cope with this condition. I've read some incredible stories, including cases of total hearing loss and severe tinnitus. I'm really curious to hear how they've managed to deal with such challenging situations.
    2049v
    @tomytl, that's good man. I know there are some similiar things in London as well but I'm still dealing with other stuff. Maybe you can find some useful information there.
    tomytl
    Yes, maybe I can get something useful out of it, no miracles, but maybe some inspiration which might help, I let you know.
    2049v
    I've never been afraid of the reality of death throughout my life, but now I love the idea of it. I'm grateful that death exists.
    Juliane
    Oh yes, imagine living forever with all this crap
    2049v
    @Juliane, that's what makes me wanna die sooner :D

    As I said I would prefer to be dead instead of living everday with this torture and I don't fear death, I don't see it as something bad. I want all of my family and friends to know that my suffering will end when I die.
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