15 and Ruined

[Madi H]

I am a 15 year old girl that has probably ruined her entire life from being irresponsible.

Ok so Jan 1 my parents were fighting and about to split up and my brother has been away at college for the last year. I worked very hard to keep my family together and it worked for the time being. Around that time i started listening to my headphones more and more, never at school.

At the beginning of Feb. my mom got a job in vegas (other side of the country), so my parents left ad I stayed behind to finish school. My great aunt spent the night with me and had me wake up early so I could lock up the house, so i started listening to music in the early morning to prevent going back to sleep so i wouldn't miss the bus.

My ears probably started to hurt from my headphones around a week after they left. Around mid feb my grandma and 2 other aunts moved in with me because my grandma was terminally ill and had her house under renovation.

Again I was listening to more music because I didn't want to take naps and let them down if they really needed me. They had people going in and out of the house all the time visiting her. And they were usually very loud. I noticed the ringing in school and immediately called and went to the hospital. the next week i went to the ENT and they told me it could be either stress related or from my headphones.

They were from my headphones. I knew they hurt but I kept listening. After finding out I moved in with my parents, started a new school and haven't gotten to the ent yet.

I pray this is temporary and If it isn't I feel like I should kill myself. I ruined my entire life before it started. my ears hurt all the time and i'm happy sometimes and sad the next. I can't continue with this.

I had anxiety and depression before this, but now my parents want to split again. I've made no friends, my teachers don't even like me and my dad wants me to do sports. I hate sports more than anything. i'm so lost and confused and upset I ruined myself. I was trying to get better and learn to love myself before this happened.

I was working on projects to make me happy and transform myself into someone i'd actually fucking like. But I can't. I hate myself for doing this.

I've lost so many friends and my parents want me to just tough it out. thats their response to everything. i can't.

I attempted suicide before, but i think this is the best time to just go ahead and do it.

 

[billie48]

Please don't do it @Madi H. There is lots to life than your T. You are still young and your T is very new. Never rule out that the T will fade, disappear, or that you will habituate to it over time, like many members do. If you have hearing damage from headphones, perhaps you should get your doctor to prescribe prednisone for you. This treatment is for new T due to acoustic trauma and some members report that their T fade or disappear after the treatment. I hope you will read up the story of Zoe Cartwright, a young lady who turned completely deaf at young 15 and had developed loud and unmaskable T. Despite her challenge she made it to university and even made a short tinnitus film. She said she loves her life despite T. I mention her in my success story post. If you have the time, check this out.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-to-light-how-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

Here are some success stories from young folks. So don't give up. Keep up the hope. God bless and protect you.

success story of 17 years old Zach:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/fake-it-until-you-make-it.7590/

success story of Jari with T since 12 years old:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/new.7670/

lana got T at 15 and getting better:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/positivity.13050/

Honeybee's success story with good tips:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/3-months-in-and-going-strong.9747/

 

[Dutchy]

Please don't do it @Madi H. There is lots to life than your T. You are still young and your T is very new. Never rule out that the T will fade, disappear, or that you will habituate to it over time, like many members do. If you have hearing damage from headphones, perhaps you should get your doctor to prescribe prednisone for you. This treatment is for new T due to acoustic trauma and some members report that their T fade or disappear after the treatment. I hope you will read up the story of Zoe Cartwright, a young lady who turned completely deaf at young 15 and had developed loud and unmaskable T. Despite her challenge she made it to university and even made a short tinnitus film. She said she loves her life despite T. I mention her in my success story post. If you have the time, check this out.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-to-light-how-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

Here are some success stories from young folks. So don't give up. Keep up the hope. God bless and protect you.

success story of 17 years old Zach:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/fake-it-until-you-make-it.7590/

success story of Jari with T since 12 years old:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/new.7670/

lana got T at 15 and getting better:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/positivity.13050/#post-160551

Honeybee's success story with good tips:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/3-months-in-and-going-strong.9747/

 

[rzhang]

Definitely consider the prednisone, I'm sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age but you aren't alone in this. Please stay strong because it does get better. Continue posting, reach out for support in any means possible and again, consider the prednisone. its only effective if it is taken close to the initial acoustic trauma

 

[Madi H]

I'm trying really hard to be happy but I can't. I have moments where I am but I live in Las Vegas. A big behind city and a lot of loud places. I put in my ear plugs but I always feel awkward and upset. I'm a part of a mixed martial arts program and they practice to loud music and I don't know how to feel about that. No one else I know has this kind of problem and my family enjoys going from one loud place to another. So I constantly have to put them in and I feel bad about them. I look around and I see a bunch of normal people and they don't have this problem. I'm at a new high school with 3,000 students and I have to walk through the hallways with ear plugs and I can't make any friends. Everyone around me is having fun but I can't. I don't enjoy anything anymore and going home is the worst thing on earth.

 

[billie48]

I look around and I see a bunch of normal people and they don't have this problem.

Do not be discouraged, Madi. Actually, there may be a lot of people around us who have this problem. Millions have T even in the States. We just don't know about that because for some reasons some people seem to handle their T without stress and anxiety like us. Since I have T, I know more than a dozen of people in my social circle have T. I saw a specialist doctor who said he had T since 12 but he managed to move on with life to medical school. The chief lady audiologist in one of our city hospital where I went for my first tinnitus consultation told me she has T too. In fact many celebrities have T and if you google 'celebrities with tinnitus' it will be a long list of familiar names that you may know. How about many singers like Barbara Streisand, Peter Townsend, Eric Clapton..etc., how about USA presidents like Ronald Regan & Bill Clinton? How about these two very famous celebrities in North America? They are the house-hold names and they have T and openly talked about it in this show as early as 1996. After I watched the video, besides having a big laugh, I felt more relax and calm, knowing that I wasn't alone and that many people have T and manage to move on to live a normal, even a happy life. I realized I didn't have to kill myself for T. I just need to learn to relax & be positive to give it time. Now after a few years, I can say I live a normal, productive and absolutely enjoyable life. The heck with T. Here is the video of David Letterman and William Shatner (who played Captain Kirk of the old Star Trek TV series) in 1996 talking about their T:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCdx8aueK9I

Here is a lady member who drives loud 800-ton mining trucks, telling us 70% of her colleagues have T without her knowing it, and this has helped her recover and she posts this success story. So many, many people have T around us. Millions have them. We just don't know it until someone talks about it:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/6-months-tinnitus-still-going-strong-but-so-am-i.3226/

Like you I had to wear earplugs all the time initially and felt quite awkward. I couldn't hear most things with the plugs. Later on I wore some musician ear plugs which still allow normal sounds to pass through and I could hear people well. I figure I treat it like people walking around with earphones or earbugs from ipad or smart phones. If they can put something in their ears all the time, why should I feel bad for protecting my ears for health reason. I felt much better this way and it works for me. I hope you won't be too worried about wearing ear plugs. But don't need to wear plugs for normal sounds, just for loud & amplified sounds. You will do fine after a while. Don't worry too much about the future. It will work out fine. Here is a link to order musician ear plugs if you want them:

http://www.amazon.com/Alpine-Hearin...1458860522&sr=8-3&keywords=musician+ear+plugs

 

[Josue]

Like billie48 has said... don't do it. I'm only 17 and I think I have T, T isn't that bad remember all the people that have diseases like cancer I bet that a person with cancer would rather have T than cancer just don't let the T get over you. If you want you can talk with me via any social media my English isn't very good but I think I can help... just let me know

 

[Virginia1027]

I'd be glad to talk to you and give you positive advice, sweetie. I am a mom with four kids (one is 15 years old like you!). I have lots of coping skills, advice and positive stories to tell. YOU WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN!

I'm praying for you!

God bless,

Virginia

 

[Bharath]

All you have to do is just get out of that pit hole, of these people don't care about you or your well being then you should quickly become strong and meet some new people who have nothing to do with your past, just do anything to keep yourself busy, shift your focus from problems to something else better.

Move to a different city where you are not surrounded by the same people or thoughts.

 

[Madi H]

I can honestly say I feel a lot better than what I did before. I try not to be as bothered by it but I still stick to myself. I don't think I'm stable enough to try to be other people's friend or anything. I'm happy that ive learned so much about myself throughout this experience. I'm learning to tackle a lot of other problems like my anxiety, stress, anger issues, etc. I've improved tremendously mentally. I've learned I'm not at all a bad person I just get really confused and I don't enjoy my blow ups one bit. My blow ups aren't something I really feel like I can control as of yet, but I'm proud to have become self aware of my short comings by recognizing how abnormal my thought process is. In school I'm doing as well as always because I've been meeting up with my teachers to maintain my GPA, and I've joined an MMA group where I get to fight with a bunch of different people of all ages and gender. I'm really rational now. I figure if I'm not dying it's not a problem and I use this approach towards everything.
I keep a journal with me at all times to express myself and this has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. I think everyone should keep one and show how they've transformed into a strong person. And to document what triggers all their negative feelings and study your(what could be) risky behavior.
What I appreciate most is that I've grown closer to God and myself. I'm not my own enemy anymore and ive grown to love myself a lot actually. I watched E:60 video called Silent Night Lights. It was 15 mins and amazing. It made me appreciate life a lot more and look at others and accept that life is more than sound. Id like to thank others that have responded and supported me. I didn't contact anyone because this is a one person battle. But I made sure to keep you all in mind.

I literally only have one complaint now and that's this headache I've had for a straight week now. Does this happen to you? Does it calm down?

 

[Madi H]

I recommend anyone in a tough spot watch this. Normal people being strong no matter what. What are the chances that some of the kids in the video have t too. The best thing about them is that their supporting each other and right now that's the best we can do.
Silent Night Lights:

 

[Zora]

@Madi H did your T calm down? I am in a similar situation. I am 20 and also have headphone music induced T. but already since 3,5 months. I dont think it will ever go away fully which makes me sad

 

[Karen]

Hi, @Madi H,

It is not uncommon for a new tinnitus sufferer to have headaches. Yes, they will calm down in time. Don't give up! You sound like a very level-headed and mature for your age young lady, and I'm so proud of you to hear how far you've come already. Keep it up, and things will begin to look better as time goes on.

I'm a tinnitus veteran; I've had tinnitus for over 30 years, and pulsatile tinnitus for almost 6 years. Also, I'm a mother of two daughters and a grandmother. Believe me, things will begin to look better soon, and you'll look back on this period and realize how far you've come.

Bless you, and we're all here to support you!!!

Best wishes always,
Karen

 

[Lazypugfilms]

Don't give up! My father had tinnitus at a very young age, 12/13, and he ended up doing fine. Tinnitus isn't fun, hearing loss isn't fun, but it's about living life to the fullest despite the setbacks

 

[Michael2013]

I literally only have one complaint now and that's this headache I've had for a straight week now. Does this happen to you? Does it calm down?

When I first got tinnitus, I had a headache that lasted for about a month or so. It eventually goes away, and is likely due to the stress and anxiety you are feeling now. Hang in there!

 

[Madi H]

Zora my T has not calmed down. I just occupy myself differently. Through writing and positive thinking. I make it a point to have 3+ goals a week and to say 5 positive things to myself each night. I also did some research and I do have hope that one day we'll all feel better. I think about people like Karen, I remind myself if she can go 30 years I can go 15.

To avoid getting depressed I go back in my journal where I wrote positive things about myself and how happy I was previously and how happy I could become again.

The most influential thing I feel like I wrote was about perspective.

" What do I know about perspective?

Perspective is everything!! It's the reason I feel the way I do. My perspective is going to differ from everyone else's because it's unique like a finger print. Your eyes have seen things no one else has and others have seen things you'll never be able to understand. I realize all of the ache and pain I had was brought on by myself. People didn't hate me, I just thought they did. The brain is a crazy thing and it does everything and anything if you put enough thought into it. It's the same reason I can go from a bright and shiny individual to a very sad depressed person

Can you change you're perspective?

Of course. It's not over night and it's not all at once. It's gradual just like everything else in life. It takes a split second to have/get a problem, but it could take an eternity to fix it. Why is it that I freak out at the smallest thing, something that isn't a problem at all? I could burst out into tears or have a panic attack over something as small as my nose, eyes, clothes, etc. When someone with the same problem, who might be worse off than me, feel perfectly fine. I think these are problems but they aren't. I have to ask myself, is this affecting my overall way of life, is this debilitating, is anyone else going to get hurt, is this gonna matter to me when I'm 35? No? Then it's not a problem."

If I could say the most important things I've learned and keep in mind is:
-Life is more than sound
-If you pray don't worry, if you worry don't pray
-Don't stress over things you can't control
- don't water down your dreams and accomplishments