Another Option for Me — Suicide

[Bill Bauer]

I just feel like a bottle of JD and pills to sleep.

Painless and reliable ways to commit suicide exist, but the above is not one of them! They no longer prescribe the sleeping pills that you can use to commit suicide. When considering suicide, make sure you don't mess up your brain and/or kidneys and/or liver...

You might want to give yourself a year or two since the onset of your most recent spike. You might get better, or habituate by that time.

Have you considered trying rTMS? If you don't have anything to lose (and could always commit suicide if a therapy doesn't work out), it makes sense to give therapies like that a try...

 

[Bobbie7]

After suffering with higher tinnitus since March and the associated anxiety and depression and all the other issues I've had to suffer along the years I'm seriously considering suicide. I just want to be able to sleep in peace, it's come to the point now where even sleep is no ways an exit to the hurt. Horrific nightmares, waking up and suffering with hurt all day, regret, self pity. I just can't do it anymore, I've lost my will to live.

I was looking at ways to kill yourself both painlessly and quickly, I just cannot see a future of me being bright and happy, I feel so bad for my family around me, but I feel things will never improve for me.

Dear @Paulmanlike -

I really am sorry to hear of your depression and extreme stress. PLEASE, do not do anything rash, take stock of all you are feeling and know it will pass - you will learn how to cope with this as all others on this site have learned. You say you feel badly for your family... but just imagine the endless suffering they would inevitably endure if anything were to happen to you! There is no doubt they would be absolutely and completely devastated. I know you feel tormented but you are not alone in your feelings; I understand depression.... not due to tinnitus but in general over my lifetime which I have suffered. I know that you have to calm yourself right now and see your doctor and he would most likely prescribe an anti-anxiety medication which would help you sleep. When a person is sleep-deprived they cannot think correctly and I do understand what you are feeling but you must not hurt yourself in any way.

Your feelings that the situation will never change is only your (mis)perception borne out of despair and a sense of futility but since you are experiencing overwhelming stress presently, you are not looking at the big picture... specifically that you will learn to overcome this and go on to live a good life.. but you must be kind to yourself and patient. If ever you need to be kind to yourself, the time is right now!

Each person here longs for their silence to return but when this is not possible, each member reaches deep down in themselves and tries their best to find coping mechanisms and if you will take the time to read all the success stories, I am sure you will adjust your attitude and see that life even with tinnitus can be fulfilling and you can achieve success and realize joy to which you are entitled.

To contemplate suicide is not the answer. When we suffer, we long for it to stop and so we contemplate that ultimate act but to rob yourself of life and your family of your precious presence would be terrible. You must think of those to whom you are precious and who love you. They can only give you love and support but the rest is up to you and you are stronger than you realize @Paulmanlike - we all are. You can become triumphant over tinnitus as countless others here have; you need to have hope and trust that there will be happiness which lies ahead for you but you have to remain strong.

People lose limbs, they lose their sight, they have horrendous disabilities and while I am not intending to compare these situations to tinnitus, I just want to show that the human spirit is determined somehow to survive and surmount all maladies. We have to fight against depression with all our might. I am older, I know it is very difficult...I have experienced adversity and I personally know you have to push hard against what you are feeling now. You must. Time will pass...you will see.... the darkness will clear... some way... some how....but you must put suicidal thoughts out of your mind.

Please try to follow the wise advice of those who have posted because they care about you!

You obviously need sleep and this will improve your outlook so why don't you use either a sound machine or some app on your phone to help quiet your mind at night so you can get the restorative sleep you need? It will help improve your attitude and please read all those success stories which will surely inspire and motivate you.

Take good care of yourself @Paulmanlike.

Sending my very best wishes to you,
Barbara

 

[Lex]

I'm pro-choice when it comes to life and death, but I believe suicide should be the last resort after you've tried everything else and nothing worked. And based on your post history, I don't think you've exhausted all your options.

You also recently started a thread where you asked if you had mild or moderate tinnitus. So this means your T is not severe to you, because if it is, you won't have to ask.

Dude, I have mild/moderate tinnitus and also veering-into-severe hyperacusis. I have to wear earplugs almost 24/7 so I hear my T everywhere. But I'm more focused on the pain I have to endure, so I can honestly say my T barely bothers me. But when I first got T (without the H), I believed my world was going to end. I obsessed over it every minute of the day. Then H came along and I realized T was nothing.

I'm not telling you to stay strong because others have it worse. I'm telling you that the brain can adjust to mild/moderate T if you don't obsess over it.

Now, it sounds like you have other issues with anxiety and depression. Maybe it's best to get those conditions treated?

I understand if you choose to go, but I really hope you'll give yourself a chance first. Wish you all the best.

 

[Pomme]

@Paulmanlike You are not alone in feeling the way that you do right now. I am also struggling desperately with T and H. Just try and keep going. It isn't easy but it's all we can do.

 

[Marie79]

Dumb things you probably have tried: On this website there is a tinnitus talk audio player. The bell melody masks my T better than anything else. I struggle too so I am not trying to be some expert on being over T by any means but I was recently introduced to something called learned helplessness.

Also I have heard that tinnitus can be related to OCD and isn't there a medicine that helps with both? Remerol maybe?

At this point if you feel like you have nothing to lose try all the medicines. I am too afraid to try them but many people have told me they work. Silly yes but seriously more than a few people in person have told me that lipo flavanoid works. Also try that ginko biloba from germany (you can research that on here). Also neuromatics helped save a friend I made on here.

Try it all first and call a suicide hotline NOW and go to a hospital.

 

[Michael Leigh]

The bell melody masks my T better than anything else.

Please remember tinnitus should never be "masked" so that it can't be heard. You might think masking your tinnitus is helping but it isn't as your brain will never habituate to the tinnitus if you mask it, cover it up. A much better way is to set the "sound source" slightly below your tinnitus so your brain hears the tinnitus. Over time, the brain slowly pushes the tinnitus into the background.

Michael

 

[billie48]

Having suicide ideation is quite common among members with intrusive tinnitus. You are not alone in thinking this way. But most don't proceed to do the unthinkable as it is a one way ticket with no guarantee that the suffering will end with death. The following is my experience.

During the toughest period of my suffering, I always thought that the future will be always like those dark days of endless torment and I could hardly believe that people can still enjoy life with severe tinnitus, not to say I also have bad hyperacusis to go with it. As the tired and stressed out brain couldn't find a way out of the sufferings, it was dangling different solutions in front of me, including suicide ideations. I searched youtube on stories of people with near-death experiences. While most talked about a wonderful spirit realm, those who had come back from attempted suicide report such an unpleasant experience that they never would want to do it again.

With that, I decided then I rather stay put and accept my T, and do my best to make a life out of it. I read many success stories and copy their successful strategies, such as giving it enough time, living as normal as possible while finding joy amid the pain. I sought out strategies such as CBT, mindfulness meditation, relaxing exercises and I borrow strength from guiding lights, people who overcome insurmountable sufferings and thrive; I used masking all day and I used meds to calm my nerves and to help me sleep. Anything that helps. I also develop my own strategies which I share in my success story. Things began to improve with time. Nowadays I live a normal, happy and absolutely enjoyable life. My body has hardened to T and now it doesn't have any tyranny over me and my life. Glad that I didn't waste my life in an act that I might regret for eternity. The future turns out much brighter than what I projected at the worst time of suffering, which is usually the first 6 to 18 months. Give yourself some time and read up lots of success stories. Here is my story if you wish to read it. Don't give up. Hang in there. God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

[glynis]

@Paulmanlike ,
Morning !
Hope your out of bed and had breakfast and maybe a bit of TV.
Try get out in the fresh air and maybe to get a paper or in cafe for a drink
and see how many people you can talk to or say hi and smile.
Love to hear how your day goes ...
Chin up and make today the start of getting your life back on track at your own pace.
Love glynis x

 

[Paulmanlike]

Very anxious this morning, I woke up at 3am then eventually fell back asleep then again the horrific nightmares/vivid dreams started again. I think it's a side effects of the anti depressants. Trying to stay strong and fight through it.

 

[Bobbie7]

Good morning @Paulmanlike -

I hope you managed to get some rest and will have the beginning of a fresh, new outlook. If you follow wise @glynis suggestion, it will be a good start. Each new day presents promise of good things to come and we have to be willing to realize this.

Please let us all know how you are feeling. As you can see you have many friends here who care about you.

Sending good and positive thoughts your way @Paulmanlike,

Barbara

 

[Bobbie7]

Very anxious this morning, I woke up at 3am then eventually fell back asleep then again the horrific nightmares/vivid dreams started again. I think it's a side effects of the anti depressants. Trying to stay strong and fight through it.

Hi again @Paulmanlike - For how long a period of time have you been on these antidepressants? If you find these are not helping with your depression, perhaps it would be best for you to discuss this with your therapist. When I needed to be placed on an antidepressant in the past, when one was found to be ineffective I had to be switched to another. I didn't have nightmares so if I were you I would also mention this to your therapist as well.

Yes @Paulmanlike - Stay strong, let your family help as much as they can for they are in your corner and keep us posted. Don't forget.. you have many friends here who care and you will get through this. Take care.

Sending good thoughts,
Barbara

 

[Paulmanlike]

Hi again @Paulmanlike - For how long a period of time have you been on these antidepressants? If you find these are not helping with your depression, perhaps it would be best for you to discuss this with your therapist. When I needed to be placed on an antidepressant in the past, when one was found to be ineffective I had to be switched to another. I didn't have nightmares so if I were you I would also mention this to your therapist as well.

Yes @Paulmanlike - Stay strong, let your family help as much as they can for they are in your corner and keep us posted. Don't forget.. you have many friends here who care and you will get through this. Take care.

Sending good thoughts,
Barbara

Thanks Barbara, I've been on various AD's throughout the years, I've found none are a magical pill, they rather take the edge off, although I'm still depressed since March this year. I've been in hospital 6 weeks with it, I'm just praying with time I will recover. The day I wake up and no longer think my life is over I'll be a bit more positive.

 

[Bobbie7]

The day I wake up and no longer think my life is over I'll be a bit more positive.

and @Paulmanlike , my friend, that day shall arrive..... just be patient and keep reading those Success Stories for they have motivated so many in the past, will in the future and shall help you now. You need to have hope... each of us do for everyone is grappling with their own particular brand of difficulties, no matter what they are. You simply can not give up and lose heart. Trust me... I have been through much adversity in my life (scattered through these 72 years) had at one time like you contemplated the worst, then stopped to think about those who love me and not only that... you have all possibilities of enjoying an enriching life which lay ahead for you but you can not see it clearly now. You will, in time... just be patient.

Have you any hobbies @Paulmanlike, something which in the recent past completely absorbed you? I'd like to hear about these. Take it easy.

Barbara

 

[Telis]

Please remember tinnitus should never be "masked" so that it can't be heard.

More silly advise Micheal. I guess people with low tinnitus that can be easily masked shouldn't go out into public? After all, they risk masking their tinnitus and not being able to hear it, therefore not being able to habituate.

 

[Paulmanlike]

and @Paulmanlike , my friend, that day shall arrive..... just be patient and keep reading those Success Stories for they have motivated so many in the past, will in the future and shall help you now. You need to have hope... each of us do for everyone is grappling with their own particular brand of difficulties, no matter what they are. You simply can not give up and lose heart. Trust me... I have been through much adversity in my life (scattered through these 72 years) had at one time like you contemplated the worst, then stopped to think about those who love me and not only that... you have all possibilities of enjoying an enriching life which lay ahead for you but you can not see it clearly now. You will, in time... just be patient.

Have you any hobbies @Paulmanlike, something which in the recent past completely absorbed you? I'd like to hear about these. Take it easy.

Barbara

Since March any enjoyment I've had of doing my hobbies have disappeared. I can not read, watch tv shows, I am slowly getting back into routine of going to work. That's not the tinnitus though, it's the depression associated with it. I have the most amazing family though which it makes it even more harder to contemplate suicide.

 

[Paulmanlike]

More silly advise Micheal. I guess people with low tinnitus that can be easily masked shouldn't go out into public? After all, they risk masking their tinnitus and not being able to hear it, therefore not being able to habituate.

I only hear my tinnitus in "certain conditions" predominantly in the house, this Ian something I am curious too however is because how do I get used to something that I can only hear sometimes?

 

[leledany]

From what i read you had T only from april of this year! It is absolutelty too short time to consider it permanent or consider it not improving in the next month. I can only advise you to do not take drugs if your are not very sure it affects your T and stay away from loud noise. For me the first improvement started after 6 monthes approx

 

[Telis]

I only hear my tinnitus in "certain conditions" predominantly in the house, this Ian something I am curious too however is because how do I get used to something that I can only hear sometimes?

You are lucky you can only hear it sometimes, I can't mask mine with anything, ever. I have a hard time watching TV or listening to anything as I'm trying to listen through all these screaming sounds and bad hearing. If I could mask, I wouldn't even be here at TT. Just turn the TV on, listen to music or go out, problem solved, no big deal.

 

[Telis]

As you know @Telis, I usually ignore your comments because they mostly contain expletives which is something I abhor and will not entertain. No doubt normal order will soon resume. My advice not to "mask" tinnitus is for people whose tinnitus is intrusive, and is recommended by most Audiologists and Hearing Therapists that work with tinnitus patients. People with low tinnitus need not worry about this too much.

Michael

That makes no sense, how can you mask intrusive tinnitus anyway?

 

[Telis]

I usually ignore your comments because they mostly contain expletives

What comments are you referring to?

 

[Paulmanlike]

From what i read you had T only from april of this year! It is absolutelty too short time to consider it permanent or consider it not improving in the next month. I can only advise you to do not take drugs if your are not very sure it affects your T and stay away from loud noise. For me the first improvement started after 6 monthes approx

Hi when you say improvement after 6 months does that mean the t started to fade or you became more habituated, thanks

 

[Telis]

If Tinnitus Talk Staff haven't removed the many private messages that you have sent me, that are full of abuse and profanity then please feel free to peruse my posts.
All the best
Michael

Pardon me!!?Have we even chatted privately, ever??

You either have me confused with somebody else, or you are just making up stories.

 

[Paulmanlike]

@Michael Leigh

You've been great support, please carry on helping others. Please don't let this guy put you off because I truely appreciate your support and everybody else's. @Telis I welcome every bodies comments, please refrain from calling others people's advice silly, espicially from a T veteran.

 

[Kolisar]

Please, everyone. @Paulmanlike created this thread needing our help.

Please do not let it get derailed into attacks.

Having differing opinions on coping mechanisms is fine, and because we all experience tinnitus differently, and techniques that work for some may not work for other; but please do not be dismissive of the opinions and advice given by others. I refuse to believe that someone would make a recommendation here that they did not either believe is helpful or had a positive experience with themselves. You may not agree with the advice given by others, that is fine, but if you want to make your case against the advice provide evidence (links ?) that prove your point. Just throwing insults does not show that you are correct, and it also detracts from the original purpose of this thread, to help @Paulmanlike with his particular struggles against tinnitus.

In the short time I have been part of this forum I have seen this happen a couple times already. I know the garnet tone of this community is positive; and I understand that tinnitus can cause stress, aggravation, depression, etc.. and that those things can make people respond out of character and say things that go against their generally kind and considerate nature.

 

[Bobbie7]

That's not the tinnitus though, it's the depression associated with it. I have the most amazing family though which it makes it even more harder to contemplate suicide.

Since March any enjoyment I've had of doing my hobbies have disappeared. I can not read, watch tv shows, I am slowly getting back into routine of going to work. That's not the tinnitus though, it's the depression associated with it. I have the most amazing family though which it makes it even more harder to contemplate suicide

It seems you really do need an antidepressant which will adequately deal with the depression. If one should not work, then try your therapist can try another. Many moons ago, when I was experienced major clinical depression, some antidepressants did not work for me while I got good results from others. Although I fully understand you have lost your incentive to continue hobbies, maybe now this is the time you have to actually force yourself to engage in these since diversion is vital; if we can have periods of relaxation in which we don't concentrate/obsess over what is presently disturbing us, this respite then moves us along toward a path of revitalized thinking. Anxiety begets more anxiety and the loop goes on and on uninterruptedly. A cycle must be broken somehow and by forcing yourself to take up what you lost interest in... will actually serve you well. I think you can help yourself in this way. I wish you'd try it @Paulmanlike.
You are very fortunate to have a wonderful family and you can count this as a true blessing.

Continue to stay strong and take care.

Barbara

 

[glynis]

@Paulmanlike ,
I would have a word with your doctor to try Nortryptaline.
It is easy tolerated and side effects arn't hard to cope with and milder than others.
It can help tinnitus for some people and help sleep and depression and anxiety.
Hope you had a good day and sorry your thread got caught up with other posts unrelated.
Love glynis x

 

[TheDanishGirl]

@Paulmanlike ,
I would have a word with your doctor to try Nortryptaline.
It is easy tolerated and side effects arn't hard to cope with and milder than others.
It can help tinnitus for some people and help sleep and depression and anxiety.
Hope you had a good day and sorry your thread got caught up with other posts unrelated.
Love glynis x

Does Nortryptaline have another name also? I have googled it and I am not sure it is available in my country (Denmark).....maybe under another name?

 

[Bobbie7]

Does Nortryptaline have another name also? I have googled it and I am not sure it is available in my country (Denmark).....maybe under another name?

Nortryptaline is the generic name for Pamelor which is the brand name.

 

[Telis]

@Michael Leigh

You've been great support, please carry on helping others. Please don't let this guy put you off because I truely appreciate your support and everybody else's. @Telis I welcome every bodies comments, please refrain from calling others people's advice silly, espicially from a T veteran.

Thanks for the advise, but no, I won't refrain. If you think it's good advise to always be listening to your tinnitus, take it, I hope it works for you. Me personally, I think it's bad advise/silly or whatever you want to call it. I'm entitled to my own opinion, if you don't like how I expressed it, well I'm sorry but its just how things are in a public forum. I don't think calling someone's comment silly is really offensive at all, but that's just me.

The slanderous lies Micheal wrote about me are far worse than calling a comment silly.

Sorry, the bickering got in the way of your support, but I'm sure as hell not going to sit by while someone makes up and posts lies about me, I'm sure you wouldn't either.

Anyway, good luck with your tinnitus, give it time before you make any major decisions. Take care.

 

[Michael2013]

Hi when you say improvement after 6 months does that mean the t started to fade or you became more habituated, thanks

I'm not the person you are asking, but I consider mine to be gone now. It took a couple of years, but it eventually faded over time to where it now seems non existent. Occasionally I might hear it, but only for a few seconds. I'm at the point now where I go days or weeks without even thinking about it. Best advice I have is to get back to life and keep yourself busy. Don't spend so much time on forums talking and worrying about T so much.

-Mike