You're gonna do all that the same way my friend who suffers a chronic pain condition decks out her wheelchair in the most amazing colors and sits in a farmfield to attend a major music festival every year.
The same way my friend who is just a few years younger than you and has spastic quadriplegia (cerebral palsy affecting every single muscle in his body) and can't talk (paralysis of the vocal muscles) but has a brilliant mind, just completed his master's degree at college (dorming there) and had girls knocking down his door all the time (a smile and the necessity to communicate through slower different means goes a long way).
You're gonna do it when you find the right kind of woman (the right kind of woman would be willing to work with you on what's going on; the wrong kind of woman you don't WANT).
Man, oh man, oh man. I know I keep answering you. Maybe it bugs you, maybe it doesn't, maybe you read these, maybe you skim right by.
I take my time because I care.
Your thinking is known as "catastrophic thinking" and I experienced that a LOT in my earlier days. I also did the required work to get over and past that, and believe me, a way more beautiful path awaits you ...
IF ...
you take the steps to get there.
Begin here: For every negative thing you wrote above, take out a sheet of real paper, and write yourself three positive possibilities to counteract the negatives.
Example: "How am I ever supposed to relax again?"
1) Well, I suppose I could go for a walk on the beach/in the woods/in a busy fun section of town and make myself look at things for a whole half hour, no matter what the hell is going on in my head. That could be a start.
2) Well, I could do SOME things that still relax me, like watch a movie.
3) Well, I could call a friend and we could go spend a day together doing something active, where, even IF the head stuff is still going on, at least I am not home fixating on it.
That is how you begin.
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