Be Honest. Do You Still Enjoy Life?

[kingsfan]

My tinnitus is too loud to ever fade into the background. I just have to get used to hearing it, which is hard to believe can happen with all I have read on this forum.

I also have another medical problem that is making everything difficult to ever believe I'll have a fulfilling life. And on top of all of that I'm still trying to get over a decade long relationship, while watching that other person go on to have a good life without me.

 

[Psych]

Since having tinnitus, can you say that you still enjoy life? Glad to be among the living? Enjoy the pleasures of the success of your hardships? Or... Do you feel that you are just existing because you have to? Have no other choice? Want to take more drastic steps in the "other direction?"

The ringing, buzzing, static, slight ear pain still keep you in a normal daily mood? Like something you can brush off and say, "tinnitus? ...eh."

I think I could enjoy life a lot more if I didn't have comorbidities along with the tinnitus. They seem to, at times, bring it to the fore, and are debilitating in and of themselves. It often ends up making the t seem that much worse, although sometimes they are to the point where they distract from it.

So, yeah, quality of life is way down, though there are good times that I make a point of purposely creating on a regular basis. I had an idea about life, though, and it has been dashed, at least for the time being. At any rate, best wishes to all in their quest for health!

 

[kingsfan]

Sure. My tinnitus story started about 11 years ago when a classmate in trades school discharged high pressure nitrogen through a hose next to my ear. The tinnitus grew louder and louder over several days and kept me awake for a week until I finally went into hospital emergency and told the doctor I wanted to kill myself. He gave me Valium which put me to sleep and I started feeling better. I habituated over about 6 months and forgot I even had tinnitus for the next 9 years.

Then I got talked into going to a concert and the tinnitus came back after. Fortunately it wasn't that bad and I habituated again relatively quick.

The tinnitus was very mild and I could only hear faintly at night when in bed. I had been lucky up to this point.

Then last summer I used a Shop Vac in a crawl space and severe tinnitus ensued. I could hear the loud high pitched ringing in both my ears over almost anything. The anxiety was off the charts. I bought a pair of entry level hearing aids that I used as maskers that I wore everyday for months until I habituated. It took 6 months but it was like magic. One day I just didn't need my maskers anymore and I was noticing the tinnitus less and less. I had it made and tinnitus was the last thing on my mind. It was still there but just didn't bother me.

Then last month I used another Shop Vac while only wearing earplugs (when I should have been wearing double hearing protection) and it took me out of habituation with louder tinnitus than before.

I can now hear it while driving, while outside walking, while in stores, etc. I'm back to wearing my maskers when I get home from work. I'm so mad at myself for not protecting my ears better. I now made a vow to myself that I'll bring my ear muffs with me wherever I go while working.

Now it's the waiting game again for habituation.

My worst fear now is that it is at a volume that will make habituation harder to achieve.

I still go to work everyday but it is hard because I do not handle the stress very well. I wish I could take several months off but it's a demanding job with a lot of responsibility so I just do the best I can.

Your path is quite similar to mine.

I had very mild tinnitus for as long as I can remember. I don't even know when it came on, probably in my early 20s from playing in bands. I only heard it in bed at night or when I put in my earphones. It didn't bother me at all.

Then about 8 months ago, I woke up to really loud hissing in both ears. It bothered me a lot at first but I got used to it after about a month, even though I could hear it outside.

About a month after that I apparently suffered an acoustic trauma during an Acoustic Reflex Test. They did a tinnitus tone and volume match which I'm sure can attribute as well. Ended up with deafening ringing in my left ear. I have not been able to habituate to it after 7 months.

Then back in April I believe a combination of taking Doxycycline and then the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine increased the hissing sound.

Once more, a few weeks ago I was using Flonase and developed at a new fluctuation to the hissing that is just terrible. It's almost like a dental drill going off and on.

 

[Wrfortiscue]

Your path is quite similar to mine.

I had very mild tinnitus for as long as I can remember. I don't even know when it came on, probably in my early 20s from playing in bands. I only heard it in bed at night or when I put in my earphones. It didn't bother me at all.

Then about 8 months ago, I woke up to really loud hissing in both ears. It bothered me a lot at first but I got used to it after about a month, even though I could hear it outside.

About a month after that I apparently suffered an acoustic trauma during an Acoustic Reflex Test. They did a tinnitus tone and volume match which I'm sure can attribute as well. Ended up with deafening ringing in my left ear. I have not been able to habituate to it after 7 months.

Then back in April I believe a combination of taking Doxycycline and then the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine increased the hissing sound.

Once more, a few weeks ago I was using Flonase and developed at a new fluctuation to the hissing that is just terrible. It's almost like a dental drill going off and on.

Wow.

 

[Poseidon65]

Lately I've felt like I'm in a state of suspended animation. I am technically alive, things happen to me and I respond to them. But I am no longer in the driver's seat of my life.

 

[Derek26]

No.

 

[CrystalB]

Yes, I do still enjoy life, I try to keep the positives in my mind especially on a bad day of tinnitus, and be thankful for all that I have.

My tinnitus is somewhat better on some days than others, and some days I can hardly deal with it.

But I am thankful for my eye sight, and so much more that could be taken for granted, now that I have tinnitus for years I have realized how I took my silence for granted.

I'm thankful for my family, I am thankful for what all the Lord has blessed me with.

 

[GBB]

Lately I've felt like I'm in a state of suspended animation. I am technically alive, things happen to me and I respond to them. But I am no longer in the driver's seat of my life.

Exactly this, and when a sufficient amount of time has passed I can neither recall the details nor does it feel real. The last 11 months feel like a false reality.

 

[Bimmerboy]

I'm trying to enjoy my life, but really it's the fear and paranoia that I have; what if the tinnitus gets worse to the point I can't live on. Not healthy to live like that - everyday in fear I cover my ears at everything, close windows so no sirens or ice cream trucks (hate them with a passion) can drive by. It gets tiring. The constant worry about living in general, with limited career choices. Limited leisure, even worried to get a hair cut.

But ehh it is what it is.

 

[GoatSheep]

I'm not doing well.

How are you doing now?

 

[bobvann]

Dumb fucking audiologists. I had Acoustic Reflex Test too that flared things up for several days. The last time I tried TRT with this person, when she realized that she was not going to be able to help, she blamed it on misophonia or whatever it's called stating that she was not trained how to tackle this. It really is quackery.

Did you guys see this Dr. Ben Thompson on YouTube? He has a video actually claiming that perhaps if Kent Taylor had reached out to him, he may still be around.

Hate to break it to you Dr. Ben, Kent was worth 600 million, he could have afforded the best or with the master himself.

 

[Gr8fulDude]

Yes I am able to enjoy life immensely. It took a few months to habituate but as the tinnitus faded into the background more, I noticed it less and less to the point it has no influence on my quality of life.

 

[kingsfan]

Dumb fucking audiologists. I had Acoustic Reflex Test too that flared things up for several days.

Acoustic reflex test is killer. I'm glad you were able to recover.

 

[Wrfortiscue]

So far I enjoy life... I take things in stride. I'm lying down putting my son to sleep and his fan is making me ears sizzle.

Right ear: straight ringing increasing
Right ear: beep beep beep ping ping
Left ear. Bzz bzz bzzz bzz bzz
Left ear: squeeeeeeeal
Head: hummmmm

Simultaneously jibberish. I'm not panicking or anxious at all. I hear my son snoring and I'm focusing on that... his warmth of his body touching mine, knowing he's healthy makes me smile. Then my mind is thinking of brisket I'll be eating tomorrow yum.

I hope in years I don't even think of this crap at all, it's really nonsense noise. The reactivity hasn't healed at all, maybe is even worse. What can we do.

 

[bobvann]

Yes I am able to enjoy life immensely. It took a few months to habituate but as the tinnitus faded into the background more, I noticed it less and less to the point it has no influence on my quality of life.

Good for you! Truly.

 

[bobvann]

Acoustic reflex test is killer. I'm glad you were able to recover.

I actually had that test with 2 out of 3 audiologists I tried working with. The last one just said "it's nothing I did" when I told her it aggravated things for a while. This is why I am reluctant to try any further.

1 - Sound therapy aka attempted TRT failed on 3 occasions.

2 - There does not seem to be any accountability put on the practitioner if they fail to help or god forbid make things worse. They get paid no matter what.

It's the same for my wife who is dealing with facial/dental chronic pain.

 

[TrevorSanders]

1.5 years in. Haven't habituated and no longer enjoy life.

 

[kingsfan]

I actually had that test with 2 out of 3 audiologists I tried working with. The last one just said "it's nothing I did" when I told her it aggravated things for a while. This is why I am reluctant to try any further.

1 - Sound therapy aka attempted TRT failed on 3 occasions.

2 - There does not seem to be any accountability put on the practitioner if they fail to help or god forbid make things worse. They get paid no matter what.

It's the same for my wife who is dealing with facial/dental chronic pain.

I've only met one audiologist that knew what the hell she was doing and was protective of making me worse.

 

[makeyourownluck]

So far I enjoy life... I take things in stride. I'm lying down putting my son to sleep and his fan is making me ears sizzle.

Right ear: straight ringing increasing
Right ear: beep beep beep ping ping
Left ear. Bzz bzz bzzz bzz bzz
Left ear: squeeeeeeeal
Head: hummmmm

Simultaneously jibberish. I'm not panicking or anxious at all. I hear my son snoring and I'm focusing on that... his warmth of his body touching mine, knowing he's healthy makes me smile. Then my mind is thinking of brisket I'll be eating tomorrow yum.

I hope in years I don't even think of this crap at all, it's really nonsense noise. The reactivity hasn't healed at all, maybe is even worse. What can we do.

Putting my daughter to bed is my favourite part of the day, an absolute nightmare tinnitus wise, but worth every second. I do wish she snored though, it would make things a little easier!

I voted yes. Some days I hate life, but other days/moments are still good.

 

[Mumbo]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. My biggest hurdle now is that I used to adore my life and a huge part of me wants to be able to live exactly the same way I used to. I can no longer do that and I need to learn how to adapt. I need to say goodbye to many things I can no longer participate in, but the stubborn part of me isn't ready. That same stupid stubborn part of me hasn't quite realized that I can take my life in a NEW direction, and one that I might enjoy just as much if I gave it a chance. Until I get that notion through my thick head I'll never regain the happiness living used to give me. Luckily, that same stubbornness won't let me be satisfied with a mediocre unhappy life, so sooner or later everything will sort itself out.

The one thing I may miss the most is the warm comfy feeling I would get from lying down in bed and being able to meditate in the quiet as all my troubles drift away in a sea of liquid bliss. Now that sea is full of monsters that all scream at me and won't let me sleep. The only way I can silence them is through self-medicating with sleeping pills, which unfortunately bypasses the entire warm tingly meditation thing I had going. I hate going to bed now almost as much as I hate waking up to the realization of what waits for my ears. But, this new crazy ear sound is still fresh to my brain and maybe someday those monsters will turn into companions that I don't resent with every fiber of my being.

 

[HeavyMantra]

I did for a while. Now, I don't. 2 new intrusive sounds out of nowhere and 5 years of chronic pain without known cause. Wish I was sleeping every minute I'm awake because I can't die yet. Sleep is the next best thing.

 

[Vassili]

I am working on it.

 

[DaveFromChicago]

To bobvann:

Thanks for that report on Ben Thompson.

Julian Cowan Hill also posted a video where he implied that, if Gaby Olthuis had gone to see him, she would have been able to improve to the extent that she would not have wanted to be euthanized.

These guys are as morally contemptible as was the Con Artist played by John Cusack in the movie "The Grifters."

Whenever I consider them I hear the Stephen Sondheim song "Send In the Clowns."

 

[Juan]

Dumb fucking audiologists. I had Acoustic Reflex Test too that flared things up for several days.

That's a very loud test. You are lucky not to have suffered a permanent setback like I did...

 

[makeyourownluck]

I did for a while. Now, I don't. 2 new intrusive sounds out of nowhere and 5 years of chronic pain without known cause. Wish I was sleeping every minute I'm awake because I can't die yet. Sleep is the next best thing.

Have you tried LDN? I think the leading cause of chronic pain is undiagnosed autoimmune conditions. It took me 3.5 years to get a diagnosis, and this is relatively fast compared to some. Keep pushing for more tests!

The worst part of being undiagnosed is being told that you are 'perfectly healthy'. You are made to feel like it's all in your head.

 

[bobvann]

To bobvann:

Thanks for that report on Ben Thompson.

Julian Cowan Hill also posted a video where he implied that, if Gaby Olthuis had gone to see him, she would have been able to improve to the extent that she would not have wanted to be euthanized.

These guys are as morally contemptible as was the Con Artist played by John Cusack in the movie "The Grifters."

Whenever I consider them I hear the Stephen Sondheim song "Send In the Clowns."

Like I said you are one of my favorite posters.

Julian Cowan Snake actually works with Ben Thompson. Surprise surprise.

I voted yes because besides selling my drums I can do most thing including watching TV with Sony A09J OLED TV, 5.1.4 audio system with Onkyo amp & Kef speakers. I can ride a bike.

@ work I can distract with some YouTube sounds.

@kingsfan, I live In Vancouver BC. I have been to a few NHL games. Two vs The Kings.

 

[DocTors_94]

Like I said you are one of my favorite posters.

Julian Cowan Snake actually works with Ben Thompson. Surprise surprise.

I voted yes because besides selling my drums I can do most thing including watching TV with Sony A09J OLED TV, 5.1.4 audio system with Onkyo amp & Kef speakers. I can ride a bike.

@ work I can distract with some YouTube sounds.

@kingsfan, I live In Vancouver BC. I have been to a few NHL games. Two vs The Kings.

I am jealous of your tinnitus. I would kill to have a stable tinnitus and be able to watch TV and ride my mountain bike...

I voted no for obvious reasons... 24/7 pure torture listening to my blasting tinnitus with earmuffs. Hope death is coming soon.

 

[bobvann]

I am jealous of your tinnitus. I would kill to have a stable tinnitus and be able to watch TV and ride my mountain bike...

I voted no for obvious reasons... 24/7 pure torture listening to my blasting tinnitus with earmuffs. Hope death is coming soon.

My tinnitus still sucks on a bad day. I also have not been to the gym in almost a year. I may go back soon since neglecting to exercise may bring on more health issues.

Yesterday was such a bad day, today is a better one. This is not lost on me when I read some poor folks where every sound is like stabbing pain. Or the pain/screaming is constant.

Hence why stopping drumming is a minor sacrifice. I figured it may have driven me to this point.

Some people state that there is no such thing as a worsening baseline, only distress. That it's only fear based.

I am going with my common sense.

People on forums can offer all the advice all they want. They are not going to be there or held accountable if their "advice" drives one to disability.

Speaking of which, I don't get why folks would be denied disability for this when it was just posted that some vets just won millions in compensation.

 

[Juan]

Speaking of which, I don't get why folks would be denied disability for this when it was just posted that some vets just won millions in compensation.

Did they win compensation specifically for tinnitus or for other hearing issues?

 

[GoatSheep]

Did they win compensation specifically for tinnitus or for other hearing issues?

Pretty sure he's talking about the 3M defective earplugs lawsuit.