Dating with Tinnitus and Hyperacusis

[Jazzer]

I really hope she doesn't leave. Are there any indoor hobbies you can take up together? Board games? Painting? I don't know of there are any off times of restaurants you can go that are quieter. Some owners are really accommodating. I had a friend that used to train for the Appalachian trial and i used to go on 10 mile night hikes with him in his town. This was years before tinnitus, but I remember being delighted by how quiet it was. Is that something you can do? I hope she (and you) can hang in there.

My husband left me alone for 3 days to party with his sister (who was in town) the day I lost my hearing. He didn't want to change his plans and didn't even believe me because he didn't understand why some sounds were loud if I was "going deaf" like I said. Until I learned the term hyperacusis (which is mostly gone now but I have other issues) in fact, he would openly mock me.

He said my recent miscarriage must have made me snap into "mental illness", and it was all in my head. His mother is a labor and delivery nurse and had seen it "all the time."

There is no pain like complete betrayal from the person you love. I would have rather walked in on him with another woman than hear him say that no one cries that much from just tinnitus and hearing loss unless they have "underlying mental illness", that I had become a child and a lost cause and that I was narcissistic and selfish to expect his life to be ruined too.

My heart has PTSD. I hope they come up with an FX-322 for that.

It was so painful for me to read your story.
You deserve all the love and care in the world.
I can tell you now that I have far more love for you than he has.
Take care babe,
Dave x

 

[Orions Pain]

Same situation with the hyperacusis - reading the stories on Hyperacusis Research and Joyce Cohen's has poured jet fuel on my anxiety.

Yeah it'd be one thing if these "severe" cases had severe causes like explosions or terrible concussions but it really doesn't take much to cause hyperacusis apparently which is the scariest thought.

 

[Jaysterk]

It's complicated, but if you think about it that's who you are now, you have to do it to don't get hurt, and someone who isn't a jerk would totally get it.

I'm not sure if mine was due to noise exposure or to meds, but what made it extreme was noise.

If you feel you're getting worse, the most probably cause is that you're not protecting enough, my biggest mistake was worrying about overprotection, protect yourself from what brings pain, you'll hear often that overprotection is dangerous but it's necessary, give it a try and see how it goes.

What are you guys using for protection? I find that ear plugs are not enough. I have ear muffs and a lot of sounds go right through them (sirens, car exhausts, music bass, etc).

 

[Jaysterk]

I dated a lot even with severe hyperacusis. I even went to a very expensive restaurant with huge Peltor earmuffs.

I own three different types of muffs and I find some sounds go through them like butter.

 

[Bndsmheowqhe]

Relationships ceased to be mutually beneficial partnerships at some point in the past decade. You aren't missing out on much.

 

[Juan]

I own three different types of muffs and I find some sounds go through them like butter.

Yeah, that's why I could hold a normal conversation even wearing the muffs (or plugs, or both). I used Peltor Optime III; it is a great model to reduce sound, comfortable but quite bulky, and the headband tends to break or get twisted so they don't seal as much. Because it broke twice (over years of course) I switched to Peltor X3, less bulky, slightly less sound reduction..

 

[Jaysterk]

Yeah, that's why I could hold a normal conversation even wearing the muffs (or plugs, or both). I used Peltor Optime III; it is a great model to reduce sound, comfortable but quite bulky, and the headband tends to break or get twisted so they don't seal as much. Because it broke twice (over years of course) I switched to Peltor X3, less bulky, slightly less sound reduction..

Do you wear them around traffic?

 

[Flamingo1]

Also everyone uses apps these days, I think all of my friends found their significant others that way no shame whatsoever!

Thanks, Orions. What apps would those be? I have no clue to where to even start!

 

[Lucifer]

Thanks, Orions. What apps would those be? I have no clue to where to even start!

Tinder, Bumble etc.

 

[Daniel Lion]

I own three different types of muffs and I find some sounds go through them like butter.

They still work... if you put foam plugs under the ear muffs, they really work grand.

 

[Juan]

Do you wear them around traffic?

Yes, I wear double protection around traffic, still today.

 

[Jaysterk]

Yes, I wear double protection around traffic, still today.

I find that muffs (at least the ones I wear) amplify some traffic sound such as modified car exhaust.

 

[Jaysterk]

They still work... if you put foam plugs under the ear muffs, they really work grand.

I'll give this a try.

 

[Juan]

I find that muffs (at least the ones I wear) amplify some traffic sound such as modified car exhaust.

That's because bone conduction. It can happen with some sounds, but it is still best to wear earmuffs, in my experience.

 

[Jaysterk]

That's because bone conduction. It can happen with some sounds, but it is still best to wear earmuffs, in my experience.

I agree about wearing the muffs. I don't think it's bone conduction though because as soon as I remove the muffs, the amplified sounds coming from the exhaust seem to lower. Sticking my fingers in my ears actually blocks out more of the exhaust sound than the muffs.

 

[Orions Pain]

Relationships ceased to be mutually beneficial partnerships at some point in the past decade. You aren't missing out on much.

I don't agree. Of course this is assuming you have a good person as a partner, but I think having someone that you can trust, that is there to support you and just someone that gets you on another level is very important. Also the physical aspect of relationships too. Yeah the argument can be made that you can get trust and support from a family & friends, and affection and/or someone that fulfills physical needs from random hookups or friends with benefits type of situations. But having all of the above bundled up into one human being sure does add something special to life.

I think marriage is becoming less and less important, but not relationships.

 

[Orions Pain]

Thanks, Orions. What apps would those be? I have no clue to where to even start!

I used to use an app called Hinge! Bumble was good too. Was never a big fan of Tinder. Depending on your age and location I know match.com is also fairly popular!

Hinge & Bumble are the most popular in my area though for mid twenties to mid thirties or so.

 

[Orions Pain]

I'm home 90% of the time too, I've always been a home body. I've had sports injuries for over 20 years now... Luckily I have an easy life and my tinnitus is always there and reactive, but its only annoying and loud 40% of the time.

Going from being social and out and about most of the time and always having plans to being isolated in my home has been soul crushing for me. Perhaps if I was more of a home body before I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place

 

[Orions Pain]

People tend to take for granted that if a chronic health condition cannot kill you then it is not serious enough. Ironically, insurance companies, that are professionals understanding pain and awarding compensation, give more money to someone who survives an accident and is seriously crippled (has to live all the rest of life being handicapped) than to someone who actually dies in an accident.

So coming back to cancer, it is for sure a terrible illness that can kill but the view of society on it actually helps the patient. If someone dies, that's something they can sort of expect, and they "lost the battle of cancer". If they manage to go on living they are sort of heroes, even though there are tons of treatments and standard protocols for cancer. Basically patients go to a doctor and walk out knowing quite precisely what their options are and what they can expect in terms of treament.

Now guess what... when I go to an ENT they say (the older ones) that maybe they have seen one single case that resembles mine in their whole career (like 40 years as doctors), and there wasnt any treatment or even medical guidelines for this...

I agree with this. I do think cancer is absolutely terrible, and the financial/emotional/physical impact of it can be life ruining. Not to mention chemo can also cause Tinnitus.

But I do think disorders that receive sympathy from society have the advantage of at least having that. They don't have to hear the phrases "self diagnose" or "anxiety" or "it's all in your head, maybe you should get mental help" when you're feeling absolutely terrible and no longer able to go on.

I wouldn't have to self diagnose if my doctors actually helped me out

I wouldn't have anxiety if I knew that I had legitimate options for treatment

I would get seek mental help if I knew it would make me feel better and anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds wouldn't make me worse

Not saying people with severe conditions have it easier in any way, but having REAL support from friends, family and doctors goes a long way.

On nights when I was having severe panic attacks, literally was in pain from heart palpitations, couldn't breathe, uncontrollable shaking and had 4 blankets on me and couldn't warm up, I didn't even want to go to the hospital because I knew one of two things would happen:

1.) they'd give me anti-anxiety meds or tell
Me they see nothing wrong
2.) check me into a mental health facility where I would get pumped full of ototoxic drugs and have to deal with the repercussions of missing work/paying for all of it

 

[Orions Pain]

I suggested this years ago... haha

If we can't even get a local support group going on here I don't think finding relationships is viable lol.

 

[Bndsmheowqhe]

I don't agree. Of course this is assuming you have a good person as a partner, but I think having someone that you can trust, that is there to support you and just someone that gets you on another level is very important. Also the physical aspect of relationships too. Yeah the argument can be made that you can get trust and support from a family & friends, and affection and/or someone that fulfills physical needs from random hookups or friends with benefits type of situations. But having all of the above bundled up into one human being sure does add something special to life.

I think marriage is becoming less and less important, but not relationships.

Social media destroyed what little was left of "healthy" relationships. The more you learn about codependence and cluster b personality disorders the more you start to understand the statistic that shows 97% of families are dysfunctional.

 

[Mathew Gould]

I agree with this. I do think cancer is absolutely terrible, and the financial/emotional/physical impact of it can be life ruining. Not to mention chemo can also cause Tinnitus.

But I do think disorders that receive sympathy from society have the advantage of at least having that. They don't have to hear the phrases "self diagnose" or "anxiety" or "it's all in your head, maybe you should get mental help" when you're feeling absolutely terrible and no longer able to go on.

I wouldn't have to self diagnose if my doctors actually helped me out

I wouldn't have anxiety if I knew that I had legitimate options for treatment

I would get seek mental help if I knew it would make me feel better and anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds wouldn't make me worse

Not saying people with severe conditions have it easier in any way, but having REAL support from friends, family and doctors goes a long way.

On nights when I was having severe panic attacks, literally was in pain from heart palpitations, couldn't breathe, uncontrollable shaking and had 4 blankets on me and couldn't warm up, I didn't even want to go to the hospital because I knew one of two things would happen:

1.) they'd give me anti-anxiety meds or tell
Me they see nothing wrong
2.) check me into a mental health facility where I would get pumped full of ototoxic drugs and have to deal with the repercussions of missing work/paying for all of it

The first 2 weeks with tinnitus, neck issues, TMJ and wasn't sleeping for 3 days straight at time. I was in and out of the hospital and they made me worse. They actually tricked me into going into the psych wing. Stay away from there if you can.

 

[RishRamsey]

I really hope she doesn't leave. Are there any indoor hobbies you can take up together? Board games? Painting? I don't know of there are any off times of restaurants you can go that are quieter. Some owners are really accommodating. I had a friend that used to train for the Appalachian trial and i used to go on 10 mile night hikes with him in his town. This was years before tinnitus, but I remember being delighted by how quiet it was. Is that something you can do? I hope she (and you) can hang in there.

My husband left me alone for 3 days to party with his sister (who was in town) the day I lost my hearing. He didn't want to change his plans and didn't even believe me because he didn't understand why some sounds were loud if I was "going deaf" like I said. Until I learned the term hyperacusis (which is mostly gone now but I have other issues) in fact, he would openly mock me.

He said my recent miscarriage must have made me snap into "mental illness", and it was all in my head. His mother is a labor and delivery nurse and had seen it "all the time."

There is no pain like complete betrayal from the person you love. I would have rather walked in on him with another woman than hear him say that no one cries that much from just tinnitus and hearing loss unless they have "underlying mental illness", that I had become a child and a lost cause and that I was narcissistic and selfish to expect his life to be ruined too.

My heart has PTSD. I hope they come up with an FX-322 for that.

Hi there,

Really sorry I couldn't get this before. I am really sorry that he said all those words, and never understood what you were going through. @OnceUponaTime said that when people leave you when you are at your worst, it isn't true love. Weird enough, I actually found those words comforting, that I know in my heart, my true love would never leave me. Maybe you'll also find those words comforting, and look things from the fact that you are yet to find true love. And I hope you do, or at least someone that gets you, and be your pillar of support in all of this.

For me, I am trying to do things but it's very limited because of hyperacusis. And I love your ideas of board games and hikes, but the fact that I live in a shitty third world country with noise everywhere, it leaves me with no such options. I dream of a day when I'll get out of this shitty city, but not sure if I'll ever will, because of no jobs outside.

Maybe I'll work through my condition and pain for a few years, and maybe by that time they'd have figured this one out. If not, well, I'll leave this planet on my own terms and be content with the fact that not everyone gets a happy ending.

Rish

 

[Orions Pain]

To all of those here who struggle with Hyperacusis, where does the anxiety line end and actual hyperacusis begin? I'm having all the symptoms of H, TTTS, the menthol sensations, etc so I think it's past "anxiety."

Certain things sound too loud, especially when someone talks really close to me or lots of people in my office talk at once. At that point I just get extremely overwhelmed and want to cry. Yesterday I felt totally fine. I just went to work and went home and didn't even watch TV, just read in my room, so not sure why I'm so much more sensitive today. I did wear ear plugs for like 2 hours to block out noise from my upstairs neighbors

My coworker spoke a bit to close to me in my cubicle today and 5 minutes later the methol sensation in the ear that was facing her cane on. I'm deathly afraid of this progressing to pain H. All I have right now is foam plugs which I can't wear around my office. Will getting musicians plugs be sufficient for me to handle my office?

 

[dan]

I personally think it's too much to ask of another person, to take upon my huge struggles and compromises in life. I can't accept putting that kind of burden on another person, because regardless of love between two persons, it would be some form of burden living with someone with tinnitus and bothersome hyperacusis. Therefore I have given up dating completely (not that I was doing it all that much before).

Pick any guy off Tinnitus Talk and you won't be any burden at all....Fishbone would make a great boyfriend... basically pick somebody who isn't suicidal...

 

[dan]

I always had fears of ending up completely alone, with no family or support system. Tinnitus sealed the deal for me at 25 years old, my worries actually came true.

I have the perfect boyfriend for you. He's in his mid/late twenties. Pretty good looking red haired bloke.
His name is Matt. He lives in Truro, Nova Scotia. He has severe hyperausis and mild tinnitus.
He spends his days playing video games and going out and about in his X5 (not BMW).

 

[aot]

Will getting musicians plugs be sufficient for me to handle my office?

I think so. Musician's Plugs are made for Nightclubs and, at least the ones I use, protect up to 20 dB. They have filters to that the wearer can still hear the music whilst being protected. They work out fine for me, though I've never tried to have a conversation while wearing them.

 

[Shelbylynn]

Social media destroyed what little was left of "healthy" relationships. The more you learn about codependence and cluster b personality disorders the more you start to understand the statistic that shows 97% of families are dysfunctional.

Not to sidetrack the conversation but only because I'm genuinely curious to your argument, why do you think social media is the cause of this?

 

[Shelbylynn]

I think so. Musician's Plugs are made for Nightclubs and, at least the ones I use, protect up to 20 dB. They have filters to that the wearer can still hear the music whilst being protected. They work out fine for me, though I've never tried to have a conversation while wearing them.

I have a conversation fine with the 16 dB ones. I just hate the sound of my own voice being amplified over everything else.

 

[Orions Pain]

I think so. Musician's Plugs are made for Nightclubs and, at least the ones I use, protect up to 20 dB. They have filters to that the wearer can still hear the music whilst being protected. They work out fine for me, though I've never tried to have a conversation while wearing them.

Yeah I just need something to take the edge off for when I'm in the office as I'm extremely worried about my hyperacusis progressing to pain hyperacusis and not being able to work at all. I'm giving it 6 months or so and if it keeps on progressing I'm going to have to quit.