Why do you think you used to do that? I can see being upset about repeating parents' mistakes (for example, not having a healthy diet, when one of the parents has had a heart attack as a result of an unhealthy diet), but I don't understand why one would be upset upon realizing that one is being like one's parent when the parent was one's age...
In my case, my parents would not outright tell me what to do, but would make a convincing logical argument for me to do what they wanted me to do, and let me have choices: if you play with that stray dog, it might bite you and then we would have to go to a hospital where you will get the needle. I remember when I was four, I was walking with my mom, and I insisted that I didn't want to come with her. She told me that I was free to stay where I was, but that she really needed to make the trip. She left me in the middle of the park we were walking through. I caught up with her within 60 seconds. I am not sure what her backup plan was if I were not to follow her. When I asked for a new toy, I would be told that our budget is limited, and that I had a choice - a toy, or ice cream, but not both. I guess that explains the fact that when I grew up I specialized in a field that involves decision making. Perhaps my parents were lucky as I would go along with everything as long as the benefits and the costs were clearly explained to me.
Let me see if I can clarify. I think this is a fairly common thing. For me it's not because I was like my parents, the groan was because I realized I was getting older.
My two boisterous kids are without question the best thing in my life. My second came about 6 months after the onset of tinnitus so it was a rough first year for me. But I don't regret having kids for a second. At this point a few years later, my hyperacusis/sound sensitivity is completely gone and I rarely hear my tinnitus.
That sort of thing was never a problem for me. Sure, I pay more attention to protecting my hearing these days, but I didn't let T&H keep me from enjoying normal everyday type activities.
@Sally_B From my own experiences, I can tell you that many newborns have fairly quiet cries. Could barely hear my son cry, and as an infant and toddler he rarely cried. Today, my kids are both relatively quiet and that has a lot to do with how I am raising them. Well before turning four they understood that we do not scream and we use nice, quiet voices. This is before I even had tinnitus. My kids have been a wonderful distraction and support for me throughout all of this, too.
Absolutely! I think being a good parent is challenging for anyone dealing with chronic pain, stress, exhaustion, etc. I try to keep that in mind, that this added challenge is not that unlike challenges so many other parents face. It's not like being a parent is easy without tinnitus. There will always be something -- work stress, a late night up with a sick child, a sudden migraine, etc. -- to complicate life.
good question. We are planning to have kids soon. My T is not severe and even if it severe i would have kids. I am 43 and i am too behind in having kids and i would feel life is incomplete if we dont have kids.
See, if that were to happen to me, I would be fantasizing about suicide or ways to make it look like the child had a horrible accident. I would pray and yearn for something to happen (e.g., for the kid to get sick and die) to allow me to have my life back. This would be the only thing I would be able to think about whenever I would see or hear that child. I shouldn't be having kids!
You feel this way despite the fact that I said that one of the options I would have been contemplating is to commit suicide as a way to spare the child's life (both of us being alive at the same time for any significant length of time is not an option)?
Did you mean to write "thought criminal"?
Yes, probably should not have kids. Should also probably not share that you would fantasize about killing children.
If I were to learn that I will be Having a child, I would NOT share those thoughts with anyone I know, to ensure that I keep my options open.
The option of eventually killing the hypothetical child?
I don't like small talk. I don't say anything, unless I have something that I consider to be interesting to say. Having said that, trust me, I have been practicing self-censorship both here and in my real life. I have been practicing it a Lot.
The option of eventually killing the hypothetical child?
But I am thinking of even now. Say something happens to a child in your neighborhood or community. Maybe I have watched too many crime dramas where the neighbor no one really knows ends up a suspect; then the police search his computer and voila - an online declaration that they fantasize about killing children.
I get not liking children. Not everyone has to like or want kids. But saying you would wish death on another human being . . .
Member
