Don't See the Point Anymore to Staying

[jdjd09]

So, I am 27 and had everything going for me. I was working a finance job, that I hated, but learned a lot about finance. I was doing Computer Science studies outside work. I was planning on quitting my job in a year finally and finishing my degree full time. Except I had a few issues. I had a digestive issue that is incurable and required me to take pills for rest of my life (no, don't claim you have other options, I dont. Trust me, I have looked into this far longer than I need to discuss here).

Then, I got a noisy neighbor last month. Well, luckily I was moving this month and have moved. But, to drown him out I put earplugs in a played loud headphone music. Well, this has now lead to me losing hearing and getting the ringing.

I went to a doctor, who told me nothing could be done and I could see an ENT to get hearing test done but that is about it. Well, turns out they could have helped me but now its too late (with prednison).

Well, got my hearing test done now 5 weeks later, and I have lost hearing. 40db at 8khz and 30db at 6 and 4khz in one ear. Other ear is fine.

Well, long of the short, don't see the point anymore. I had physical issues before this happened, but at least I had my mental ability.

Now, I can't even have that. I can't do my job, I can't study, I can't really sleep, and can't function. I'm probably going to lose my job soon because I'm not being productive.

Anyhow, I semi have lost the will or need to live anymore. I had my physical abilities taken away from me 3 years ago with the digestive issue. Now, I have taken the last asset I had, which was my brain.

I looked up hearing loss and cognitive ability and found that it does affect peoples intelligence. and cognition. It can effect how people learn and higher order functions as the brain adapts to the hearing loss. Also, dementia seems to set in sooner too.

Overall, I see no point to this suffering anymore. I had issues before this, but I really think this is the last straw.

If all I had was the ringing in my ear, then I would try to continue. However, the hearing loss is the last straw for me I feel.

I don't think I can continue like this. Don't know much else to say about this. If someone wants to chime in if you have HEARING LOSS measured and TINNITUS, I will hear some out. But, overall, I don't think this life is worth it anymore. It's sad to say that, but I think it is true.

 

[Charron]

Hi, sorry that you are having such a bad time, I'm quite new myself, I have had sudden deafness and T with H since beginning of December.
I also had other health problems and on meds and didn't know where to turn until I found this forum, there are lots of good people on here who have good advice for you.
I felt the way you do now, so have many others, it's a tragic reaction to what we experience, BUT you really will feel better with time, read some success stories and you will see that your life will become happy again.
I can assure you that you will feel differently in time, do take advice about medication and support from people on this forum who have been in the same place that you are now.
Big hugs xxxxxxx

 

[bill 112]

My advice friend is not to read to much into the endless amounts of information that's out there involving hearing loss etc.Your putting nails in your own coffin by telling yourself that I'm now going to be less intelligent less cognitive less capable of doing things mentally all because some article said so.If anything T and H has hardened my mental ability beyond what I ever thought possible,it's thought me to never give up,to handle pain and hurt much better,to see the world in a different more perspective light than before,to appreciate everything around me even the little things,it's made me more motivated to make a change in how the world sees this condition.Its if anything strengthened my mental state to more than I ever thought it would so don't put yourself down,you have a hearing loss not a brain loss my friend.
Best Regards
Bill.

 

[Aaron123]

It sounds like you have many things going on. If you haven't, I would suggest talking to your primary care physician about anxiety and depression. He or she can start you on meds and possibility refer you to a therapist. (Yes, there are horror stories about meds, but they have their place; and they can be lifesaving in a crisis situation.)

 

[ceauses97]

Before you do anything drastically, know that our body is able to fix the damaged nerve fibers causing the hearing loss. And there are many threatment for hearing injury, such as hearing aid(it will get rid of the tinnitus as well,
killing two birds with one stone)

As for the relationship between intelligence and hearing loss, it's completely false. If this really was the case, why wasn't the genius in Beethoven affected by it?

 

[PhilB]

I agree with @bill 112, you might think that T has impaired your cognitive ability but your T is only weeks old. There is still time for it to improve or disappear althogether. It's true that not everyone's T gets significantly better over time. I can't say mine has altered much in the last 2 years. But even if it doesn't get better, you will eventually get tired of worrying about it and by that point you will be 95% recovered. It's taken me more than two years to get to the stage where I can go for substantial periods of time without even thinking about T. I can now sit in a quiet room and read a book without caring about T. I couldn't have done that a year ago. Progress can be slow but time is a better healer than any medication. You will get there in the end. Don't lose hope.

 

[glynis]

Life can be tough going at times and feel you are loosing the fight to live but please don't give up hope.

If you need medication for low mood and anxiety and counselling it will help you.

I have health issues with Menieres Disease,sever Bilateral tinnitus and under the hospital sever respiratory unit as have breathing problems sever asthmatic. .

My twin sister is fit and healthy and happy for her.
Life is about making choices and being in control of what makes you happy and reaching out for it as won't come to you.
Tinnitus can be mental torture and effects us emotionally too but it's learning to make the most of what we have and can do and don't look back in life and adjust to changes.

Life won't always seem tough going with tinnitus as our brain adapts and we find we have turned a corner in life again and feel good and stronger for getting over and dealing with a challenge .

People don't understand how tinnitus can effect us socially,mentally and physically but never give up hope or feel less about your self as we all are special and loved and would be missed.
Chin up and fight back hard and you will turn the corner and find happiness again...lots of love glynis

 

[jdjd09]

Before you do anything drastically, know that our body is able to fix the damaged nerve fibers causing the hearing loss. And there are many threatment for hearing injury, such as hearing aid(it will get rid of the tinnitus as well,
killing two birds with one stone)

As for the relationship between intelligence and hearing loss, it's completely false. If this really was the case, why wasn't the genius in Beethoven affected by it?

Can I ask about this? My doctor also said that hearing loss isn't considered permanent until 6 months and he has seen cases where if its mild hearing lose, the person can recover some/most/all over those months. Is this true? How is this true when first doctor I saw said hearing loss is permanent? I'm so confused who is telling the truth.

 

[AlexSongitus]

You could try calling your ENT to ask if Prednisone is an option to prevent hearing loss at this point, but aren't you part of the AM-101 trials?

If that has any improvement for you, just lowering your T should also help with hearing loss. I mean for me my hearing back was back to normal the days I got silence or near silence. You can have some damage, but keep in mind, T is also affecting your hearing. When it's quiet you hear much better. So give some time for the injections to see what they do for you.

Look the hearing loss you may be experiencing is minor from what you are saying if it's just over a couple of frequencies, and it's in specific ranges. I want you to play with this. You can be much more accurate with this than the audio tests they do on us:

https://lukeusmaximus.github.io/acrn-tinnitus-treatment/identify-and-treat.html

Set it to a comfortable level and use ear bus if you have them(yes, ear buds, just DO NOT use them for anything else. Treatment only). Push the tone generator, and drag the slider up and down . When you have a gap in one ear, you will notice the sound shift from the middle of your head to one ear to the other over that range. Pay attention to the exact ranges. I have about 2-3 gaps in my left year, and 2-3 gaps in my right across the scale. And when I say gaps, it just means one ear doesn't hear quite as good as the other in that frequency, so naturally the sound sounds stereo in one ear or another.

Most people have SOME gaps, which means some differentiation between one ear or another, by the time you are in your 30s. Some drop off. It doesn't mean you can't hear them either, it just means it's lower for that particular frequency.

Now once you get past 10k HZ, you will not hear much without turning up the volume. That is also normal. You can crank up the volume as you go up and frequency but just make sure to crank it back down, before you move back down in frequency. You most likely will not heard much beyond 15k and that is also normal. We lose most of that top range by the time we are 8.

Once you identified the gaps push the treatment button....at the beginning of the gap, in the middle, or the end. And pay attention for any changes to your T, or feeling in your brain.

I think you will find out there are a WHOLE lot of ranges you sill have, and the diminished hearing in one ear, is minor, especially in one ear. And believe me when I say, the tests they give you are NOT that accurate either. Not with T blasting in your head and them spitting words at you to repeat. My T was spiking during the test, and some words they were saying I couldn't make out, though I know if my T wasn't clogging up my ears, I would have been able to hear them much better.

 

[jdjd09]

Just saw your response, thanks. But, I'm still at a lose if I can still get treatment. Yes, I am in the Am-101 trial, but I will gladly leave if I can have my hearing back. I see another ENT Friday I guess to see if its an option. But, reality is he will probably say no.

I just want an honest answer, is there evidence that hearing lose of 20db (say it was originally 20db, now its 40db) can come back? Just lost if it will ever come back.

 

[Aaron123]

Can I ask about this? My doctor also said that hearing loss isn't considered permanent until 6 months and he has seen cases where if its mild hearing lose, the person can recover some/most/all over those months. Is this true? How is this true when first doctor I saw said hearing loss is permanent? I'm so confused who is telling the truth.

Well you say that your doctor told you that he has seen cases where if it is mild hearing loss the person can recover some or all of the hearing over some months. Obviously none of us know whether this is a true statement. It's also not clear which doctor told you that is was permanent and which told you it wasn't.

I still think the first thing you should do as address the depression/anxiety side of things.

 

[jdjd09]

Well you say that your doctor told you that he has seen cases where if it is mild hearing loss the person can recover some or all of the hearing over some months. Obviously none of us know whether this is a true statement. It's also not clear which doctor told you that is was permanent and which told you it wasn't.

I still think the first thing you should do as address the depression/anxiety side of things.

The GP told me permanent, so I don't believe him. As he was the one who could have referred me to ENT when I saw him a few days after the ringing.

The ENT who runs the AM-101 study told me it may be temporary and can recover after 6 months. If after 6 months it hasn't recovered, its permanent.

But, again, I don't know if he is just giving me false hope as he saw me within the window for prednisone treatment 2-4 weeks after the issue but went the trail route instead. I didn't know about the prednisone thing until 5 weeks out.

 

[AlexSongitus]

Just saw your response, thanks. But, I'm still at a lose if I can still get treatment. Yes, I am in the Am-101 trial, but I will gladly leave if I can have my hearing back. I see another ENT Friday I guess to see if its an option. But, reality is he will probably say no.

I just want an honest answer, is there evidence that hearing lose of 20db (say it was originally 20db, now its 40db) can come back? Just lost if it will ever come back.

YES! Play with the sound generator. I got some back, yes. The first day my range started dropping off around 8,250HZ in my left ear. Today it's dropping off at around 8,450 HZ. In other words, it starts moving to my right ear only, at 8,450 Hz which tells me my left ear doesn't hear so good that frequency. Then it gets back to the middle of my head at around 10,000Hz. So that is a slight improvement of 200Hz. And in between that range, there are places where I have even hearing. So the hearing loss is really, small range frequencies. You can identify them. I think once you will, you will notice, they are NOT that big of a deal!


Btw, that isn't just any sound generator....I found it on Reddit's Tinnitus sub forum.

https://lukeusmaximus.github.io/acrn-tinnitus-treatment/

It's based on the ACRN treatment method, that a lot of companies are charging $1000s to get, so it's not your typical white noise device.. It's really good. It works for me. And it works if you know how to use it. I really should have probably made a thread about that if no one has posted it on here before.

 

[jdjd09]

YES! Play with the sound generator. I got some back, yes. The first day my range started dropping off around 8,250HZ in my left ear. Today it's dropping off at around 8,450 HZ. In other words, it starts moving to my right ear only, at 8,450 Hz which tells me my left ear doesn't hear so good that frequency. Then it gets back to the middle of my head at around 10,000Hz. So that is a slight improvement of 200Hz. And in between that range, there are places where I have even hearing. So the hearing loss is really, small range frequencies. You can identify them. I think once you will, you will notice, they are NOT that big of a deal!


Btw, that isn't just any sound generator....I found it on Reddit's Tinnitus sub forum.

https://lukeusmaximus.github.io/acrn-tinnitus-treatment/

It's based on the ACRN treatment method, that a lot of companies are charging $1000s to get, so it's not your typical white noise device.. It's really good. It works for me. And it works if you know how to use it. I really should have probably made a thread about that if no one has posted it on here before.

I'm getting audiograms done with the trial so I get my hearing tested regularly now each visit. I really only care about those frequencies honestly. I realize the other one are important, but I only noticed this big issue once they started dipping in the speech range.

I mean, are there any studies of hearing loss recovery with no treament over 6 months? I'm just lost where they are getting this information from.

 

[AlexSongitus]

I'm getting audiograms done with the trial so I get my hearing tested regularly now each visit. I really only care about those frequencies honestly. I realize the other one are important, but I only noticed this big issue once they started dipping in the speech range.

I mean, are there any studies of hearing loss recovery with no treatment over 6 months? I'm just lost where they are getting this information from.

I do not know of any personally but I am totally ignorant to that because I didn't care to research it, maybe some other members can chime in. But I highly recommend not depending solely on your treatment unless they don't want you to and would exclude you. Sound therapy has been really effective for relief for me in addition to Prednisone. I don't believe I would have gotten the same results just depending on Prednisone alone, and certainly not the immediate effects and relief sound therapy gives me.

 

[jdjd09]

I do not know of any personally but I am totally ignorant to that because I didn't care to research it, maybe some other members can chime in. But I highly recommend not depending solely on your treatment unless they don't want you to and would exclude you. Sound therapy has been really effective for relief for me in addition to Prednisone. I don't believe I would have gotten the same results just depending on Prednisone alone, and certainly not the immediate effects and relief sound therapy gives me.

How long after hearing loss did you get prednisone though? That isn't a lifelong treatment, they blast you for 2 weeks and get you off of it.

 

[Alue]

jdjd09 I can empathize with your situation. My life wasn't easy before, I'll spare the details, but this tinnitus (which someone else 100% caused) has been a nightmare and took away one of the last refuges I had left... silence. In a lot of ways I feel stuck and backed into a corner in my situation, not only with tinnitus but how it has effected my sleep, my ability to concentrate, and work.

I can't tell you what to do, or tell you the chances of it getting better, but I think it's a good idea now to give it time and re-assess your situation in 6 months or so. That's essentially what I'm doing.

You are doing all you can do with your ENT and am101 trials, now all you can do is wait and see if it gets better while protecting you ears from further damage and maintaining your health.

 

[AlexSongitus]

How long after hearing loss did you get prednisone though? That isn't a lifelong treatment, they blast you for 2 weeks and get you off of it.

Well I started taking it 6 days after I discovered my T. But who knows how much of my hearing loss gaps actually took place at the time I got T. Could have happened earlier too. It doesn't necessarily mean you lost all those frequencies on that exact date, which is why I say not to stress so much. It's also possible you probably lost some throughout your life, and never even noticed, because most people do.

 

[jdjd09]

Yep, then I guess I have been screwed over the medical establishment when they had plenty of time to help me. I feel like this doctor is lieing to me so I will stay in the AM-101 trials. I feel like its to justify them not giving me prednisone when they recognized I had hearing lose and I was within the 4 week timeframe to give prednisone.

I'm disgusted right now. I don't know who to belive anymore. Seriously, for those who DIDN'T take prednisone, did some of your hearing come back? People who took prednisone, realize the drug has helped you. I need to know from those who didn't do it if they recovered over the six month period?

Also, did anyone take prednisone 5-6 weeks out and get any benefit? Please, someone just answer. I feel like everyone has just lied to me this whole way. I had so many opportunities for the medical establishment to help me and everyone dropped the ball along the way.

 

[Song interpreter]

I don't believe your worth is attached to hearing or intelligence. First, I know many Deaf people. My best friend is Deaf. She can't hear a thing, except for the ringing. Is her life worth it! Oh yes it is! She's one of the sweetest and smartest people I know. There are some other Deaf that were born with some cognitive delays, but their life is quite worth it too!

Your worth really has nothing to do with your abilities! You are worth everything in the world, because you were created by God and in His likeness. He loves you very much! He has given you the ability to overcome. Life might be tough, but it's still worth it. Life on earth is not perfect, but we can enjoy it anyway. There's still lot to enjoy!

 

[RB2014]

I can't answer your questions, but wow, I would trade places with you in a second. I have lost 50db from 0-1k and 80 to 120 db from 1k to 8k in both ears. With such little hearing loss, you can mask it with sounds from the outside and you can beat this thing. A hearing aid might help, but I don't really think you are even close to needing one if it is only one ear and such a small loss. Learn about coping with T and things you can do to get your mind off of it. A lot of us thought like you when we first got it too, but all I can say is that you get used to it over time and it gets better. The less you think about it the quieter it gets and over time you will get to a 1 or 2 out of 10 on most of your days and you will be so happy it is there vs a 8 or 10 out of 10 you might be experiencing now.

Even with my hearing loss I can use a hearing aid and at least still know what 1k to 4k sounds like. I lead a pretty normal life except that my family has to talk pretty loudly if I don't have my hearing aides on. Instead of thinking of anything drastic, why don't you join the rest of us. Get better first, change your life, start donating to a worthwhile hearing loss organization. Try and make some change happen for yourself and others. There are so many medical advancements being made every day. No one says you will be like this forever. At 27 you might be hearing again without T by 40 if they can come up with some cures for us and then you can start a mid life crisis and buy yourself a fast car to make yourself feel better. Read about the human trials going on right now on hearing loss. Read about the girl on the Novartis trial that got back some of her hearing in one ear when she was almost deaf in that ear.

Thats what keeps me going.. Hope that they will come out with something that can help.

My dad is 78 and legally deaf and he is still running around without dementia or any other mental problems. Hearing loss does make me spend most of my brain power making sure I hear what people were telling me and it makes it harder for me to solve problems, but again I don't think you are even close to that.

 

[Michael2013]

I don't think your doctors are lying, they are simply sharing their experiences. The truth is very simple: there is no strong proof that prednisone actually helps. The reason is because they can't distinguish between when the prednisone works and when hearing just comes back naturally. Which happens all the time. Don't get hung up on missing prednisone, it likely would have done nothing anyway.

I am deaf in one ear and have partial loss in the other. When I got tunnitus, I had a small drop in hearing. I also had distortion and sound sensitivity. Certain sounds make a crackling broken speaker effect. Over a period of weeks and months after it started it slowly got better. Sensitivity is gone. Distortion is gone. And most importantly tinnitus doesn't bother me a bit anymore. I do believe our ears and brain do heal/repair after damage occurs, and in some cases fully.

-Mike

 

[DudeMannDude]

I have a heart defect as well as my tinnitus. Heart surgery at 18 is no fun. Your brain will filter out the noise eventually.

 

[gary]

Hey JD, glad you found us. I'll just say this for now. Pretty much all f us have felt like you. Some just have T to deal with, others, like myself, have T and multiple health issues. Look at DudeMannDude he's only 18

Have a look around and read others stories.

 

[AnxiousJon]

Get some medication for your mood. You are in a panic loop. You are responding disproportionately to your plight. Your subconscious mind is more than capable of blocking out very loud tinnitus, moving it to the background; it does this with other loud stuff that it know isn't a threat all the time. You won't go crazy. You can get work done and enjoy life. Your conscious mind needs to see that this sound isn't a thread and your subconscious will follow suit eventually and start blocking it out. You can get back to your work; it isn't over.
Unless you work for a very cold-hearted boss, let your boss know what's going on, and that you are going to get control of it, but you are just in a little transition. They will understand a little dip in productivity.
Get some meds to give you perspective; there's no shame in it.
I am not lying to you; all of us totally freaked out when we got loud tinnitus. But our minds are resilient and they block out very strong sensations all the time when they are judged to be irrelevant, first by the conscious mind, then by the subconscious. You're gunna be fine and you're going to learn to deal with stress in a much more productive manner, get back to work, and come up with a creative way to solve your problems with school and work(and maybe how to talk to the landlord about that neighbor, or even the police). You're also going to find some fun hobbies; maybe something you've never tried before(learn japanese>_<).

 

[Fangen]

Hey,

Please don't do anything drastic! I know that you feel terrible, at the lowest point you can get in life right now. I was feeling the same when I got T. I kept telling my friend and my boyfriend that "I don't want to live like this, I CAN'T live like this with T in my head". I had to take pills for the anxiety and to sleep through the night. It was very hard in the beginning and I was set back once after a month after a loud exposure to a very high pitched fire alarm.
But I am glad I tried to fight my anxiety everyday, now I feel much better. But it is hard, when you are in your own mind and it is going crazy. I was so scared of the noise, it just took over my whole head and I just wanted to cover my ears to make it stop. When I realized that I could never make it stop I just fell into the anxiety trap again. But you will be okay! You'll get better! If you need medical help to ease it up for you, like light sleeping pills (I had Atarax), then please, see a doctor and get something prescribed! Like Jon said before, there is no shame in getting medication to help you go through this first, and worst part. We have all felt the same and fought our own T (and maybe still do from time to time) but you will feel better, even if it seems impossible right now. I thought the same, but it is true! Stay strong! <3

 

[ceauses97]

Can I ask about this? My doctor also said that hearing loss isn't considered permanent until 6 months and he has seen cases where if its mild hearing lose, the person can recover some/most/all over those months. Is this true? How is this true when first doctor I saw said hearing loss is permanent? I'm so confused who is telling the truth.

Yes, your doctor is telling the truth. Our brain has the ability to compensates for lost inner ear function, and in your case healing the damaged nerve fibers causing the hearing loss and tinnitus. You should atleast give it 1 year before concluding whether this is permanent or not as our body can compensate for inner ear damage to bring sound detection abilities back within normal limits. You need to give it time, and sleep well and eat healthy to help your body recover this injury.

And remember; never stress, always relax.

 

[Bobby B]

you can expect to get back some db over the next few weeks, I got 10 back, after a month or two as the ears heal, but you need to keep your ear under 65db at all cost - that means ear muffs/plugs outside the house always on .
I had a 45db drop at 4000khz like you and now its 35db and the 8khz+ side also improved a lot i believe but they cannot test it.
Taking oral ATP (Adenosine Triphosphate), vitamin b12, L-Carnitine and NAC may help too that's what I have been taking for weeks now.

I also do LLLT again it helps I think but its a long process.

Tinnitus hasn't changed much but its now of a higher pitch more clean and piercing/metallic sound and less of a hiss, which perhaps indicate that the low frequencies that were damaged the least are slowly recovering.

 

[jdjd09]

Yes, your doctor is telling the truth. Our brain has the ability to compensates for lost inner ear function, and in your case healing the damaged nerve fibers causing the hearing loss and tinnitus. You should atleast give it 1 year before concluding whether this is permanent or not as our body can compensate for inner ear damage to bring sound detection abilities back within normal limits. You need to give it time, and sleep well and eat healthy to help your body recover this injury.

And remember; never stress, always relax.

I want to believe you, I really do. But can you please point to some study that says this? Because everything I read and my first doctor told me otherwise. I just need some facts. If you find proof of this I would be very happy and it would probably end my worrying. But please can you provide proof of this?

 

[Dana]

Yes, I agree with the people that think that you sound very depressed.

Overall, I see no point to this suffering anymore. I had issues before this, but I really think this is the last straw.

But be warned that some anti-depressant medications alone can cause tinnitus! So, yes, I think you could use the help of some meds, but be careful and do some research before taking them.