Fed Up... Anybody Else Thinking About Ending It All?

Have You Seriously Thought About Suicide?

  • I Have

  • I Have Not

Results are only viewable after voting.
#31
NiNyu said:
But whatever you do, make sure you do it the right way!
Click to expand...
Ideas for an effective and painless way? If it comes to that...

MattK said:
@Stink have you tried coping strategies like TRT? Also, a lot of people have reported relief with Trobalt. You might give that a shot.
Click to expand...
I have read tinnitus.org website and tried masking as much as i can.

Trobalt I haven't been able to get my hands on yet!

labrat10687 said:
Stink, Since you have had tinnitus this long have you tried any drugs that might help with your tinnitus and your insomnia? The reason I ask is because I have taken a couple of medications that have been a big help for both. The one really helped with my sleep and that really helped with my tinnitus just knowing I was going to get a good nights sleep. I was on disability retirement at one time but on regular retirement now.
Click to expand...
What drugs have you taken? I have taken sleeping meds and also benzos... i think the benzos made me even worse. I dont recommend them to anyone




thanks for trying the uplifting posts. i lived another day thanks all of ya.
 
#32
nills said:
I don`t know if you own a house but if it is this bad i would sell whatever possession I have and go for HIFU ... if you are in disability and get money you have nothing to lose. Or you get a lone from the bank for 35000 euro`s and pay them back with your pension over the next few years. Just a practical view. If life is n`t worth living there is always a way. Even friends and family can pitch in .and you can pay them back because you have steady income. I don`t know, just giving you some perspective on what is possible in this life.

best of luck!!
Click to expand...
does hifu work for everyone?
 
#34
Stink said:
Ideas for an effective and painless way? If it comes to that...


I have read tinnitus.org website and tried masking as much as i can.

Trobalt I haven't been able to get my hands on yet!


What drugs have you taken? I have taken sleeping meds and also benzos... i think the benzos made me even worse. I dont recommend them to anyone




thanks for trying the uplifting posts. i lived another day thanks all of ya.
Click to expand...


This is the drug that really helped. Really helped with my daily headaches also. Big time. Zero side effects. I tried sleeping pills but they just did not work for me. Took a chance with this drug and for me gave me back my sleep. Remember i'm just telling you what worked for me. Only needed a small dose also. Didn't know if my doctor would let me try it but glad he did. Remember the choice is yours and your doctors.

http://www.drugs.com/comments/amitriptyline/for-insomnia.html
 
#35
Stink said:
Yes. First 2 years were easy - mild T. heard it only in quiet. Then a course of IV antibiotics destroyed me. T became un-maskable
I am now on disability retirement (for tinnitus - anxiety - panic attacks - depression - insomnia - all because of the noise!!!)

I cant work like this, I cant be around people. People see me as failure. Friends have forgotten about me.

Its not a life worth living ... I dont want to depress people here but this is a terrifying existence
Click to expand...

Yeah it is. It's tough when you have it bad, my T started as a whimper and then after taking antibiotic ear drops it became a raging beast. There is a big difference between every day T like a lot here have and serious T. It's hard for them to understand. I get it, I'm in your spot, I fight just to get through the day. You deserve a ton of credit for battling through all those years. Not many people will understand the hell you have been through, even most on here. I'm very sorry to hear you are suffering. It's been years for you, I'm sure there is nothing I can offer up here except that you are not alone in your suffering. The differnece is I haven't been beaten down for over a decade like you have, that has to wear on a person. You have obviously given it a fair shot and probably tried everything so I'm not sure what the answer is.

I'm so sorry, I wish I could help you. I wish I could help myself.
 
#36
Valeri quoted:
Sorry to go off topic here but can you please tell me how do you sleep with such a bad t?
How do you relax, read a book, do nothing....?

I don't really know how. I just do it now. I never thought I could because before I would wake up each day with panic attacks on auto mode upon hearing the ringing. Now me and my body just don't give a dime. Just like today, my T has been screaming so loud, resonating in my whole head, but I just said 'screw you T' I am not reacting and that is that, and it got faded out of consciousness most of the time. Now I am typing on T, outch, it is real loud if I pay attention to it.

I have been conditioning my brain that T is harmless for years now. I watched those youtube videos of loud jobs on real life volume. I actually saw these guys working with loud jack hammers or pneumatic drills on my trip to Asia, yeup, no ear protections. Those experiences convince me that I don't have to reject the loud sound in my ears. Let T be. Let the rest of my life be. I focus more on my reaction (much like IWLM's method). Now I don't care about T. Couldn't do that before. But now miraculously I can just ignore this sound as if it is just part of my being. I have learned from others the importance of acceptance and I just let time help me and my body get used to the sensations and don't treat as a threat. Is it possible to sleep amid loud sounds? I guess it is possible. See how many passengers doze off in a long flights amid the loud jet noise. They don't treat the sound a threat, so the brain just fade it out and goes to sleep regardless. Now imagine the pilot announces that one of the engine is having problem and the plane needs to turn back. I bet you none on the passengers would sleep as now the engine noise or whatever condition it is represents a threat to their survival.
 
#37
Stink said:
does hifu work for everyone?
Click to expand...
Not everyone, but that is because if your T is caused by some trapped vein or some other persistent cause it will return because the cause is not dealt with. But if it is from hearing trauma or loss of haircells it will work. Check out the thread in the research section. there is a lot of info there although HIFU it is still very mysterious because there isn`t anyone officially cured with it. (although they have treated patients already) You will have to send them an email through their contact form. It is possible to have a personal call with the head Dr called Mr. Jeanmonod. But I would read everything in this forum first, than read the whole website and than call him. I hope you have the means to do something like this. What is there to lose? I always feel it`s better to be a happy bum on the street than an unhappy king on his throne. goodluck !
 
#38
NiNyu said:
Personally I'd prefer meds/poison. Check out, http://lostallhope.com/
Click to expand...
That website is written by someone who wanted to commit suicide, but apparently 13 years later he/she is still around. I would follow this hidden message. life is beautiful! If you really think of suicide than what have you got to lose in this life? nothing ... So be crazy for a day and SMILE even though you feel like crap ... be crazy for a day and go and speak to people you never met before and listen to their problems and try to help them, go and take a homelss kid out for lunch and hear them out ... if your so hopeless at least give someone else a little bit hope.. let`s see if you still think of suicide that evening. love you x
 
#39
Tinnitus since 1974.
I cannot play my fiddle anymore. I can't clap my hands. I can't go to concerts. I can't bang shopping carts. I can't even listen to my own mother talk for very long.
And the list goes on and on.
But my life is great and there are so many more things I can do and enjoy.
I'm concerned about anyone who would even casually talk or joke about suicide. I hope you're alright and have friends who you can talk to. Maybe even people at work would lend an ear.
 
#41
Not sure if this was mentioned on this thread but many of the drugs prescribed to tinnitus patients such a anticonvulsant and AD drugs carry a warning of suicidal thoughts. These are very real and should be discussed with a doctor immediately. There are also common thought patterns that people with tinnitus often get in the beginning such as catastrophic thinking, all or none thinking, and my favorite; everything was perfect before I got tinnitus. If you have these maladaptive thought patterns you should seek help as they will send you down the rabbit hole.
 
#42
nills said:
That website is written by someone who wanted to commit suicide, but apparently 13 years later he/she is still around. I would follow this hidden message. life is beautiful! If you really think of suicide than what have you got to lose in this life? nothing ... So be crazy for a day and SMILE even though you feel like crap ... be crazy for a day and go and speak to people you never met before and listen to their problems and try to help them, go and take a homelss kid out for lunch and hear them out ... if your so hopeless at least give someone else a little bit hope.. let`s see if you still think of suicide that evening. love you x
Click to expand...


So true bro. Can't agree with you more. I have often thought similar way too when my sufferings from T, H, anxiety and panic attacks were giving me so much fear for my life. Then it dawns on me the same idea. What is there to fear any more about a life controlled totally by fear? A life like that is not worth fearing about. Whatever! So I surrendered to the fears, accepting them rather than resisting. I just say, whatever, whatever. At least I still have an able body with eyes to see and limbs to walk & do things for others. So I massaged my wife daily and I hugged my love ones. I volunteered to collect foods for our local Food Bank charity, almost like what you say bro. And the result is that I find peace and value in my life again. It is a ray of hope amid the darkness of T. The heck with T and its ringing. It can go to hell while I try to enjoy my earthly heaven and benefiting others in need.
 
#43
@nills HUFI sounds like science fiction. There are no former T patients that have been cured so far. This is all a theory that there might be a chance to cut about in the brain without performing a lobotomy for an exaggerated price. If that really worked where are the offical clinical trials? Where are all the ex T patients?
 
#44
I don't think it's real healthy for me to be reading these threads right now, as I've noticed a radical uptick in the amount of time I've spent thinking about suicide in the past week, so I'm going to skip out on them, but I guess in summary I'd just say that on some level I'm stubborn and want to be alive and enjoy things, and even if it's very difficult/impossible for me to enjoy anything sometimes, the tantalizing promise that there might be better times ahead, coupled with all the comforts I have in every regard that's not tinnitus, keep me moving forward.
 
#45
@billie48 I have the same question as @valeri How do you sleep with such bad T? Relax, read a book, etc.? I struggle with that! It is I maskable and loud. Out of the past 33 days, I have had 3 good ones. Thanks for your post.
 
#46
NiNyu said:
@nills HUFI sounds like science fiction. There are no former T patients that have been cured so far. This is all a theory that there might be a chance to cut about in the brain without performing a lobotomy for an exaggerated price. If that really worked where are the offical clinical trials? Where are all the ex T patients?
Click to expand...
don`t be too quick with dismissing science you have no clue about ... have you actually read their website or called with this doctor in person? Some people have ( and I have spoken to them) and they know for sure it has helped people with T. It is a bureaucratic and economical reason why this sin`t out yet ... wrong reason fur sure. .. but the world is full of wrong reasons.. we just need to find our way to fulfill our good reasons.. I`m with all of you on the same page brothers and sisters ... let`s please lift each other up and have some faith ... yes it is crap this T - but my God will we be the strong once once this journey of hardship blends in with next one of revival! ... don`t miss out on the whole story! peace and beauty to all!
 
#47
Kevin08 said:
Not sure if this was mentioned on this thread but many of the drugs prescribed to tinnitus patients such as anticonvulsant and AD drugs carry a warning of suicidal thoughts.
Click to expand...

I don't need the drugs for that.^^

linearb said:
I don't think it's real healthy for me to be reading these threads right now, as I've noticed a radical uptick in the amount of time I've spent thinking about suicide in the past week,
Click to expand...

I feel you. It's pretty hard ATM. T is killing it! I certainly have debilitating T +H. I'm still trying to figure out the cause. I have an idea, but it seems no one here has a similar T like me. And that's kinda scary. I might have the worst there is.

nills said:
be crazy for a day and go and speak to people you never met before and listen to their problems and try to help them
Click to expand...

I did that all the time prior to T. I used to have two sides, the supersocial adventurer and the introverted student who cherished those quiet moments for studying, reading and meditation.
Now going grocery shopping is hell. Actually, when think about it, everything is hell. Every little sound makes my T skyrocketing through the roof. And this constant headache.. gosh!
 
#48
@NiNyu I too have debilitating T & H. And I can certainly relate to your message about having two sides. I was a super social adventurer who was a high altitude mountaineer and a marathon runner, and at the same time, I cherished quiet times for reading and meditation. Getting my doctorate was a joy, because of all of the reading and studying. I can no longer go to the grocery store and everything hurts my ears. I am trying to find ways to cope, but even my 30 years of mindfulness meditation and teaching Yoga are failing me now. This T & H have brought me to my knees. Everything that is supposed to help has made it worse. My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain!
 
#49
@svintegrity I don't know how much longer I can take this. What shall we do? I mean, this isn't life anymore. I wonder why is nature so fuc*ed up? Having a hearing loss losing plenty of frequencies is already bad, but given us a killer noise 24/7 w/o a damn break? C'mon nature you can do better!
Whatever, I just know (rather I feel it) I will NOT wait years for a cure that might never be found.
I should have been a bird. Being a mammal with T +H.. if I could I'd cut it out myself.
 
#50
nills said:
don`t be too quick with dismissing science you have no clue about ... have you actually read their website or called with this doctor in person? Some people have ( and I have spoken to them) and they know for sure it has helped people with T.
Click to expand...

Hey, I am profoundly open minded. But when something comes along with such a price tag and literally no substantial proof but lots of theory I can't really take it serious. Where are those T patients? Proof? I mean, if there is the slightest chance that this technology could really help/save/cure T patients start a fundraiser, do trials, show the world you have something revolutionary. And then get rich.
 
#51
svintegrity said:
@NiNyu I too have debilitating T & H. And I can certainly relate to your message about having two sides. I was a super social adventurer who was a high altitude mountaineer and a marathon runner, and at the same time, I cherished quiet times for reading and meditation. Getting my doctorate was a joy, because of all of the reading and studying. I can no longer go to the grocery store and everything hurts my ears. I am trying to find ways to cope, but even my 30 years of mindfulness meditation and teaching Yoga are failing me now. This T & H have brought me to my knees. Everything that is supposed to help has made it worse. My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain!
Click to expand...

I haven't made that experience. Meditation has become a lot harder, but it's still possible to pull off. Unless you habituate naturally, I think it's the only way to turn the tables, because the T-horror will make your systems freak out which is extremly unhealthy in the long run, and only meditation techniques can calm them down. I'll be working on that angle.

If it's possible to establish a solid meditation foundation, then perhaps further steps can be taken from there. I'll probably be busy for decades if I have a go at it, but the only thing I'm up to otherwise is suffering from relentless agony, so it's not excactly like I would sacrifice quality time ...
 
#52
NiNyu said:
Hey, I am profoundly open minded. But when something comes along with such a price tag and literally no substantial proof but lots of theory I can't really take it serious. Where are those T patients? Proof? I mean, if there is the slightest chance that this technology could really help/save/cure T patients start a fundraiser, do trials, show the world you have something revolutionary. And then get rich.
Click to expand...

It doesn't have to be a scam, but if somone tells you to sell your house and promise you relief from T, chances are high to put it politely. I'm miserable enough without empty bank accounts on top of it.
 
#54
@Vincent R and @NiNyu I had a solid meditation foundation for 30 years, have been to countless silent retreats and have taught a Yoga for 30 years starting in Kathmandu, Nepal, but loud high-pitched debilitating T & H 24/7 puts a whole new spin on things. @NiNyu It is pure torture, true, but we have to find an answer out there somewhere, and not give up!
 
#55
#56
@linearb I just read the link you shared above. It is a really interesting idea. It is the exact opposite of the Vipassana meditation I have been doing for 30 years now. It makes so much sense that I tried it this morning. As he said in the description, it takes practice, just like any form of meditation. It sounds like it is worth practicing this form with T. Thanks so much for sharing it on this thread. Very much appreciated!
 
#57
I tried this meditation. And it's unbelievable! I found the magical volume knob in my mind and I did turn my T down. Guess what, I have total silence now. Except that I can't turn off this fuc*king alarm timer, which I did not even set! Honestly, meditation at this stage might relax your body and your mind a tiny bit, depending on the volume of your T, but you can't stop or realy affect it. @svintegrity I gave up. All I want is peace.
 
#58
@NiNyu I am confused. If the meditation was working, why did you give up? Especially when you said you had total silence? Like anything, it takes practice. What is the "alarm timer" you speak of? My T is very loud, I call it a screaming 20. Yes, I want peace too. I understand. Don't give up on finding an answer. There is the right one out there for you. It may be different from what many on this forum experience, but there is something that will work for you.
 
#59
No way, over tinnitus? NO WAY

I have suffered from chronic back pain which I got rid of after 5 years

I have asthma

I get migraines

Recently I developed vertigo and I am battling it

sorry to say but thinking of ending it all over something like tinnitus sounds a bit extreme to me... tinnitus is not dangerous and you get used to it in the long run (it'd be way too cowardly to finish it all over it)
 
#60
@svintegrity, it's sarcasm. When I lie silent in bed just listening (unvoluntarily) to my T after some hours I have the feeling it gets softer. However, as soon as I move, inhale/exhale too quickly, there's any sound T gets extreme loud again. Believe me, there's no volume knob. There never will be. T does what it does best, torturing 24/7.
I call mine, killer noise or sanity destroyer.

@yaom, well then you don't have a debilitating T, I'd say. Oh, and cowards usually have a long life.
 

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