Fed Up... Anybody Else Thinking About Ending It All?

[NiNyu]

@Vincent R , indeed, I might not reside in Sweden although I'm sweet.

Military operation.. sounds familiar. I took a shower the other day late at night. Huge mistake! T was going through the roof for over 12 hours. So no sleep, no way to think straight, just pure agony at its best. Worse, masking doesn't work anymore.

Point well made, and I totally agree Acoustic Neuromodulation won't have any efficacy. I have the feeling it's the latest T scam. There are plenty of companies lately trying to sell this theory for big money. But neurons are neurons and they do what they do: keep functioning -- no matter what other neurons near by do. Otherwise you could deactivate/inhibit neurons activity (in the auditory cortex) of healthy ears when being exposed to certain repetitive tones. Moreover, what if you have lost several frequencies like me?

I wish I could meditated or relax. But I can't even eat a freakin' cookie without getting a horrific T spike and pain.

It is boring and annoying! I want it to stop! Now!
~

Newer members may find this topic quite fear-provoking, disturbing and depressing due to a lot of uncertainty about their future.

And you guys really wonder why so many people (as well as physicians), not afflicted with T, do NOT take us serious, there not being a real treatment or a cure yet? In 2015. Honestly, if I was new to this board (which I actually was not long before) and read all the positive threads and success stories, since all the negative stuff (reality: people do suffer greatly!) is shoved down to off topic, I would tell myself, 'Hey, T is really no big deal. It's just a noise in the head and there are plenty of therapies, and people chitchat and having a great time, everybody is happy. So why bother?'

How can we expect to be taken serious if we do not take our malady serious?

So here's some truth for you. There are no treatments that make a dent in T. Nothing you can swallow or listen to or inject that brings any longterm relief - Absolutely nothing.

 

[NiNyu]

I am not posting any more about my experience with TRT as I don't think anyone is interested and it is falling on deaf ears.

Rob

Rob @RCP1 , I am happy for you. That TRT works for you. I wish you the best. But as you see, reality is falling on dead ears anyway.

 

[Steve]

since all the negative stuff (reality: people do suffer greatly!) is shoved down to off topic

That's fallacy. There is a lot of negative scattered around. If you let the negative take hold however then you are in a downward spiral. It reinforces and causes harm. We are a support forum, we try and help people to break the negative cycle they are inevitably caught in when they visit.

If we sat here and said "hey, nothing you can do, nothing works, may as well kill yourself" then how do you think that plays out?

The reality is, as I've said before, 98% of people with tinnitus will get better and learn to cope with it or even lose it altogether. So the message is genuinely a positive one. Just because you don't feel that now it doesn't change the facts.

I advise you to do some proper research, learn about tinnitus, read the forum and understand that a lot of people have found help and beaten it. Actively try things out and see if they help. Even those (like me) who have it still and have not broken free of a constant loud noise have found ways of carrying on and making something of it..

I don't deny any suffering, people suffer, some will continue to do so. This is as much a psychological battle as it is anything else. At separate times, me and Markku took our suffering and feelings of hopelessness and decided to create something out of it to help others with tinnitus, try and do something that will make a difference. All of the people on here who have tried to help you are giving selflessly to help others in distress, using their suffering as a tool.

One of our members has this in their signature, I love the quote and I think it has relevance here:

"This is our choice, in every moment, to accept our circumstances with bitterness, or with openness." - Pema Chodron

 

[Carlos1]

@Nick the Swede , I hear you. But I think you mistake. Even without reading anything here T did send me to the stone age of anxiety and despair. T equals suffering and pain IMO. This thread it's NOT about dwelling in misery or promoting suicidal tendencies, rather this is a genuine (even philosophical) exchange between those that suffer greatly.

I don't know if you are fed up by now like I am, but feel free to enlighten us. What's your take on the subject? What can we do?

You can suffer through it and pray that we have a cure soon. Death is not the answer that will leave a ton of baggage that you pass on to your love ones and that's not fair either. I didn't ask for T but have to suffer through it why make your love ones suffer with ones suicide they didn't ask for that either. I agree with @Nick the Swede if I was a new to this forum and read this thread I'd be in worse shape. I came here over a year and a half and people here promised me that time will help and they were right I still suffer with T but I'm slowly getting me life back I have good days now and back then I would of never thought I could.

For all the new people with T keep your faith and let time heal your mind and pray that a cure is around the corner.
Stay strong

 

[Nick the Swede]

@Carlos1 , to go off toipc. I follow Celtics closely now since Jonas got transfered, very nice run atm

 

[Carlos1]

@Carlos1 , to go off toipc. I follow Celtics closely now since Jonas got transfered, very nice run atm

@Nick the Swede That was a great pickup for the C's him and Isiah make a huge difference there playing well now.
Hope they keep Jonas

 

[Vincent R]

@Vincent R , indeed, I might not reside in Sweden although I'm sweet.

Otherwise it would have been neat to socialize with someone who has severe H as well. It's so awkward explaining to your old friends that the favourite, time tested pub won't do anymore, because it's just too damn loud.

In general, I endorse the idea of a TT meetup because there are some cool life destinies here. But most members seem to be Americans, so I'd probably have to get myself on a flight to USA. I think that maybe would be too much fuss.

Military operation.. sounds familiar. I took a shower the other day late at night. Huge mistake! T was going through the roof for over 12 hours. So no sleep, no way to think straight, just pure agony at its best. Worse, masking doesn't work anymore.

You seem extraordinary bad off. How did your T start?

Point well made, and I totally agree Acoustic Neuromodulation won't have any efficacy. I have the feeling it's the latest T scam. There are plenty of companies lately trying to sell this theory for big money. But neurons are neurons and they do what they do: keep functioning -- no matter what other neurons near by do. Otherwise you could deactivate/inhibit neurons activity (in the auditory cortex) of healthy ears when being exposed to certain repetitive tones. Moreover, what if you have lost several frequencies like me?

Then you're stucked with a large bunch of neurons hellbent on blastning away nonstop. Bringing them back into line - if this is even possible - will not happen without remarkable insight and a hideous effort of will.

I wish I could meditated or relax. But I can't even eat a freakin' cookie without getting a horrific T spike and pain.

It is boring and annoying! I want it to stop! Now!

The human life form is such a wonderful tool to experience good things, but unfortunately this also works in the opposite direction. When medical conditions makes it hard or impossible to be absorbed by positive things, it can be said that the sufferer been pushed away to the sideline. Physically alive, but mentally in a dead zone where the self is beeing retained without much forward motion. Now, life is a bubble, and I'm floating around on its surface watching in. I can see what goes on in there clearly, but it hasn't got much to do with me anymore. I try to recall how it used to be, but it just doesn't feel real to me.

 

[labrat10687]

3 months ago - All I did was lie in bed suicidal - Listening to this noise which kept getting louder and louder. I wanted to take my life - I made specific plans to do so.

Before I did I made one final try/attempt at staying here. I got on a boat and travelled across the sea to see a TRT expert.

I don't know what the future holds - I have no idea. All I know is I'm following her advice and my brain is becoming less and less interested in the Tinnitus. I am back at work 9-5 and am commuting 3 hours a day. I hear my T now 5% of my working day - 10% in the evenings. The brain is tuning it out.

I am not posting any more about my experience with TRT as I don't think anyone is interested and it is falling on deaf ears.

I wish you all the best in your struggle and I hope you find peace.

Slán

Rob

I'm interested in anything that will help. It sounds like TRT is treating you very well. I wish you continued success.

 

[NiNyu]

@Vincent R , what happened to the ankh?

Indeed, to socialize would be neat. But no one knows how it feels unless they are in the same dark hole like us.
I'd take that fuss if on that meetup someone provided the right meds.

One evening I went to bed after doing some shadow-boxing. Lying in bed for about 10 minutes and thinking about a book I had been reading suddenly I got this strange feeling in my left ear like when you have under- or overpressure in the middle ear, plus some mild noise. So I opened my eustachian tubes to equalize the pressure to no avail. I thought WTF is going on..? I tried to listen to some quiet rain ambient sound also to no avail. Then it got worse and worse, the noise got louder and louder, the middle ear became numb and felt clogged like something is draining behind the eardrum. And from there it all went tits up.

It looks like I'm stuck with a large bunch of neurons hellbent on blasting away non-stop. My ENT told me if the hearing comes back the T goes. And here I am with my high-freq. not working.

You are a philosopher. I like that.
I'm physically alive and damaged as well as mentally in a dead zone. Everybody is living in a bubble and I used to burst their worlds. Open them. Now life has become a bubble, and I'm floating around on its surface watching in. Unable to burst it anymore. Unable to open those that chose to be incarcerated. Mentally damaged. It all just doesn't feel real to me anymore. I am the one incarcerated now by an ailment so whimsical and cruel that its negativity has to be swept underneath the carpet to protect the weak. The truth can be sanity destroying loud.

 

[NiNyu]

@Steve, I hear you. Too much negativity, but -- that's the way it is when people suffer gravely. However, that's not what I was referring to. Fair, this is a support forum people on here try to help others in distress, using their suffering as a tool. But why as soon as someone expresses their genuine pain certain people derail the thread with complaints about too much negativity? Since when T has become something positive? Something you need to be happy? Something that is no big deal? How can there be a positive without a negative?

To me it seems, as soon as something is manifested as being too negative (for the weak) it gets shot down to off topic. I mean, I would not have known about Gaby Olthuis if someone hadn't pointed to her. And I think we need such stories, the truth of how severe T can be, in the news to raise awareness.

Did you check the news lately? There's nothing. Absolutely nothing about T. No one knows about it. No one cares. Zero awareness. Why? Well, seems like all T sufferers doing just fine. Quick online community check. Yes, they are all reporting success stories. No negative feedback on a cursory glance.

If you were to talk to non-T people about T you'd be surprised how little they know. The majority believes that T is a mild background noise only perceivable when being in total silence. They do not know that there is extreme intrusive debilitating T let alone H. Ask them about H and lo and behold their flabbergasted facial expressions.

We need awareness! We do need awareness in the non-T society! And we won't get that if there are no painful negative stories (the truths), but just positive success stories.

 

[RaZaH]

I am not posting any more about my experience with TRT as I don't think anyone is interested and it is falling on deaf ears.

Deaf ears ! That was uncalled for ! Just kidding , I for one am totally interested in your TRT experience

 

[JohnnyMx]

Friends, this is a hard topic, so i would like to add my 2 pounds of faith.

I've had tinnitus since... i just can't remember anymore, maybe 15 years. I'm now 31.

But i have been "suffering" from T and H for 2 years, when it started in a ultra high pitch, like 14Khz, and so loud that i can't mask it with no sound. Worse, if I try to mask it sometimes it get louder.

I honestly can tell you, the really BIG problem of tinnitus, is not the sound, but the stress, anxiety and DEPRESSION that make us develop.

I started NOT fighting my sound and pitch, but my Depression. And it have worked for me twice.

I had a relapse this January, because the pitch got higher. I started again, depression, anxiety, i didn't go to work for a full week.

After that week, I said, let's start again, i will fight my depression (some people here call it reaction) and i Will stop fighting my level of sound, and the types of sounds, and start and do things that would let me to feel great: excersice, going to the beach with my kid and wife, visiting friends, going to dinner,

And friends, that works great! I'm fine again.

Today, I was writing down my plan for the next months, i made a list of things i would like to achieve, in order of prioritiy, FIXING my tinnitus was in 5 or 6 place. Things like changing my kid to a near school, leave that bad client, reducing my work hours, visiting my father more often... When i finished i read it, i just realized how much Tinnitus is not bother me now... and yes the sound level and pitch as not changed.

I would love if some of you, stop fighting, thinking, eating, dreaming the sound... and start focusing in your feelings, depression, anxiety, because you CAN fix thouse... and the end, you would not fix tinnitus, but you will be feeling great instead.

With affection, Johnny.

 

[Steve]

We need awareness! We do need awareness in the non-T society! And we won't get that if there are no painful negative stories (the truths), but just positive success stories.

You are intent on ignoring everything unless it is depressing or negative. You have to learn to accept that there are people other than you in the world and they have their own story to tell.

If you want to raise awareness then you can do it. You have a community here that will be on board with doing that if we can find something that works. Before you do it though do your research and find out what works. Look at the most successful campaigns.

Think about the impact of presenting a painful and negative story. What does that achieve? The listener / viewer has a sense that it is hopeless, if they get it they are on a downward spiral that ends only one way. And what impact does that have on those who are new and unsure of what is happening? How many of them who would have got better (98%) will take their lives because of your actions?

If you want to raise awareness then you need to show more than that, you need to tell the full story - of which you are just beginning the first chapter. Yes, it's hard, challenging, changes life forever. We want to try and make sure people don't get it as we know what it can do to you.

The reality is that even though it may have a major impact, people do find ways around it. If you want to tell the truth you have to show that also. If you show simply the dark side then you are lying, you are betraying every person that has been able to beat this, however small that victory has been.

 

[Steve]

To me it seems, as soon as something is manifested as being too negative (for the weak) it gets shot down to off topic. I mean, I would not have known about Gaby Olthuis if someone hadn't pointed to her. And I think we need such stories, the truth of how severe T can be, in the news to raise awareness.

You forget the post I put after yours on Gaby.

The clinic have been found to be careless in her case. She should still be alive today, caring for her children, properly exploring the treatment options that were denied because the clinic ended her life without proper diligence. In my eyes they committed a crime.

I have a huge problem with the way the story was told; it was sensationalised, maximum impact for the reporters and subsequent stories that appeared. It was poor journalism.

As per the above, T isn't positive but your attitude determines what it does to you. You can view it as a challenge, use it as something to drive your determination or you can curl up and use it as self pity. I use it to drive me. I don't ever pretend that it's easy but I also don't put my every dark thought to print because I know the value of supporting people and I understand what those thoughts can do when you are in a vulnerable position.

Since when T has become something positive? Something you need to be happy? Something that is no big deal? How can there be a positive without a negative?

Have a good look around this forum, properly read it and you will see countless stories of pain and anguish. We don't sugar coat it. But I have said this time and again; we offer support, we try and help people to understand that they can live with it, they can find ways around it, we've done it. That's what support is, listening to the bad things, understanding, then trying to offer help and advice. If you want help then you have to open up and be willing to listen and try things out.

We honestly don't want to see tension and negativity, it's bad for everybody who reads it and makes them focus on the tinnitus more, that's why people aren't happy. We know it exists, we've all been there, we don't deny it. We also know that the further you immerse yourself in negative thought, the worse you will become.

I don't even begin to suggest you should just put on a smile and forget it all, nobody does. But you need to work on clawing yourself out of this cycle as otherwise you will never be able to improve.

 

[MarioT]

Friends, this is a hard topic, so i would like to add my 2 pounds of faith.
I've had tinnitus since... i just can't remember anymore, maybe 15 years. I'm now 31.
...
I honestly can tell you, the really BIG problem of tinnitus, is not the sound, but the stress, anxiety and DEPRESSION that make us develop.

I tend to agree with you but my problem lies in the fact that it is the T that causes me these feelings which in their turn seem to lead to physical and mental exhaustion... which in their turn crank up the T volume and intensity. It's a closed feedback loop, a vicious, ubreakable cycle I have been on for the past 2 years - no escape, no cure (i dont believe there will ever be one) and no effective treatment in the horizon. My hope is fading into nothing.

Continuing leading a normal life, the life I enjoyed, the life i wanted to live, keep on following the career path I worked so hard for is not feasible without great suffering anymore. I see only three options for myself:

- Either I throw away my life, quit my job, sell all my stuff and start traveling around the globe in hope to find a new meaning in life and finally manage to mentally overcome this sickness.

- I go the route of antidepressant medication with the great risk that it will worsen the even unbereable condition (my T started on a low dose of SSRI) which would undoubtfully lead me to the last option.

- if the former two do not work, the only way out is the prementioned FINAL way out. I refuse to be suffering for the rest of what still could be a long life for me. We all die, it is a matter of how we want to go out or not. If I am still lurcking in these forums in 2 years from now then I will know the time has come.

 

[amandine]

- if the former two do not work, the only way out is the prementioned FINAL way out. I refuse to be suffering for the rest of what still could be a long life for me. We all die, it is a matter of how we want to go out or not. If I am still lurcking in these forums in 2 years from now then I will know the time has come.

Can I just say here that I am finding all this so depressing that it is causing me to have panic attacks when I read it........is this what my life will be as is written in the above post by MarioT?
He has had it longer than me and is younger so is more easily going to get better. If he cannot get better then heaven knows what will happen to me.
Seems to be getting more depressing on this site.......sorry to say this but this is what I am reading....just wondered if anyone else feels like this too?

 

[MarioT]

I am sorry @amandine for making you feel bad with my post. I dont know what to make of this forum to be honest, I d love to be one of those who have largelly overcome this and only sign up to give courage to others but this is not the case. I suffer from it greatly, as many of us here are. And I agree with @NiNyu on this one, it sometimes feels tiresome to always sugarcoat the reality of this malady. It is not my intention to make others feel worse about it though. Maybe I should stay out of here, this is a great supportive community but I fail to see the point.

 

[Steve]

I am sorry @amandine for making you feel bad with my post. I dont know what to make of this forum to be honest, I d love to be one of those who have largelly overcome this and only sign up to give courage to others but this is not the case. I suffer from it greatly, as many of us here are. And I agree with @NiNyu on this one, it sometimes feels tiresome to always sugarcoat the reality of this malady. It is not my intention to make others feel worse about it though. Maybe I should stay out of here, this is a great supportive community but I fail to see the point.

When you talk of sugar-coating the reality you are talking about yourself, your reality. You have to understand that we all have felt or are feeling similar but that sitting and feeling miserable and depressed and wallowing in it just have no useful function. We might do it, some times more than others, but it is pointless.

I don't know if you play sports, watch them even, but to win you have to have the right state of mind as well as the talent. I used to play rugby (not at a high level) and if I went into a game without my head in the right place I didn't do great. When my head was in the game I made the first tackle on the pitch and I made it hard, to let the opposition know I was there and I wasn't taking any prisoners. Once that tone was set I knew that I could dominate some of them and put doubt into others. That mental battle transfers to most anything you can think of, you have to have your head in the right place to have victory.

Right now, looking at this, my ears are screaming. I was having an okay day today, not too bad at all. It's all about mental state and if you constantly talk about how hard it is and how you cannot cope, how there are no options and will never be any treatments, well then you have lost before you start. You are doomed to failure.

 

[RB2014]

MarioT, before doing anything drastic, the SSRI and anti-depressant route is for sure the way to go. Both together are effective at combatting T. I couldnt break the loop either and after 3 months of anti-depressants, and now on an SSRI I'm now on both and my T is barely noticeable. I didnt want to go this route either. I tried all the suggestions on the forums, but I'm tapering down my meds right now after 3 months and slowly getting better. I've had T for a long time and I really dont think either of those two meds really have any effect on T long term.
If they do, and I am wrong then I'm hoping autiphony will come through for me with their tinnitus pill. With the current research we really on our way to either finding a cure or at least something that reduces T volume.
I know meds are not the way to go, and I support Steve's recommendations to try and get better without them, but I really tried and I just could not break the cycle. I had other issues that were preventing me from getting better mentally which just made it worst. Battling T and H by themselves, I might have been able to do it.

MarioT, you wont be suffering for the rest of your life. I said the same back in December, that I would not be able to keep going like this. I started selling all my stuff, not knowing what would happen. As I type this today, medicated, I hear my T and am tapering down from them slowly getting better each day. I'm trying to get back to baseline without the meds and I'm close and the volume is dropping as I drop the meds. I am making progress and I dont see things the same as I did 3 months ago.

Before doing anything drastic, you must explore all of the alternatives. To me medicating oneself for 3 months seems like a pretty good way to go then thinking about the alternative. Whatever you think the meds will do to you is nothing compared to the one chance you have on this earth.

Sorry to Steve. I know this isnt the post you probably wanted to see.

 

[MarioT]

@Steve You are right. It is a mental thing. I apologize for causing distress or t-spikes with my post. The truth is that I had a tough week and felt that I needed to vent and rant a bit in my own way when I saw this topic. Of course it isnt always as gloomy as I depicted, I also have good days and moments... it's just that when the T gets really bad and depression and anxiety get stronger I cannot stop myself of having these thoughts. I believe that indeed it is more the depression that causes the suffering than the noise itself.

Wish you all a silent weekend.

 

[amandine]

I'm close and the volume is dropping as I drop the meds.

Hi -just confused a bit,,,, I have till now managed to go without meds mostly. I am wondering if I am now doing something wrong? Is it that if i take the meds and then taper down this will reduce the volume level for me? if so i need to beg the doctor for some what exactly......anti depressants or what?
thanks

 

[RB2014]

Hi -just confused a bit,,,, I have till now managed to go without meds mostly. I am wondering if I am now doing something wrong? Is it that if i take the meds and then taper down this will reduce the volume level for me? if so i need to beg the doctor for some what exactly......anti depressants or what?
thanks

My tinnitus was made worst by stress. The anxiety and stress were somehow amplifying the tinnitus I had to very loud volume levels. The meds have reduced the anxiety/depression/stress which has made my tinnitus go back to what I call baseline. Tapering off the meds will only leave me with the same tinnitus I had before. They wont get rid of my tinnitus or leave me with volume levels lower than what I had before.
My hearing loss has been slow and I really never noticed my tinnitus much until I got H which amplified my T. I guess I habituated so slowly over time that it never bothered me much. AFter 6 months of stress/anxeity it began amplifying itself to unbearable levels. I'm just tying to get back to the point of where I was before where I barely noticed it. thats all.

 

[Vincent R]

It's all about mental state and if you constantly talk about how hard it is and how you cannot cope, how there are no options and will never be any treatments, well then you have lost before you start.

It may also be about having the right person to support you. I read in another thread about a T-sufferer who can only sleep for a few hours in a row, before the never ending scream in her head wakes her up. The T-sufferer is helped by a partner, who read bedtime stories and make her calming tea. Even so, the T-sufferer must be very mentally strong in order to get through the day.

I found that truly touching. It's the kind of picture that sticks with you. Life teaches us over and over again that you can't make it on your own. People live in couples because it serves a function.

Now, if T comes suddenly, is insanely load, there is H involved, the parts that made up that persons life may be hard to access due to the change in medical condition, and there's no one who can provide the kind of consistent support that would be ideal, then what on earth is the right thing to tell that person? Is there anything at all?

The approach you take here on Tinnitus Talk is proven to be the one with the highest success rate. It's naive to believe that an Internet Message Board can meet everybodies needs, and if you had that ambition, the outcome would probably be that you didn't helped anyone at all. What's more, if people gets disturbed by the direction the discussions are heading, you have to react on it.

I just want to make a humble point, which I don't think will hurt. Long before I got T, a medical condition brought me to the doorstep of Hell. That doesn't mean that I understand what Hell is, but I can start to make some speculations. In worst case scenario, I think people who say they are in Hell may actually be there. Telling them that things will, or at least might, improve may fell on deaf ears. Because Hell wouldn't be Hell if there are ways out. The best you can hope for is that the Hell dweller eventually may start to have a look around and ask him- or herself if the visit can be made any less uncomfortable. The doors out may be properly locked up, at least for the time beeing, but there are more ways to make yourself at home in Hell than can be spotted at a first glance.

Anyway, if anyone who reads this and feel it relates to them, I just wanted to share a last piece of understanding for gruesome moments that may be ahead.

 

[Vincent R]

@Vincent R , what happened to the ankh?

I had a change of mood. The smiling cat is from Alice in Wonderland by Tim Burton, and if this T-condition isn't falling down in the rabbit hole, I frankly don't know what is.

 

[amandine]

My tinnitus was made worst by stress. The anxiety and stress were somehow amplifying the tinnitus I had to very loud volume levels. The meds have reduced the anxiety/depression/stress which has made my tinnitus go back to what I call baseline. Tapering off the meds will only leave me with the same tinnitus I had before. They wont get rid of my tinnitus or leave me with volume levels lower than what I had before.
My hearing loss has been slow and I really never noticed my tinnitus much until I got H which amplified my T. I guess I habituated so slowly over time that it never bothered me much. After 6 months of stress/anxeity it began amplifying itself to unbearable levels. I'm just tying to get back to the point of where I was before where I barely noticed it. thats all.

Ok so if you hadn't written that about yourself I would say that this is an exact description of my story...except that it has now been going on for eight months with no end in sight just yet...I am now planning a move changing countries.......very very stressful.......and when it all started mine was also so low that it wouldn't have bothered anyone really either but it has ramped up and up - so maybe I need the meds like you while I am going through all this so that once I am more settled and without reasons to be anxious or worried, then I could taper off. So what am I looking for exactly.......anti depressants or what........jeez just the thought of having to take anything like that fills me with horror.....never in my life did I ever think that I would be taking such drugs..but do you recommend this then to control the volume levels of the T until in a few months when I am hopefully in a happier situation then I can get off them?

 

[Steve]

Sorry to Steve. I know this isnt the post you probably wanted to see.

Not at all. I have my own opinions but they are just an opinion. One of the great things about the forum is that melding of opinions and experiences that allow you to cherry pick from various situations and approaches, finding what matches yours the best. This is ultimately a journey where each person has to find their own path.

I have taken meds years ago (Lorazepam) and been through the fallout so I am pretty against them. I also totally understand being in that position where there feels like no choice but to use them. I've used both them and alcohol as a crutch in the past.

If you need short term use of something to help re-balance then that's what you need. I always say don't do it unless you absolutely have to but I guess that it's very easy to say that if you aren't right in the middle of it.

@Steve You are right. It is a mental thing. I apologize for causing distress or t-spikes with my post. The truth is that I had a tough week and felt that I needed to vent and rant a bit in my own way when I saw this topic. Of course it isnt always as gloomy as I depicted, I also have good days and moments... it's just that when the T gets really bad and depression and anxiety get stronger I cannot stop myself of having these thoughts. I believe that indeed it is more the depression that causes the suffering than the noise itself.

Wish you all a silent weekend.

I understand. The thing is, we all need to vent. It does nothing to keep things inside and let them build up, smiling on the outside like it's all fine. There will be plenty of people that read my comments and think "I wish he would just shut his face, with his unicorns and rainbows crap". I do believe in the mental side of it though and only being able to get better by pushing the negative thoughts out, otherwise we can never recover.

 

[RB2014]

Ok so if you hadn't written that about yourself I would say that this is an exact description of my story...except that it has now been going on for eight months with no end in sight just yet...I am now planning a move changing countries.......very very stressful.......and when it all started mine was also so low that it wouldn't have bothered anyone really either but it has ramped up and up - so maybe I need the meds like you while I am going through all this so that once I am more settled and without reasons to be anxious or worried, then I could taper off. So what am I looking for exactly.......anti depressants or what........jeez just the thought of having to take anything like that fills me with horror.....never in my life did I ever think that I would be taking such drugs..but do you recommend this then to control the volume levels of the T until in a few months when I am hopefully in a happier situation then I can get off them?

I was on anti-anxiety (clonazepam) for a while. It lowers t volume, makes it easier to ignore, and can stop any stress panic attacks. It made me feel like my old self again. Some days I would have very low T levels. The problem is it only does this for 4 to 6 hours at a time. After 3 months of tapering down I'm realizing I still haven't solved all of the issues I had. I am now on an SSRI, anti-depressant, 4 days into it. They take a bit to kick in, but my T is no longer what I call amplified. At the end day, if this has been going on for 8 months that you have not solved the issues that bother you, just like I have not solved them. My body is just not right. The anti-anxiety only mask the problem, the anti-depressant will give you brain more serotonin, which is what it needs to deal with the issues. I fought and fought to not have to take anti-depressants, but I have finally given in. AFter 3 months I was having one good T day and one bad, or 2 good and 2 bad, but the lack of sleep was not letting me get better. I've tried all of the above techniques. Breathing, imagining myself on a beach, etc etc. I was much much better than when this thing first started, but I was not my old self again. I now feel myself slowly being my old self with the lower T levels and I'm getting the sleep I need. Personally I think this will work for me as I can now taper off this medication and it will be a gradual decline. I would only recommend clonazepam for extreme panic attacks or catastrophic levels of T. What I realized is that 3 months of masking my problems didnt get me better.

 

[svintegrity]

@Vincent R you are so right. It often takes a very good support person as well. I am the one whose husband reads to me every night for sleep. If I wake up from the loud noise he wakes up and reads to me again. I can honestly say that I would not be making it on this journey with T and H without his undying support.

Now don't get me wrong, I am used to pain, and am a former athlete. I trained at the Olympic Training Center in cycling, have been a marathon runner, a high altitude mountaineer even with a few summits in the Himalayas, and competed in 50k ski marathons, but this loud, unrelenting T and H is bringing me to my knees!

I am no stranger to suffering after a pack of five dogs dragged me off my bicycle during a training ride and chewed up my leg. Emergency surgery, and a year of hospitalizations followed due to complications. I have been through two cancer surgeries, and radiation sickness. My first husband died in a mountaineering accident, I lost my mother who was my best friend in the whole world. But this loud, intractable, debilitating T and H is bringing me to my knees!

 

[NiNyu]

@Steve ,

Gaby Olthuis, a psychotherapist herself, lived over 13 years with extreme debilitating T +H which got worse every single year. She did try all available treatments, everything she could and struggled and suffered profoundly with her condition. Nothing could talk or mask her noise and pain away.
Now who are we to judge her condition, her pain, her agony? What happened to, 'we have to learn to accept that there are people other than ourselves in the world and they have their own sad story to tell.'? Gaby Olthuis told her story. She gave the viewer a genuine perspective of her condition without any euphemism or platitudes. She approved the documentary of her misery with the purpose to raise awareness, so that people know how severe T can be. Not everybody has mild T. I do understand her. And I have to say instead of calling her story negative rather call it what it really is, sad.

The sole purpose of doctors, clinics should be to help the helpless. Mitigate or end suffering. Ignoring their patient's pain, generalizing their suffering, telling them that they have other problems than their ailment or that it could be all worse, letting them suffer for years to come -- that is a crime! Everything else is just a matter of opinion.

The most successful campaigns are those that open the minds of the most number of people. Take cancer for instance, people do suffer, people do die, and people choose to die earlier. Does that mean we shouldn't talk about it? Or that cancer equals negativity 'cause people die? Of course T isn't a life-threatening disease but is it less severe? Again, I am not referring to mild T (only perceivable when being in total silent, or sticking fingers in the ears). I think there's a huge difference between sanity destroying intrusive ultra loud T (+H) and mild T.

A painful story has nothing to do with negativity. It is just a sad story. So can be reality. People suffer greatly, of course not all but many, that is a plain fact. A painful story can evoke empathy, compassion, and awareness. The need to help. Now Gaby Olthuis story is off topic (discuss other health issues unrelated to tinnitus.) Is her story really unrelated to T ? That's all I'm questioning.

Every coin has two sides. We have a Success Stories board why not having a News Stories board as well? So that people can post newspaper stories, blog posts, online articles.. and make a HUGE note on the top of the board to warn users that any T related story can be posted there, sad or happy.

 

[Steve]

@Steve ,

Gaby Olthuis, a psychotherapist herself, lived over 13 years with extreme debilitating T +H which got worse every single year. She did try all available treatments, everything she could and struggled and suffered profoundly with her condition. Nothing could talk or mask her noise and pain away.
Now who are we to judge her condition, her pain, her agony? What happened to, 'we have to learn to accept that there are people other than ourselves in the world and they have their own sad story to tell.'? Gaby Olthuis told her story. She gave the viewer a genuine perspective of her condition without any euphemism or platitudes. She approved the documentary of her misery with the purpose to raise awareness, so that people know how severe T can be. Not everybody has mild T. I do understand her. And I have to say instead of calling her story negative rather call it what it really is, sad.

The sole purpose of doctors, clinics should be to help the helpless. Mitigate or end suffering. Ignoring their patient's pain, generalizing their suffering, telling them that they have other problems than their ailment or that it could be all worse, letting them suffer for years to come -- that is a crime! Everything else is just a matter of opinion.

The most successful campaigns are those that open the minds of the most number of people. Take cancer for instance, people do suffer, people do die, and people choose to die earlier. Does that mean we shouldn't talk about it? Or that cancer equals negativity 'cause people die? Of course T isn't a life-threatening disease but is it less severe? Again, I am not referring to mild T (only perceivable when being in total silent, or sticking fingers in the ears). I think there's a huge difference between sanity destroying intrusive ultra loud T (+H) and mild T.

A painful story has nothing to do with negativity. It is just a sad story. So can be reality. People suffer greatly, of course not all but many, that is a plain fact. A painful story can evoke empathy, compassion, and awareness. The need to help. Now Gaby Olthuis story is off topic (discuss other health issues unrelated to tinnitus.) Is her story really unrelated to T ? That's all I'm questioning.

Every coin has two sides. We have a Success Stories board why not having a News Stories board as well? So that people can post newspaper stories, blog posts, online articles.. and make a HUGE note on the top of the board to warn users that any T related story can be posted there, sad or happy.

I'm just off to bed (early start tomorrow) but wanted to say that I understand where you are coming from in the above. The reason the story is off-topic has as much to do with the fact that we don't have an appropriate forum for it. The issue at the time was that our support forum really isn't appropriate, it just didn't engage or encourage support so we felt it was in the wrong place. People go there for help and this story can't offer that.

I didn't mean that her story was negative (yes it is sad by nature), it's the journalistic spin, especially in stories following it, designed to sell copy and get comments that I dislike.

Taking cancer as an example http://www.cancerresearchuk.org and http://www.macmillan.org.uk

They don't dwell on the negatives and they have so many more to dwell on that a tinnitus patient. They show challenges to overcome, stories that touch the reader, focus on the fight, how you can help. If you go to a forum I am sure it's different, people with no choice but to face their fate.

Even in darkest times there is hope. I love @Vincent R post above, he put it beautifully so I'm just copying it:

In worst case scenario, I think people who say they are in Hell may actually be there. Telling them that things will, or at least might, improve may fell on deaf ears. Because Hell wouldn't be Hell if there are ways out. The best you can hope for is that the Hell dweller eventually may start to have a look around and ask him- or herself if the visit can be made any less uncomfortable. The doors out may be properly locked up, at least for the time beeing, but there are more ways to make yourself at home in Hell than can be spotted at a first glance.