Indeed, what did we do? As I mentioned in this thread a few times, I have been thoroughly reviewing my life and my sins and I have kept wondering if this is a punishment of sorts. If it was, it is vastly unjust. In the end it is just stupid coincidence and bad luck (and stupidity/ignorance) - I am absolutely convinced if it wasn't for the sinus infection, the acoustic trauma would not have been enough to cause such a devastation in my ears.Kinda honing this back to where it started. I hope this is a temporary setback for you. I think anyone following this thread is rooting for you, myself included. I can't speak from much experience with tinnitus... I just know the little I have dealt with it, it completely sucks and can upend your life. I have made my only choice to move forward, but I don't know if I will have that same feeling 6 months, 1 year, or 5 years from now. This disorder seems to affect every one differently, and suffering is relative. It makes you wonder on the daily basis what you did to deserve this!
Thank you. I was quite impressed with your quick progress. And you have been dealing with cancer, too! Hope you will keep winning on all your fronts.I really don't know what to say other than that I deeply feel for you and hope you're eventually able to come out the other end of this with your life back on track.
I don't know what to suggest in regards to getting to that point but the sheer length of this thread conveys how much you're struggling. I wish I was able to help but what worked for me may not for you, unfortunately.
Stay strong.
So we just returned from our 8 day vacation on a Caribbean island. I guess I should declare it was a success. Surely the best time I have had since the trauma - which occurred just 6 months ago (out of which last 4-5 months have been really bad).@gameover, how are you getting on now? This thread seems to have descended into a bit of chaos which is understandable given your struggles. I was super pleased to see your progress after your four (?) months of hell, are you still feeling a slight upward trajectory?
We stayed in a cottage that was fairly isolated in the middle of rainforest on a dead end road accessible only by a 4x4 vehicle. The rainforest is incredible, especially at night. The noise actually was for the most part effective in masking my reactive tinnitus. Pretty much every evening I was able to forget I have tinnitus for at least a few hours. And that's without focusing on some activity. Even during the day, even though I always can hear the tinnitus over wind or waves at the beach, I could sort of forget or not pay attention to it. I guess that's what habituation is like?
Best of all I did not hear (or even see) one damn motorbike for the entire time there. Heard a small plane once. Truck with a backup beeper - once, just today. I honestly did not get angry or even irritated for the entire time there. Bliss, I suppose.
We were taking it easy - very unlike our typical vacation which were always extremely active. Basically sleep till 11 am. Brunch, hang around our cottage (with great ocean view), go to a beach, maybe snorkel (not much tinnitus to be heard with head under water!), then get back, wash up and hit a restaurant. Pretty much every restaurant we went to was semi-open, so noise wise they were manageable in my custom 26 dB earplugs. Then go back, hang around the cottage. My wife would go to sleep at a normal time, I'd stay up late playing online chess, mostly forgetting I have tinnitus...
I would even go as far as to say I could almost forget I have hyperacusis. Well, the restaurants would remind me of it, but overall it was not an issue there.
One interesting thing I noticed. My bad/worse ear (left) has clearly more damage. If I lay down with left ear up (right on the pillow), the rainforest/cicadas would sound weird with some frequencies missing and reactivity shooting up. Lying down with left on the pillow was actually better - tinnitus would be quieter and the external sound seemed more correct via right ear.
Had somewhat tough time on the return flight. The roar of the plane has become hard to bear after a couple of hours. The stupid brain just keeps cranking the gain, so there is no point of using double protection. I did not want to use noise-cancelling headphones even without audio - I am afraid of them now.
So overall this should be uplifting experience, right? Coming home brought me down. I am preparing to be assaulted by the noise starting tomorrow morning. Dark thoughts came back. My takeaway is that staying away from people and their noise really helps me. Unfortunately I certainly can't afford living on a tropical island. Living comfortably in places like that means big, big bucks. Maybe the "house in the woods" somewhere near will be doable, but still difficult. But I am still unsure if I will find the strength to continue. I really want to stay around for those 1-2 years to see if I will improve.
You see, turns out I always had issues with people, crowds and resulting sensory overload. My mom reminded me when was little, like 5 years old, I'd get overwhelmed and irritated by crowds. I just learned to overcome this. Heck, I lived in a crowded dorm in a big city by a busy four lane major route. I travelled and spent time in loud super crowded cities in China and Japan. I'd say dealing with noise and people started getting progressively harder over the last 10-15 years, but it went from say 5 to 15 on 1-100 scale. Tinnitus and hyperacusis suddenly took it to 99. I really have an incredibly hard time dealing with it.
Thank you everyone here for your support.
EDIT:
One thing I should add. My tinnitus/hyperacusis overall was unaffected by the trip. No particular spikes or such. Hyperacusis kinda ramps up from protection as mentioned, but seems to go back to its baseline fairly quickly.
Rainforest sounds from laptop speakers do not work remotely as well as the real thing. I probably should fire up my audiophile setup that I have not hooked up in the this house yet and play sounds on it.