Here I Go Again

[Telis]

Just venting I guess. Don't have anyone in real life I can complain to about my troubles unfortunately.

Do you actually have H? or is this more of a obsessive thing, kind of like having to post about every sound you hear? You don't really say much about what happens with you ears days after the event, you talk just about the noises, I assume nothing happens and this is all mental? Maybe time to see a shrink mate?

 

[LeQuack]

Have you seen a psychiatrist?

I've seen a psychologist a while back but after a couple of sessions it did nothing for me. She kept trying to convince me that I'm weird because this sound in my head is bothering me.

Well maybe I am weird and not meant for his world. That's why I keep hoping that I get some crap like a brain tumor so I would take the easy way out.

 

[Fangen]

I've seen a psychologist a while back but after a couple of sessions it did nothing for me. She kept trying to convince me that I'm weird because this sound in my head is bothering me.

Well maybe I am weird and not meant for his world. That's why I keep hoping that I get some crap like a brain tumor so I would take the easy way out.

Then you should go and see a new one if your psychologist believes that you are weird. I saw mine the other day for the first time and she didn't question me at all, she listened and took in what I said. I don't expect anyone to remove or ease my T, if I can't, she can't either. But she can help me with my fear or loud noises and my reaction to it. So my anxiety is the one that needs to be treated.

 

[LeQuack]

I don't want to see psychologists, I am not crazy, I just have tinnitus. Why don't they send people with a broken leg to see a psychologist for their pain instead of fixing them.

Anyhow I have a decent spike in my left ear today, it might be because of yesterday or it might be random, those happen as well. Although yesterday after the loud event I didn't have a spike, it was just today when I woke up. My ears sucks and loud people suck even more, why don't they get tinnitus. Maybe if everyone had tinnitus the world would be a better place.

 

[Fangen]

I don't want to see psychologists, I am not crazy, I just have tinnitus. Why don't they send people with a broken leg to see a psychologist for their pain instead of fixing them.

... and that is why you aren't getting better. I don't see myself as crazy for going to a therapist, the fact is that there is no cure of T. Since we cannot cure it, all we can do to get better (more or less) is to handle it in a better way. Since it is obvious that you have anxiety and fear of it getting worse, then a psychologist can help you with your fear and the feelings you have towards T. If you don't believe in correlation between T and anxiety/fear/depression/stress, then I don't know what anyone here can do for you really.

I have spikes during the day, everyday. It is just the way it behaves for me. But I don't go and try to measure it as much. I have scares too with loud people or noises, but still, if you can't try to help yourself by going to a professional that handles people with the same problem as you, the fact is that you will just be in the state that you are mentally forever. Since you are here on the forum, I doubt that it is what you really want.

 

[glynis]

@LeQuack,
The loud sounds can become a phobia so just remember you are in charge and walk away calmly from loud unpradicted sounds that cause you stress and problems.
Shrug them off as a sound that has come and gone with no lasting effects unless it was a sever sound that lasted a while.
Great your getting out so keep it up...lots of love glynis

 

[LeQuack]

Sorry to bother you guys again, I've been trying to handle the everyday noises and not obsess about it or write about it. And I feel I was making at least a bit of progress, that is until today.

I was driving along a small road, and there is a police station right next to it. I didn't give any thought to it since I've driven there many times without incident, but today a police van chose to turn on the sirens right when I was passing the driveway, he was literally just to the right of me waiting to get out of the driveway, 3 feet away. I got so shocked I'm lucky I didn't crash my car. I'm still shaking. And as I drove past he was right after me, I somehow managed to pull into someones driveway and let him past. I did have my windows rolled up but it felt like I didn't it was so loud.

So now all that progress I've done is over. I feel my life might as well be over now, I will never be able to recover from this. And my T is screaming.

 

[undecided]

Setbacks are a part of progress, friend.

 

[LeQuack]

Setbacks are a part of progress, friend.

I don't think additional hearing loss and new T tones will help my progress.

Unfortunately my right ear which is my worse ear was tuned to the siren and I can already hear that my T is louder and like a deeper tone added.

That's why if it is permanent I will never be able to live it down, I'll always think back on this moment that everything became worse.

 

[LeQuack]

So the average car windows are supposed to attenuate about 20dB of sound give or take. Ambulance/police siren @ 10feet/3 meters is supposed to be 123 dB, but I was closer @ about 5 feet/1.5 meters, so that's about 130 dB, with the windows up that's supposedly 110 dB.

So if that's true how much damage is possible with 110 dB for about 10 seconds? Because my T is still screaming at me since the incident this morning and I don't know if I can accept that this fucking 10 second thing can change my life for the worst. I usually hear sirens coming and try to avoid them or at least plug my ears. But this guy was being an asshole and waited till he was right next to me and switched on the siren. Couldn't do anything, couldn't plug my ears since I was still driving.

 

[Richard zurowski]

@LeQuack . As soon as I see police. Ambulances. Fire trucks. It's hands over ears time. I've been caught out with there screaming sirens and my T shot up. But it went down and I'm sure yours will to.

 

[glynis]

We have two young lads zooming along the streets backwards and forwards reving their motorbikes just for fun.
They came past me 6 times on a 5 min walk from work to home.
This has been going on for weeks and have been reported by people in the street and joining streets.
Silly lads....lots of love glynis

 

[LeQuack]

@LeQuack . As soon as I see police. Ambulances. Fire trucks. It's hands over ears time. I've been caught out with there screaming sirens and my T shot up. But it went down and I'm sure yours will to.

That's what I usually do as well but I had to steer so I was pretty much helpless.

 

[LeQuack]

I hate to post here as I've been really trying to not obsess about every noise I hear but today really got to me.
I was not feeling well since the morning, since my T was quite loud when I woke up.

But then I got to work walking down the stairwell and some guy was playing with his keys in the stairwell and managed to drop them and they fell almost all the way to the bottom, hitting the metal guardrail in between and it was so loud I was shell shocked, couldn't even move let alone plug my ears. I had no immediate pain in my ears or anything but my anxiety is through the roof and so is my T now.

Now like I said I am really trying to not let every sound bother me and not posting or obsessing about it. And there have been quite a few of them lately. When I go cycling it's outside obviously so it's always this thing or the other. Motorbikes, ambulances nearby and so on. But today I just can't ignore it, I'm afraid of what damage this might have done. And it was so loud that it must have done some damage. The last time I posted was when I was exposed to a police siren inside the car, but looking back I was still fortunate enough to be inside a car, whereas here I was unprotected. And being in a stairwell the sounds are actually amplified so that makes it even worse. Just don't know how I can cope with this, it's too much.

 

[JasonP]

I hate to post here as I've been really trying to not obsess about every noise I hear but today really got to me.
I was not feeling well since the morning, since my T was quite loud when I woke up.

But then I got to work walking down the stairwell and some guy was playing with his keys in the stairwell and managed to drop them and they fell almost all the way to the bottom, hitting the metal guardrail in between and it was so loud I was shell shocked, couldn't even move let alone plug my ears. I had no immediate pain in my ears or anything but my anxiety is through the roof and so is my T now.

Now like I said I am really trying to not let every sound bother me and not posting or obsessing about it. And there have been quite a few of them lately. When I go cycling it's outside obviously so it's always this thing or the other. Motorbikes, ambulances nearby and so on. But today I just can't ignore it, I'm afraid of what damage this might have done. And it was so loud that it must have done some damage. The last time I posted was when I was exposed to a police siren inside the car, but looking back I was still fortunate enough to be inside a car, whereas here I was unprotected. And being in a stairwell the sounds are actually amplified so that makes it even worse. Just don't know how I can cope with this, it's too much.

Okay, here is my suggestion. Call up a specialist that has years and years of experience with hearing aids. Have a custom ear mold made for each ear that can attach to the end of a hearing aid. When the ear mold end of the hearing aid is plugged into your ear, it should reduce a lot of the ambient noise. See if you have hearing loss so they can program them some so that ambient noise can reduce the perception of T. THEN have the guy clip ALL amplification above a comfortable dB level for you, NOT just automatically reducing amplification when sounds reach a certain level because this could take a couple of seconds. This last step is crucial because if they can't do this with the hearing aids, then the whole idea is worthless. So that is the big question you have to ask up front: Can all amplification automatically be clipped at a comfortable level for you. If not, throw out the whole hearing aid idea. Hear is what I am talking about when I say clipping:

http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/hbase/audio/imgaud/amp2.gif

Also, if it starts to really get to you and you can't cope with the emotions from T anymore and you've tried natural supplements and they haven't helped I would suggest going to a psychiatrist. I had to do it because of depression and T (bad mood swings). T has given me the most the depressive moods out of anything I have ever been depressed about. I got on Lamictal and so far it seems to help. I also take Klonopin which I have been taking long term but I don't think it is a good idea to and it is not recommended. I have tried to come of Klonopin quite a few times and have terrible side effects. What would work for you could be totally different. On the other hand, you could look into medications that may lower your T. Its kind of like a crap shoot there though. I hope you feel better asap.

 

[JasonP]

Okay, here is my suggestion. Call up a specialist that has years and years of experience with hearing aids. Have a custom ear mold made for each ear that can attach to the end of a hearing aid. When the ear mold end of the hearing aid is plugged into your ear, it should reduce a lot of the ambient noise. See if you have hearing loss so they can program them some so that ambient noise can reduce the perception of T. THEN have the guy clip ALL amplification above a comfortable dB level for you, NOT just automatically reducing amplification when sounds reach a certain level because this could take a couple of seconds. This last step is crucial because if they can't do this with the hearing aids, then the whole idea is worthless. So that is the big question you have to ask up front: Can all amplification automatically be clipped at a comfortable level for you. If not, throw out the whole hearing aid idea. Hear is what I am talking about when I say clipping:

http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/hbase/audio/imgaud/amp2.gif

Also, if it starts to really get to you and you can't cope with the emotions from T anymore and you've tried natural supplements and they haven't helped I would suggest going to a psychiatrist. I had to do it because of depression and T (bad mood swings). T has given me the most the depressive moods out of anything I have ever been depressed about. I got on Lamictal and so far it seems to help. I also take Klonopin which I have been taking long term but I don't think it is a good idea to and it is not recommended. I have tried to come of Klonopin quite a few times and have terrible side effects. What would work for you could be totally different. On the other hand, you could look into medications that may lower your T. Its kind of like a crap shoot there though. I hope you feel better asap.

I hate to post here as I've been really trying to not obsess about every noise I hear but today really got to me.
I was not feeling well since the morning, since my T was quite loud when I woke up.

But then I got to work walking down the stairwell and some guy was playing with his keys in the stairwell and managed to drop them and they fell almost all the way to the bottom, hitting the metal guardrail in between and it was so loud I was shell shocked, couldn't even move let alone plug my ears. I had no immediate pain in my ears or anything but my anxiety is through the roof and so is my T now.

Now like I said I am really trying to not let every sound bother me and not posting or obsessing about it. And there have been quite a few of them lately. When I go cycling it's outside obviously so it's always this thing or the other. Motorbikes, ambulances nearby and so on. But today I just can't ignore it, I'm afraid of what damage this might have done. And it was so loud that it must have done some damage. The last time I posted was when I was exposed to a police siren inside the car, but looking back I was still fortunate enough to be inside a car, whereas here I was unprotected. And being in a stairwell the sounds are actually amplified so that makes it even worse. Just don't know how I can cope with this, it's too much.

Sorry, I had to correct the last paragraph. The changes are in all caps:

Also, if it starts to really get to you and you can't cope with the emotions from T anymore and you've tried natural supplements and they haven't helped I would suggest going to a psychiatrist. I had to do it because of depression and T (bad mood swings). T has given me the most the depressive moods out of anything I have ever been depressed about. I got on Lamictal and so far it seems to help. I also take Klonopin which I have been taking long term but I don't think it is a good idea to and it is not recommended. I have tried to come OFF Klonopin quite a few times and have terrible WITHDRAWAL effects. What would work for you could be totally different. On the other hand, you could look into medications that may lower your T. Its kind of like a crap shoot there though. I hope you feel better asap.

 

[LeQuack]

Sorry, I had to correct the last paragraph. The changes are in all caps:

Also, if it starts to really get to you and you can't cope with the emotions from T anymore and you've tried natural supplements and they haven't helped I would suggest going to a psychiatrist. I had to do it because of depression and T (bad mood swings). T has given me the most the depressive moods out of anything I have ever been depressed about. I got on Lamictal and so far it seems to help. I also take Klonopin which I have been taking long term but I don't think it is a good idea to and it is not recommended. I have tried to come OFF Klonopin quite a few times and have terrible WITHDRAWAL effects. What would work for you could be totally different. On the other hand, you could look into medications that may lower your T. Its kind of like a crap shoot there though. I hope you feel better asap.

Thanks for the advice man. I mean for sure I'd like something to lower my T, that would be a blessing. I only take NAC from time to time after loud exposures, hard to say if it really does anything though. And some multivitamins.

The spike is still here today, which is a bummer. I'm a bit calmer than yesterday, not thinking about the loud event so much but it's still hard with this spike. If my T hadn't change it would be easy to dismiss it but the T in my left ear is pretty horrible now. My reactive tones are really raging, can't cover those up, but even worse the tonal tinnitus which is usually more in the background during the day has really been bothering me.

Don't know what I'll do if the spikes don't go away, my life would be even more horrible than it is already. I'm just really angry that these things keep happening to me. I mean if I'd gone down the stairs a bit sooner or later then it wouldn't have happened. Or if I didn't want that damn soda from the machine, which is why I went down the stairs in the first place. Or if I'd worn ear protection at least, but then again I would have to wear them basically all day long unless I'm home. It just seems that the amount of bad luck I have lately is unreal, like I'm almost cursed.

 

[JasonP]

Thanks for the advice man. I mean for sure I'd like something to lower my T, that would be a blessing. I only take NAC from time to time after loud exposures, hard to say if it really does anything though. And some multivitamins.

The spike is still here today, which is a bummer. I'm a bit calmer than yesterday, not thinking about the loud event so much but it's still hard with this spike. If my T hadn't change it would be easy to dismiss it but the T in my left ear is pretty horrible now. My reactive tones are really raging, can't cover those up, but even worse the tonal tinnitus which is usually more in the background during the day has really been bothering me.

Don't know what I'll do if the spikes don't go away, my life would be even more horrible than it is already. I'm just really angry that these things keep happening to me. I mean if I'd gone down the stairs a bit sooner or later then it wouldn't have happened. Or if I didn't want that damn soda from the machine, which is why I went down the stairs in the first place. Or if I'd worn ear protection at least, but then again I would have to wear them basically all day long unless I'm home. It just seems that the amount of bad luck I have lately is unreal, like I'm almost cursed.

I understand that feeling. There is a point in time I wish I could go back to and prevent this all from happening to me. I am sure most of us would. Hey, do you take any medication for depression?

 

[Telis]

Thanks for the advice man. I mean for sure I'd like something to lower my T, that would be a blessing. I only take NAC from time to time after loud exposures, hard to say if it really does anything though. And some multivitamins.

The spike is still here today, which is a bummer. I'm a bit calmer than yesterday, not thinking about the loud event so much but it's still hard with this spike. If my T hadn't change it would be easy to dismiss it but the T in my left ear is pretty horrible now. My reactive tones are really raging, can't cover those up, but even worse the tonal tinnitus which is usually more in the background during the day has really been bothering me.

Don't know what I'll do if the spikes don't go away, my life would be even more horrible than it is already. I'm just really angry that these things keep happening to me. I mean if I'd gone down the stairs a bit sooner or later then it wouldn't have happened. Or if I didn't want that damn soda from the machine, which is why I went down the stairs in the first place. Or if I'd worn ear protection at least, but then again I would have to wear them basically all day long unless I'm home. It just seems that the amount of bad luck I have lately is unreal, like I'm almost cursed.

I think I have told you this before, it's not bad luck, noises happen in life. Lucky people are not exempt from other people dropping their keys around them. Sorry man, life doesn't work that way. Make your own luck, things don't just happen, you have to make them happen. If you are worsening your ears constantly you would think that you would want to rely on something better than dumb luck.

 

[LeQuack]

I think I have told you this before, it's not bad luck, noises happen in life. Lucky people are not exempt from other people dropping their keys around them. Sorry man, life doesn't work that way. Make your own luck, things don't just happen, you have to make them happen. If you are worsening your ears constantly you would think that you would want to rely on something better than dumb luck.

You are right, and unfortunately I paid for it today again with another loud trauma. Worst of all is that I did have ear plugs with me, I now carry them while cycling but only put them in when I know I'm going to go through some noisy or busy areas and such, when I'm out in the nature I take them out.

I was cycling near a workshop but it was evening and it looked closed plus I've cycled there almost daily without issue. But today someone decided to start banging some metal with a hammer or at least that's how it sounded, just as I went past. No time to react. I plugged my right ear with my finger and cycled on as fast as I could but I'm panicking again. That shit was really loud, not just hyperacusis loud but actually loud.

Mostly just angry at myself for being stupid and not using the plugs when I had the chance. Just 5 min before I helped a blind man across the road and thought to myself at least I got some good karma. Well karma just said fuck you, you don't deserve to be happy.

 

[Tommi_boi]

In a state of worrying again. I was in an elevator and carrying some stuff in my arms. And just when I reached my floor I was clumsy and it all fell to the floor. The floor and the whole elevator is metal so it made the loudest sound ever, reverberated by the small elevator. I knew before it hit the floor I was in trouble. Since it's late I was the only one in the building so at least there was no one else around but now I'm panicking.

Since I have a sound meter I put in some ear plugs and tried to replicate the sound and it measured 95-100 dB give or take. But I don't know know how good sound meters are for sudden noises like that, I did try it a few times but it was always around that. How worried should I be? I just can't believe that even though I try and protect my hearing the best I can something like this happens totally unexpected and totally destroys me.

If it helps, I am in the same . I was on average that put it's breaks on and the sound was piercing, since then T has spiked... but what everyone says try to ignore it and don't think about it awkward as this sounds.

The way I see it, the past is the past ... put your feet up keep yourself preoccupied and chill out for a week or two and see how you go.

Take comfort in that I am going through exactly the same as you right now...

 

[Alue]

I had a roller coaster rush right over my head two days ago. I was at the drive through ordering food. Well the drive through just so happens to be right next to the fence of a theme park, but who looks up when they are going through a drive through? I thought it was odd that the speaker was so loud at the drive through but kept on, half way through ordering I heard a very loud roar and screams as the roller coaster coaster rushed by.

Like @Telis said, noise happens and sometimes you can't avoid it.

 

[LeQuack]

Thanks for the encouragement you two, it helps to just know you're not alone out there.

 

[LeQuack]

Man I can't believe my luck again, just have to share this nonsense. The spike from yesterday was a bit better and I was out cycling, it's how I deal with everyday stress and such, well I went up some nearby hills and on top of one just as I was about to descent I put in my ear plugs since I usually do because it's very hard to put your fingers in yours ears when going downhill.

And just as I was going through a slight left corner my left ear plug fell out, I stretched my neck too far or something, it doesn't happen often. And in that second or two there was an emergency siren very close, and my left ear was left unprotected. They stopped after a few seconds and as I was going by I saw that the whole village was having some sort of a picnic and the firemen had a few trucks there and someone I guess thought it would be funny to just turn on the sirens for a while, probably some kids playing.

I mean seriously, what are the odds of that happening. My ear plug falling out and just in that second the sirens, which I've never heard there and I've been cycling for years that route. It's beyond me, it's not normal, it's like a curse. What can I really do in that situation.

 

[Telis]

I wouldn't worry about it. You will be posting tomorrow about the next incident, maybe worry about that one instead, take your mind of this one and move on to the next one.

 

[LeQuack]

I wouldn't worry about it. You will be posting tomorrow about the next incident, maybe worry about that one instead, take your mind of this one and move on to the next one.

They keep happening so I just might do that.

 

[LeQuack]

I wouldn't worry about it. You will be posting tomorrow about the next incident, maybe worry about that one instead, take your mind of this one and move on to the next one.

Well you were right. Today it was the motorcycle's turn to make my day worse. But to be honest it was my fault, heard a scooter and they usually aren't loud, so I didn't use my ear plugs, but just as he came around the corner he put on the gas and darn it was loud. So basically, had the time to do something but I didn't. I'm not angry at the motorbikes even though they are assholes with their loud exhausts, I'm angry at myself.

And just to make things worse now my T in my left war is spiking big time.

 

[LeQuack]

This is like my personal blog now or what.

Well anyhow I'm still recovering from the spike in my left ear, it was a bit better yesterday. But yes, as you might have anticipated I got more bad luck. Some construction work is going on near where I live so I always try to go to work before they start, but today they were too early. I got to my car alright, it's a bit of a walk, and of course I forgot my phone. But when going back it was already too late, they have begun to be make loud noises because everybody knows you can't do construction without throwing shit around like a monkey. And when I retrieved my phone and tried to walk back to my car they already started the power tools and some guy hammering the shit of out of some concrete, and no way around them too. Fuck me. I'm so stupid though, should just have went to work without my phone and that would be it, now I paid for it with more damage to my ears.

How can I continue to live in this world like this?

 

[LeQuack]

Just went to a quiet place at work and my T is really raging now. The spike in my left ear is now much worse and there's obviously been some irreversible damage to my ears. I wish I was strong enough to kill myself, that's all I really think about every day. If only I wasn't so afraid of dying.

Also I've decided to just stop writing this shit, no one really cares to be honest. Everyone is alone with their tinnitus and no one can really help. Sorry if reading this is not uplifting, maybe it's just me that has it bad.

Also, fuck these people that keep making my tinnitus worse. Hopefully they get tinnitus themselves so they can experience my suffering.

 

[undecided]

You seem to have a very high sensitivity or intolerance to any loud environmental noise.
That in itself may be a condition that you have to look into, probably with the help of a psychiatrist.
It not that common, but if you think about it, all t people experience it to some extent. You experience it on an extreme level.
For starters, you can use earplugs whenever you are not in your house or in your car.

Now the killing yourself stuff is a common sign of a depressed person, you seem like a smart individual, I believe you realize that you have to improve your mood.
Depression is a real life f*cker. But you can/must do something about it.
You don't have to start going to a doctor and getting prescribed all those SSRI shit.
Start with 100mg of 5-htp 2 hours before your bedtime for a couple of weeks and see if your mood improves.
If it doesn't, stay one week on 200mg.
If you don't get any improvement, go to a neuro and talk about going on non SSRI antidepressant like remeron or cymbalta. Get your life back mate.