How to Be with Someone Having Tinnitus?

#122
Michael Leigh said:
I am not single @Christophe_85 and think I mentioned this to you a while back in PM At present I do not want to get married due to the reasons discussed on this thread...
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Ah ok... :)

I don't remember we talked about it but this is possible since my memory is not very well those days...

And your partner has accepted the fact that you don't want to get married ?
 
#127
Christophe_85 said:
But don't you feel lonely being single ?
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To me, just like you can never be too healthy, and you can also never be too lonely. In other words, I don't really understand having a negative connotation associated with words "healthy" and "lonely". I understand the word "solitude", but not the word "lonely".
 
#129
Zug said:
The problem in this thread is not Tinnitus.
Learn to respect people, and then maybe you can think about finding someone who thinks YOU are worthy of him/her.
Best,
Zug
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I think this thread has everything to do with tinnitus and more for it is dealing with life, and one of the reasons I have continued to post but will only do so to a certain extent without going too much of track. I fully agree with your principles, respect is the way forward and finding someone worthy takes time.
 
#130
Bill Bauer said:
To me, just like you can never be too healthy, and you can also never be too lonely. In other words, I don't really understand having a negative connotation associated with words "healthy" and "lonely". I understand the word "solitude", but not the word "lonely".
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But in any case you can feel lonely no ?

Not being healthy doesn't protect you against solitude...
 
#132
Christophe_85 said:
But in any case you can feel lonely no ?
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Let us contemplate a person who is not into bestiality. Let's label this person A. A's mouth is not "feeling lonely" when it doesn't have a horse penis in it. When the horse penis is not in there, that is the good state. Should the unthinkable happen, THAT would cause the negative emotional reaction for A.
 
#133
The above is an analogy. My point is that to me being forced to be around another person is worse than having the freedom to enjoy being by myself.
 
#135
Bill Bauer said:
The above is an analogy. My point is that to me being forced to be around another person is worse than having the freedom to enjoy being by myself.
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Yes I understand, me too I like to be by myself, to have my freedom...

But sometimes I feel lonely and I would like to have someone in my life, even I know it cannot work in these conditions...

My life is bullshit anyway... So complicated...

I think you are a lonely person even before having your T, am I correct ?
 
#136
Christophe_85 said:
Yes I understand, me too I like to be by myself, to have my freedom...

But sometimes I feel lonely and I would like to have someone in my life, even I know it cannot work in these conditions...

My life is bullshit anyway... So complicated...

I think you are a lonely person even before having your T, am I correct ?
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That is not the best way to think @Christophe_85 as you are reinforcing negative thinking. Convincing yourself that a relationship is not possible for you. If I had that mindset back in 2008 I would have never habituated for the 2nd time even though it took 4 years...
 
#137
Michael Leigh said:
That is not the best way to think @Christophe_85 as you are reinforcing negative thinking. Convincing yourself that a relationship is not possible for you. If I had that mindset back in 2008 I would have never habituated for the 2nd time even though it took 4 years...
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I tried 2 times small relationships and I saw that they just didn't want to have someone "disabled" as a boyfriend...

And I can understand that but I feel lonely sometimes, not too much fortunatly but still it comes back, always...

What happened to you back in 2008 ?
 
#138
Christophe_85 said:
I think you are a lonely person even before having your T, am I correct ?
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The use of the term "lonely person" implies that I want to do something about solitude. All I want to do about it is to ensure that I keep having it. To me, most/all? social interactions are basically equivalent to being raped (i.e., I am being forced to participate in an activity against my will). It is a rape of my soul.

And yes, I had always felt this way, although it wasn't until my 30s when I was able to articulate my feelings, and begin to act accordingly.
 
#139
Christophe_85 said:
I tried 2 times small relationships and I saw that they just didn't want to have someone "disabled" as a boyfriend...

And I can understand that but I feel lonely sometimes, not too much fortunatly but still it comes back, always...

What happened to you back in 2008 ?
Click to expand...

I understand how you feel. Women are not all the same and neither are men. Count yourself fortunate that you didn't stay in those relationships longer and you found out early they were not the type for you . You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. If you focus on tinnitus preventing you from having a relationship or stopping you progressing through life without even having a go, at something challenging consider what that says about you? Anything worthwhile having in life rarely comes easily. Just because you have a slight hiccup and fall down doesn't mean your life is over and give up. Read some of @fishbone posts, and if they don't inspire you then nothing will.

Please click on the link and read what happened to me in 2008https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/my-experience-with-tinnitus.12076/

Michael
 
#140
I met someone years ago as she wrote articles on a certain subject that appeared on the internet. I read many of her articles and said to myself, she appears to be a very special person that really knows how to communicate. I contacted her to discuss her informative articles and after many private emails we meet. She lived just minutes from me. After a couple of years of dating we get married.
 
#141
Greg Sacramento said:
I met someone years ago as she wrote articles on a certain subject that appeared on the internet. I read many of her articles and said to myself, she appears to be a very special person that really knows how to communicate. I contacted her to discuss her informative articles and after many private emails we meet. She lived just minutes from me. After a couple of years of dating we get married.
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It looks like it had worked out for the two of you, and I am glad that it did.
 
#142
Bill Bauer said:
The use of the term "lonely person" implies that I want to do something about solitude. All I want to do about it is to ensure that I keep having it. To me, most/all? social interactions are basically equivalent to being raped (i.e., I am being forced to participate in an activity against my will). It is a rape of my soul.

And yes, I had always felt this way, although it wasn't until my 30s when I was able to articulate my feelings, and begin to act accordingly.
Click to expand...

Ok so you don't like social sharing... I understand as I also really need my moments of being alone, by myself...

But in the other way I need to share the hapiness, good moments of life with my friends and family !

Being all the time lonely is not a life to me !

So for you, getting T is not a problem when it comes to go out and sharing activities with people ?
 
#143
Michael Leigh said:
I understand how you feel. Women are not all the same and neither are men. Count yourself fortunate that you didn't stay in those relationships longer and you found out early they were not the type for you . You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. If you focus on tinnitus preventing you from having a relationship or stopping you progressing through life without even having a go, at something challenging consider what that says about you? Anything worthwhile having in life rarely comes easily. Just because you have a slight hiccup and fall down doesn't mean your life is over and give up. Read some of @fishbone posts, and if they don't inspire you then nothing will.

Please click on the link and read what happened to me in 2008https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/my-experience-with-tinnitus.12076/

Michael
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Yes you are quite right Michael, I know I have issues in many things and I need to change things... !

But it takes time and some days I feel quite tired of the whole situation ! :(

And regarding the 2 small relationships, it was every time the women who broke up with me ! :D

But it was clearly the best choice and I wasn't sad, or just for like one day ! ;)
 
#144
Greg Sacramento said:
I met someone years ago as she wrote articles on a certain subject that appeared on the internet. I read many of her articles and said to myself, she appears to be a very special person that really knows how to communicate. I contacted her to discuss her informative articles and after many private emails we meet. She lived just minutes from me. After a couple of years of dating we get married.
Click to expand...

That's a good story man !!! :)

Positive vibrations !
 
#145
Christophe_85 said:
And regarding the 2 small relationships, it was every time the women who broke up with me ! :D
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If they broke up with you because of your tinnitus then it shows the type of person they are and the content of their character, which isn't much. You're better off without them and it's a lesson learned for the future. People are not always what they appear to be. Take your time until you find someone that cares about you. If you're smart, you'll be able look beyond the smiles and glitter and see a person for what they truly are. No matter how good a person seems to be, if they are not sincere there will always be little slips that will give them a way. You just have to be patient until all is revealed.

Michael
 
#146
Michael Leigh said:
If they broke up with you because of your tinnitus then it shows the type of person they are and the content of their character, which isn't much. You're better off without them and it's a lesson learned for the future. People are not always what they appear to be. Take your time until you find someone that cares about you. If you're smart, you'll be able look beyond the smiles and glitter and see a person for what they truly are. No matter how good a person seems to be, if they are not sincere there will always be little slips that will give them a way. You just have to be patient until all is revealed.

Michael
Click to expand...

I think it was an addition of several things that made their decisions of breaking up...

But it is really the best for everyone ! ;)

I must say that some days I would like to find someone and share a relationship, but in the days when I am more realistic, I know it is too complicated right now !

And anyway, I will not count in parties or anything like that to meet someone anymore, I will count on meeting people in associations and other... ;)
 
#147
Christophe_85 said:
So for you, getting T is not a problem when it comes to go out and sharing activities with people ?
Click to expand...
I haven't had to make any changes to my lifestyle. I might not be able to ride on a motorboat during a vacation sometime in the future (which I would have enjoyed), but that's about it.
Christophe_85 said:
But in the other way I need to share the hapiness, good moments of life with my friends and family !
Click to expand...
Do friends Have to be on that list? Can't you live with your parents?
Or just live alone and call your parents to share.

 
#149
Christophe_85 said:
Dear All,

I had some quite short relationships since having my tinnitus and hyperacusis...

Everytime at the beginning women seem ok with this problem and apparently don't know what it really means as complications in the "everyday life"...

But quite fast after even not a few months, they see how limited my life is and that almost everything begins to be complicated because of noise everywhere !

So my question is: How do you manage a life with someone who wants to go out, to watch movies quite loud at the theater of at home, go to concerts or music festivals or even "less" loud events, etc...?

Because to me it seems more realistic to live on my own... But at the age of 31 it's a fucking long way!
Click to expand...

You cant.
 
#150
Christophe_85 said:
Fuck my life I am lonely as shit...
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I am so fortunate that I am suffering when I am Not enjoying solitude. It is messed up that one has to do something (i.e., find a companion) in order to be happy, and not just be happy as a default state and be unhappy when one has to interact with others.
 

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