MemberI don't say this lightly, I'm 3 and a half years into T now, I feel beaten. After my initial T inducing event in 2014 (stress and loud noise exposure) I managed to fight to get my life back, it took me the best part of a year, probably more. I don't think I can do it this time.
I'm struggling with a spike I've had since early December. It has gotten better and worse in that time, but has always remained pretty hard to deal with. I hear somewhere between 5-8 different noises. Some in my left ear, some in my right,some in both and some in my head.
Some days I hear phantom sounds that aren't there at all and I hear a tinnitus-y echo on many normal noises, like running water.
Since the spike I'm often very sensitive to moderate noises and have basically become a recluse. Since the first week of December I have been out in a social environment once. Not at all in the past 3 weeks. I just wake up, don't want to be awake for 12 hours and then try and go back to sleep, which I don't manage till around 3-4am.
Any time I feel like I'm levelling out and I'm starting to get myself together, something happens to plunge me back down to the bottom.
Yesterday is a prime example, My 21 year old sister angrily screamed at me at the top of her voice, saw how much it distressed me and proceeded to scream even louder. I managed to immediately put my fingers in my ears, but as soon as it happened I anticipated things getting worse again. I spiralled. Needless to say my T felt much more intense that it had on previous nights. I worried about going to sleep because I didn't want to wake up and for it to be worse. Due to both of those things I didn't sleep at all, not one minute.
I don't feel safe or comfortable anywhere, not least when there are people in my own house who would use my T as a weapon against me.
I have no drive and no will to be here any more, it isn't worth it. Theres no payoff. Just days of struggling. It's no life. I'm only 24 and I fear it's over.
I'm struggling with a spike I've had since early December. It has gotten better and worse in that time, but has always remained pretty hard to deal with. I hear somewhere between 5-8 different noises. Some in my left ear, some in my right,some in both and some in my head.
Some days I hear phantom sounds that aren't there at all and I hear a tinnitus-y echo on many normal noises, like running water.
Since the spike I'm often very sensitive to moderate noises and have basically become a recluse. Since the first week of December I have been out in a social environment once. Not at all in the past 3 weeks. I just wake up, don't want to be awake for 12 hours and then try and go back to sleep, which I don't manage till around 3-4am.
Any time I feel like I'm levelling out and I'm starting to get myself together, something happens to plunge me back down to the bottom.
Yesterday is a prime example, My 21 year old sister angrily screamed at me at the top of her voice, saw how much it distressed me and proceeded to scream even louder. I managed to immediately put my fingers in my ears, but as soon as it happened I anticipated things getting worse again. I spiralled. Needless to say my T felt much more intense that it had on previous nights. I worried about going to sleep because I didn't want to wake up and for it to be worse. Due to both of those things I didn't sleep at all, not one minute.
I don't feel safe or comfortable anywhere, not least when there are people in my own house who would use my T as a weapon against me.
I have no drive and no will to be here any more, it isn't worth it. Theres no payoff. Just days of struggling. It's no life. I'm only 24 and I fear it's over.
