I See No Other Way But Suicide Now

[Andersson]

I was struggling with a increase in T on my left ear since November.
I could fight it even with it being hard.

But this night something happened with my healthy right ear.
I was in bed at night and a sound started when I moved my head. And went silent when still.
When I woke up the sound which is like a tv tone was solid. And loud. Almost as loud as those short beep we all can get.
It is still here in full force and I for the first time in my life really want to end it all.
I been to doctor and everything looked fine in the ear. So that hope is gone. No physical or sound exposure or any meds.

I guess I got a very loud new T in a healthy ear for no reason at all.

I had hope it was due to something in the ear so it could be removed. It does not even act like my old T. Which have always been effected by pressure on jaw etc. It's the same lous tone all the time.

I sat crying at the doctors office for an hour and i just want to end this nightmare right now. I even started a online course but now what's the point. My life is over with this new loud tone in my other ear.

2 different tones that overpower everything is to much for me to live with.

I don't know what will happen. But if worst comes thank you all.

 

[Sgguy46]

the first few months are normally very hard. i went to a hospital and told the nurse i was suicidal. they sent me to the pyschiatrist. waited four hours haha.
i am nine months in now. not only am i never sucidal, i dun even have panic attacks or anxiety. does T irritate me? hell yeah. but i live and eat and work and try to get back into the rhythm.

my T is very loud and i can hear it over most things except the shower. to be honest, it varies now. somedays it can be quiet but normally it is not.

so...... i dont think it is a good idea to ... u know what. endure a few more months. it will get better. most people experience this.

 

[linearb]

You do see another way, @Andersson . you're here talking to us.

I know this is very hard, and I am sorry you are going through it, but I think you're going to be fine.

 

[Philip83]

@Andersson , I'm feeling you. When my current never-ending-spike begun almost two years ago it was absolutely insane. Heard it super-loud over all other sounds, hyperacusis was through the roof; sometimes my own speaking voice was too loud for my ears. Fortunately, the hyperacusis got better, and is almost down to baseline now, but the T stayed more or less the same. The important thing is that I have to about 75% habituated to this new volume/kind of T. It took like 6-7 months, and it's still about 30% worse than it was before the increase, but the hours and sometimes days that passes by without me giving it almost any emotional energy is still increasing..

I know the first period after an increase sucks donkey balls. And you will have ups and downs for some time ahead. Go ahead; be angry, be furious, be sad, but know that somewhere in a few days or weeks, you'll be in a better place again and you'll think "Fuck you T, you're not winning this battle".

 

[Andersson]

Thank you all, It means a lot.
I been to the doctors, that sent me to emergency psychiatric at the hospital.
I guess it did not really help much, he prescribed diazepam for sleep if it becomes to much and ordered me to call the emergency unit if the dark thoughts become to extreme (I guess he was a bit hesitant to let me go home as well)
Cried all day long, on the buss, at the doctor, psychiatric, right now.

To be honest I feel to broken to continue, an spike in my existing tinnitus is one thing, it is hard. But to then get a new different Tinnitus tone on your right ear that never had any problems in 5 years out of the blue, that is just to much for me to handle.

I just don't think I can ever accept that this just happened for no reason, and I am sure I cannot handle living with it.
I guess the only reason I have not jumped from my balcony right now is that its been less then 24h since this begun and I guess I want it to go back, because accepting it means Its over.

 

[linearb]

Thank you all, It means a lot.
I guess the only reason I have not jumped from my balcony right now is that its been less then 24h since this begun and I guess I want it to go back, because accepting it means Its over.

So, I have two things to point out, because I think your problem is twofold, anatomy and psychology.

From an anatomical point of view, I cannot tell you how many times in the past fifteen years I've had batshit insane changes in tinnitus that show up seemingly randomly and suddenly, and then revert to baseline over a period of hours to weeks. So, I think it's much more likely that whatever is going on in your ear, your brain is going to figure it out.

From a psychological point of view -- look at what you're saying here: you've had a sudden change in your perceptual system, and you're already half assuming that it's indicative of a permanent problem that you're going to deal with forever.

Not only is that extremely unlikely, the thought itself is fundamentally irrational, it's a textbook example of catastrophic thinking, which is one of the basic cognitive traps that people (especially people with anxiety disorders) fall into.

Let me tell you a story about my wife; we did some extended travel a couple years ago. On one of the descents, one of her ears did not equalize. When we landed, her ear was muffled and painful, and when we woke up the next morning, she was still basically unable to hear out of that ear.

You know how she reacted to this? We just went about our day, went to a museum she'd always wanted to go to, and she was happy, relaxed, and enjoyed the trip even though she was unable to hear out of half of her ears.

You know how I would have reacted to it? I would have thought "oh my god! I broke myself!" I wouldn't have even wasted time thinking "my trip is ruined", because I would have already made the leap to "MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED!" -- and that's exactly what you're doing now, @Andersson.

It's not as though my wife hasn't had her share of chronic problems, too. She doesn't have tinnitus, but, we're in our 30s, she's had at least one problem that persisted for years and required surgery to even partially fix... no one gets a free pass. So, it's not safe to assume that she is only able to be blasé about sudden unexpected changes in her body because she hasn't encountered any sudden, serious changes in her health: she has! So, I am prone to catastrophic thinking, she isn't: and this means I suffer vastly more from run of the mill health bullshit than she does.

If you can stop catastrophizing and projecting yourself into various unpleasant futures which are almost certain to not ever manifest, then you will be well on your way to tolerating your current level of discomfort without actively making it worse than it needs to be.

The future will take care of itself. Bodies are remarkably resilient, because the world is (and has always been) full of millions of things that are trying to kill or maim you every moment of every day. Even if your condition were permanent, the way that you'd feel about it in six months or twelve months has very little to do with how you feel about it now, and a lot to do with how you choose to respond and react to the way you feel about it.

You're going to be fine.

 

[AnxiousJon]

So, I have two things to point out, because I think your problem is twofold, anatomy and psychology.

From an anatomical point of view, I cannot tell you how many times in the past fifteen years I've had batshit insane changes in tinnitus that show up seemingly randomly and suddenly, and then revert to baseline over a period of hours to weeks. So, I think it's much more likely that whatever is going on in your ear, your brain is going to figure it out.

From a psychological point of view -- look at what you're saying here: you've had a sudden change in your perceptual system, and you're already half assuming that it's indicative of a permanent problem that you're going to deal with forever.

Not only is that extremely unlikely, the thought itself is fundamentally irrational, it's a textbook example of catastrophic thinking, which is one of the basic cognitive traps that people (especially people with anxiety disorders) fall into.

Let me tell you a story about my wife; we did some extended travel a couple years ago. On one of the descents, one of her ears did not equalize. When we landed, her ear was muffled and painful, and when we woke up the next morning, she was still basically unable to hear out of that ear.

You know how she reacted to this? We just went about our day, went to a museum she'd always wanted to go to, and she was happy, relaxed, and enjoyed the trip even though she was unable to hear out of half of her ears.

You know how I would have reacted to it? I would have thought "oh my god! I broke myself!" I wouldn't have even wasted time thinking "my trip is ruined", because I would have already made the leap to "MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED!" -- and that's exactly what you're doing now, @Andersson.

It's not as though my wife hasn't had her share of chronic problems, too. She doesn't have tinnitus, but, we're in our 30s, she's had at least one problem that persisted for years and required surgery to even partially fix... no one gets a free pass. So, it's not safe to assume that she is only able to be blasé about sudden unexpected changes in her body because she hasn't encountered any sudden, serious changes in her health: she has! So, I am prone to catastrophic thinking, she isn't: and this means I suffer vastly more from run of the mill health bullshit than she does.

If you can stop catastrophizing and projecting yourself into various unpleasant futures which are almost certain to not ever manifest, then you will be well on your way to tolerating your current level of discomfort without actively making it worse than it needs to be.

The future will take care of itself. Bodies are remarkably resilient, because the world is (and has always been) full of millions of things that are trying to kill or maim you every moment of every day. Even if your condition were permanent, the way that you'd feel about it in six months or twelve months has very little to do with how you feel about it now, and a lot to do with how you choose to respond and react to the way you feel about it.

You're going to be fine.

Yep.
Same thing happened to my mom: after a plane ride she couldn't hear out of that ear, and took like a month and a half before it fixed itself. I would have lost my mind the first couple weeks of that change(and maybe longer). She didn't; She kept doing all the things she enjoyed doing before it happened.
My loud, reactive tinnitus and hyperacusis, which drove me crazy, went away after 3 months but was replaced by my myoclonus of the middle ear and phantom sounds; it has only been a month since, but my only instinctive reaction has been, "I better get used to this cause I will have this the rest of my life"(But, once my paxil kicked in a couple weeks ago, I have had much more rational thoughts; more so than with benzos). Who knows what will happen to me next month.
Anxiety is double-edged: It ruins your current experience, but it also puts you at risk for neurological malfunction(like strange tinntius symptoms).
On the other hand, treating the anxiety is also double-edged: It improves your current pyschological experience and increases your chance of recovery(as does sleep![sleeping like a normal person now for the first time in my life]).
A friend of the family has had catastrophic damage to an auditory nerve and much of the rest of his body in a work-related axident. He has insanely loud tinnitus in one ear. He is always blasting music in that ear via bluetooth earpiece. He is not only positive, he is increadibly resilient in his positivity. He also had a nerve severed by a dentist which made him lose feeling in like 20% of his face. I don't think the nerves would have healed if he was manic, but his calm nervous system healed while taking pharmaceutical doses of B6(be careful with that stuff if you do take it).

 

[AnxiousJon]

Thank you all, It means a lot.
I been to the doctors, that sent me to emergency psychiatric at the hospital.
I guess it did not really help much, he prescribed diazepam for sleep if it becomes to much and ordered me to call the emergency unit if the dark thoughts become to extreme (I guess he was a bit hesitant to let me go home as well)

So is this(Diazepam[Valium]) the first anti-anxiety med you have taken? Let us know how you feel when you take it, and what it does for your sleep.
Diazepam is a benzodiazepine(the same family as the Clonazepam/Klonopin I'm weaning off of), which works on the GABAA receptors, and you will eventually probably want to come down off it in favor of something you can take long-term without risking dependency, like an SSRI anti-depressant/anti-anxiety. Benzos will probably make you feel more drowsy than an SSRI imo, so don't get discouraged if it makes you feel that way.

 

[Blackbird26]

I know how you feel man..Going through a bad increase myself. I am going to hang onto @linearb post cause I am also a catastrophic thinker. However this shit sucks big time..It's so loud, my tv and fan aren't masking it and my H and RT are horrible. I had no new sound exposures, which makes it more worrisome ..I just woke up like this. Let's hang in there Andersson.

Thank you all, It means a lot.
I been to the doctors, that sent me to emergency psychiatric at the hospital.
I guess it did not really help much, he prescribed diazepam for sleep if it becomes to much and ordered me to call the emergency unit if the dark thoughts become to extreme (I guess he was a bit hesitant to let me go home as well)
Cried all day long, on the buss, at the doctor, psychiatric, right now.

To be honest I feel to broken to continue, an spike in my existing tinnitus is one thing, it is hard. But to then get a new different Tinnitus tone on your right ear that never had any problems in 5 years out of the blue, that is just to much for me to handle.

I just don't think I can ever accept that this just happened for no reason, and I am sure I cannot handle living with it.
I guess the only reason I have not jumped from my balcony right now is that its been less then 24h since this begun and I guess I want it to go back, because accepting it means Its over.

 

[billie48]

Crying is a way to soothe the overwhelmed anxiety. T can do that to any grown adult. I know of an admin in another forum who said he cried for 2 years before his turnaround, after he researched enough about T and understand it more, and after learning in CBT how to counter the distorted thoughts and replace them with more realistic or positive ones.

You are definitely falling trap to a cognitive distortion called Catastrophic Thinking. Please google it to understand how much this way of thinking can wreck one's nerve and stamina. I know it because a few years back I felt into the trap of catastrophic thinking and I was suicidal and suffered hell unnecessarily. I had loud, ultra high pitch dog whistle T and severe hyperacusis. I felt miserable and the combination of T & H was unbearable. Then since I had suffered anxiety and panic disorder prior to T & H, these two alien monsters just opened the flood gate of hell of relentless anxiety and panic attacks.

Talking about unbearable sensations, you add those from T, H, A & P and life seemed very unlivable at that time. I never thought I could live with my T which could be heard above the jet noise in my recent flights, and above the raging rapids in the salmon river I fish. But time has worked some wonder. Today I don't give a dime about the same loud & high pitched T. One thing I never thought possible is that people's perception about T can change to be better over time. But it has happened so often to lots of people. The success stories are full of such example. Many were suicidal like you but after some time their perception of the T signal changes for the better, and they slowly recover.

Try to relax and calm down. T can be unstable and unpredictable. . From what I read, when T is new or when it kicks up to a new level, there can be a period T will morph into different forms at times, such as changing ears, developing ear fullness, ear pressure or pain, developing new tones or alternating pitches, or become pulsatile. If the pitch is very high, some form of sound reactiveness or hyperacusis symptoms can follow. So it is best to expect a period of instability initially and don't get so worked up when T morphs. It also doesn't help if each morphing results in extreme anxiety or fear about the situation or the future. Stress & anxiety are bad for T.

It is quite common for people to have tinnitus in both ears, and to have multi-tones. Don't panic and disappear. Like others above mention, if we don't react in catastrophic way, then the problem can be handled much easier. David Letterman himself confessed in this 1996 show that he has 2-tone T 7/24. He didn't react catastrophically though and he could carry on a successful career until he retired about 2 years ago. So life goes on for a lot of people. Try to give it time for your body and ears to settle down.

 

[Gosia]

How are you, @Andersson ? Hang on, take meds improving blood circulation in the brain, it's too early to give up. This nasty spike will settle . As you said, you did nothing to hurt the ears, so you know...it will go as it came . It happens to many here and they recover. It's good you have a psychiatric help though.

 

[Andersson]

Thank you all, the right side have calmed down somewhat, but it decided to increase the left side when it did.
So I guess that is something positive about the right side at least.

I am still hanging in there, but its getting harder every day.
It feels like it or I am getting worse every day, I don't know if its the T (left side) getting louder or if I am getting more and more depressed over it that makes it feel louder.

I just know that I will not last all to long like this, it feels like the left side is aggrevated or something, it goes so much up and down super fast and the morse code clinging can go from mild to super intense which just makes it feel like my left side is broken.

It feels like I will never get better and come back to a place which I was for 3 years before, not really caring or noticing T that much.
Its been 3 months now and its only gotten worse since then, not better in any way or form.

Trying to calm myself down with different things but It just does not work because I can hear nothing but the screams, and shifting focus is impossible.
Tried studying as well which sadly is close to impossible, meditation/relaxation, tv/movie/games etc, nothing works. I just feel despair from the screams all the time.

I still have the dark thoughts every day, and I feel its not getting better with them either, which scares me.

 

[Sgguy46]

First few months are the worst. it gets better. You will either lose the T over time or learn how to live with it. Just give yourself time.

 

[AnxiousJon]

@Andersson The Benzodiazepine, Diazepam is a calming agent, but not an anti-depressant. If you haven't been prescribed an anti-depressant, then please do. I would still like to see you take an SSRI:
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are the most commonly prescribed antidepressants. They can ease symptoms of moderate to severe depression, are relatively safe and generally cause fewer side effects than other types of antidepressants do.
How SSRIs work
SSRIs ease depression by affecting naturally occurring chemical messengers (neurotransmitters), which are used to communicate between brain cells. SSRIs block the reabsorption (reuptake) of the neurotransmitter serotonin in the brain. Changing the balance of serotonin seems to help brain cells send and receive chemical messages, which in turn boosts mood.
Most antidepressants work by changing the levels of one or more of these neurotransmitters. SSRIs are called selective because they seem to primarily affect serotonin, not other neurotransmitters.
SSRIs approved to treat depression
SSRIs approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to treat depression, with their generic names followed by brand names in parentheses, include:

• Citalopram (Celexa)
• Escitalopram (Lexapro)
• Fluoxetine (Prozac)
• Paroxetine (Paxil, Pexeva)
• Sertraline (Zoloft)

Paxil CR is an SSRI that provides controlled release of the medication throughout the day or for a week at a time with a single dose.
SSRIs also may be used to treat conditions other than depression, such as anxiety disorders.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/ssris/art-20044825
Please do allot of reading about all your anti-depressant(each of the SSRIs and there are others than SSRIs) options and have a talk with your physician.

 

[Dutchy]

Suicide is one definitive way,life offers many ways.. Keep fighting!!

 

[Andersson]

Started fluoxetin today. 10mg for a week then 20mg after that.
I decided that I have nothing to lose right now, I cannot keep going as it is.

I have been on fluoxetin in 2013 and back then it did not make my T worse, so I hope it does not effect it this time either. But I am still worried about it.

And even more so I know that the first 2-4 weeks can be much worse which also makes me anxious because I am trying to study in between all the suffering which is already insanely hard without side effects in the beginning making it even worse ;O

I have sobril to take the edge off if it gets worse, and a few diazepam if it gets really bad. But trying not to take either of them unless really needed.
However I feel that I have to give AD a chance, maybe it can stabilize me so I can move forward with trying to cope better and get back into doing things again.
If all goes to hell and AD makes everything worse, well I guess I already feel bad enough to some times wanting to end my life.

 

[kristinsj]

T is hard work, it's brutal, it's invading, it prevents you from doing what you feel you should be doing. Even though I am not able to lay this out as well as @linearb did, I really want to remind you to make sure that you try your best to reduce anxiety and reduce stress. THAT IS DOING THINGS. It does not sound like this is the time for you to think about your studies. Please try to put your energy and focus where it MUST be right now. And try to be patient. Rest assured, this is enough doing at times like these. Hang in there, PLEASE.

 

[Skylark57]

How are you Andersson? Hang in there. I would like to tell you a bit of my story and my thinking. See my intro for more. I don't know if it will help, but I hope so.

It all started about 10 months and seven days ago. I now have tinnitus in both ears. It never stops. Sometimes it is quieter - or maybe I'm just distracted - and others it is louder. Mine is a two tone (two different frequencies) ring comprised of an underlying high-pitch, continual weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee combined with an even higher pitched, oscillating overtone of wee-wee-wee-wee-wee-wee. Sometimes it quiets down, but it never actually stops. When the weather changes it ramps up. When I lie down it gets worse. When I'm busy or distracted it gets better. When I stand up it is better than when I sit or lie down. Sometimes I don't notice it at all and then I think about it and there it is. Ignorance is bliss.

I am new here. I see others suffering so much and it is hard. I see others who have had T for much longer than me. I see some contemplating ending it all. I am saddened and hope that something I say might help. I profess nothing and am nobody, but I will say this: from experience with T and without - the mind is capable of amazing things. You may not be able to control your tinnitus, but you absolutely can control your mind. I'm only a little over 10 months in...but I can honestly say that my philosophy is to just deal with it. Screw it. What I mean by this is that I put myself through more pain and suffering over the first 7 or 8 months than the T was worth. I did half of it to myself with worry. It's fear. It's anger. It's pity for one's self (yes true), and none of that is productive. All of it leads to anxiety, self loathing, and fear - which in turn creates a perpetual cycle of angst that ultimately has nothing to do with tinnitus itself. Now I say defeat it. I accept that I will have T for the rest of my life and so be it. That's how I win. I don't really know why I have it and I don't care anymore. It's not worth putting my mind through the pain and suffering. Tinnitus is not worth it.

In paying attention to my body more lately I've come to learn a few things. First, when you are convinced you are sick, you will feel sick. When convinced you are going to die, you will not die, but you will feel sick. When convinced you are not in control, you are not in control, and you will feel sick. I have degenerative joint disease in my knees from multiple injuries from auto / motorcycle accidents and sports. My back pinches a nerve that causes a pain in my hips, gut, and groin that is so bad that I scream in bed for two or three days and pee in a trash can because I cannot move (luckily this only happens about once every year or two). I have arthritis throughout my spine up to my neck. Chiropractors will not touch it. I've probably had 10 or more surgeries in my life to replace 100% anterior and posterior cruciate ligament tears in my knees. Left ankle ligament tear (Watson Jones procedure). Tore my right shoulder out of socket twice and broke my clavicle so it shot through the skin - once in car accident and another on my 250X. Lets see - 3 or 4 surgeries there and it will never be right. My fingers go numb because the shoulder pinches a nerve. I don't bother going to the doctor for these issues anymore because there is no "fix" at this point. Now I have T. I take no meds as I do not trust pharma and side effects (just my opinion and it may not be the right approach for everyone - meds may help). I am also medication sensitive anyway. So Advil only for me, maybe flexeril when the back goes out, and only when necessary. Moral of story: I am not convinced there is something "wrong" with me anyway.

On most days I am able to do just about anything anyone else can, except run -- and believe me, I'd give anything to run again. I see joggers and it hurts - but that is only my self pity at work. My mind is spot on. My heart is good (had it checked). I don't have any major diseases that I am aware of; and if I'm not in pain, good enough. My thinking is the same with tinnitus. I cannot fix my orthopedic woes and worrying about it will not allow me to run again. Likewise, worrying about tinnitus will accomplish nothing. Life is about pain. We hate to admit it in such a cushy society, but the body and mind will thank you for accepting it as fact. I believe it is essential and pragmatic to learn to live with pain, because like it or no, we will all lose someone we love, we will all grow old, and we will all suffer at some point. Be stronger than the tinnitus.

 

[glynis]

Hi @Andersson ,
Im sure your medication will help you so hang in their and give them time and will lift your mood and settle anxiety and cope better with your tinnitus .
We are all here for you ....lots of love glynis x

 

[AnxiousJon]

Started fluoxetin today. 10mg for a week then 20mg after that.
I decided that I have nothing to lose right now, I cannot keep going as it is.

I have been on fluoxetin in 2013 and back then it did not make my T worse, so I hope it does not effect it this time either. But I am still worried about it.

And even more so I know that the first 2-4 weeks can be much worse which also makes me anxious because I am trying to study in between all the suffering which is already insanely hard without side effects in the beginning making it even worse ;O

I have sobril to take the edge off if it gets worse, and a few diazepam if it gets really bad. But trying not to take either of them unless really needed.
However I feel that I have to give AD a chance, maybe it can stabilize me so I can move forward with trying to cope better and get back into doing things again.
If all goes to hell and AD makes everything worse, well I guess I already feel bad enough to some times wanting to end my life.

Very proud of you; Anxiety makes us afraid to take meds, fearing side effects and other things, so I totally get that part.

 

[Andersson]

Thank you all for the support, today have been really bad.
So loud I cried half the day.

Sitting a lone in my apartment without anyone near me does not help either, tried talking to some friends on skype to calm myself down but does not really help (they live far away)
No family or friends when it gets this loud just makes me want to go to the emergency room from all the panic, but sitting there for hours waiting is scary.

I just want to go back to how things been for the past 3 years before november, happy living with T and could do anything I wanted to with a smile on my face (never really went to loud places, but other things)

Now I am in jail it feels like, being punished when I try to do anything fun, I try to study with my course to take my mind of it, but get frustrated and starts crying.
I try to watch a show that I like, same thing, try to listen to some music I love, same thing. All I hear over everything is the screams ;(

And the side effects have not even started from the AD, I have no Idea how I am supposed to survive 2-4 weeks before that usually settles.

Thank you all though, reading your posts helps me keep going, and try to take note of what you wrote @linearb as well.
But It's hard to not think like that right now when I am at maybe at my lowest point in my life, or close to it.

Love you all.

 

[glynis]

We are all here for you round the clock and together we can help you through this down time and you will come through it stronger...
Try not worry about side effects of AD meds as thinking about them can worry you.
When I went on them I kept thinking one day nearer to getting my smile back and looking toward to a nice treat when got to the last one in the pack and started feeling better by week 3.....lots of love glynis

 

[billie48]

Andersson, most members here have been where you are. You are not alone. Like others, I understand your gloomy feeling. I have suffered from anxiety and panic disorders for decades prior to T & H. So when T & H first hit me, my anxiety just went through the roof and panic attacks greeted me every time when waking up with loud, screaming T. No amount of will power could stop the panic attacks and I had to use meds to survive each day. So yes, I understand how tough it is. Saying that, try not to buy in what the anxious mind is suggesting to you at this tough stage of T suffering. Don't project the doom and gloom of a future based on the worst time of T suffering. I made that mistake myself and paid dearly with immense mental sufferings. It is a cognitive distortion called 'Catastrophic Thinking' in CBT. Do not believe that you can't handle your ring even if it stays.

The truth of the matter is that the future is never as projected. I am now living a normal and absolutely enjoyable life. T still rings but the brain is hardened to this sound. Nowadays I don't give a dime to T high or low. All the sufferings about the future back then didn't change a thing but prolonged the suffering. If I have any comforting words for you, it is that people do survive T & H, anxiety and panic attacks and all, and write their success stories after some time even when the beginning was all hell for them.

Just read up as many success stories to learn insights how to win over T. You need to give yourself time and learn some strategies to guide your T journey. Explore the success stories to give yourself hope for the future. That was what I did, reading as many stories as I could to give myself hope. You can get better and do believe that. If you haven't yet, get masking going asap to help reduce the anxiety of T. Once the brain feel that you have some sense of control over T, it will be less anxious and stressed, and that will help calm the ringing for most people.

If meds are what you need to get over the hump, then do so with the help of your doctor. That was what I had to do. I took the full course of benzo, AD, and sleeping pills. It was survival time and I couldn't cope initially with will power or knowledge alone. The body needed extra help. So I went for it to buy me some time. I just faded them out slowly under the doctor's guidance. I later recover enough to write my success story which I include below. Hope you recover well in time. Take care & God bless.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

[linearb]

I think crying is good. It's better if you can do it in the arms of someone who loves you, but, if not, try to do the best you can to hold yourself and love yourself.

If you can cultivate kindness and compassion towards yourself, it may go a long ways towards improving your quality of life.

 

[linearb]

@Andersson what you should do -- and I'm not kidding -- is learn how to play Magic: The Gathering. It's a card game, but there's an online client/play-through-the-internet thing, and if you learn how to play I have a deck in the cheapest format I can "loan" you through the program, and then when you're fucking pulling your teeth out, I will play magic with you.

I wish I was kidding, but I can honestly say that during the blackest periods of the last few years, Magic has saved my mental health -- at the expense of my wallet But you can play for free if someone loans you a deck and you just play in the "for fun" rooms (which means you can't win prizes, but whatever).

Also, it's a mathematical, strategically intensive game, and I have a whole theory about why doing that kind of thinking on a regular basis might literally prevent some of the neuronal hyperactivity that drives tinnitus distress.

Just my .02.

 

[AnxiousJon]

Yeah that 2-4 week period is tough! Was for me. I checked myself into the ER thinking I was dying twice. So I had to be on benzos till the SSRI kicked in. I'm weaning off the Benzos, but that stuff still makes me cry(doc assured me it wasn't withdrawl). Don't underestimate the power of those chemicals in your head; it's def not simply a matter of the situation. Try to get through it, but if you can't, a doctor might prescribe something that is non-benzo to take temporarily like Lamictal(mood stabilizer/anti-convulsant) or something to get you through the 2-4 week period.

But Linearb is correct about gaming that is not video-based. Though, being a modern board-gamer, I suggest getting into a group that plays Twilight Struggle(and other GMT games), Twilight Imperium, Mage knight(playing solitaire games of that is surprisingly awesome!), King of Tokyo (very simple but so much fun), Android: Netrunner, etc... www.boardgamegeek.com.

I think every city/town of decent size has public game room/shops where games can be bought and played. I will give Linearb this: that the overwhelming majority of players that hang out and play in these places are Magic: The Gathering players(followed by WarHammer 40k). People that hang out at these places typically are outcast/rejects/nerds(once and a while you will meet a snob/fanatic probably), so it's filled with nice people that are very accepting and fun to hang out with.
@linearb
@Andersson

 

[Dutchy]

Yeah that 2-4 week period is tough! Was for me. I checked myself into the ER thinking I was dying twice. So I had to be on benzos till the SSRI kicked in. I'm weaning off the Benzos, but that stuff still makes me cry(doc assured me it wasn't withdrawl). Don't underestimate the power of those chemicals in your head; it's def not simply a matter of the situation. Try to get through it, but if you can't, a doctor might prescribe something that is non-benzo to take temporarily like Lamictal(mood stabilizer/anti-convulsant) or something to get you through the 2-4 week period.

But Linearb is correct about gaming that is not video-based. Though, being a modern board-gamer, I suggest getting into a group that plays Twilight Struggle(and other GMT games), Twilight Imperium, Mage knight(playing solitaire games of that is surprisingly awesome!), King of Tokyo (very simple but so much fun), Android: Netrunner, etc... www.boardgamegeek.com.

I think every city/town of decent size has public game room/shops where games can be bought and played. I will give Linearb this: that the overwhelming majority of players that hang out and play in these places are Magic: The Gathering players(followed by WarHammer 40k). People that hang out at these places typically are outcast/rejects/nerds(once and a while you will meet a snob/fanatic probably), so it's filled with nice people that are very accepting and fun to hang out with.
@linearb
@Andersson

I have to disagree about gaming and it being non video,a video game takes equal if not more concentration cognitive mindset.Especially when you apply that to a game like Minecraft for example.There's nothing more challenging than a dynamic chess game,get from point A to B might be linear,the way you get there still leaves room for variation.That's not even mentioning the video based mechanic similarity of MtG which is RPG.

Not to mention a team based game... It's the amount of thinking that gets your mind of things,not the medium that defines it. ( same could be compared as reading online VS an actual physical book the real difference with a video game however is the ability of dynamics)

 

[linearb]

I have to disagree about gaming and it being non video,a video game takes equal if not more concentration cognitive mindset.

Yeah, that wasn't my insinuation; for myself personally, real-world interaction is a lot more likely to get my mind off my own BS.

To be fair, I also spend 40-50 hrs a week working on a computer, so not having that as the focal point of my leisure activity is nice.

People that hang out at these places typically are outcast/rejects/nerds

careful, buster

But on a serious note, while stereotypes are true to a degree, a lot of the people I play cards with are socially well-adjusted tech workers, statisticians, teachers, etc. All walks of life. I am an unapologetic geek and I frequently refer to magic as "poker with wizard cards for nerds", though.

 

[AnxiousJon]

I have to disagree about gaming and it being non video,a video game takes equal if not more concentration cognitive mindset.Especially when you apply that to a game like Minecraft for example.There's nothing more challenging than a dynamic chess game,get from point A to B might be linear,the way you get there still leaves room for variation.That's not even mentioning the video based mechanic similarity of MtG which is RPG.

Not to mention a team based game... It's the amount of thinking that gets your mind of things,not the medium that defines it. ( same could be compared as reading online VS an actual physical book the real difference with a video game however is the ability of dynamics)

I wasn't saying video games are mindless; I've played computer/video games my whole life until recently. Just for someone who is feeling down, video games are a bit more conducive to sitting in the dark by yourself, even if there is online multiplayer.

 

[Andersson]

I am worried. I only taken 1x 10mg tablet yesterday and it feels my tinnitus got louder yesterday and still feels louder.
I dont know if its all in my head or something else, but I am already afraid to take one today.

Can 1 10mg tablet really effect it, with such a huge half life like fluoxetin have.
Feel so bad right now ;/