I Think This Is the End
- Thread starter Nathalie
- Start date
- Status
Member- May 11, 2016
- 1,184
- Tinnitus Since
- 2012
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Loud music/gigs probably
Natalie: I don't know what discussion you and your mother had that led to a huge argument, I don't know your mother's history or anything about her, but I am going to tell you this, as a mother who lost her daughter and only child to suicide/mental illness: if you take your life, you will destroy your mother. Maybe you don't believe that, but I can guaranty it. I am the admin of a Facebook group of over 200 women who are surviving the deaths of their young adult children to suicide/mental illness. This is a living hell. My daughter had Asperger's Syndrome, undiagnosed until she discovered it herself, although she had many therapists in her short lifetime (23). I could not find anyone to tell me what was "wrong" and how to help her! Depression is part of this Syndrome, commonly, and co-morbid with it can be underlying psychosis. I never got into any arguments with my daughter, I tried always to be supportive, upbeat, but it hurts like hell to watch your child, part of you, disappear into depression. Some people react to this with anger, perhaps your mother is one of them. I suggest you talk to her, honestly. Maybe you should write her a letter, or just print out this post of yours. You're in pain emotionally and psychologically, as well as having problems that can make anyone a nervous wreck (I have been struggling with this ridiculous otitis externa for three months and it is turning me into a lunatic). Please do not give up on this relationship with the one person who loves you more than you understand, since you are not a mother yourself, yet. My daughter never reached out for help as you are doing, she never spoke honestly with her therapists or psychiatrists, nor to me. She never shared her hallucinations and terrors. You are reaching out. You are not profoundly mentally ill. There is help for you. I don't know how I'm surviving losing her, but I have known mothers (and fathers) who could not, who DID NOT. Go hug your Mom, Natalie.
Stophis would be a rather peculiar name Sam...lol.
But yeah, stop the gd hiss in my head already is the goal. Where is the gd off button? So far, not much progress but at least we have a place to come and share our hiss journey.
I can only agree. Only I'm susceptible to a pretty face + everything else you said.
Whilst a pretty face is easy on the eye, try not to let it cloud your better judgement or you could be sorry. Just a friendly warning to be careful..
No I haven't had to put in a lot of effort to learn English. I have been good at it since I remember. I reckon it is because I started to communicate in English at an early age. In addition to that, countless hours of playing video games. I seem to have a natural gift for mastering languages quite efficiently and swiftly.
Thank you for the kind words. You are right. I have always been more of a giver rather than a taker. What I wrote here once also does a great job in expressing myself. This was written before my current hearing issues.
I grew up very lonely as a child. Since I remember, I was always on my own and I never had any real friends. I had my own imaginary world that no one seemed to understand. I have always been very creative and I love to fantasize. I'm a dreamer and I will never stop dreaming. Of course there were people at school or kindergarten I got along with and communicated, but it was never a strong bond. You know what I mean. I have always had my own vision of things.
I never thought of the same things as others. For instance, if other kids were thinking of how to steal someone's toy or what to do next, me on the other hand, was wondering what is it to be, why are we here, what is the meaning of life or how did the universe form.
I have always been a deep thinker, I love philosophy and sophisticated conversations. I want to explore other dimensions, not just the typical everyday "chit-chat". I believe that a conversation with an intelligent, wise individual provides you with more knowledge than any school. I believe in wisdom. Wisdom for me means to have knowledge and to possess the skill to put that knowledge into practice. Learning from every experience in life. Even if you fail, it happened for a reason. I like to say, there's no such thing as failure. Failure is just an opportunity to learn more. I love analyzing situations and my behaviour. By analyzing, I come to different conclusions, think things through and learn from it, become smarter. Live by that simple rule and you'll never stop becoming a better person. I want to be a better person every day.
For me, success means that I am able to wake up every morning and know that I'm not the same person as yesterday. I'm wiser, stronger, better, more knowledgeable, experienced, clever than I was the other day. This is what keeps me going. I know that I'll never stop developing. There's always more to learn from life. I am a person who sees beauty in everything. I appreciate little things. I wake up in the morning and I am alive. Another day has been gifted to me. That is beautiful to me. Beautiful is seeing my loved ones happy. It's beautiful to see another life-form coming into life, like planting a flower and observing it growing. It's beautiful to hear the birds singing early in the morning. It's so powerful to hear and see the thunderstorm. Life is extraordinary, we just have to appreciate and understand it. I am sad people nowadays lack this kind of spirituality.
People only think about money and I think that is the worst thing. The money-religion. That's what people only believe in these days. Everyone seems to be running towards some ultimate goal in life. Everyone is searching for the holy grail, the meaning of life and everything. I have thought about that matter a lot and I have come to a conclusion. There isn't such thing as the meaning of life. It's hard to admit that the mankind is so irrelevant, but if we look at the big picture, this is the answer. There isn't more to that, unfortunately. We all want to believe in something, something more superior, just to forget about the truth. In the universe, things form and die. Nothing is forever. The world is violent. The universe we live in is violent. No life forms unless other forms die, be gone. The big bang was also a violent thing. The earth was violent before life formed. The universe is such an enormous place that we can't even realize how small we are. In that sense, we aren't bigger or more important than a piece of dust.
One day, all will be gone. There will be nothing left from the Earth. Of course it is terrible to admit, but it is what it is. There's nothing we can do about it. We are helpless in that matter. We just have to accept that and enjoy the time we are given on this wonderful planet. We have to make the most out of this life. The time we are handed is short, very short. We should forget about the grand purpose and start to enjoy little things in life. To feel joy from the simplest thing, being alive and being able to experience the beauty of life and nature. I would want to make the world a better place. I want to make the time we have here the best time we could possibly have. I wanna educate people and guide them in life. That leads me to another topic. My biggest joy is to teach and guide people to help them reach happiness. I love helping others. For example, giving a gift to someone else and seeing them become happy by it, gives me more joy than receiving a gift myself. I don't care what other people think of me or say.
I will do what I want to do in life. I wanna look back on my life later on and have no regrets. I want to be proud of my achievements and proud of the fact that I was able to enjoy life and do the things I loved and wanted so bad. Because at the end, nothing else really matters. I have wanted to share my world with others, but they never seem to understand what I'm trying to say. They consider me crazy. Maybe I am crazy, who knows?
But I am happy with the way I am and see the world.
I am a very open-minded person. I am also very accepting towards people. I never judge anyone or anything and never have done that. I don't have any prejudice. That's very rare you know. I haven't seen people like myself - honestly I can say that I haven't met a person with such zero prejudice as myself. I treat everyone the way they should be treated. When I first meet someone, everyone is created equal for me. It's not in my right to judge other people before I know their story. I hear everyone out. I don't judge them after hearing them out. People often say I am a wonderful psychologist and an adviser
I am a companion for life. I am trustworthy, honest, kind, friendly, very loyal etc. My ultimate goal in life is to just do good, be a good person. That's enough of a legacy for me 
I strongly value if someone has their own beliefs and convictions and is willing to stand up for them. I cherish strong character and independence. I cherish people that have gone through so many hardships and still manage to hold their head up high and crush further obstacles. These people are brave. Through the fire and flames we carry on
For me, manners and etiquette is very important. I value polite and intelligent people so much. Good manners are very attractive.
I believe in love. When there's love in this life, there's no obstacle.
I also love sports and nutrition. I have studied and researched nutrition thoroughly and profoundly. I used to be a pro-cyclist, riding with men
I was a very high level. Unfortunately, I had to stop because of my health problems back in the day.I love science, medicine etc. I also am very creative, as mentioned earlier. I like art and drawing. I also love writing and interior design. I like learning languages.
I also adore animals
There's more, but I think that is enough already 
Reading your first post in this thread and contrasting it with your most recent post, it seems you are feeling a lot better about things. That is great to see and I am very pleased for you. This encourages us all.
On another note, please don't be too rash in conluding there is no such thing as the meaning of life. Keep contemplating this question, as interestingly you say, "Even if you fail, it happened for a reason", which hints at there perhaps being some purpose after all.
On another note, please don't be too rash in conluding there is no such thing as the meaning of life. Keep contemplating this question, as interestingly you say, "Even if you fail, it happened for a reason", which hints at there perhaps being some purpose after all.
- May 11, 2016
- 1,184
- Tinnitus Since
- 2012
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Loud music/gigs probably
I think my personality as i have always hated small talk conversations. The kind you have with some members of family/ family friends who you don't have much in common with, i can't stand it. Likewise when i was around 13 i started to really question why we are here and all of these philosophical thoughts such as ultimately everything in life is pointless, its a thought that i still strongly beleive today. I enjoyed and still do enjoy life but once that thought came to mind i have never been able to shake it.
@Nathalie
It is good to know my comments about you were correct, because it would have been a shame if they weren't in my opinion. Whilst I admire the values and ideals you live by, it's unfortunate many don't share them - due to the materialist world that we live in, people are driven by avarice and greed. Jealously and covetousness comes a close second and just for good measure, some people would rather trample on a person rather than to help them. I don't believe things were meant to be this way but this is the way of the world unfortunately.
I like that you accept people for who they are and don't have any preconceptions or prejudices about them and see everyone as equals. Again, these qualities are rare and hard to find amongst human beings. Anywhere one goes in this world it is not usual to find one group of people don't like another group of people for one reason or another. I believe this to be such a waste of time and energy, because as you rightly said, we are only on this earth for a short while.
It is also good that you regard manners and etiquette as very important because I also have those same values. My parents are dead and gone but they always taught me as I was growing up: good manners make a man or a woman and will help to carry them through life. People not only judge us by our attire but in particular, by the way that we speak and the language that we use. I am pleased therefore, that you are no longer using swear words in your posts and commend you for this. I must say, I was quite aghast at the expletives that you were using almost on every line in your posts. It got so bad a member asked you to stop swearing. When I looked at your Avatar I couldn't believe it.
However, none of us are perfect and I realize you were under a lot of stress with all that you have been going through and probably needed to get everything off your chest as they say. It probably helped because you seem calmer and more relaxed. The positivity messages you have been getting from members seems to be helping too and I wish you well for the future.
Michael
My hearing is so sensitive, I hear dead people. So I may have more than H. I think its super H or H on steroids. I would speak to those that have passed but I am afraid they may want to talk all day and I have to get things done like clean the house and go for a swim. People don't believe me but I can see through a 1 foot deep lead door. I can even predict when the next apocalypse will occur and when the sun will burn out. Yes, I'm special and thanks for giving me the opportunity to share my gift with the world.Thank you for the kind words. You are right. I have always been more of a giver rather than a taker. What I wrote here once also does a great job in expressing myself. This was written before my current hearing issues.
I grew up very lonely as a child. Since I remember, I was always on my own and I never had any real friends. I had my own imaginary world that no one seemed to understand. I have always been very creative and I love to fantasize. I'm a dreamer and I will never stop dreaming. Of course there were people at school or kindergarten I got along with and communicated, but it was never a strong bond. You know what I mean. I have always had my own vision of things.
I never thought of the same things as others. For instance, if other kids were thinking of how to steal someone's toy or what to do next, me on the other hand, was wondering what is it to be, why are we here, what is the meaning of life or how did the universe form.
I have always been a deep thinker, I love philosophy and sophisticated conversations. I want to explore other dimensions, not just the typical everyday "chit-chat". I believe that a conversation with an intelligent, wise individual provides you with more knowledge than any school. I believe in wisdom. Wisdom for me means to have knowledge and to possess the skill to put that knowledge into practice. Learning from every experience in life. Even if you fail, it happened for a reason. I like to say, there's no such thing as failure. Failure is just an opportunity to learn more. I love analyzing situations and my behaviour. By analyzing, I come to different conclusions, think things through and learn from it, become smarter. Live by that simple rule and you'll never stop becoming a better person. I want to be a better person every day.
For me, success means that I am able to wake up every morning and know that I'm not the same person as yesterday. I'm wiser, stronger, better, more knowledgeable, experienced, clever than I was the other day. This is what keeps me going. I know that I'll never stop developing. There's always more to learn from life. I am a person who sees beauty in everything. I appreciate little things. I wake up in the morning and I am alive. Another day has been gifted to me. That is beautiful to me. Beautiful is seeing my loved ones happy. It's beautiful to see another life-form coming into life, like planting a flower and observing it growing. It's beautiful to hear the birds singing early in the morning. It's so powerful to hear and see the thunderstorm. Life is extraordinary, we just have to appreciate and understand it. I am sad people nowadays lack this kind of spirituality.
People only think about money and I think that is the worst thing. The money-religion. That's what people only believe in these days. Everyone seems to be running towards some ultimate goal in life. Everyone is searching for the holy grail, the meaning of life and everything. I have thought about that matter a lot and I have come to a conclusion. There isn't such thing as the meaning of life. It's hard to admit that the mankind is so irrelevant, but if we look at the big picture, this is the answer. There isn't more to that, unfortunately. We all want to believe in something, something more superior, just to forget about the truth. In the universe, things form and die. Nothing is forever. The world is violent. The universe we live in is violent. No life forms unless other forms die, be gone. The big bang was also a violent thing. The earth was violent before life formed. The universe is such an enormous place that we can't even realize how small we are. In that sense, we aren't bigger or more important than a piece of dust.
One day, all will be gone. There will be nothing left from the Earth. Of course it is terrible to admit, but it is what it is. There's nothing we can do about it. We are helpless in that matter. We just have to accept that and enjoy the time we are given on this wonderful planet. We have to make the most out of this life. The time we are handed is short, very short. We should forget about the grand purpose and start to enjoy little things in life. To feel joy from the simplest thing, being alive and being able to experience the beauty of life and nature. I would want to make the world a better place. I want to make the time we have here the best time we could possibly have. I wanna educate people and guide them in life. That leads me to another topic. My biggest joy is to teach and guide people to help them reach happiness. I love helping others. For example, giving a gift to someone else and seeing them become happy by it, gives me more joy than receiving a gift myself. I don't care what other people think of me or say.
I will do what I want to do in life. I wanna look back on my life later on and have no regrets. I want to be proud of my achievements and proud of the fact that I was able to enjoy life and do the things I loved and wanted so bad. Because at the end, nothing else really matters. I have wanted to share my world with others, but they never seem to understand what I'm trying to say. They consider me crazy. Maybe I am crazy, who knows?
But I am happy with the way I am and see the world.
I am a very open-minded person. I am also very accepting towards people. I never judge anyone or anything and never have done that. I don't have any prejudice. That's very rare you know. I haven't seen people like myself - honestly I can say that I haven't met a person with such zero prejudice as myself. I treat everyone the way they should be treated. When I first meet someone, everyone is created equal for me. It's not in my right to judge other people before I know their story. I hear everyone out. I don't judge them after hearing them out. People often say I am a wonderful psychologist and an adviser
I strongly value if someone has their own beliefs and convictions and is willing to stand up for them. I cherish strong character and independence. I cherish people that have gone through so many hardships and still manage to hold their head up high and crush further obstacles. These people are brave. Through the fire and flames we carry on
For me, manners and etiquette is very important. I value polite and intelligent people so much. Good manners are very attractive.
I believe in love. When there's love in this life, there's no obstacle.
I also love sports and nutrition. I have studied and researched nutrition thoroughly and profoundly. I used to be a pro-cyclist, riding with men
I love science, medicine etc. I also am very creative, as mentioned earlier. I like art and drawing. I also love writing and interior design. I like learning languages.
I also adore animals
@stophiss you are incorrigible but so funnyMy hearing is so sensitive, I hear dead people. So I may have more than H. I think its super H or H on steroids. I would speak to those that have passed but I am afraid they may want to talk all day and I have to get things done like clean the house and go for a swim. People don't believe me but I can see through a 1 foot deep lead door. I can even predict when the next apocalypse will occur and when the sun will burn out. Yes, I'm special and thanks for giving me the opportunity to share my gift with the world.
Lets just say that me and Nathalie aren't exactly on the same page and I'm having a bit of fun with it.@stophiss you are incorrigible but so funny
All in good humour my good fellow. Pip pip, cherio and all that rot.
I like your brand of humour @stophiss please keep it coming.....Lets just say that me and Nathalie aren't exactly on the same page and I'm having a bit of fun with it.
All in good humour my good fellow. Pip pip, cherio and all that rot.
Honestly, Michael...what can we do but laugh at the lunacy called tinnitus and hyperacusis. A beyond disgusting condition and how many of us even ever heard of it much before it invaded our lives? Yes, there are many insidious disorders that invade the lives of humans that we have little control over...some btw much worse. Flesh eating bacteria while going for a swim in a pond comes to mind.
...but this ridiculous noise in our heads is annoying and how many among us can't believe there isn't a fix or at least a viable therapy for it in now 2017? All you can do is laugh.
- May 11, 2016
- 1,184
- Tinnitus Since
- 2012
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Loud music/gigs probably
@Sam Bridge
Stophiss has the ability to tell jokes and carries them off quite well. He can also be serious and go deep into a topic and be quite philosophical. I believe these qualities are good to have because life isn't always easy and I'm not talking about dealing with tinnitus. I like to have a laugh occasionally but don't have the ability to whip up jokes out of thin air the way Stophiss does and to be able to carry it off so well. So no is the answer to your question....
Stophiss has the ability to tell jokes and carries them off quite well. He can also be serious and go deep into a topic and be quite philosophical. I believe these qualities are good to have because life isn't always easy and I'm not talking about dealing with tinnitus. I like to have a laugh occasionally but don't have the ability to whip up jokes out of thin air the way Stophiss does and to be able to carry it off so well. So no is the answer to your question....
@Michael Leigh I have never been of cursing to be honest. On rare occasions have I only sworn. Given all the horrors which have happened to me lately (not merely T and H but the story behind how I got them and there's more to it but it is not appropriate to share here) I understand why swearing has served a great role in my vocabulary. It has sort of helped me get all these desperate and wrathful emotions off my chest. If not entirely then at least somewhat. I am aware of the fact that it was not very polite of me and claiming to be a polite person myself, it doesn't seem to add up very well. I am truly sorry if my swearing really disturbed someone else's peace of mind.
Yesterday I had some very unfortunate things happen to me, received some really negative news and today is a bad, bad day again. But guess what, I ain't gonna swear. It is not in my nature. I am not gonna complain either. Because who am I to endlessly complain and seek sympathy? I have been a quite a pathetic creature lately and got no one to blame but myself. So that is why I am not going to rant about what happened to me, at least not at the moment.
Yesterday I had some very unfortunate things happen to me, received some really negative news and today is a bad, bad day again. But guess what, I ain't gonna swear. It is not in my nature. I am not gonna complain either. Because who am I to endlessly complain and seek sympathy? I have been a quite a pathetic creature lately and got no one to blame but myself. So that is why I am not going to rant about what happened to me, at least not at the moment.
@Nathalie, that was some great writing and deep thought about your life. You are right that most people are too busy to either make a living or make a lot of money. People are like living and moving like ants. Is there a purpose in life? You bet. But that is my belief and I accept that people can disagree on that. I believe that we have a divine beginning, being born here to live this mortal life and to learn things that are important for eternity, not wealth, money, fame, power, but the quality to care and love, to be compassionate about others' sufferings, to be friendly and to treat others as equal, and to develop our intellectual potentials.
Steve Job realized near the end of his mortal life that it doesn't please him to be the richest man in the cemetery. While it was great for him to express and develop his intelligence, his gathering of wealth and lofty business status means nothing to him towards the end. That, he realized, is not the purpose of life. It has much deeper meaning and purpose than just being living like ants. He realizes the importance of family, the love and care shared between each other. From your writing, you have already possessed a lot of the good attributes you mentioned in your writing about yourself, such as wishing to help people to be happy, to have joy in giving rather than receiving, such as being non-prejudicial, being friendly, being compassionate to others etc. These are divine attributes that we don't find much accumulated in one person. In that sense you are already quite ahead in your eternal progression among other souls. I wish I can say that about Trump. LOL.
So give yourself a good grade for self-worth. Don't trash yourself too much because in the end, you are way better than you think you are in your earlier posts. Reach out for the star and fulfill your potential. That is your destiny. That is the meaning of life.
Steve Job realized near the end of his mortal life that it doesn't please him to be the richest man in the cemetery. While it was great for him to express and develop his intelligence, his gathering of wealth and lofty business status means nothing to him towards the end. That, he realized, is not the purpose of life. It has much deeper meaning and purpose than just being living like ants. He realizes the importance of family, the love and care shared between each other. From your writing, you have already possessed a lot of the good attributes you mentioned in your writing about yourself, such as wishing to help people to be happy, to have joy in giving rather than receiving, such as being non-prejudicial, being friendly, being compassionate to others etc. These are divine attributes that we don't find much accumulated in one person. In that sense you are already quite ahead in your eternal progression among other souls. I wish I can say that about Trump. LOL.
So give yourself a good grade for self-worth. Don't trash yourself too much because in the end, you are way better than you think you are in your earlier posts. Reach out for the star and fulfill your potential. That is your destiny. That is the meaning of life.
@Nathalie On the contrary, I think you are being too hard on yourself. You have been open and honest on how you feel and there is nothing wrong in expressing that. Some may not wish to express themselves the way you have done and what they going through. Believe me life is problematic and everyone has problems. In no way do I see that as being pathetic.
All the best
Michael
This is one area among several I disagree. In fact when you threw in an occasional F bomb for punctuation, I thought there maybe hope for you but then you started writing effusively without strategic swearing in iambic pentameter and this is where the content of your writing degraded and became more vacuous. You have an opportunity to repent. You see, writing about tinnitus and not conceding about how fucked up it is, is being intellectually dishonest. You can atone if you find Jesus. Can I get a big Amen from Nathalie's flock? Or at least a hell yeah?
- May 11, 2016
- 1,184
- Tinnitus Since
- 2012
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Loud music/gigs probably
- May 11, 2016
- 1,184
- Tinnitus Since
- 2012
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Loud music/gigs probably
Thank you brother. You will be saved! Not sure about your T tho.
Mr T is humming away in a very calm manner this morning so i have informed him that it can stay rent free as long as he has no parties and stays quiet!
No parties? That's worse than T
Seriously, glad you are having a low T day. I woke up to 3/10 and about a 2 or so now....a livable level.
Be well Sam.
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