I'm Not Committing Suicide. I'm Being Murdered by Merciless Tinnitus.

[Alex Matyjasek]

So why is he talking about it if he doesn't care? Stop deluding yourself like he is.

Because he knows I'm having a tough time trying to get used to this. He was trying to teach me a lesson. I'm only 70 days in and he's had it for 30 years...

 

[fishbone]

Well the truth isn't going to be recognized campaigning to each other on here....this is a support forum for "support" and people who are afraid and come in here and read this garbage and leave terrified. And that's the truth with these threads.

No one is holding back a cure. I wish they were, then at least one would exist.

This is why people don't come back here and try and help. Every post they make is attack by the local fear mongering crew calling for their head.

That's why even I don't post as much here anymore. No one needs my help, the board seems to be doing great with these threads.....

I just come to see who needs help via PMs

 

[Bam]

Just because you don't understand something, you don't need to attack it.
Your attempt at sarcasm is rather misplaced, but I'm sure you already know that.

I will try to simplify this for you and reiterate what Bam has already mentioned several times before.

What some of us are attempting to do is to get a clear message across... that message is:
"We can't cope, we need cure or effective treatment ASAP"

Of course this does not sit well with tinnitus apologists, whose message is:
"We can cope ok, we will be just fine"

As you can see, this mixed message can leave the average readers, politicians who are in charge of assigning financial grants, or potential medical researchers very, very confused at best.

In order for anyone to take us seriously, our message needs to be clear and unified.
Not sure why this simple logic seems to be so incomprehensible to some, who also claim to suffer with tinnitus.

Fact. Truth. Reality.

I posted this in another thread regards the 'coping' methods and industry and I will repeat it here and pray it sinks in to these apologists who think they're helping people but are not, in anyway whatsoever. They are just burying people in frustration and misery and distancing us further and further from proper treatment.

...... 'The wishy washy middle ground exists in the abscence of a cure. And the abscence of a cure exists because of this wishy washy middle ground.'

 

[Paul13]

Fact. Truth. Reality.

I posted this in another thread regards the 'coping' methods and industry and I will repeat it here and pray it sinks in to these apologists who think they're helping people but are not, in anyway whatsoever. They are just burying people in frustration and misery and distancing us further and further from proper treatment.

...... 'The wishy washy middle ground exists in the abscence of a cure. And the abscence of a cure exists because of this wishy washy middle ground.'

It is correct what you say, nobody more than me can agree. I guess that some folks, minimizing the terrible discomfort, in good faith try to 'digest' and to mask the fact that actually there is no real cure for most of us, since it's even difficult to find the reason of our tinnitus usually. This way they are trying to keep you calm to better coping with the monster. However, on the other side of the coin, I'm totally ok with the fact that this attitude can be dismissive and contribute to postponing a real cure.

 

[Jazzer]

Just because you don't understand something, you don't need to attack it.
Your attempt at sarcasm is rather misplaced, but I'm sure you already know that.

I will try to simplify this for you and reiterate what Bam has already mentioned several times before.

What some of us are attempting to do is to get a clear message across... that message is:
"We can't cope, we need cure or effective treatment ASAP"

Of course this does not sit well with tinnitus apologists, whose message is:
"We can cope ok, we will be just fine"

As you can see, this mixed message can leave the average readers, politicians who are in charge of assigning financial grants, or potential medical researchers very, very confused at best.

In order for anyone to take us seriously, our message needs to be clear and unified.
Not sure why this simple logic seems to be so incomprehensible to some, who also claim to suffer with tinnitus.

Wolf - anybody who sets out to confuse the issue, dilute the message, muddy the waters, deserves to be called out for it.
In their ignorance they become enemies of the state of Tinnitus.
There is literally no excuse for it.
Ignorance is no excuse.

 

[Jason37]

Wolf - anybody who sets out to confuse the issue, dilute the message, muddy the waters, deserves to be called out for it.
In their ignorance they become enemies of the state of Tinnitus.
There is literally no excuse for it.
Ignorance is no excuse.

I will just leave for today and tend to the wounds. Good luck with the next pack attack on the next prey who waltzs' In here with a different outlook on things.

 

[Jazzer]

I will just leave for today and tend to the wounds. Good luck with the next pack attack on the next prey who waltzs' In here with a different outlook on things.

What you should say is
'with a much lesser degree of severity.'
You'll never get it,
for the simple reason that you haven't got it.

 

[Wolfears]

I will just leave for today and tend to the wounds. Good luck with the next pack attack on the next prey who waltzs' In here with a different outlook on things.

I find this rather hilarious coming from someone, who was reffering to other people's posts as "garbage".

Maybe this is what you meant by "different outlook"?

Either way, I wish you the best of luck next time...

 

[Wolfears]

Wolf - anybody who sets out to confuse the issue, dilute the message, muddy the waters, deserves to be called out for it.
In their ignorance they become enemies of the state of Tinnitus.
There is literally no excuse for it.
Ignorance is no excuse.

I agree Jazzer...these people are now slowly starting to realize, that their bravado attitudes are starting to wear out.

 

[Jazzer]

I agree Jazzer...these people are now slowly starting to realize, that their bravado attitudes are starting to wear out.

Wolf - Jason will never realise how I would love to change places with him, and have the luxuary of licking my self inflicted wounds, albeit in a mock sulk, rather than continue listening to my interminable loud noise.

You know - 50 years ago a lovely old guy who lived three doors from me, sat on the wall of my front garden, crying, with his forehead bunched in a terrible frown of pain.

I said, "What's up George?"

He said "My head - noise - loud noise - all the time - it never - ever - stops.
In my head - the whole time.
I can't stand it.
I want to die.
God please let me die.
Just let me die.....please!"

Do you think I argued with him Wolf ?

I just said "Oh George - I am so so sorry George..."

Does this make me incredibly perceptive Wolf?
Super bright?
A genius perhaps?

No.

It just means I am human.

 

[Elfin]

Completely agree - there does seem to be a 'victim shaming' culture creeping into these threads with people taking the odd stance of rubbishing others' experiences.

By all means we should be able to share differences of opinion, but we should do so respectfully and still with a view of supporting fellow sufferers. The supportive element seems to be sadly neglected at times...

 

[Bam]

Wolf - Jason will never realise how I would love to change places with him, and have the luxuary of licking my self inflicted wounds, albeit in a mock sulk, rather than continue listening to my interminable loud noise.

You know - 50 years ago a lovely old guy who lived three doors from me, sat on the wall of my front garden, crying, with his forehead bunched in a terrible frown of pain.

I said, "What's up George?"

He said "My head - noise - loud noise - all the time - it never - ever - stops.
In my head - the whole time.
I can't stand it.
I want to die.
God please let me die.
Just let me die.....please!"

Do you think I argued with him Wolf ?

I just said "Oh George - I am so so sorry George..."

Does this make me incredibly perceptive Wolf?
Super bright?
A genius perhaps?

No.

It just means I am human.

This Jazzer is what makes me angry because after 50 years nothing has changed. Because complacency reigns and anyone who dares to stand up to it is accused of being a pack animal scaremongering suicide promoter by people who are delusional enough to think their stance is 'helping sufferers cope.'

 

[Jazzer]

We, of all people, are forced to live with the reality of this thing.
Sugar coating it does not work.
A pep talk and/or a fairy story is entirely useless.
I have plenty of time for advocating relaxing therapeutic practices if they prove to be efficacious, but in no way are they curative.
We have to accept the reality and publicise it for what it truly is.
Reality, unfortunately, is all we've got.
In a couple of words - stoical acceptance.

 

[Telis]

I have to admit, it's nice having people here these days that understand what tinnitus can do to a person. I joined TT around 5 years ago, there were a few of us that spoke out, but we were very quickly attacked and most were shoved out.

The messages would pour into my inbox telling me to shut the hell up, that I'm scaring new people. I have a few friends that are truely disabled by tinnitus that will not dare come back here ever again, being shamed on top of their suffering is just too much to handle for some, so they stay clear. It's pretty sad because these people are isolated, no one to relate to, they have been swept under the carpet to be forgotten about because no one likes a sad situation.

You run the risk of making yourself feel worse when you visit these forums, but not because of the terrible stories. It's the self absorbed bragging folks that disguise themselves as someone that wants to help. These people could care less who they hurt, they seem to take delight in mocking those that are in the most pain.

A tinnitus sufferer that has lost it all and is down on himself pops onto TT for a little understanding, only to be reminded very quickly by others exactly why he hates himself so much. These terrible feelings get reinforced by the chest pounding morons, and the person quickly leaves with his tail between his legs, no one cares. This happens over and over, these voices get silenced quickly by the majority.

But, having said this, there are also those rare individuals that truly try to offer support and understanding, they are few and far between but they are around, unfortunately they can't get to everyone, the pack gets there first and these people are chewed up and spit out for the most part.

I understand, people don't like to feel scared, or to hear that shitty things in this world exist, but at what cost to others are you willing to keep the blinders on.

 

[Jazzer]

Totally agree with you, attended one of those ATA Walks to increase awareness of tinnitus and there were like a couple dozen people there.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO DO OUTSIDE OF INTERNET?

Sorry AnnV
- but I was 6,000 miles away at the time.....

 

[jay777]

Obviously not, but I don't see your point..

I think my point was envy.

 

[Jason37]

Wolf - Jason will never realise how I would love to change places with him, and have the luxuary of licking my self inflicted wounds, albeit in a mock sulk, rather than continue listening to my interminable loud noise.

You know - 50 years ago a lovely old guy who lived three doors from me, sat on the wall of my front garden, crying, with his forehead bunched in a terrible frown of pain.

I said, "What's up George?"

He said "My head - noise - loud noise - all the time - it never - ever - stops.
In my head - the whole time.
I can't stand it.
I want to die.
God please let me die.
Just let me die.....please!"

Do you think I argued with him Wolf ?

I just said "Oh George - I am so so sorry George..."

Does this make me incredibly perceptive Wolf?
Super bright?
A genius perhaps?

No.

It just means I am human.

Maybe you're right....But I can tell that the 165 dB blast from a .50 cal BMG 3 feet from my head did not leave me with a pleasantly quiet and non-intrusive noise in my head. Oh and having to learning how to use a hearing aid 38 years old has been just the light of my life.

 

[Basshell]

Well they are doing a lot more for their fellow man than "those" advocating fear and suicide at ever turn.

No one here is advocating suicide. They are just fully empathising with feeling suicidal, as it is such an awful condition (if you really really suffer).

 

[1000]

What people usually use a 9mm, .40 or a .45?

 

[Wolfears]

What people usually use a 9mm, .40 or a .45?

Those are handgun calibers...mostly cops, competitive shooters and the self defense minded crowd will use those.

 

[1000]

Those are handgun calibers...mostly cops, competitive shooters and the self defense minded crowd will use those.

Which one should be more powerful?

 

[Basshell]

In this recent discussion on this thread, the undercurrent once again resurfaces. That undercurrent is that negativity and talk of suicide should not be mentioned because it might " scare" people new to having tinnitus. The implication is that the people who mention these things are just unable to cope well with their tinnitus and that is because they are people who tend to wallow in their own suffering. You then have someone like @fishbone who tells us he has utterly dreadful tinnitus and lives well in spite of it. Admirable. However, other people and @fishbone himself point him to him being an example of " mind over matter" ansd implying he is a stronger person. Well, if only it was that simple and how can anyone truly say objectively if one persons tinnitus is actually much worse than the others ?!?!

 

[Telis]

Maybe you're right....But I can tell that the 165 dB blast from a .50 cal BMG 3 feet from my head did not leave me with a pleasantly quiet and non-intrusive noise in my head. Oh and having to learning how to use a hearing aid 38 years old has been just the light of my life.

If you don't mind me asking, what does your audiogram look like? How are the hearing aids working for you?

 

[Jason37]

Down to moderate loss on the right side... left is mild loss. They took a little time to get balanced out, but on the bad days they minimally help the tinnitus. I started with one but it is really weird.

 

[Bam]

Maybe you're right....But I can tell that the 165 dB blast from a .50 cal BMG 3 feet from my head did not leave me with a pleasantly quiet and non-intrusive noise in my head. Oh and having to learning how to use a hearing aid 38 years old has been just the light of my life.

So why belittle your own situation and suffering Jason? Surely it can't be helpful.

There is another guy on here who constantly tries to play the tough guy and says tinnitus is no big deal and he's dealt with far worse issues, but he's clearly just deluding himself as his posts are littered with transparent angst and clues of his genuine suffering.

I can't remember his name now, nor do I wish to shame him, but it's actually quite sad how confused he sounds without even realising it. I don't know what his game is or why he's doing it, but I can only assume he's either in total denial or he gets some sort of weird boost out of playing the 'I'm tougher than you' card.

 

[Wolfears]

I have to admit, it's nice having people here these days that understand what tinnitus can do to a person. I joined TT around 5 years ago, there were a few of us that spoke out, but we were very quickly attacked and most were shoved out.

The messages would pour into my inbox telling me to shut the hell up, that I'm scaring new people. I have a few friends that are truely disabled by tinnitus that will not dare come back here ever again, being shamed on top of their suffering is just too much to handle for some, so they stay clear. It's pretty sad because these people are isolated, no one to relate to, they have been swept under the carpet to be forgotten about because no one likes a sad situation.

You run the risk of making yourself feel worse when you visit these forums, but not because of the terrible stories. It's the self absorbed bragging folks that disguise themselves as someone that wants to help. These people could care less who they hurt, they seem to take delight in mocking those that are in the most pain.

A tinnitus sufferer that has lost it all and is down on himself pops onto TT for a little understanding, only to be reminded very quickly by others exactly why he hates himself so much. These terrible feelings get reinforced by the chest pounding morons, and the person quickly leaves with his tail between his legs, no one cares. This happens over and over, these voices get silenced quickly by the majority.

But, having said this, there are also those rare individuals that truly try to offer support and understanding, they are few and far between but they are around, unfortunately they can't get to everyone, the pack gets there first and these people are chewed up and spit out for the most part.

I understand, people don't like to feel scared, or to hear that shitty things in this world exist, but at what cost to others are you willing to keep the blinders on.

Tell your friends it is safe to come back to this board again.
There is now enough of us here to rip a new asshole to anyone, who would try to belittle their suffering or shame them into silence.

 

[fishbone]

So why belittle your own situation and suffering Jason? Surely it can't be helpful.

There is another guy on here who constantly tries to play the tough guy and says tinnitus is no big deal and he's dealt with far worse issues, but he's clearly just deluding himself as his posts are littered with transparent angst and clues of his genuine suffering.

I can't remember his name now, nor do I wish to shame him, but it's actually quite sad how confused he sounds without even realising it. I don't know what his game is or why he's doing it, but I can only assume he's either in total denial or he gets some sort of weird boost out of playing the 'I'm tougher than you' card.

....

 

[Lane]

I can only assume he's either in total denial...

Hey @Bam

Or maybe he's a little like me, where I've noticed at times different parts of myself do not seem to be exactly lining up with each other. Case in point: I awoke up from a nap about an hour ago. Shortly after, I remembered a dream I woke up from. I was crying uncontrollably as I felt (and heard) the full weight of tinnitus weighing down on me. It was a gut wrenching dream experience, accompanied by a hollowed out feeling that is almost beyond description.

As I slowly woke up and began to become more aware of my physical circumstances, I became more aware of the somewhat "stoic" state I've acquired in the past many months. I don't cry daily like I did in the beginning, and don't talk to my wife too much about it either, as it makes her more cognizant of her own tinnitus. Though hers is 90% less "troublesome" than mine, I still don't want her to put any more attention than she forced to.

So it appears I've acquired a somewhat stoic outer "posture" regarding my tinnitus, that is more than likely vastly different from my inner posture. -- Hard to put dream experiences and inner senses of things into words, but I can totally relate to anybody else experiencing somewhat of a dissonance between what they post on the board, and what they're actually experiencing. Tinnitus/hyperacusis is such a profound experience for so many of us, it's just going to take time to reach some sort of equilibrium.

I'm pretty impressed with how well @Jazzer has done, even though it's apparent he's also dealing with a very severe form of tinnitus. He's done it with meditation / passive resistance / hyponosis. @fishbone seems to do well with his very active physical routine(s). Others have done it with other means. But I suspect most with severe tinnitus are going to have moments on both sides of the survival spectrum, no matter how well their own particular coping methods are working. -- Human beings are very complex creatures!

 

[1000]

https://www.lifenews.com/2016/11/15/nursing-home-euthanizes-woman-who-only-had-a-bladder-infection/

 

[Bam]

....

That was not a reference to you at all Fishbone. I don't believe you actively try and wind people up by saying tinnitus is no big deal. Instead you recognise how insanely brutal it is and your struggle to overcome it......And I would remember your name my friend.