I have lived in my fathers house for nearly two years now bc of my T. I have suicidal thoughts all day every day and the depiction in my head of him finding me dead really is the one thing that gets to me. I burst out in tears every time. But I want it to be him that finds me. Feels comforting to me in a way.
The one good thing about crying though is that I find it help me to cope for atleast a little while after.
Anyway, maybe I should keep this to myself. This at least is not the tread for it I know!
But I have another thing at heart here: We have talked alot about how audiograms may or may not explain our T, the frequency, the loudness and how severe it affects us.
Look at my audiogram and bear in mind I have unilateral T. in my right ear. Now, I have done a T. frequency-matching test and it is in the 11000-12500 HZ region. Look at the steep dip I have in my right ear in excactly that region.
I mean, its self explanatory, right? But I have as much hearingloss in my left ear, but not as steep curve as in my right ear. I have contemplated selfafflicted damage to my right ear to even the curve out, looking more like my left ear. But how can I destroy hair cells only sensitive in the 10.000Hz field. Not possible, right?
My dad, who is a engineer in aucoustics says the curve follows classic filter theory, but I really don´t understand what it means.
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Anyway, maybe someone finds this interesting, I don´t know. Thanks for reading!
Hopefully I´ll live to see the day, when HC regeneration will level that fucking curve out and I can have a life again!