My Husband Is Struggling and I Just Don't Know What Else to Do

MsG

Member
Author
Nov 30, 2019
10
Tinnitus Since
07/2018
Cause of Tinnitus
Unknown
Hi there... I've been reading threads on this forum for some time but just finally joined. My husband developed tinnitus just over a year ago and it was been quite the hellish year for us (as I'm sure most of you can relate to). He's at the end of his rope and I'm desperate to try and find something else to help him but I feel as though we've tried everything that is available.

He has a SUPER high pitch of tinnitus. We've gone through the sounds with different doctors and it's always at the highest pitch they can create. And it's constant. He's a creative - a very successful photographer with an incredibly high obsessive drive for creativity. When he's creating he becomes obsessed with his projects and that's part of his genius. But in this case, it's also part of his downfall. His obsessiveness means that he can't NOT focus on it at any given time. He's incredibly positive in life and dealt with it pretty well at the beginning (which is normally opposite). But as time went on and he never, ever got a break from the ringing and all of the treatments we've pursued have failed, his demeanor has started to change. He breaks down sobbing every week or so and just cries that he can't take it anymore. He's contemplated suicide and that scares the crap out of me. Just yesterday he said he thinks that I'm the only reason he hasn't stepped in front of a bus. We've tried so many different things from different medications to hearing aids to amitriptyline to even other drugs that have had some limited success in trials - and nothing has changed the intensity of it. Our next thing is CBT but I know that's had super limited success with many of you but we're going to try it anyways. I'm not overly optimistic but we can't stop. I'm afraid if we stop, he won't have a reason to live.

I read a recent article on THC possibly helping but have read here how it has caused spikes in some of you and I can't take that risk. He's barely hanging on and I'm so desperate to help him.

I keep TVs and music on constantly and he's found that he can deal better with it if he's working at full pace just because he has something that he HAS to be doing. But he's now running himself ragged, because the moment he stops, he crashes. We just went away for a few days with our family and had a wonderful time. But the day after we came back, he had a bad crash and I was scared I was going to lose him.

I don't even know the point to all of this. Just hoping to find some relief for him soon. I don't care what it costs or where we have to go. I just don't know how much more he can take.
-M.
 
Warm welcome to the forum, @MsG.

I have deep empathy for your husband's suffering. But please tell him to come to this forum for support, especially let him read the many success stories. There are many authors, like myself, who suffered nightmarish experiences like him initially and were suicidal. Yet they write their success stories after some months, even 3 years in my case. By getting support here and learning helpful strategies from those who have done their battle with tinnitus, many have managed to go back living a normal life. Some have habituated, others even having their tinnitus faded or eliminated. They reclaim their life and move on.

In my case I had the misfortune of both ultra high pitched tinnitus and severe hyperacusis. They both caused nothing but hell in the initial period. Worse, prior to tinnitus and hyperacusis I had also suffered from decades of anxiety and panic disorders, and PTSD due to witnessing the tragic accident of my young son. So T and H just opened the floodgates of hell of relentless anxiety and panic attacks every day, from the moment awoken by the loud screaming T. My weakened nerves just had no chance against T and H. I had no alternative but to reach for my medications of tranquilizer and antidepressant just to survive each long dark day, and then sleeping pills to trying get through sleepless nights. Yes dark thoughts of ending it all haunted me daily. I didn't know if I could cope and survive this for life. What a living hell it was.

But that was then. Today I live a normal, productive, and absolutely enjoyable life. That ultra high pitch tinnitus is still there. But somehow, mysteriously and miraculously my brain has hardened to it and now it doesn't give a dime about it. In fact the brain can now fade the ringing out of consciousness most of the time without any stress nor anxiety. Don't know how mother time has done the miracle. But if a guy with a much weakened nerves like me can recover and live a normal life after some time and getting support from others, TELL your husband to HAVE FAITH HE CAN DO IT TOO.

If you like, please share my success story to him to give him hope. While there he can read up many other uplifting stories too, especially a success story about using CBT to help himself by Doctor Hubbard which I provide the link in my own story. So tell your husband don't despair and don't give up. Better days will come. Believe it. Take good care. God bless.

My success story:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/
 
Hi there... I've been reading threads on this forum for some time but just finally joined. My husband developed tinnitus just over a year ago and it was been quite the hellish year for us (as I'm sure most of you can relate to). He's at the end of his rope and I'm desperate to try and find something else to help him but I feel as though we've tried everything that is available.

He has a SUPER high pitch of tinnitus. We've gone through the sounds with different doctors and it's always at the highest pitch they can create. And it's constant. He's a creative - a very successful photographer with an incredibly high obsessive drive for creativity. When he's creating he becomes obsessed with his projects and that's part of his genius. But in this case, it's also part of his downfall. His obsessiveness means that he can't NOT focus on it at any given time. He's incredibly positive in life and dealt with it pretty well at the beginning (which is normally opposite). But as time went on and he never, ever got a break from the ringing and all of the treatments we've pursued have failed, his demeanor has started to change. He breaks down sobbing every week or so and just cries that he can't take it anymore. He's contemplated suicide and that scares the crap out of me. Just yesterday he said he thinks that I'm the only reason he hasn't stepped in front of a bus. We've tried so many different things from different medications to hearing aids to amitriptyline to even other drugs that have had some limited success in trials - and nothing has changed the intensity of it. Our next thing is CBT but I know that's had super limited success with many of you but we're going to try it anyways. I'm not overly optimistic but we can't stop. I'm afraid if we stop, he won't have a reason to live.

I read a recent article on THC possibly helping but have read here how it has caused spikes in some of you and I can't take that risk. He's barely hanging on and I'm so desperate to help him.

I keep TVs and music on constantly and he's found that he can deal better with it if he's working at full pace just because he has something that he HAS to be doing. But he's now running himself ragged, because the moment he stops, he crashes. We just went away for a few days with our family and had a wonderful time. But the day after we came back, he had a bad crash and I was scared I was going to lose him.

I don't even know the point to all of this. Just hoping to find some relief for him soon. I don't care what it costs or where we have to go. I just don't know how much more he can take.
-M.
You're smart to be skeptical of CBT for tinnitus, it is least successful with chronic conditions.

That being said if you want to help him reduce his tinnitus, there are some things you can do.

-Try the new device Lenire. It's the only thing on the market that can reduce tinnitus in most people. But right now it's only available in Ireland and it cost ~$2,500, plus flights out there if you want to do it. Also the results are usually good but not great, it just takes the edge off it's no cure.

-Try hearing aids. Hearing aids, if he has hearing loss, can "correct" the brain and make his tinnitus quieter.

-If not hearing loss, find other causes. Often tinnitus can be caused by earwax impaction, TMD, etc. Mine was caused by TMD when I had it, so I recommend fixing that if that's the issue.
 
@MsG Hugs to both you and husband.

I'm not a doctor, but I do have a degreed medical background with 40 years of experience as a medical condition researcher. Recently I found the problem for someone with severe tinnitus - 4 sounds - thumping, humming, high pitch and reactive. His entire body was pulsing. He developed kidney, heart and abdominal aortic problems. He has all sorts of other abdominal problems. He had some narrowing of his carotid artery, a straighten C spine with vertebral artery pressure, several other neck problems, jaw, tooth pain, oral nerve trauma and TMJ. He had floaters and lightening in one eye with little vision. His shoulders and hips were very painful, as well as all the muscles in his body. His weight dropped from 210 to 120. He did have perfect blood pressure which threw off all 20 of the doctors that examined him. His head brain MRI was remarkable.

I concluded that he had a hypertensive (high blood pressure crisis condition) where blood pressure rises quickly and severely with readings of 180/120 or greater. This usually lasts only a few seconds and cause is from getting hypertense and twisting neck. He is now getting a carefully designed regiment of medications and vitamins that took weeks to design where specialized research studies were hard to find. One pill of clonazepam stopped his very loud and disturbing thumping and humming sounds where he could not sleep. He is on a special diet and the only vitamins that he can take is magnesium, turmeric curcumin and CoQ10. All other vitamins will cause harm taken by capsule.

This person is me and all my doctors were worthless in helping me.

I have assisted others, cured a few, and I would like to help your husband.

Any ideas as to what caused his tinnitus?
Has he had any radiological testing?
Any blood work?
 
You're smart to be skeptical of CBT for tinnitus, it is least successful with chronic conditions.

That being said if you want to help him reduce his tinnitus, there are some things you can do.

-Try the new device Lenire. It's the only thing on the market that can reduce tinnitus in most people. But right now it's only available in Ireland and it cost ~$2,500, plus flights out there if you want to do it. Also the results are usually good but not great, it just takes the edge off it's no cure.

-Try hearing aids. Hearing aids, if he has hearing loss, can "correct" the brain and make his tinnitus quieter.

-If not hearing loss, find other causes. Often tinnitus can be caused by earwax impaction, TMD, etc. Mine was caused by TMD when I had it, so I recommend fixing that if that's the issue.
Thanks for the advice. I've been looking into Lenire but we're based in the US and so the logistics and cost of going there for something that may not work for us is a big commitment. We're still considering it, but hoping to exhaust every other avenue first.

As I mentioned, he has tried hearing aids. He still has one now. He has no hearing loss at all, thank goodness, but the hearing aid is a masking device and they've tried to match the pitch (although his pitch is really high so apparently it was a bit more difficult for them to do that. It plays zen sounds and it's not really helping but he's still trying it in case it takes a few months to adjust to it.

We've been searching for the cause for the past year. The doctors simply (so far) have no answers. There are no obvious signs of trauma and we're just still searching.
 
Warm welcome to the forum, @MsG[/USE\


You have no idea how much this means. Reading your story - I can relate so much to what my husband goes through. And hearing about where you are now compared to 3 years ago gives me so much hope. I've mentioned this forum several times so he knows it exists and he knows that many of the things we try have come from advice here, but he's reluctant to come here because he's afraid it will make his focus even more on it. It's how his brain is wired, when he often hyperfocuses on things just naturally. It's hard to explain, but it's really something incredible to watch. Which is fantastic with our business and his creative work but it also means that I think he has a much harder time "ignoring" his tinnitus or at least distracting himself from it. When friends ask him about it and how he's doing and he has to talk about, he'll slip into a bad day and be depressed about it for a while afterwards. Because he's been forced to call attention to it. To the point where he's asked family and friends to not ask him about it anymore. And if a well-meaning acquaintance asks him about it, I've gotten really good and diverting the conversation after a minute or two. As an example, a friend called from overseas last week and spent an hour on the phone with him talking about all of these "ideas" he had for my husband. "Have you tried xxxx" and "I heard that xxx can really help." "What about xxxx?" "Tell me what it sounds like, maybe xxxx could word." They meant well, of course, but they're not doctors and it's not like we haven't spent nearly every waking moment for the last year doing far more research than they possibly could have. But the result is they hung up after an hour, they went about their life forgetting completely about the conversation and I lost my husband for 2 days to severe depression. It was horrible. I want to be angry at the person that called, but I can't. I know they mean well and just don't know.

But all that to say, he's scared to come on and talk about it because he's afraid it will send him into a spiral even temporarily. He's such a strong positive person normally, so this has been really hard to experience this. To hear you say that time really has helped give me so much hope. He believes that after a year and a bit, it will not get better on its own and if his body would have adjusted and helped him to cope with it, it would have done that by now. But to hear your story helps SO much and I will share this with him. Thank you a million times over. And I hope that I will get him online. I'll keep trying. He says that this is such a lonely condition. So for nothing else, then to know that he really isn't alone.
 
Thank you for the kind words. You are such a wonderfully caring spouse. Hope he will read my story and some success stories so he will learn he isn't alone and that he will gradually learn to accept his T condition which will hopefully reduce or eliminate his depression. By following some strategies which have helped people accept or habituated to their intrusive T, on his own pace and with his own discretion, perhaps it will speed up his habitation. God bless his recovery.
 
Has he been exposed to moderately loud noises or ototoxic medication during this year and in the weeks before the onset?

We don't believe his tinnitus is caused by exposure to loud noises or trauma. The hair follicles are actually quite normal for his age and don't show signs of trauma. We thought it may have to do with medication he was on (various sleeping pills, etc.) but he was weaned off them and was without them for several months without any change his tinnitus, sadly.
 
@MsG
He has no hearing loss at all
There are no obvious signs of trauma and we're just still searching.

Some individuals have normal audiograms with no detectable hearing loss on them, yet they still have tinnitus. Audiograms measure the bottom or low threshold of hearing by playing very quiet tones and then increasing the volume until they are detected. But audiograms assume that hearing occurs in an upward, step wise fashion. It turns out that there are different neurons that deduct sound at a high volume thesehold - and these are not tested in an audiogram. You can have a normal audiogram and damage to auditory perception. This is one reason why people with normal audiograms may have developed tinnitus - non hair cells, but there are several other ways not deducted by MRIs or radiological testing as well. Special testing by other audio exams and specialized CT testing is often needed.

In many cases, with normal hearing audiograms and no presently known trauma/condition/disease - the cause can be found and treated.

I have a complete list, but some are:
Auditory disfunction that includes damage to the medial superior olivary nuclei and to the trapezoid involving both afferent and efferent fibers.
BAER'S is useful in detecting auditory system damage in various central nervous disorders.
Facial nerve lesion - ipsilateral stapedius muscle.
Type 1 diabetes - Mellitus
vestibular disorders
Depression
several somatic issues. Motion and position studies are needed.
Sensory neuropathy
Head injury, but not noted by MRI
Blood testing for infection and vitamin levels is so important. Having too little vitamin D or two much vitamin A or B - and with this there are reasons why there's an abundance - tinnitus can happen.

If you are willing to answer a few questions, then it's very possible to determine cause. When there's no detection of hearing loss and no major trauma - it's not usually difficult to find cause.
 
Also - seriously...thanks so much to everyone that has replied. You have no idea how much that means. Thank you so, so much.
 
@MsG
L5/S1 can relate to tinnitus if the vertebral arteries are affected. If so, tinnitus would be severe and loud pitched. The vertebral arteries are well hidden in the C spine and MRIs are not always capable of seeing compression and compression would most likely be gone by time of MRI, but auditory nerve damage has been done. I had mentioned this in another post a few weeks ago. I had no hearing loss from this. My hearing loss happened years earlier from ear syringing. The upper C spine can have casual stress placed upon by thoracic and lumbar spine. With prior injury to the thoracic and lumbar, any continuing or newer spasm stress weakness can affect the upper C spine that houses the vertebral arteries.

This happen to me. I had a back disk injury many years ago, then years later I was bending forward pulling weeds in my yard and my back became sore. A few days later, I went to the dentist and was lifting my head off the headset as pressure was being placed to my lower jaw. I developed neck muscle spasms while lifting my head off the headrest and that straighten my C spine and compressed (reduced blood flow) in my ipsilateral vertebral artery causing severe tinnitus. This was noted in X Rays. I had talked about this several times on this site.

http://www.dizziness-and-balance.com/disorders/central/cervical/cervical.html

If your husband used pain med for back pain, then that also could cause severe tinnitus over time.
 
That is really interesting, @Greg Sacramento ! I look forward to reading that article later this evening. If that were the case, wouldn't the tinnitus be temporary or at least come on again/off again with any flare-ups? He has flare-ups periodically but the tinnitus has been constant. And if his L5/S1 herniation has caused auditory nerve damage is there a way to determine that definitively? Or more importantly... is there any way to treat it? Or is it a case where once that auditory nerve is damaged, it's damaged for life?

He doesn't take any medication for his back regularly. He'll occasionally take a muscle relaxant when he has a particularly bad flareup and his doctor prescribes it for a short period of time. And for pain during a flare-up, they'll prescribe 800mg of ibuprofen and that's only when he has a flare-up as well. He relies on working out and being careful with certain movements for his back. He does take sleeping pills regularly (benzos) and it was the first thing our doctor went to. He weaned my husband off them and kept him off them for quite a while to see if that was causing it. The doctor has his doubts it was causing it because if that medication was going to be the culprit, the tinnitus would have started far earlier. But we tried it anyway and sadly the tinnitus didn't go away or even lessen at all while he was off them. And at least now they let him sleep (which is nearly impossible with tinnitius - as I know you guys can relate to).

I appreciate your responses, Greg. And for linking that article - I'll be reading that this evening.
 
@MsG For me treatment related to subject would be difficult. I have other degenerative C spine issues. Plus my
ipsilateral vertebral artery has been narrowed. I have an abdominal aortic aneurysm that shares blood flow with my ipsilateral artery, so it would be very dangerous to try to place a curve back into my C spine.

For your husband, if his C spine had straighten ( X Ray) then a physical therapist should be able to take pressure off the C spine and thus the vertebral artery. If this is cause of tinnitus, then his tinnitus very well could be resolved. I read about this in other articles. It's also on my full list of reasons for non hearing loss tinnitus and non known trauma where I posted some reasons earlier to you.

Let's start with this - X Ray of C spine. A review of neck MRI. If this isn't cause, then we'll find cause. I doubt that meds cause his tinnitus without hearing loss - hair cell damage.

Update - I think cause is the neck. Next we need to examine neck muscles. I have a link to all of this - I will find it and post it.

I use mostly medical journal publications, but this site has some basic information.
https://trainingandrehabilitation.com/articles/
 
He's a creative - a very successful photographer with an incredibly high obsessive drive for creativity. ...... He's such a strong positive person normally, so this has been really hard to experience this.

Hi @MsG -- Welcome to the forum. :) I found it quite interesting how you described your husband, who sounds like a remarkable man. He sounds quite brilliant (and creative), and I couldn't help but wonder if "maybe", the intensity with how he approaches things could be affecting his tinnitus. Many on this forum have described how stress and/or anxiety were key factors in their tinnitus, and I suspect these things can originate from living somewhat of an intense life.

Since you mentioned that you've done a lot of research, and tried a lot of things, I won't go into detail about some of the rather "alternative" things I've looked into and experimented with. However, I thought I would share with you and your husband something rather simple, but has been quite helpful for me in dealing with my own tinnitus. It's basically a simple spiritual song (or mantra) that helps me "modulate" my own tinnitus. Here's a link to a short 3-minute video that describes it:

"When you sing HU, you may notice a feeling of peace,
warmth, and comfort as it fills your world with love" - [3-min. video]


In the video, it describes how this song can be helpful in a number of ways, including helping us relax and be calm. I've used it for many years, and found that to definitely be the case. Once I got tinnitus last year, I soon began to notice that it helped "modulate" it, especially when going to sleep at night. I often start out my sleep time with the tinnitus being quite screeching, but within just a 2-3 minutes of singing this silently within myself, I consistently start feeling the "edge" come off of it. Not that it goes away, but that it seems to "recede" from the "core" of my being, and I am able to stop feeling like it's "devouring" me.

One thing that your husband might find particularly interesting, is that besides this HU Song being very relaxing and calming, it is also purported to support creativity. I feel that's been the case for me the many years that I've been using this technique. -- I don't know if this would be either your's or your husbands orientation, but it only takes 2-3 minutes to get a sense for it from the video, and whether it might be something worth trying. I've heard back from one other person on this forum who's told me it has helped her as well.

Thank you for stopping in to share your story. I always find it uplifting to hear about positive and creative people. I think with those attributes, and your loving support of your husband, you'll be able to find something to help you get over these difficult times. -- All the Best!
 
We've been searching for the cause for the past year. The doctors simply (so far) have no answers. There are no obvious signs of trauma and we're just still searching.

What tests has he done? What were the results? (please don't interpret them: if you have them, just post the raw data if you're comfortable doing so - you can blank out any personal info).
Here's a flowchart that can help figure out a diagnosis: https://www.tinnitusresearch.net/index.php/for-clinicians/diagnostic-flowchart

It's often quite challenging to find out a root cause for tinnitus.

Good luck.
 
i wouldn't discount the benzos even though you stopped for some time. Tinnitus from benzos can take many months to show changes.

And the really difficult part of that is that while you're coming off them, you can't sleep because of your tinnitus. It's such a torturous experiment to see if it works. He was off it for a few months (I can't remember exactly how long anymore - maybe 3 months or so?). It seemed to be long enough for the doctor to be satisfied that they weren't causing it. But I'm always reading how it can be quite common when you're taking them.
 
And the really difficult part of that is that while you're coming off them, you can't sleep because of your tinnitus. It's such a torturous experiment to see if it works. He was off it for a few months (I can't remember exactly how long anymore - maybe 3 months or so?). It seemed to be long enough for the doctor to be satisfied that they weren't causing it. But I'm always reading how it can be quite common when you're taking them.
Sleep was my only escape when it was really bad. I would put rain sounds next to my ear and try to sleep as long as possible.
 
Besides masking as above noted, he may try using natural supplements to calm and to sleep easier.

Supplements such as Melatonin, Lemon Balm, Valerian, Hops, Catnips, Passion Flower, Chamomile, Lavender, Kava, etc. You can do google search or check Amazon.com for each of them to know how people review these products, and see if your husband can take them as a supplement. Also check out this site on using natural herbs for helping to sleep or to calm the nerves.

http://www.christopherhobbs.com/lib...ealth/herbs-and-natural-remedies-for-insomnia /
 
@Bobby Sinatra - yes! He does the same too. He also found that when it gets really bad, being in the shower helps. The water echoing off the tiles seems to help short term. We alternate between the rain sounds at night and this that he found on You Tube: . We'll often play this at night or when he's out and about, he'll put this in one earbud and keep it running.
 
@Bobby Sinatra - yes! He does the same too. He also found that when it gets really bad, being in the shower helps. The water echoing off the tiles seems to help short term. We alternate between the rain sounds at night and this that he found on You Tube: . We'll often play this at night or when he's out and about, he'll put this in one earbud and keep it running.

There is an app called atmosphere... myriad of sounds there you can combine and have on infinite.
 
Hi there @Greg Sacramento sorry to jump on this thread but have been reading your messages with great interest. I have the thumping that you describe and reacts with fans etc, it's hell. Yet when I put my finger in my ear it stops?! Any ideas??
 
Hi there @Greg Sacramento sorry to jump on this thread but have been reading your messages with great interest. I have the thumping that you describe and reacts with fans etc, it's hell. Yet when I put my finger in my ear it stops?! Any ideas??

Thumping reacting with fans, water running, from a refrigerator or other noises, is a reaction of blood pressure changing air pressure in the middle ear.

I really need to know your age before I can comment more.
 
Hi there,

Many thanks for getting back to me. I am 32. If you have the time you can see the history with my ears on my introductory thread. I have had ears checked five months ago and they were fine but the right one is getting so depressing now - just such loud thumping in the background... yet when I had the ear plug in last night it eliminated it!
 
@monkey124

It may take you 30 minutes to get thru all this:

The stapedius muscle when overactive, causes a high-pitched "tick" sound.
See the tinnitus page for more detail about stapedius muscle myoclonus.

Sounds that the auditory nerve can make is a thump, typewriter sound and Morse code.

Blocking the ear canal with plugs usually will not stop thumping when associated to ETD, other cranial nerve involvement, or other arteries and vein (vascular) that are associated to pulsatile tinnitus.

Carbamazepine is used in severe thumping cases. Muscle relaxers can also be used. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-10798-w/tables/1

Magnesium can help, but most people use it wrong. A 600 mg tablet needs to be cut into thirds and taken three times a day.

The zygomatic hand pressure technique can really help, this should be done under the supervision of a physical therapist.

https://www.tinnitusformula.com/library/understanding-how-middle-ear-myoclonus-causes-tinnitus/

There is a similar situation associated with "typewriter tinnitus". This tinnitus is intermittent and has a staccato quality like a typewriter in the background or Morse code. This type of tinnitus is usually associated with irritability of the 8th cranial nerve, the auditory nerve. It is usually responsive to the drug carbamazepine. This medication is commonly used to treat seizures or nerve pain.

http://www.tinnitusjournal.com/arti...pression-of-spontaneous-clicking-tinnitus.pdf

We can talk more.
 
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this to me. I will go through it all and we could talk more perhaps if you're happy to? Whereabouts are you based?
 

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