New and Scared and Desperate

[Louise77]

Hi all, I 've been lurking for about a week on the forum. Here is my story.

For the last few years I have been exercising on the treadmill and listening to my ipod with headphones, probably quite loudly, maybe 6 hours a week. I can't believe I've been so stupid but I guess I thought it would just never happen to me.
About 12 days ago I noticed a ringing in my left ear. It made it hard to sleep at night and I couldn't concentrate. I felt nervous, shaky and panic. I just can't stop concentrating on the noise, and in doing so I have now become aware of an electrical buzz/hum in my OTHER ear which is now also driving me to distraction.

For the last week I have not slept, I am hardly eating and I feel so desperate and upset that this is probably for life. I can't imagine going on like this.
I have not made a GP appointment (I'm in the UK, Scotland) yet as I know they will probably tell me to go away and live with it. My husband can get me a private appointment through BUPA to see and audiologist at The Tinnitus Clinic, there is one in Edinburgh near where we live. I have looked on their site and see that the treatment of ACRN is about £4000! And who knows whether it works or not.

My husband actually has tinnitus himself , has done for over 15 years and it does not bother his, so he does have sympathy with me and is being great.
I just don't know where to turn.

I've pinpointed the frequencies to about 3200 in left ear and 3100 in left ear and have listened to the general fuzz ACRN site a few times but seemed to get even more tones popping up in my ears so got scared and stopped it.

What's awful is that I CAN'T stop checking it by plugging my ears to see if its still there/as bad/has changed and I know this is making me concentrate on it even more. Everything I have read (and I have spent HOURS googling and reading) says this is bad and to concentrate on something else etc but it is so hard, and I'm so tired but all I do is listen to it when I'm trying to sleep.

I don't know if I've just suddenly latched on to a sound that in reality has always been there, but I do know that the headphone usage has probably caused it.

If I was to go to the doctor and ask for something to help me, eg sleep/ antidepressants, what can I safely take this is not ototoxic?
And should I just quit googling and even lurking on this site? Is it a bad thing?
Part of me never wants to habituate because to me that is like saying I want to live with this. I don't want to accept this.

I am getting short tempered with my two little girls and cringe every time they start making noise etc, I just want this to be over and have already said to my husband that I can't imagine life like this. I think he is really worried about me, I'm worried about myself to be honest. I never knew what depression actually meant before but now I do. I want to get out of this head and just have my silence back again.

Meant to try to have a sleep downstairs with background noise today and instead have spent the last 5 hours trawling the internet and tinnitus sites looking for information.

Please help, please advise me.

ps forgot to add I'm taking vit B12, and have ordered Ginko and phospatidycholine, have read a few good things? I also took Prednisolone 5mg ( 4 a day) for the last 5 days, in desperate hope. I had these in the house for something else).
Louise

 

[Lorenzo74]

Hi @Louise77 and Welcome to TT...

I am sorry for your recent T and the way it is affecting you...

I don't know how loud your T feels to you, but you have to try and resume a better sleeping and eating routine as soon as possible as that can affect your T very much...
You should also keep yourself as busy as possible mentally and physically so you don't find yourself obsessing over it and you get tired enough when you go to sleep to be able to actually fall asleep... I find masking a great way to shift focus from T while falling asleep...

Eventually if it will not subside you will have to learn to "accept" the fact you have it, the sooner you do that the easier habituation will kick in...

I found meditation very helpful in helping me to get out of the "fight or flight" mode and into the habituation road...
Nowadays I don't even mask most nights, but it did take me about 9 months to get back to a normal sleeping pattern.. So don't be too hard on yourself and work step by step...

I would definitely stay away from horror T stories, use the info and knowledge and support you can get from places like this forum but I would advise you not to dwell into the negative side, at least until you feel a little better, which will happen for sure but you have to give it time and work actively on your reaction to it..

I hope things will get better soon for you.. Take care !

Lorenzo

 

[billie48]

Welcome to TT. Don't panic and don't despair. You are never alone here. We understand what you are going through. We have been there where you are now. So members here have empathy for your sufferings. As far as the suffering, the endless ringing, the constant monitoring, the fear, anxiety, depression and sleeplessness etc., they are all very common when T is new or when it kicks into another level. We all had experienced the T trauma to varying degree. But many members do get better.

I went through hell with my ultra high pitch dog whistle T and severe hyperacusis a few years back. T & H also opened the flood gate of hell of relentless attacks, being that I had already suffered from anxiety and panic disorder for decades prior to T & H. I was in a mess for a while and had thought that my good life was over. But now I am living a normal life, enjoying and living it abundantly. I wrote my success story like many other members. Do read up as many success stories as you can to learn how to get better. If you have time, here is my story as well as from a working mom.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/from-darkness-to-light-how-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

Jade's inspiring story as a working mom with T louder than the 800-tonne trucks she drives:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/6-months-tinnitus-still-going-strong-but-so-am-i.3226/

Clarie's success story as a stay-home mom and with nice suggestions:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/oh-the-places-youll-go.6258/#post-67606

Give it time. It is the common element of success for most people. Time will heal and your perception of T can change. Trying to be positive can definitely help. The first step towards positivity is to read up on the success stories and the Positivity Thread. They give you hope and you can learn some insights how to get better. Being positive will help reduce stress which is bad for T. So keep being positive, seek some helpful strategies such as CBT, TRT, mindfulness meditation, exercise, hobby, etc. etc. Try take supplements such as NAC, Magnesium, Zinc (if you haven't tried them yet). and see if you need some diet change to cut down on intake of salt, sugar, MSG, caffeine, alcohol etc. Use wisdom there as you still need to enjoy your life. You may want to consider masking if T bothers you. Take good care and God bless.

 

[Phil-O]

Hi @Louise77
I am relatively new to T, so can't advise you too much, but know exactly how you feel when T enters your life. There are many wise experienced people on here who definitely will be a help. In the meantime check out the success stories, they certainly helped me, also https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172
Regards Phil

 

[attheedgeofscience]

Please help, please advise me.

You may be eligible for the AM-101 clinical trial.

 

[Lorac]

Hi @Louise77,
I am sorry that you are suffering with tinnitus but I am glad that you found Tinnitustalk. These are people who understand what you are going through because we are going through it too. If you have not seen an audiologist yet, I would recommend seeing one. They may or may not be able to help you but it is worth a try.It sounds like you have a loving husband who is worried about you, so that is a positive in your life. I think that part of learning how to live with T is learning how to focus on what you have instead of what you do not have in life. Most people on this site will tell you that keeping your brain busy and entertained is helpful.