1 Year 1 Month
I can't believe it's been a year already. Time moved so slowly at first. Perhaps it's a good sign time is moving again.
Physical t
It's usually quietest in the mornings and through the day gets louder. The tone is also softer in the mornings. In the morning it's above the noise of the fridge, in the evening it's sharp and loud enough to be above the tv but I'm getting better at ignoring it.
It's not the same pattern every day. It varies depending on how tired I am or how active I am. If I drive and wear ear muffs in the am, that isolates the noise and intensifies the sound earlier in the day. Usually around 3-5 the switch from softer to more harsh occurs.
There is an
extremely slow trend toward a softening of the tone, or I'm getting more used to it.
The h continues to lessen but it has a way to go. The fact that the h was so intense at the beginning, and it's still fading, tells me that I really messed up my ears. I can't believe how sensitive my ears were last spring.
I can now go to big box home improvement stores and not cringe when they call things over the speakers, though they're still really loud, and a local deli playing music doesn't bother me as much anymore. Things are definitely less amplified by the h but I still carry ear muffs wherever I go in case of a fire alarm, idiot (so many of them out there) with a loud muffler, siren or who knows what else.
I wanted to say the fullness has gone away but my ears feel a full right now. I was listening to my speakers a too loud earlier, I guess, and my ears feel it. It's not the same fullness as the first months but it still happens.
One odd thing I've noticed is that when my daughter watches shows on the Disney Channel, and perhaps Nickelodeon, my ears are very sensitive. I think they make the sound as loud as possible, I think it's called compounding. My threshold is much lower for these channels.
Mental t
Once again I can't believe it's been a year and how rocky the last year has been.
I'm feeling more optimistic the last couple months. I feel like I have a life to live, I have a future, which I didn't last year. I don't know what that future will look like but I look forward to it.
I've been doing some work on my truck and cutting firewood by hand. I wear ear plugs when turning wrenches and using a bow saw and I double up on hearing protection for splitting wood with a splitting maul. I only split wood briefly, under 10 minutes at a time, so if it affects me it will be a small bump.
Still using ear muffs when driving my diesel truck with peaks around 70-75 db and over 40 mph in my wife's Honda CRV feels uncomfortable so I put ear muffs on. I can take the ear muffs off in the diesel truck which is around 65 db and feel fine but I don't want to push it.
I think my threshold for noise bothering me is around 70 db. Under that is ok, over that I want protection.
For people new to t
I want to share some things I learned the hard way. I hope this information will help you, and possibly inspire you, if you're new to this.
- Things will get better for you. When t comes on it's constant and unending and all you can do is focus on it. In time you'll start to forget to pay attention and the h will go down. It will take a lot longer than you think though.
- When you first get t do whatever you need to to make it through the day. For me going for walks in the forest helped and going for long drives with hearing protection. Whatever makes you happy and gives your mind a chance to wander, even if only for a few seconds, helps.
- Get a sound machine to mask the t. I have a sound machine next to my bed and my favorite seat in the house. I have one at the kitchen table but I haven't used that one in months.
- Avoid quiet rooms as much as you can because they really bring out the noise. When it's late at night and the room is quiet I have a hard time noticing any improvement in the t. I avoid quiet rooms so I don't have to think about it. That's why it's handy to have a masking machine, or masking video on your computer or smart phone.
- It's ok to cry. You never need to feel ashamed about crying when you have t. I think it helps release the stress.
- If noise caused t protect your ears from loud noises. Listening to loud noises caused an increase in the t (spike) and increased h(yperacusis) on more than one occasion.
- If noise caused t stay away from loud noises even with hearing protection. My ears were so sensitive in the beginning that even with hearing protection things were loud. Last time I used a drill with hearing protection 3 months ago it increased the h for 2-3 weeks.
- Around 4-5 months in may be your darkest time, more than the first month or two. The constant stress and worry catches up to you and knocks you on your but. Stay with it and be patient.
- Just because the level of t or h has gone down you're not done healing. I would briefly try something loud, even with hearing protection, every few months to 'test the waters' and get spanked for it. Your ears need a lot of time to heal so give them that time.
- Getting kittens helped take my mind off the t but man are kittens work. They jump on everything, bite you constantly because they don't know any better and they're constantly hungry. Consider adopting an adult cat(s) if you're not an extremely patient person. If you want a lap cat look for the ones that come to the edge of the cage and purr when you visit. No guarantees but it's a good place to start.
I don't want anyone to think I'm out of the water and life is back to normal. It's not. I want people to know that I'm not the mess I was when I first started this thread. I'm prepared to face the future and wait however long I have to to enjoy it. I'm not in the hole I was a year ago.
I'm moving in the right direction slowly and that's all I can ask for.