Searching for Hope with Only Darkness on the Horizon

[Kolisar]

Hello Everyone,

Forgive the long post, I am in a very, very dark place right now; although I had found a light, and enjoyed a temporary sense of hope, I recently learned that my beautiful light will be taken away soon. So, with nothing but more darkness on the horizon ahead of me, I am turning to a site frequented by people who, hopefully, can understand the state I am currently in.

I have had tinnitus for, probably, all of my 51 years on this planet. For the beginning portion of those years I did not realize that it was abnormal. I felt that I was weak and unworthy of both life and love because something that I assumed everyone was able to deal with, I could not.

My spouse does not understand, and is not sympathetic to what I am experiencing. I don't blame her; it is difficult to grasp the psychological effects of this without experiencing it for one's self. And the one person who has been sympathetic, will be leaving soon. So, again, I find myself isolated and alone.

My symptoms have been getting worse recently, much louder-even waking me up from what little sleep I manage to get. I have always had ringing, multiple pitches in each ear, and some "static"-like noice as well. It never stops. The ringing also makes it difficult to hear and understand conversation, in person, on the phone, or in movies and on television. I have tried masking, and music, but no volume can seem to drown out the ringing, or distract me enough to not notice it.

Depression accompanies my tinnitus. I sought, and spent a decade in, treatment; including both therapy and medication. It helped the depression, voices, hallucinations, panic, etc., but not the ringing. With the recent progression of the ringing, my depression is manifesting itself in new, destructive ways. I have recently taken to tearing at my skin, scratching until I bleed. As strange as it may sound, the physical pain tends to drown out the emotional pain, so for now it seems to be a somewhat successful, albeit temporary and destructive, coping mechanism, despite the scarring that results.

I went to doctors back in the 1980's, but they were no help, so I have been just living with it. Prior to seeking medical help, I tried to not live with it, but the attempt was (obviously as I am writing this now) unsuccessful. The recent worsening would be pushing me towards another attempt but (un)fortunately I have someone who depends on me, and I recently made a promise to someone very dear to me (my previously mentioned light) that I would not "give up". This is not to say that I do not consider it daily, but I am bound by my word, so until released from that promise, it remains a constant desire upon which I cannot act.

While I have managed to live with this for many years, the recent increase in volume is pushing me beyond what I feel I can stand.

I don't know what I am looking for, as I fear relief will never come. Perhaps just putting these thoughts and feelings into words and releasing them will provide some relief.

I am desperate, I feel that there is no hope, but I cannot give up. Any thoughts or ideas on how to maintain sanity, or gain something resembling a "normal" life back would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for giving me this forum to express what I am feeling, and for taking the time to read this.

 

[fishbone]

Hello Everyone,

Forgive the long post, I am in a very, very dark place right now; although I had found a light, and enjoyed a temporary sense of hope, I recently learned that my beautiful light will be taken away soon. So, with nothing but more darkness on the horizon ahead of me, I am turning to a site frequented by people who, hopefully, can understand the state I am currently in.

I have had tinnitus for, probably, all of my 51 years on this planet. For the beginning portion of those years I did not realize that it was abnormal. I felt that I was weak and unworthy of both life and love because something that I assumed everyone was able to deal with, I could not.

My spouse does not understand, and is not sympathetic to what I am experiencing. I don't blame her; it is difficult to grasp the psychological effects of this without experiencing it for one's self. And the one person who has been sympathetic, will be leaving soon. So, again, I find myself isolated and alone.

My symptoms have been getting worse recently, much louder-even waking me up from what little sleep I manage to get. I have always had ringing, multiple pitches in each ear, and some "static"-like noice as well. It never stops. The ringing also makes it difficult to hear and understand conversation, in person, on the phone, or in movies and on television. I have tried masking, and music, but no volume can seem to drown out the ringing, or distract me enough to not notice it.

Depression accompanies my tinnitus. I sought, and spent a decade in, treatment; including both therapy and medication. It helped the depression, voices, hallucinations, panic, etc., but not the ringing. With the recent progression of the ringing, my depression is manifesting itself in new, destructive ways. I have recently taken to tearing at my skin, scratching until I bleed. As strange as it may sound, the physical pain tends to drown out the emotional pain, so for now it seems to be a somewhat successful, albeit temporary and destructive, coping mechanism, despite the scarring that results.

I went to doctors back in the 1980's, but they were no help, so I have been just living with it. Prior to seeking medical help, I tried to not live with it, but the attempt was (obviously as I am writing this now) unsuccessful. The recent worsening would be pushing me towards another attempt but (un)fortunately I have someone who depends on me, and I recently made a promise to someone very dear to me (my previously mentioned light) that I would not "give up". This is not to say that I do not consider it daily, but I am bound by my word, so until released from that promise, it remains a constant desire upon which I cannot act.

While I have managed to live with this for many years, the recent increase in volume is pushing me beyond what I feel I can stand.

I don't know what I am looking for, as I fear relief will never come. Perhaps just putting these thoughts and feelings into words and releasing them will provide some relief.

I am desperate, I feel that there is no hope, but I cannot give up. Any thoughts or ideas on how to maintain sanity, or gain something resembling a "normal" life back would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for giving me this forum to express what I am feeling, and for taking the time to read this.

First of all, welcome to the forum!

If you are harming yourself, then please seek immediate help and get a control on that situation. I share your situation as well. I have nasty loud ringing in both ears. Not maskable at all and i have a hard time hearing people, but thats ok. I ask them to repeat themselves.

My tinnitus is demon tinnitus, its nasty, never nice to me and it feels like a damn spike all the time, I have accepted this and i know that it will not go away. Eventhough my tinnitus is not maskable, I still listen to white noise and it does provide some relief.

Maybe you could possibly go to therapy that helps you deal with your pains, even tinnitus related. Trust me you are not alone. I fight this battle and horror with high picthed/frequency tinnitus 24 7 too, and I just deal with it and have to move forward...

 

[Michael Leigh]

I am desperate, I feel that there is no hope, but I cannot give up. Any thoughts or ideas on how to maintain sanity, or gain something resembling a "normal" life back would be greatly appreciated.

Welcome to the forum @Kolisar
I am sorry to hear that tinnitus has affected your life in such a profound way. I agree with @fishbone that counselling/therapy would be a good avenue to pursue. If you are using headphones and playing music or white noise through them to try and mask the tinnitus it's not a good idea. I wouldn't use headphones if I were you not even at low volume. Better to use a dedicated sound machine especially at night rather than sleep in a quiet room. Please click on the links below and read my articles as they might be of some help.

I hope you are able to get some help soon with counselling/therapy
All the best
Michael
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/can-tinnitus-counselling-help.22366/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-mental-health.21978/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/

 

[Kolisar]

I fight this battle and horror with high picthed/frequency tinnitus 24 7 too, and I just deal with it and have to move forward...

@fishbone : Thank you for your kind words. I envy your ability to deal with this affliction. I previously was able to, but with the recent progression I feel I have no more strength. I had some support but, as the universe tends to do to me, as soon as I find a source of hope, it is ripped away. At some point even Tantalus would stop reaching.

But, we have no choice but to go on, and I will; it is just difficult and I have basically lost all hope of a normal life or even something resembling happiness.

 

[Kolisar]

I am sorry to hear that tinnitus has affected your life in such a profound way. I agree with @fishbone that counselling/therapy would be a good avenue to pursue. If you are using headphones and playing music or white noise through them to try and mask the tinnitus it's not a good idea. I wouldn't use headphones if I were you not even at low volume. Better to use a dedicated sound machine especially at night rather than sleep in a quiet room. Please click on the links below and read my articles as they might be of some help.

@Michael Leigh ; Thank you for your reply. I am considering counseling again, but ironically have severs trust issues (which makes the departure of my "light" so much more painful as I trust that person completely).
I had read your articles prior to my original post (to be honest, they were one of the factors that led me to join this site), and I agree with others that you should consider writing a book. I use a sound machine; unfortunately it does not seem to help. I am fortunate that I do manage to get about four hours of sleep every night, and have only recently has my tinnitus begun waking me from it.

I do plan on seeking the aid of an audiologist in the hope that some progress has been made in the past 30 years and perhaps my particular symptoms can be abated.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I agree with others that you should consider writing a book. I use a sound machine; unfortunately it does not seem to help. I am fortunate that I do manage to get about four hours of sleep every night, and have only recently has my tinnitus begun waking me from it.

I do plan on seeking the aid of an audiologist in the hope that some progress has been made in the past 30 years and perhaps my particular symptoms can be abated.

Hi @Kolisar
I think you are doing the right thing by seeking the help of an Audiologist or Hearing Therapist that specialises in the management and treatment of tinnitus. Many of them were either born with tinnitus like you or acquired it as some time in their life. It is for this reason they often have a better understanding of tinnitus having lived with it.

Thank you for your kind comments on my posts and article. Here and on another thread. The closest I came to writing a book was: Tinnitus, A Personal View. It took a lot out of me and spent many months writing and editing it. I gave up many times while writing it as my tinnitus was so loud and intrusive. Whether I can put myself through that again or come up with something different that I covered before only time will tell.

Hope you start to feel better soon.
All the best
Michael

 

[Bobbie7]

I have had tinnitus for, probably, all of my 51 years on this planet. For the beginning portion of those years I did not realize that it was abnormal

I read your personal account and, although I am at a loss to entirely understand your life-long situation with tinnitus, I can empathize certainly; your present plight and emotional pain as you describe it, is palpable. I hope somehow you will soon be able to realize a substantial measure of relief as you have had your share of suffering and deserve peace and happiness.

Despite your own escalating difficulties with tinnitus with which you are trying to cope, you are offering others support and understanding with the benefit of wise insight and are sending the important message of hope which many sufferers need, especially those newly afflicted. I sense you are a person possessing great inner strength although you may not feel so and I wish you well.

Sending my best wishes,
Barbara

 

[billie48]

Welcome to the forum @Kolisar. Here you are never alone as we all share the dreaded experience of dealing with new T or new level of T ringing. As far as the reason for the T increase, there are many causes, single or combined, which can trigger or aggravate tinnitus including by not limited to drug reaction or side-effects from ototoxic drugs, ear wax build-up, ear or Eustachian tube infection or ETD, ear drum injury, fluid build-up in ears feeling pressured or fullness, sinus infection & congestion, TMJ, TTTS, high blood pressure or blood circulation problem, loud noise exposure or acoustic trauma/shock, head trauma & injury, neck injury or muscle problems, hearing loss, Meniere's Decease, barotrauma from sudden change of air pressure such as during landing & taking off on flights especially with blocked nose causing failure to balance the pressure changes, slapping of the ears, deep grief for the loss of loved ones, untreated sleep apnea, extreme, extended stress, anxiety & panic disorder, etc., etc. T can also be caused or made worse by unhealthy diet such as too much salt, sugar, caffeine, MSG, alcohol etc. or by lacking some mineral or vitamin supplements, such as Magnesium, Zinc, B12, D3 etc.

If your increase in T loudness is only very recent, and you can't trace down to a cause, it is best to remain calm and positive that such a spike may not last. Being positive and calm can reduce the stress/anxiety level. This will help calm the hyperactive neurons what generate the T ringing and hopefully your T will go back to baseline. Things may get a bit hard right now but never count out that good life can be back.

I was suffering ultra high pitch loud T and severe hyperacusis and I was suicidal initially. I also suffered from PTSD from the tragic death of my only son, plus being a victim of anxiety and panic disorder for decades prior to T & H. So my formerly weakened nerve simply had no chance against the arrival of severe T & H. I was in a mess initially and I never thought I would recover to see good life again. But never say never. Today I am back to living a normal, happy, productive, and absolutely enjoyable life. So hang in there. Don't panic nor despair. Give it some time and try to get something to calm the body and the nerves, hopefully to reduce T too. Take care. God bless.

Here is my success story detailing the strategies that have helped me turn around. Check it out if you have time.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

 

[Kolisar]

I read your personal account and, although I am at a loss to entirely understand your life-long situation with tinnitus, I can empathize certainly; your present plight and emotional pain as you describe it, is palpable. I hope somehow you will soon be able to realize a substantial measure of relief as you have had your share of suffering and deserve peace and happiness.

Despite your own escalating difficulties with tinnitus with which you are trying to cope, you are offering others support and understanding with the benefit of wise insight and are sending the important message of hope which many sufferers need, especially those newly afflicted. I sense you are a person possessing great inner strength although you may not feel so and I wish you well.

Sending my best wishes,
Barbara

@Bobbie7, Thank you for your kind words and well wishes. I have read many of your posts and you are one the many who have been inspirational to me, and have convinced me to not only join this site, but to try an help others. I know everyone on this site is suffering, yet you all take the time to console and comfort others. The amount of kindness expressed here is nothing short of amazing.

Thank you.

 

[Kolisar]

I was suffering ultra high pitch loud T and severe hyperacusis and I was suicidal initially. I also suffered from PTSD from the tragic death of my only son, plus being a victim of anxiety and panic disorder for decades prior to T & H.

Thank you @billie48 . I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I cannot even begin to imagine your sadness (I have a son myself). I am also sad to hear about your hyperacusis. I have read a little about that and feel guilty complaining about my condition where adding hyperacusis to tinnitus seems so much harder to deal with, and yet you and the others who also suffer from both continue to carry on. The strength of you and the others here does inspire me to keep going, despite my wanting to just give up and end it all. If you can continue through a far worse set of circumstances, how can I just give up.

Thank you for your reply and for all your posts, as the ones I have read have helped me.

 

[Bobbie7]

Hi again @Kolisar -

How are you feeling? I realized you have expressed your desperation and lack of hope but as I said before...I do sense a great deal of strength within you... perhaps more than even you realize. You are a very kind and empathetic individual, a valuable person -- I can tell, and your posts are written with sincerity. Your desire to reach out and offer solace to others who are suffering in the midst of your own is admirable to say the least and I admire and respect this effort. I understand the depth of despair one can feel when suffering depression for I too had bouts of this throughout my life and I feel as we travel through our struggles and torment --- we become imbued with greater understanding and compassion concerning the trials of others.

May you soon find relief and have joy. I find this forum invaluable for its cathartic nature; that we are truly able to be ourselves with all our foibles... is a blessing. Please keep us updated. Take care and be well.

Barbara

 

[Raphael7713]

Trust me we've all been there. A couple of days after my T kicked in I was in the darkest place in my entire life, didn't see a way out. Now a couple of months later I'm living my life and enjoying it just as good without T. Sure we will have some bad days..but trust me things will get better. This is a fact, I don't only say this as comfort, even tho I also want to comfort you. But you will get out of that misery.

 

[Raphael7713]

You've had T for a long time, maybe your problem lies deeper..like anxiety and stress, which in turn makes ur T worse or your approach to it?

 

[Kolisar]

Hi again @Kolisar -

How are you feeling? I realized you have expressed your desperation and lack of hope but as I said before...I do sense a great deal of strength within you... perhaps more than even you realize. You are a very kind and empathetic individual, a valuable person -- I can tell, and your posts are written with sincerity. Your desire to reach out and offer solace to others who are suffering in the midst of your own is admirable to say the least and I admire and respect this effort. I understand the depth of despair one can feel when suffering depression for I too had bouts of this throughout my life and I feel as we travel through our struggles and torment --- we become imbued with greater understanding and compassion concerning the trials of others.

May you soon find relief and have joy. I find this forum invaluable for its cathartic nature; that we are truly able to be ourselves with all our foibles... is a blessing. Please keep us updated. Take care and be well.

Barbara

Hi @Bobbie7. Thank you for checking in on me, and your kind words. Sadly, I fear you greatly overestimate my inner strength. And what little I have is currently focused on helping the person whom I refer to here as "my light" as my light has come onto dark times of their own. Seeing this person suffer causes me tremendous sadness; making my heart ache in ways I did not know were even possible. Seeing sadness on their face crushes my very soul.

At this moment, I am immensely sad.

I apologize for venting here, but my light has been my rock, but I cannot share my troubles as my light is struggling enough and I do not want to contribute to their suffering.

I have to stop discussing this now, I am starting to break down.

Thank you Barbara for your concern, it is greatly appreciated.

 

[butterfly75]

I'm going through something similar right now. You sound like you're in a very dark place. If you can continue to talk to this "light" in your life and continue to express your feelings, it sounds like that would be very helpful. If this "light" will no longer be around, I can see why the thought of them leaving makes you feel like you'll have no one to rely on. I'm sorry your spouse doesn't offer emotional support. There are people in this life who don't seem to understand or care. Some people try to understand, and that's enough for me. But some people don't even try to understand. No matter what, remember you deserve love and care from those around you.

It's so hard to cope when tinnitus suddenly increases. I've thought I could habituate, and then T gets louder, and I'm discouraged all over again. It can really hard to have hope for the future in life, or see the light at the end of the tunnel. In those moments, everything seems dark, and there seems to be no way out of your situation. You feel totally helpless. When you're feeling utterly devoid of hope, sometimes the easiest thing you can do is just try to get through the day. Just try to get through the day, and then you can make it through the week.

You're not unworthy because you're having difficulty coping. There are many people who are suffering in the same way. I've felt like giving up many times. It isn't your fault. You didn't ask for any of this; it's just something that happened. The best thing we can do in this situation is try to cope, but I find it difficult to gather strength as well. If this "light" in your life is the one person that gives you hope, it would be great if you can stay in touch with them. If you're feeling like you may make an attempt again, I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist or speaking to a psychiatrist about a different medication possibly. In my experience, it helps to have a therapist who also has tinnitus. They tend to be more understanding and they can offer better consolation. If you can find a therapist like that, or a therapist who specializes in chronic illness/pain, it can be very helpful. And they can help you find better coping mechanisms than self-harm. Remember that there are many people going through the same thing, and you're not alone. I hope things get better for you.

 

[Bobbie7]

Seeing this person suffer causes me tremendous sadness; making my heart ache in ways I did not know were even possible. Seeing sadness on their face crushes my very soul.

At this moment, I am immensely sad.

I am sorry you are feeling such extreme sadness as it concerns the one who brought you light. It always seems that difficulties come grouped together for some reason to test our strength when we feel we are at our weakest and most vulnerable, this I do know. What can I say? When we express sentiments .... these words are translated into understanding and support but will not be constructive unless they are met with positive response and action and that's not easy - I know that too. We have to hold hope dear even in the bleakest of situations. We can only try our best.

All I can say is I hope you dig deeply and find the strength to lend support to the person who has brought light into your life.. especially now since they are in need of your encouragement. At times we have no other choice than to rise and assist those who are important to us even though we feel inadequate and powerless to do so at a given time. Of course it is a tormenting thing to watch someone for whom you care suffer (whether physically or emotionally) but everything in life is transitory; even the darkest skies must clear. I believe ultimately, some inner force propels each one of us to rise above our own misery and grasp for hope.... for the hope that we will find solutions, for the hope we may at last find the peace and joy we seek - which everyone seeks, and in the hope of helping those we love. Some times all we can do is hope for this is the stuff of life and it nourishes us.

I hope @Kolisar you can find the fortitude to remain strong so you can lend support to the person who has been steadfast and stood by you. I think you can. Take good care of yourself.

Sending best wishes,
Barbara

 

[fishbone]

A new day, brings new hopes - that's how i see life...

 

[Kolisar]

I'm sorry your spouse doesn't offer emotional support. There are people in this life who don't seem to understand or care.

Thank you @butterfly75 . I do not blame her, she has not experienced this and has no frame of reference from which to understand. It is difficult for most people.

If this "light" in your life is the one person that gives you hope, it would be great if you can stay in touch with them. If you're feeling like you may make an attempt again, I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist or speaking to a psychiatrist about a different medication possibly.

I will, it will just be difficult. This person is in a relationship with someone who cannot understand that people who are friends can care deeply about each other and not be trying to evolve the friendship into a romance. But, we will stay in touch.

I have severe trust issues, as everyone in my past who I began to trust has betrayed me (some in the worst possible ways). Which is why my "light" (to everyone: I do apologize for referring to this person in that way, but in the state of darkness I am in, that is precisely what this person represents to me), is so special, as I trust this person completely. My trust issues also make it almost impossible to speak to a therapist. I have tried in the past but even when I was in therapy for 10 years, there were things I could not reveal. The good (?) news is that I promised "my light" that I would not "give up" and make any further attempts; that is where my history of being betrayed actually helps me because I would never intentionally break my word, especially to this person. So, no matter how much I want to succumb to the depression and end my existence (which is pretty much all of the time), I cannot.

Thank you

 

[Kolisar]

I am sorry you are feeling such extreme sadness as it concerns the one who brought you light.

Thank you again @Bobbie7 (Barbara). You are always so very sweet and supportive.

All I can say is I hope you dig deeply and find the strength to lend support to the person who has brought light into your life.. especially now since they are in need of your encouragement. At times we have no other choice than to rise and assist those who are important to us even though we feel inadequate and powerless to do so at a given time. Of course it is a tormenting thing to watch someone for whom you care suffer (whether physically or emotionally) but everything in life is transitory; even the darkest skies must clear. I believe ultimately, some inner force propels each one of us to rise above our own misery and grasp for hope.... for the hope that we will find solutions, for the hope we may at last find the peace and joy we seek - which everyone seeks, and in the hope of helping those we love. Some times all we can do is hope for this is the stuff of life and it nourishes us.

I hope @Kolisar you can find the fortitude to remain strong so you can lend support to the person who has been steadfast and stood by you

I have and will; as you said I have no other choice. I would gladly lay my life down for this person (even if I did not wish to die). I did briefly lose my composure when my beautiful light's eyes welled with tears; and they immediately, instinctively, comforted me; I felt immediately loved, guilty and selfish as my troubles seem so very minor compared to what they are going through. But, as you hoped, I remained strong, regained my composure, and continued to help my friend in need.

Thank you Barbara, and everyone; for your support and for allowing me to express my sadness in a safe, supportive space. I know I can be wordy, and express myself with strange phrases (and again, I apologize for the "light" thing), but the utter lack of criticism as to how I express my emotions is very much appreciated. This, along with support in general, is almost non existent in my world, with the sole exception of that particular friend. I appreciate finding some in this virtual world.

 

[Roger_S]

I feel for you man.
I couldn't drown it out yesterday. It was horrible.
Even today is bad, but it's getting better.
I don't want to go back to the state I was yesterday ever again. It's cry-worthy.

Don't ever apologize for your light Barbara. Your experience is terrible and something must be done about it. The sooner, the better.

The only advice I can give you that science is marching on.
Computers get faster every year and they're moving into the realm of anything and everything. They're far more reliable than humans and they're at the beginning stage of replacing doctors.

I feel like so far all doctors are capable of is medicine, cutting stuff out and anti-biotics and they overly rely on it to the point that some are called pill-pushers rather than wonder doctors.

What's especially promising is 3D printing. So now getting good at replacing body parts with plastics, metals and biodegradable stuff too.
Next decade the problem could be that some people could already live forever because every body part can then be replaced.

Try finding out anything you can about the problem or have Barbara search it for you.

I look at this from an optimistic way because I've had problems with my eyes and teeth and they seem to be getting better thanks to laser surgery and 3D printing. Technology that wasn't there yet 10 years ago. Did I say ten? I mean last year.

 

[Candy]

We're all here for you and get it.

Have you considered neuromodulation?
Have you tried the MyNoise app or link, it has a variety of good sounds.
Have you tried a hearing aid or a white noise generator?

Also you could look into a support group, there are several here in the UK...

If you do decide to seek psychological support it is important you open up so your therapist gets the full picture. When I had CBT before the Tinnitus, I told my therapist stuff I couldn't even say out loud and felt so much stronger x

 

[Roger_S]

He must have tried it all. He's been having it for 51 years.
What I can say is don't give up. The disease you have is going to be curable within your lifetime even at age 51.

 

[Kolisar]

Thank you @Roger_S . I greatly appreciate your kind words and hopeful thoughts. I am hoping that technology will help and find a solution to my particular symptoms as it already has for many others.

Don't ever apologize for your light Barbara.

Thank you. I feel silly using that term, but there is no other way I can describe this person (I am guessing that there was mistype in your response, but as sweet and supportive as @Bobbie7, a.k.a. Barbara, has been, she is not my "light", although I am positive that she is someone else's).

 

[Kolisar]

We're all here for you and get it.

Have you considered neuromodulation?
Have you tried the MyNoise app or link, it has a variety of good sounds.
Have you tried a hearing aid or a white noise generator?

Thank you @Candy . First off, I LOVE your avatar photo. Sophia Loren is one of the most beautiful actresses of all time, and just seeing that image next to each of your posts makes me smile.

I have not had any luck with any sound-based solutions. I have not tried neuromodulation. I was told back in the 1980's that there was nothing that could be done, so I was just trying to live with it and may have been able to until the recent volume increase.

If you do decide to seek psychological support it is important you open up so your therapist gets the full picture. When I had CBT before the Tinnitus, I told my therapist stuff I couldn't even say out loud and felt so much stronger x

I agree completely. And I will try; but I have severs trust issues, I was betrayed in the worst possible way by someone whom I believed was my closest friend (there was someone else involved who should also have been close and very trusted, but enough said about that). That was a long time ago yet I still cannot trust, with the one recent exception.

But, I do plan on trying. I have an appointment with my regular MD at the very end of August. I will bring up the tinnitus and possibly psychological assistance, if I believe that I will be able to participate at the level necessary to gain benefit.

 

[Bobbie7]

QUOTE="Kolisar, post: 265732, member: 25902"]Thank you. I feel silly using that term, but there is no other way I can describe this person (I am guessing that there was mistype in your response, but as sweet and supportive as @Bobbie7, a.k.a. Barbara, has been, she is not my "light", although I am positive that she is someone else's).[/QUOTE]

Well... I think my husband may consider me his "light" most often ----- uhhh....that is.... except... when I nag him at times!

 

[Roger_S]

You probably already know and have tried this out, my uncle who is a (retired) doctor told me that there is a earpiece device that can ?mask? your noise up to the point that you'll be deaf as long as you wear the device. I'll ask him what the product is called when he gets here tonight.

 

[Kolisar]

You probably already know and have tried this out, my uncle who is a (retired) doctor told me that there is a earpiece device that can ?mask? your noise up to the point that you'll be deaf as long as you wear the device. I'll ask him what the product is called when he gets here tonight.

Thank you @Roger_S. While I have not tried such a device, I have tried many other masking sounds. Regardless of what I try, I cannot cover the sound. The closest I have been able to get is using something like the sound of a shower, but the volume I need to even begin to mask is far too loud and would result in more damage to my ears.

It is strange though. The ringing is not, necessarily that loud. My only hypothesis is that because it is coming from inside my head, perhaps somewhere in the path to the brain after the part of the circuit where the input from the ears is processed, the tinnitus is being injected. I think that is why no attempts at masking have worked.

 

[Roger_S]

I regret to say that I've heard this information second-hand and hearing it first-hand turns out to be a regular masking device (making you deaf on a certain frequency with anti-sounds) and he did not know anything specific.

I'm sorry.

The only thing left I think can help is to do the same thing I have always done to relax a bit when in a pinch.
Reading technology news sites.
Because it's the must surefire thing to see something positive there.
You never read about technology being lost or going backwards. It's the most sure thing that's going forward.
During war or peace, it keeps on getting better.

Sciencedaily.com is a good one.

 

[Kolisar]

The only thing left I think can help is to do the same thing I have always done to relax a bit when in a pinch.
Reading technology news sites.

Thank you @Roger_S . I do enjoy technology news (fits in with my career). Actually, recently, I have taken up a couple things to relax and try to avert my focus on the ringing; Drawing and "blogging" (mostly poorly written poetry and prose trying to deal with emotional issues I am not equipped to deal with).

But, having something to relax with is helpful.

 

[Bobbie7]

I agree completely. And I will try; but I have severs trust issues, I was betrayed in the worst possible way by someone whom I believed was my closest friend (there was someone else involved who should also have been close and very trusted, but enough said about that). That was a long time ago yet I still cannot trust, with the one recent exception.

But, I do plan on trying. I have an appointment with my regular MD at the very end of August. I will bring up the tinnitus and possibly psychological assistance, if I believe that I will be able to participate at the level necessary to gain benefit

Hi @Kolisar - Just as I, too, had been betrayed a few times in my life by those who were "supposed" to be close and trusted friends I certainly do understand your hesitance to seek psychological assistance due to trust issues. Many a moon ago when I was seeing a psychiatrist regularly for major clinical depression it was difficult at first to open up since it is only natural to shield some of your personal actions and innermost thoughts out of fear of judgment. Aside from your tinnitus which is a genuine issue, of course, perhaps seeing a therapist would offer some therapeutic value. I had so many internal struggles at a time of my life which was most challenging - divorce from first husband, 3 year old child and being prone to depression (had bouts throughout my life) and therapy helped me tremendously to unburden myself to someone who was completely objective and non-judgmental. While it is no panacea, some times even verbalizing what you are thinking and feeling to someone who is completely outside your life and objective is in itself useful. Just by this act, it served to crystallize certain choices I had and helped me somewhat. While not every person requires medication, for me.... an antidepressant and two anti-anxiety meds was indicated and helped me tremendously.

Your posts are insightful, empathic, helpful and I feel you possess a great deal of inner strength even though you may doubt it.

Sending best wishes,
Barbara