So Sad and Hopeless : Update

[Starthrower]

@TracyJS sigh...I will try to log back on later today. Do not give up!

Many hugs.....

 

[TracyJS]

@emmalee
Thank you, Emma. That's absolutely beautiful.
And so very true. (for all of us).

You so often find these beautiful, wise, and moving quotes or passages. You find them because they resonate with you, they reflect the beautiful, wise, and kind soul that you are

 

[TracyJS]

@TracyJS wish I could say something to help you, it's a vicious circle... especially if you're reaching out for help and don't seem to get anywhere. Try and keep active as much as you can, and all you can do is give it time and let your body adjust. Also just come on here and have a good ole rant and release some tension.

Ps Riley is just beautiful

Thank you @Jcb
It's helpful just to read your caring words.
And yes I'm biased, but Riley is quite beautiful!

 

[TracyJS]

@glynis
Thank you, Glynis for letting me know I can PM you. That's very kind.

 

[glynis]

@TracyJS
Tinnitus is hard and the unwanted emotions it can cause and for you adding to it coming down off benzo's and
anxiety that's through the roof.
Adding a AD could help the anxiety while coming down off a benzo and then as the med is on the best therapeutic dose you can reduce your benzo more.
Try to push for help off your doctor for a AD anxiety and it will help you,
I have just come off a AD with no problems with a slow taper and I know you will get through this rough time in your
life and a bit of support from your doctor will really help so please push for help and don't give in as you are worth it and no medical profession should leave you struggling and believe me I know how bad that can be ...
We are all here for you so keep posting as we do care and will support you all we can.
lots of love glynis xxx

 

[Jcb]

Thank you @Jcb
It's helpful just to read your caring words.
And yes I'm biased, but Riley is quite beautiful!

She is indeed Tracy, always here if you would like to talk as many have said. It's important you know you are not alone, no matter how dark you may feel people here care.... just wanted you to know.

 

[Ed209]

Hi @TracyJS, as you can see, everybody really cares about you. Life can be incredibly hard at times, and then incredibly beautiful at other times. When you are battling for your sanity it is really easy to lose hope; many of us here really do understand how this feels. I say this a lot, but I do so because I know it's true for many people: it takes a long time to come to terms with any debilitating condition. The hurdle of acceptance can appear so enormous that it can mentally feel impossible to overcome. We are usually dealing in years, so you must give yourself time to adjust. How you feel now is unlikely to be how you'll feel in 3-7 years. In fact, we can go from being unbelievably low and suicidal to happy and content again. It's never an easy journey, but I'm a living, breathing, example of this. And not just because of tinnitus. I once lay on a hospital bed at 19 years of age believing that my life was over, and my mind was made absolutely unequivocally. I had no doubt. However, I was wrong.

When you come through something that's life changing, something within us changes. I'm obviously older now, but I also see the world differently as well. We all face hardship and I truly believe that none of us escape it. When it's our time to suffer it can come as a total shock and can knock our nervous system into pieces. If we take our time, and with the love and support of friends and family, we can put those pieces back together again, slowly. We all have an inner strength that we have to search for, but it is there.

I sincerely hope that you don't punish yourself for feeling this way. You haven't had T for very long at all, so you must give yourself more time.

 

[Mystery Reader]

@glynis I don't sleep anymore. My anxiety is very high.

@TracyJS
Sleep and anxiety are two of the biggest problems we face with this thing. Lack of the first will almost inevitably lead to a ramping up of the other.

I have found that adding a cup of SleepyTime Tea to my evening ritual helps relax me a bit. I'm still doing the clonazepam taper and am at half the original 0.5 mg dosage, with the next cut due next week. I've also been using sound enrichment daily (rainstorm is the one that seems to be helping the most at the moment, although something different might be better for you) and there are still certain environments where I will use ear protection (the market being the worst offender) but am working my way toward getting more comfortable with the everyday sounds around me.

The t is still there. The sound sensitivity is still there. At seven months now, I'm still at the trial-and-error stage, and I'm sure I haven't done everything right. Likely, there are people on this forum who were miles ahead of where I am at seven months, but I'm doing what I can every day to get a handle on things.

The main thing is to try to find some way to get some sustained sleep, Tracy. I do think that's the most important thing for anyone in the early stages, yet one of the most difficult things for us to achieve.

I'm already exploring the threads here about herbal supplements for sleep, because I will likely need something once I'm done with the benzo. If you haven't done so already, it might be worth taking a look to see if there's something that you might be able to take safely once you have finished your taper up, as well. I don't know if herbals are contraindicated with benzos, so I'm choosing not to experiment with them yet, but maybe there's a thread about that somewhere. (I guess one could argue that SleepyTime Tea is an herbal sleep aid, but I'm talking about supplements of higher doses, here.) Anyway, take a look. Something might work for you in that regard, and there may be someone already contributing to this thread who might have knowledge about this.

Stay in touch with us here. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

...and if I may say this to @Starthrower and @emmalee
You're fabulous! What wonderful support you (and everyone else here) have shown, and continue to show!

Best,

Mystery Reader

 

[glynis]

I have found that adding a cup of SleepyTime Tea to my
evening ritual helps relax me a bit.

Would this be by Whittard and Chelsea..?
love glynis

 

[Mystery Reader]

Would this be by Whittard and Chelsea..?
love glynis

@glynis
The brand I use is made by Celestial Seasonings. I also try to drink a cup of Twinings Pure Rooibus Red tea a day. I've read it's a good anti-oxidant!

Mystery Reader

 

[glynis]

@Mystery Reader ,
I drink lemon and lime tea and other lemon teas by Twinings also by Whittard of Chelsea,
I find them relaxing and help me sleep.
love glynis

 

[Mystery Reader]

@Mystery Reader ,
I drink lemon and lime tea and other lemon teas by Twinings also by Whittard of Chelsea,
I find them relaxing and help me sleep.
love glynis

@glynis
I'll check for some Whittard brands the next time I shop. The market I go to has a lot of imports. I will occasionally squeeze half a lemon into hot water and drink that -- if I remember to buy lemons! Anything natural that will help us all get some sleep is a good thing!



Mystery Reader

 

[Jazzer]

@TracyJS

We are all suffering Tracy,
yes - if we are honest - we suffer like hell.
I know that I do.
We haven't found a cure.
We do our very best to find better ways to cope.
Everybody that has heard your very courageous voice is feeling for you at right this very moment.
We all want you better.
We all 'need' you better.
Please take care babe,
Love
Jazzer
Dave xx

 

[emmalee]

@TracyJS

..and if I may say this to @Starthrower and @emmalee
You're fabulous! What wonderful support you (and everyone else here) have shown, and continue to show!

Best,

Mystery Reader

This is very nice of you to say Mystery Reader, thank-you. I agree, everyone here is wonderfully supportive.

 

[TracyJS]

@Ed209
Yes, coming terms with this condition or any debilitating condition is quite challenging. The challenge for me is quite formidable. I do feel like I'm losing my sainty at times. I question whether I can make it.
For me, the fear of tinnitus is consuming me. I feel terrorized by it. And My intolerance of it is torturing me.
Thank you for your words of encouragement and for reminding me that time can help, although 3-5 years seems like an eternity.

 

[TracyJS]

@Ed209
I'm so sorry about what's happening in your family right now. It was very thoughtful of you to respond when you are going through your own very tough time.

 

[TracyJS]

@Mystery Reader
Thank you for your suggestions regarding the tea before bedtime. I have a pretty high powered nervous system so it might be a bit tame, but who knows.
I use sound enrichment already. Unfortunately, when very loud and high frequency it over powers most things. And with hyperacusis, it can be irritating.

 

[TracyJS]

@glynis
I have considered taking an AD, but have been afraid to take anything that might make my tinnitus worse. It's such a dilemma.
Yes, it has been difficult for me to find a medical professional who can help. I am also constrained by insurance and the American health care system.
Thank you so much for your support. You certainly have your own health challenges, yet are there for people on the forum.

 

[Starthrower]

I do feel like I'm losing my sainty at times. I question whether I can make it. For me, the fear of tinnitus is consuming me. I feel terrorized by it. And My intolerance of it is torturing me.

@TracyJS You can make it. I am never on line this late for me but I really wanted to get back to you because I understand the complete isolation feeling. It sounds like you tried to find some help today or this week? Did you feel rejected and not understood?

That is what happened to me over and over and it increased my lessening self-worth. I almost gave up. Then I got angry and decided to keep fighting. I know I have my husband as support and that helped a lot. First up is finding a therapist of some sort. I remember after so many let downs I decided to interview them on the phone before spending all that time wasting an hour in some "office" only to be told awful things.

Is there a way for you to get a list of possible therapists that will work with you and your financial situation?

My tinnitus is still very loud but somehow I got over that desperation feeling. I have to take time to think back and see if I can remember a turning point. I know I did most of this with my doctor and anxiety medication. Gradually after I got a grip on that I continued to discover what worked for me.

Just know you are supported here and so many of us are here. And I feel a closeness with all of you.
@Jazzer is a sweetheart isn't he? @Mystery Reader and @emmalee also. I may forget a few others right now but we are a group of people who are in your life.

Much love and support....
Jen

 

[TracyJS]

Hi Star (Jen)
Thank you, Star for caring about me and for being supportive without judgement or expectation.

I had a disappointing experience with a CBT therapist this week. I don't think he can help me.

I feel more discouraged because I am working with limited financial resources and I just end up feeling completely overwhelmed. Having a supportive husband, must have helped immensely.

I am trying to find therapists/doctors who will work with my financial Situation, but it's proving a bit challenging.

I am in such a state of fear, anxiety, desperation, and then despair.
And a friend who provides some support is going to be away for a few weeks. This has increased my anxiety leading to times of panic.

I have to find some way. I can't seem to get a grip.
I'm in so much pain.

 

[TLion]

Think about getting anti anxiety medication. Take something which is not known to increase Tinnitus. I'm on Paxil which helped me tremendously two times but takes up to 6 weeks until the effects are there. Before that I suggest taking a Benzo up to twice a week, not more, for the worst anxiety.
I would put your mental state at first priority because that is what needs to settle. Your system needs to calm down. I wish you all the best. Don't think it will stay like this forever. You will be better.

 

[Bam]

@TracyJS Hey Tracy. I posted this somewhere else but in case you didn't see it. This is my sleep arsenal. I'm able to sleep a full 8 hours now on all this after the initial nightmare where I required Olanzapine and Mirtazapine to sleep at all. I buy the herbs from a wholesaler and take about 10-20 drops of each. Note that these herbs not only make you sleepy they also calm the nervous system down so you'll feel a lot less anxious. I do appreciate herbs are not inexpensive and this regimen is costly but wanted to try and help in anyway I could.xx

 

[Bam]

I must confess I wash all this down with a couple of bottles of strong IPA because sod it! We have a horrible brain injury trying to kill us everyday so our livers will just have to suck it up and take one for the team.

 

[emmalee]

I must confess I wash all this down with a couple of bottles of strong IPA because sod it!

Bam, what is IPA?

 

[emmalee]

@TracyJS

Hi, Tracy. How are you doing?

 

[Bam]

Bam, what is IPA?

Ha! Indian pale Ale Emma. It's more of a connoisseurs beer. Stronger with more flavour. Bud light ain't going to cut it when your ears ring like a fire truck.

 

[Bam]

Today has been a better day for me but strangely tonight as I stare out to sea with my ears sqealing I long more than ever for the torture to end, to be reunited with my old love....silence.

I supppose when you've given up you cease to care, but the minute the embers of hope rekindle for even a second your heart pines for what you can no longer have.

That's the true cruelty of our condition...... Hope becomes just as painful as despair.

 

[emmalee]

Ha! Indian pale Ale Emma. It's more of a connoisseurs beer. Stronger with more flavour. Bud light ain't going to cut it when your ears ring like a fire truck.

I see. I'll take a Corona Extra pale lager, frosty with a slice of lime in an iced mug. It is HOT here.

 

[Bam]

@emmalee sounds good! It's darn hot here on the South coast of England too. Brewdog Indie on the beach my tonic tonight.

 

[emmalee]

Today has been a better day for me but strangely tonight as I stare out to sea with my ears sqealing I long more than ever for the torture to end, to be reunited with my old love....silence.

I supppose when you've given up you cease to care, but the minute the embers of hope rekindle for even a second your heart pines for what you can no longer have.

That's the true cruelty of our condition...... Hope becomes just as painful as despair.

You can see the sea, Bam? I am envious. Lovely words once again.

We differ in that hope is my lifeline.