So Sad and Hopeless : Update

#31
@Starthrower
Hi Star. It's very thoughtful of you to check in. I was having a pretty hard time earlier in the day. Right now is a little bit better.

I did contact the psychiatrist who prescribed the Clonazepam and asked for a reduced rate. He said he didn't have room on his caseload for a reduced fee patient.

I could possibly afford to see another psychiatrist, however, with more affordable follow up sessions (the initial consultation is usually the more expensive appointment).

I'm not sure I could afford to interview mutiple doctors. Might have to try and get a recommendation and hope for the best.

Thanks again for asking me how I'm doing.:huganimation:
 
#32
TracyJS said:
Hi all my TT friends. You have been so supportive and kind and I wish I could come here and say that I'm doing much better, but unfortunately, that isn't the case.

My tinnitus while still variable has become more severe on bad days. Mild days are not as mild and on bad days the high piercing hiss can be so loud and very sharp it's painful. And most discouraging, my hyperacusis has increased where everyday sounds are becoming too loud and irritating.

I'm not sure why it's worse, except that I took the Clonazepam and now am off the medication. Maybe it has made it permanently worse, now.
I don't know.
I'm feeling more hopeless and despairing then when I first posted asking for support.
To be very frank, I'm not sure how much more I can take and if I can keep going. The pain is too much.

I actually have been doing many things lately to feel better. Seeing friends, going to a support meeting (which ended up being painful since voices were too loud and it was a far drive) looking into CBT therapy, acupuncture, etc. I was even contemplating seeing a few clients.

But the worsening of tinnitus and hyperacusis has left me in more pain and feeling like giving up. It's been 4 months and my life is completely falling apart.
I have a small savings and it's depleting slowly.
Much of my medical care I have to pay for. The hearing aids unfortunately didn't work so I will be returning them. I've considering seeing another ENT, or a neurologist or possibly a psychiatrist.

I'm so sorry everyone that I'm doing not doing better. I'm really really scared because I don't know that I can keep going with this pain and with watching my whole self and life be taken away.

I feel outside of time, outside of life.

I think all of you know how much I love my beloved cat Riley. She's my animal soul mate. Yet, lately I've been thinking I might not be able to care for her anymore. I might have to give her up. That is how devastated I am feeling. And that will break my heart and rupture my soul

I apologize for how dark this is.
I'm in so much pain and don't know where to go.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry Tracy, this can be a unbelievable emotional ride. As a few have said it may be the combination of you tapering off the meds and added anxiety giving you a spike and hopefully that calms down. I understand about your cat, give that some time as your little mate can help you through this and be a big emotional ally for you. Try and not do anything drastic yet with Riley.
Don't apologise for not doing better, that's what this forum is for, to vent your feelings.
 
#33
Jcb said:
Try and not do anything drastic yet with Riley.
Don't apologise for not doing better, that's what this forum is for, to vent your feelings.
Click to expand...
Thank you, Jcb. I won't do anything drastic with Riley. I just feel like a bad cat mommy because of all of this and how it has affected to me. I'm struggling so much.
Good to have your kindness back on the forum:huganimation:
 
#34
TracyJS said:
Thank you, Jcb. I won't do anything drastic with Riley. I just feel like a bad cat mommy because of all of this and how it has affected to me. I'm struggling so much.
Good to have your kindness back on the forum:huganimation:
Click to expand...

Thank you Tracy :huganimation:Of course, but cats are highly resilient. Animals have a knack for picking up on people's emotions so I'm sure Riley will be just fine, try and not put added pressure on yourself.
 
#39
TracyJS said:
I did contact the psychiatrist who prescribed the Clonazepam and asked for a reduced rate. He said he didn't have room on his caseload for a reduced fee patient.
Click to expand...

@TracyJS I remember going through that also and it really take a toll on your self esteem and self worth especially when you are at this stage of tinnitus/hyperacusis. It really made me feel....bad or something or like I didn't matter or was not important enough. And this is the last thing we need!

So sorry.

TracyJS said:
I'm not sure I could afford to interview mutiple doctors. Might have to try and get a recommendation and hope for the best.
Click to expand...

Ugg.. I remember. A recommendation would be good. I started interviewing the person on the phone before making the decision. It was so emotionally draining.

Just keep getting back up and going forward because you are important. You matter. Don't ever let anyone make you feel less about yourself.
 
#40
@Starthrower
Yes, it's so hard when you are needing help so badly, and so desperate and in pain, and can't find compassionate others who can help or seem to want to help.

"Just keep getting back up and going forward because you are important. You matter. Don't ever let anyone make you feel less about yourself."

Thank you, Star. It's hard to feel you matter when facing this. And with limited resources, it can be challenging to been seen as worthy of help.
 
#41
TracyJS said:
Yes, it's so hard when you are needing help so badly, and so desperate and in pain, and can't find compassionate others who can help or seem to want to help.
Click to expand...

I understand. I was so broken down emotionally, physically and mentally Tracy. It was a very lonely time back then. More so when spending the money for different "therapists" or "specialists" and being treated like I did not matter or that my problem was mental. I had severe intrusive tinnitus with a damaged jaw bone/ear nerves and no one seemed to want to really help.

So you are certainly not alone. And it is still going on today.


TracyJS said:
It's hard to feel you matter when facing this. And with limited resources, it can be challenging to been seen as worthy of help.
Click to expand...

I sort of learned to give myself self-worth but it took a very long time.

Are you doing any better?
 
#42
@Starthrower
Hi Star. I'm not doing really any better.
My tinnitus just seems to be worsening and I feel overwhelmed as to what to do.

I'm so sorry no one really seemed to want to help you back then. I feel that way completely now.

I am in a very bad way.
 
#43
TracyJS said:
@Starthrower
Hi Star. I'm not doing really any better.
My tinnitus just seems to be worsening and I feel overwhelmed as to what to do.

I'm so sorry no one really seemed to want to help you back then. I feel that way completely now.

I am in a very bad way.
Click to expand...

I know, you're in a awful situation Tracy. Try and give it a bit longer to let your body's chemistry start adjusting to the change, I know it's s easier said than done but take each day at a time, step by step. I know you feel alone in this but you're not, come here and rant, rave, or just chat we are all here for you and never apologise for feeling like this.
 
#44
Jcb said:
I know, you're in a awful situation Tracy. Try and give it a bit longer to let your body's chemistry start adjusting to the change, I know it's s easier said than done but take each day at a time, step by step. I know you feel alone in this but you're not, come here and rant, rave, or just chat we are all here for you and never apologise for feeling like this.
Click to expand...
Thank you, @Jcb.
:huganimation:
 
#47
@TracyJS ,
Thank you....lol
Thing usually work out for the best so stay positive you will feel better after your withdrawal.
Had lot's of tests ,xrays,ultrasounds and CT scans and so happy and relieved It's not bowel cancer as it runs in the family but It is a bowel desease so I just need to talk with my doctor but I'm fine and will cope when the problem come along ...
staying posiive as always...
love glynis
 
#48
TracyJS said:
@Starthrower
Yes, it's so hard when you are needing help so badly, and so desperate and in pain, and can't find compassionate others who can help or seem to want to help.

"Just keep getting back up and going forward because you are important. You matter. Don't ever let anyone make you feel less about yourself."

Thank you, Star. It's hard to feel you matter when facing this. And with limited resources, it can be challenging to been seen as worthy of help.
Click to expand...

Thinking about you often Tracy, and just hoping you get some better days soon.
xx
 
#49
TracyJS said:
My tinnitus just seems to be worsening and I feel overwhelmed as to what to do.
Click to expand...
Tinnitus is a horrible thing to deal with. It was/is the hardest thing I have ever had to get through in my life.
I am a 2 time T sufferer. Both times from acoustic trauma.
12 years ago I had screaming loud T from a 1 hour exposure to extremely loud power equipment, and it took 2 years to fully fade.
This time it was a loud outdoor concert, and I am 20 months in, and my T has faded 90%

Your T is quite new, and you probably will see improvement over the next 6-12 months. Keep in mind that acoustic trauma T can take over 2 years to fade.
 
#50
glynis said:
@TracyJS ,
Thank you....lol
Thing usually work out for the best so stay positive you will feel better after your withdrawal.
Had lot's of tests ,xrays,ultrasounds and CT scans and so happy and relieved It's not bowel cancer as it runs in the family but It is a bowel desease so I just need to talk with my doctor but I'm fine and will cope when the problem come along ...
staying posiive as always...
love glynis
Click to expand...
Thank goodness it's not bladder cancer, although I'm sorry there is another condition to manage. Your positive attitude is admirable, Glynis:huganimation:
 
#51
TracyJS said:
@Starthrower
Hi Star. I'm not doing really any better.
My tinnitus just seems to be worsening and I feel overwhelmed as to what to do.

I'm so sorry no one really seemed to want to help you back then. I feel that way completely now.

I am in a very bad way.
Click to expand...

Tracy - have you read Laura Cole's superb book,
"Living With Tinnitus?"

"The repetitive statement becomes part of who we are.
If you find yourself in constant despair, saying things like,
"I'll never get used to this, my life is ruined,"
you need to tell yourself exactly the opposite.
"I can deal with this tinnitus.
Millions of others have, and now lead happy productive lives."

We must never feed ourselves negative messages - ever.

You may need hypnotherapy.
Failing that, learn deep relaxation, meditation, and self hypnosis.
Negative message reinforcement must go !
 
#53
Nanny chocolate said:
Not easy though Dave.x
@Jazzer
Click to expand...

Oh dear - do I know that Nanny.
But looking for 'better' ways forward is crucial.

We 'must' learn deep relaxation.
We 'must' learn meditation.
We 'must' learn to go 'deeper' to find some 'peace' and anticipate some 'healing.'

It's no good telling me that these practices are difficult when you've got Tinnitus.
I know.
I have severe Tinnitus, and I practice these daily.

If we reinforce negative messages we will suffer more.
If people can not learn meditation, or self hypnosis, then they need hypnotherapy to implant positive messages into the subconscious mind.
These are just my views, and I can think of nothing else to offer Nan. xx
 
#54
@Nanny chocolate I mentioned Sage Therapeutics last summer developing Sage 217. They just announced an expedited development plan following Breakthrough Therapy with the FDA. Wall Street loves this company. The drug is for depression and optimized for synaptic GABBA receptors. The GABA system is major inhibitory signaling of the brain and CNS. This is the first drug to be able to do this. It has focus on the same parts of the brain that tinnitus does.
 
#56
That offering will do nicely.
I had a guided meditation session with a therapist a couple of days ago and it was very powerful. I'm going back!
I also found hypnotherapy extremely helpful although I haven't been for a while. I play the CD at night.
Eve xx
@Jazzer
 
#57
TracyJS said:
I'm so sorry no one really seemed to want to help you back then. I feel that way completely now.

I am in a very bad way.
Click to expand...

@TracyJS I so understand. I suppose this is why I was drawn to your posts. Back in 2002 I was drawn into another Tinnitus board(s). I only wanted information, help and understanding. All of which are here on TT.

This is a trick/therapy I eventually used for myself and cost nothing. First I did spend money on hypnosis after finding this great older man who was an expert. After that I would use the techniques you can now find on the internet.

My music therapy mostly helps me at night. I record songs (country) that I have found to be soothing to my brain noise. I have several songs recorded and listen to it every single morning for one hour. This is what I did (do). I would take a song and focus on one particular voice or instrument. Only one with the entire song playing. I did this for each song. I would chose a different one each morning.

Then one day a week I would listen to the songs without focus.

At night when I had trouble sleeping the songs would be in my brain because of repetition. And I would do the exercise without the actual music.

I hope that made a little sense and maybe something you could try that does not cost anything.

One song is by Big and Rich because of the unique harmony of their voices and the instruments. I will try to find that song and see if you can practice it. Listen to one voice in the harmony. Over and over for one hour. Then listen for another the next day.

After a few days listen to the song without focus. At night see if your brain can reproduce this.

There are softer songs also. I can give you a few more if you think doing this will help. And you can use your own music preference.

Use over the ear headphones and I use tightly rolled up cotton balls (which absorbs sound rather than deflect) and low sound level.


 
#59
Today has been a terrible day for me ! Very scared this is never going away I had hearing loss from for 3 months had tympanic ear injections and this has gotten worst do not want a cat scan or MRI sick of all of it
 
#60
Greg Sacramento said:
I mentioned Sage Therapeutics last summer developing Sage 217. They just announced an expedited development plan following Breakthrough Therapy with the FDA. Wall Street loves this company. The drug is for depression and optimized for synaptic GABBA receptors. The GABA system is major inhibitory signaling of the brain and CNS. This is the first drug to be able to do this. It has focus on the same parts of the brain that tinnitus does.
Click to expand...

In this link read page 4, then scroll down to the bottom of page 82 and the beginning of page 83. "These new molecules may have the potential to treat a wide range of psychiatric and neurological disorders". Tinnitus is included as one of them. Since this publication Sage has received Breakthrough Therapy from the FDA as they have even more improved molecule signals to GABBA receptors.

https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgar/data/1597553/000119312514239366/d697091ds1.htm
 

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