Spending Christmas Alone

[Emperor-Drax]

I guess you could say you're spending Christmas... Home Alone.

 

[Agrajag364]

It's important to understand why therapists are putting forward this viewpoint. Tinnitus, as it is so widespread, problematic for so many and incurable, represents a hugely attractive commercial proposition for therapists. However, as tinnitus itself is largely untreatable, therapists who wish to "monetise" tinnitus have to claim that the primary causes of problematic tinnitus are mental health conditions such as stress, anxiety - which therapists can offer commercial solutions for such as CBT, mindfulness, relaxation techniques.

It's important to treat this viewpoint with great scepticism and to recognise the commercial bias of those presenting it. In my own experience absolutely the primary thing which makes tinnitus worse is exposure to loud noise - this is true whether the tinnitus was caused by loud noise in the first place or not. Please note that I am not arguing that stress/anxiety doesn't worsen tinnitus sometimes - clearly it can do. What I am against is the viewpoint that anxiety/stress are the main causes of tinnitus and of tinnitus getting worse.

This is very reasonable. I do notice my tinnitus is louder when I am stressed, but I accept this is not the case for everyone. It does make sense to me that people's entirely understandable horror and fear of their tinnitus could make it louder, because of the tinnitus's link with the limbic system (and thus fear/anxiety). In addition when you DO hear of people for whom tinnitus got quieter they often say something to the effect that I stopped fearing/being so worried/thinking about about the tinnitus, and then eventually over time it got quieter. But clearly this stress/fear link has more of a potential impact on the tinnitus in some than others.

 

[Bam]

However, as tinnitus itself is largely untreatable, therapists who wish to "monetise" tinnitus have to claim that the primary causes of problematic tinnitus are mental health conditions such as stress, anxiety - which therapists can offer commercial solutions for such as CBT, mindfulness, relaxation techniques.

Julian Cowan Hill concisely debunked. Well put.

I might add that these 'therapists' marginalise severe sufferers by making totally unsubstantiated claims to the public that increase our sense of failure that we can't simply 'de stress' and rid ourselves of tinnitus like everyone else apparently can.

For every person this 'tinnitus guru' supposedly 'helps' he pushes several others ever closer to the exit door with their heads hung in shame and embarrassment.

 

[New Guy]

Before t was on the radar I saw a therapist and mentioned that I don't crave social interaction. For similar reasons to Bill, though perhaps not as magnified. Someone always wants to be the leader of the group, decisions seem to always fall in someones favor, etc.

We're not all wired the same way. Some of us want to socialize a ton while for some of us pleasant conversation at the grocery store fits the bill. By the way, opposites attract so quiet people usually end up with more active people and vice versa. I'm the quiet one. Oh, and if you spend a lot of time on a forum you're probably a quiet one.

My therapists reply was very interesting. She said you can be a hermit and live under a bridge if you do it by choice. Ever since she said that I joke and say I'm looking for a bridge to live under.

Four days ago I was at the grocery store and a woman in her 70's bumped her cart into mine on purpose because I wasn't moving away from the fresh broccoli quick enough for her. She didn't bother to smile and say, "Excuse me sir." she just escalated.

A week ago the dry cleaner trashed my wife's jacket, a pen from another garment spilled ink in the load, and I spoke with him after 2 weeks tracking him down. He wanted to know a "Fair and equitable" value for the jacket. The first time he laid the fair and equitable line on me his voice was calm and tender. When things didn't go his way his voice got louder and angrier. I hung up on him in the middle of his tirade. I could see that jerk coming the second he dragged his feet taking care of a customer who's jacket his cleaner had destroyed.

I could tell more stories, and I would if we met in a grocery store and you looked interested in the conversation, but I can't discount @Bill Bauer 's opinion.

 

[Emperor-Drax]

I'm the loud, annoying social butterfly who can't stop talking to everybody about everything.

 

[New Guy]

@Emperor-Drax

We need all kinds in this world. When I'm at a party I look for people like you to talk to.

 

[Mystery Reader]

@another sean
Your post hits home in so many respects. The number of ways that this can impact our lives -- ways that perhaps we didn't even think about at the beginning -- can be another "constant" with this thing. The "Skype" idea is great, and I hope it comes to fruition for you, if it's something you can do. This time of year can be difficult to begin with; I wish you some peaceful days ahead.
P.S. -- I've read many of your posts over the past few months -- I need to try that passion flower for sleep!

Mystery Reader

 

[another sean]

This condition rips your soul apart

This is why tinnitus sounds like a Horcrux.

@another sean
Your post hits home in so many respects. The number of ways that this can impact our lives -- ways that perhaps we didn't even think about at the beginning -- can be another "constant" with this thing. The "Skype" idea is great, and I hope it comes to fruition for you, if it's something you can do. This time of year can be difficult to begin with; I wish you some peaceful days ahead.
P.S. -- I've read many of your posts over the past few months -- I need to try that passion flower for sleep!

Mystery Reader

Thank you for the kind words and well wishes, @Mystery Reader.

 

[Vicki14]

This is why tinnitus sounds like a Horcrux.

Very very true!!! Had to google that there!

 

[Emperor-Drax]

This is why tinnitus sounds like a Horcrux.

Tinnitum... emendo!

 

[SugarMagnolia]

@another sean
I've been alone on Christmas, but I'm a loner so it didn't trouble me too much. I agree that something like Skype might be good for you, not only for Christmas, but for everyday socializing. (I honestly wish all my dealings with other people could be via Skype.) I've seen ads for different devices where you sit in your own home and see the people you are talking to on the screen. I hope something like this could work for you.

I will be visiting my family, who I love, but I don't really want to go. I would rather be alone, but I have to do the right thing and visit, which means pretending to be happy. There's a loneliness in that too.

Is there a church or community center that might have people who pay visits to the home bound? It might be too late for Christmas, but maybe something going forward. I've heard of churches where parishioners visit people at home. Also, if you're comfortable having a few people in your home, you could host a support group or book club or something like that where you have a few quiet people over to chat or play cards or whatever.

 

[coffee_girl]

I have the opposite problem this Christmas... I just want to get away from everyone and everything. Two of the family's I'm helping to host their Christmas party just had babies and omg they cannot stop taking about their kids... I cannot relate so I just sit there politely nodding and acting so happy for them. I really don't care.

Then of course the usual family gatherings where my mother tells me that my ovaries will die soon unless I marry, then my aunt asks me to watch her husband so he doesn't drink too much wine. Which he does anyway because he pays me to keep quiet. Then my other aunts gather around like hens to try and play matchmaker. Then all the men will gamble and be super loud, super drunk, and I will clean up after their mess because I'm youngest and that's how it works. Then this year volunteering soup kitchens, senior homes, and cards to write to friends.Frankly being alone is the greatest gift this holiday for me.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Then this year volunteering soup kitchens, senior homes

You do know that you don't Have to be doing any of that stuff, right?

Frankly being alone is the greatest gift this holiday for me.

Makes sense.

 

[Michael Leigh]

You do know that you don't Have to be doing any of that stuff, right?

I agree but it's a nice thing for @coffee_girl to do and for a worthy cause. One might say why complain? We all complain but still get along with it....

 

[another sean]

@another sean
Also, if you're comfortable having a few people in your home, you could host a support group or book club or something like that where you have a few quiet people over to chat or play cards or whatever.

Im working on establishing a tinnitus support group for Los Angeles and and trying to work out the details with the ATA. So I'm trying to work on that and hopefully help others in the process.

 

[JLP]

Im working on establishing a tinnitus support group for Los Angeles and and trying to work out the details with the ATA. So I'm trying to work on that and hopefully help others in the process.

Hey @another sean, I live in Los Angeles and would definitely love to participate in the support group. Let me know if it picks up Thanks!

 

[Damien Cavanagh]

HI @dougwarby

Some of what Julian Cowan - Hill says in his videos I agree with and a lot of it I don't. Julian Cowan's tinnitus was not caused by "Noise trauma" Therefore, he knows nothing about it.

On this forum he states that he lost the hearing in one ear by 'walking in front of a speaker at Notting Hill Carnival'.

He doesn't seem to mention that in his books though, and that doesn't necessarily mean any of his tinnitus is caused by that hearing loss.

I'm going to give sacralrcranial a try if I can afford it.
+ as much mediation, swimming, walking, running as I can manage (somatic T has all but destroyed my enjoyment of walking and running though)
+ a less brutal form of Liam Boehm's diet / fast (with saunas instead of cold showers!) as I like the science. (Although it relies on the fact that reducing inflammation can reduce T. Since I have 4 types of T + H, I hope it can reduce at least one...)
+ GB
+ Vinpocetine (although I suspect these two increase my somatic-pulsatile T - if I'm hearing blood flowing, do I really want more blood flowing around to listen too?)
+ Curcumin (read some convincing science about its regenerative potential)
+ HBOT (done 5 sessions, will do 15 more if I can afford it. Started within the 3 months window but will have to continue beyond it)
+ some mood enhancer which I'm not yet decided upon.
+ eventually, TRT if I can afford it.

It's measure of how life has changed that I'm posting this T stuff on NYE :-(

 

[Michael Leigh]

I'm going to give sacralrcranial a try if I can afford it.
+ as much mediation, swimming, walking, running as I can manage (somatic T has all but destroyed my enjoyment of walking and running though)
+ a less brutal form of Liam Boehm's diet / fast (with saunas instead of cold showers!) as I like the science. (Although it relies on the fact that reducing inflammation can reduce T. Since I have 4 types of T + H, I hope it can reduce at least one...)
+ GB
+ Vinpocetine (although I suspect these two increase my somatic-pulsatile T - if I'm hearing blood flowing, do I really want more blood flowing around to listen too?)
+ Curcumin (read some convincing science about its regenerative potential)
+ HBOT (done 5 sessions, will do 15 more if I can afford it. Started within the 3 months window but will have to continue beyond it)
+ some mood enhancer which I'm not yet decided upon.
+ eventually, TRT if I can afford it.

@Damien Cavanagh

You have recently acquired tinnitus and most probably it was caused by "exposure" to loud noise/sounds and has nothing to do with Pulsatile tinnitus although you may believe this.

It is entirely up to you which way you wish to go but since you quoted my post, I have replied and will give you some advice. The best thing for you to do since you are in the early stages of tinnitus, is to do absolutely nothing regarding treatment. If you go against my advice, you are likely to make the tinnitus worse at this early stage. Save your money and in the process you'll be saving yourself potential misery too. Click on the links below and read my posts which I think will be of some help.

Pay particular attention to the posts: New to tinnitus what to do? Tinnitus, A Personal View. Hyperacusis, As I see it.

All the best
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/new-to-tinnitus-what-to-do.12558/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/is-positivity-important.23150/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/acquiring-a-positive-mindset.23969/

 

[Damien Cavanagh]

@Damien Cavanagh

You have recently acquired tinnitus and most probably it was caused by "exposure" to loud noise/sounds and has nothing to do with Pulsatile tinnitus although you may believe this.

It is entirely up to you which way you wish to go but since you quoted my post, I have replied and will give you some advice. The best thing for you to do since you are in the early stages of tinnitus, is to do absolutely nothing regarding treatment. If you go against my advice, you are likely to make the tinnitus worse at this early stage. Save your money and in the process you'll be saving yourself potential misery too. Click on the links below and read my posts which I think will be of some help.

Pay particular attention to the posts: New to tinnitus what to do? Tinnitus, A Personal View. Hyperacusis, As I see it.

All the best
Michael

Thanks Michael. Actually, I read your advice 'to do nothing' several weeks ago and took it to heart.
I stopped my notch therapy, and stopped using the sounds from 'HushTinnitus.com'
And I have resolved to only attempt TRT after 6 months, as you suggest.
I also stopped using headphones. I did attend one gig though (>_<) with two foam earplugs in each ear + heavy duty defenders. Even though I didn't notice any ill effects I won't be attending any more for a long long time.

However, I have been doing HBOT because that treatment is recommended only in the first 3 months since onset. Do you have a strong opinion on HBOT?

As for my PT - well, my ENT says it is PT but not due to anything vascular, but rather the ears hearing ordinary body sounds that they previously ignored. That's why I feel good about Julian Cowan Hill's approach to the problem.

BTW I've noticed a slight improvement in my hyperacusis-induced (I presume) music distortion. I listen to lots of music for therapy, but only on my Mac laptop speakers.

Cheers
Damien

 

[Layla23]

I've spent the last 2 years worth of holidays alone. And I'm 23. It only bothered me on New Year's Eve. That was hard.

But I try to tell myself it's just a man made milestone. And it's worth missing those experiences to recover my health. So that one day I'll be able to go.....well anywhere lol. Because right now I only leave my house to go on walks. For my birthday I want to be able to have 2 friends over. So I'm working hard on recovering so I can at least do that in 6 months time.

And I guess from there just keep slowly doing that until I lead a normal life minus bars, concerts, movie theatres, and restaurants. I can live without all of that. I just want to be able to go in a car without problems, work, and meet up with friends in parks or chill spots. Or i guess in my home/their homes.



If it helps I saw friends for the first time in 6 months this month. I was freaking the fuck out. I even took an anxiety pill. But afterwards I felt so good I socialized. Then I did it again the next week. I freaked out for the first hour but this time I calmed down on my own without pills. And afterwards I was happy to have seen my friend. I know it's hard when you're so used to not seeing anyone. But it's necessary. I do have to force myself though.

I find it's easier when I tell friends ahead of time "hey please don't bring up my health issues when you come over. It has been too traumatic". It makes it a lot easier.

 

[kmohoruk]

If it helps I saw friends for the first time in 6 months this month. I was freaking the fuck out. I even took an anxiety pill. But afterwards I felt so good I socialized. Then I did it again the next week. I freaked out for the first hour but this time I calmed down on my own without pills. And afterwards I was happy to have seen my friend. I know it's hard when you're so used to not seeing anyone. But it's necessary. I do have to force myself though.

I find it's easier when I tell friends ahead of time "hey please don't bring up my health issues when you come over. It has been too traumatic". It makes it a lot easier.

Take it one step at a time @Layla23 , you'll get there. I remember being in your shoes when I originally had my T and H. It took time, patience, and some acceptance, but eventually I was able to move forward with my life.

I still have some tough days, but overall I'm thankful for what I can do. Kudos for you for taking a big step and seeing your friends again. I'm glad to hear that it really helped .

 

[Purple Parrot]

Julian Cowan Hill concisely debunked. Well put.

I might add that these 'therapists' marginalise severe sufferers by making totally unsubstantiated claims to the public that increase our sense of failure that we can't simply 'de stress' and rid ourselves of tinnitus like everyone else apparently can.

For every person this 'tinnitus guru' supposedly 'helps' he pushes several others ever closer to the exit door with their heads hung in shame and embarrassment.

I absolutely refute this. Julian Cowan Hill's advice has helped me tremendously. He does not make much money (if any) from his YouTube videos and books. He is a really genuine, warm-hearted and well meaning person who wants to help people as much as possible. He also knows a lot about the many different causes of tinnitus.

My tinnitus isn't completely gone. I get flare ups. But they are so much more manageable, short-lived and the overall perceived volume has gone down significantly.

He does not make people feel shame for having tinnitus and acknowledges it is a chronic condition.