Spending Christmas Alone

[fishbone]

I was just wondering if anyone is spending Christmas alone, not by choice, and if so, how do you cope?

This is my 6th year alone at home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and this year is so far the hardest and am honestly dreading it even tho it's my favorite days of the year.

Every time I look at my 7ft Christmas tree, I am reminded of fond Christmas memories with my family who is no longer with me and when I feel that empty place in my heart, most. And ironically I tell myself each and every year that I won't be alone the following year.

And getting tinnitus has really made being alone for the holidays almost a sure thing for years to come since going to events or even accepting invites to friends' houses for dinner is not possible because of tinnitus.

I just wondered if anyone is going through a similar situation and how they handle it.

Thanks for reading.

Sean,

I can tell you this much, the world has robbed me of my family and my ears. It's hard bro, it really is. I see families celebrating and at times I say "why not me?". My motivation, faith and fitness drives my life each day. I go to restaurants and talk with the cutest gals. To them I look normal and they smile at me and I act like I am normal and just another regular guy.

Being alone is horrible. I have no family to fall back on and a very few close friends. Bro, In life we have to CREATE our own opportunities. I know how tinnitus can mess things up and try to mess them up. Around 3 years ago, I was severely depressed every day. I felt broken and lonely, no love, no family, nothing. All I had was an unhappy mood. I took massive action and found my martial arts studio. I took massive action I signed up for the gym. I took massive action and I started talking to people in the supermarket. I took massive action and I went to group meetings.

I really didn't feel like doing any of this stuff. I had no energy, I was just depressed and wanted to do nothing. At this stage of my life, my tinnitus is much worst, hearing is profoundly bad. It's not easy at all. Even though I face what i face, I am still meeting new people. Connecting with new people, talking to pretty girls and feeling like a youngster again.

I totally understand how you feel, being alone on the holidays sucks badly. Possibly you can volunteer or do something that makes a difference in someone's life. For my xmas eve I will go to a service with one of my GFs and then xmas day I will go and celebrate with my 7 female friends and just sing karaoke with them.

I have forced myself to come to accept this life as my reality. This is possibly, not the life I wanted, but I value it and cherish it. Make some moves, take some massive actions. Tinnitus wants to slow us down, but lets not let it do that. Protect your ears, but do something for yourself!

 

[Fally]

I was going to spend it alone rather then go to Christmas lunch with the whole family. They had all plans to go to the beach and I feel like that would have been so overwhelming. So I was going to just sit at home and read. Then my Dad's anxiety kicked in because he is prone to getting skin cancers and didn't want to get burnt at the beach and I think my Mum's guilt of having her daughter at home alone on Christmas kicked in. So now we are just going to have a quiet family lunch the three of us and that's it.

 

[Michael B]

I'm always jealous of people with big families who spend the holidays together. Then I ask myself, do I want to be around all those people? I'm obviously hard to please.

 

[JohnAdams]

if you can catch a flight to Tennessee you can hang with me

 

[Jack Straw]

Sean,

I can tell you this much, the world has robbed me of my family and my ears. It's hard bro, it really is. I see families celebrating and at times I say "why not me?". My motivation, faith and fitness drives my life each day. I go to restaurants and talk with the cutest gals. To them I look normal and they smile at me and I act like I am normal and just another regular guy.

Being alone is horrible. I have no family to fall back on and a very few close friends. Bro, In life we have to CREATE our own opportunities. I know how tinnitus can mess things up and try to mess them up. Around 3 years ago, I was severely depressed every day. I felt broken and lonely, no love, no family, nothing. All I had was an unhappy mood. I took massive action and found my martial arts studio. I took massive action I signed up for the gym. I took massive action and I started talking to people in the supermarket. I took massive action and I went to group meetings.

I really didn't feel like doing any of this stuff. I had no energy, I was just depressed and wanted to do nothing. At this stage of my life, my tinnitus is much worst, hearing is profoundly bad. It's not easy at all. Even though I face what i face, I am still meeting new people. Connecting with new people, talking to pretty girls and feeling like a youngster again.

I totally understand how you feel, being alone on the holidays sucks badly. Possibly you can volunteer or do something that makes a difference in someone's life. For my xmas eve I will go to a service with one of my GFs and then xmas day I will go and celebrate with my 7 female friends and just sing karaoke with them.

I have forced myself to come to accept this life as my reality. This is possibly, not the life I wanted, but I value it and cherish it. Make some moves, take some massive actions. Tinnitus wants to slow us down, but lets not let it do that. Protect your ears, but do something for yourself!

I am just curious and understand if you don't want to answer, but what kind of groups did you go to?

 

[Sarah101]

I too am going to spend my Christmas alone from my family and friends. I've had this terrible thumping appear in my ear and my anxiety has gone back to where I began. I'm going to give up my new job which started in the new year and move away from anyone I know.

 

[coffee_girl]

The weather might also play a factor in making you feel a little blue at times

 

[another sean]

I too am going to spend my Christmas alone from my family and friends. I've had this terrible thumping appear in my ear and my anxiety has gone back to where I began. I'm going to give up my new job which started in the new year and move away from anyone I know.

My anxiety is always better when I'm around others. Being alone always increases my anxiety because if something would to ever happen to me, nobody would be around to help me or would even know for days. Are you sure isolating yourself like that will help with your anxiety? Is that what you've noticed in the past?

 

[another sean]

if you can catch a flight to Tennessee you can hang with me

As long as we can do a Ren and Stimpy marathon. How I miss those 'Log' commercials. "It's big, It's heavy, It's wood"

 

[Jcb]

I wish I could but my back issues have really confined me physically which is amplifying my confinement mentally which tinnitus was already causing. I wish I could have family of my own. I just dont know if someone will ever want to with me due to tinnitus and with my back in its current state, I can't even try. Being physically weak has made me feel just very vulnerable to life and its has increased all my fears. Especially being homelessness.



Same here. Tinnitus has caused a snowball effect of new health issues because I was trapped in my home for 2 years and the depression of that caused me to become very sedentary which caused feet issues, back issues, panic anxiety, high blood sugar, inflamed ribs and cardiovascular issues. The countless trips to the ER, Urgent Care and doctors have broken me financially the last few months to where some days I can only eat one meal a day. I've lost 20 pounds in the process. Even if I could afford it, I cant even enjoy a drink or chocolate anymore.



I've seen 3 chiropractor and 1 physical therapist and I now feel that all the physical manipulation is making things worse and some have suggested to not see anymore doctors and just rest and see what happens.



there is no where I can go and nobody will visit me. after being isolated for years when tinnitus first came on, a lot of friendships locally have been lost.



I wish I could but my back is really confining me. I cant sit in a car for more than 5-10 minutes. I cant stand for more than 10 without something going numb, getting pinched or feeling like pins and needles. I think the discs in my spine are getting compressed and I cant do an MRI without risking my tinnitus so I'm in the dark about the condition and its just been getting worse and worse over the last 3 months and I suspect is because of all the chiropractic manipulation as I was seeing one once, sometimes twice a week. I just want my back to get better. Then I can get a lot of my life back. It's more effecting than tinnitus right now and worries me every day and I feel the doctors I have seen don't really listen to me and just do their standard adjustment and off I go unless they see an MRI.

I totally get what you are saying. It's a risk to have a MRI, could another type of scan that's less noisy help? Would there show the problem areas?

Friends come and go, I've lost a few myself and we just seemed to drift apart slowly. Again I'm not big on any type of social media etc, is there any groups you could join?

 

[Red]

Really, Bill? Why be alone if you have family and friends? How could they ruin the day for you?

Sorry if these questions are too personal. It is just that I find it sad that you feel this way.

@Bill Bauer is a textbook antisocial. He just doesn't like being around people. That's who he is.

 

[Bam]

@Bill Bauer is a textbook antisocial. He just doesn't like being around people. That's who he is.

And then he got clocked by tinnitus which has got to be the worst fucking nightmare ever to strike a person who enjoys his own company. Trust me I feel his pain.

 

[Pabl692]

I was just wondering if anyone is spending Christmas alone, not by choice, and if so, how do you cope?

This is my 6th year alone at home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and this year is so far the hardest and am honestly dreading it even tho it's my favorite days of the year.

Every time I look at my 7ft Christmas tree, I am reminded of fond Christmas memories with my family who is no longer with me and when I feel that empty place in my heart, most. And ironically I tell myself each and every year that I won't be alone the following year.

And getting tinnitus has really made being alone for the holidays almost a sure thing for years to come since going to events or even accepting invites to friends' houses for dinner is not possible because of tinnitus.

I just wondered if anyone is going through a similar situation and how they handle it.

Thanks for reading.

Sorry to hear you are feeling like that. At this time of year, I think it hurts a bit more because you know that, for most people, this really is the happiest time of year. I'm sorry you'll be alone, I really am. Loneliness isn't nice, and it really is overlooked far too much.

Just try and enjoy you day as much as you can. Try a few little victories. Do whatever it is that makes you feel comfortable. I know with T, this is difficult.

You can look at it just as another day. Which, really, it is. But I know Christmas has that quality we can't put our finger on. It's a really poignant time of year.

I'm only 26, but I always feel really lonely. I live alone. I have friends, sure. But they're all in relationships etc. I will visit my parents on Christmas day. But I don't think year I will be able to sit back and take it all in as I normally would (thanks to my T). Which does upset me. And then, ultimately, I will come back home and I'll be alone again.

I might just pour myself a couple of drinks, put my tree lights on, and try and watch some Christmas TV as best as I can.

Take it easy. Know that, oddly, you really aren't alone.

 

[david c]

I'm not handling it....at all. I've never ever battled such an overwhelming urge to end this miserable sub human existence. Or even considered it was possible for a human being to feel this fucked with nobody and nothing to save them.

I was in accident and emergency last night slipping further in to delirium with pneumonia, a kidney infection and my constant screaming companion. I have never ever felt so alone, broken and fucking hopeless.

Tinnitus is a fucking curse and it's slowly but surely destroying me physically and mentally. I'm not sure it's possible for a human being to descend much further in to hell and I can't see myself living much longer despite all my efforts. It's taken all my defences.......This world is just a torturous prison now.

Sorry to hear things are so bad for you - I know how awful tinnitus can be, do try to hang on. There is apparently a Brighton Tinnitus Support Group - I have not had any contact with it myself so don't know how helpful it would be but I think it is a free group. Details of the contact phone and email are on this webpage:

https://www.tinnitus.org.uk/brighton-tinnitus-support-group

I imagine you have already been in contact with audiology at the Royal Sussex Hospital and they haven't been helpful.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I'm only 26, but I always feel really lonely. I live alone. I have friends, sure. But they're all in relationships etc. I will visit my parents on Christmas day. But I don't think year I will be able to sit back and take it all in as I normally would (thanks to my T). Which does upset me. And then, ultimately, I will come back home and I'll be alone again.

I might just pour myself a couple of drinks, put my tree lights on, and try and watch some Christmas TV as best as I can.

@Pabl692

You have the right attitude by taking whatever positives available to you over the festive season and accentuating them to your advantage and I commend you for that. Christmas can be a lonely time of the year but wallowing in self- pity can become all consuming if one isn't careful. I am not suggesting to anyone that they shouldn't express their concerns about being lonely at this time of year. To help equalize things and hopefully give some peace of mind, try looking at the positive things in your life.

Michael

 

[Pabl692]

@Pabl692

You have the right attitude by taking whatever positives available to you over the festive season and accentuating them to your advantage and I commend you for that. Christmas can be a lonely time of the year but wallowing in self pity can become all consuming if one isn't careful. I am not suggesting to anyone that they shouldn't express their concerns about being lonely at this time of year. But to help equalize things and hopefully give some peace of mind, try looking at the positive things in your life.

Michael

This isn't to say I don't have my moments of self pity. In honesty, I'm not someone with much self esteem, if any. I really don't think too much of myself. I try to live without an ego and, when I can, bring a bit of joy to others. But I do get down a lot. Sometimes though, you have to give yourself a bit of love. Which is what I mean when I said, probably not very clearly, that it's good sometimes to just try and make yourself comfortable. Have a cry. I cry a lot. People can say what they want about me being like this, it makes no difference to me. Whatever it takes, just give yourself some time and some self love. Difficult, I know. It's more difficult than ever now I have T.

To the original poster and others in a similar situation, I know what you are feeling and going through. But what other option do we have than to just keep on going? I know these are quite profound words from someone who only a few weeks ago was posting on here full of anxiety and talking a lot of jibberish. However, I know that, taking a step back, we can find comfort and happiness in some things. It's in everyone's basic nature, no matter how hard things might get.

 

[Michael Leigh]

This isn't to say I don't have my moments of self pity. In honesty, I'm not someone with much self esteem, if any. I really don't think too much of myself.

I have had tinnitus a long time and counselled many people with it. I can tell fairly quickly, whether talking to someone on the telephone or reading their post, if they have the right attitude. This does not mean they shouldn't feel negative or apprehensive at times about their tinnitus, because it isn't possible to be always positive, but there are certain signs to look for and I feel you will do just fine. Take your time and don't push yourself too hard.

Michael

 

[Bam]

Sorry to hear things are so bad for you - I know how awful tinnitus can be, do try to hang on. There is apparently a Brighton Tinnitus Support Group - I have not had any contact with it myself so don't know how helpful it would be but I think it is a free group. Details of the contact phone and email are on this webpage:

https://www.tinnitus.org.uk/brighton-tinnitus-support-group

I imagine you have already been in contact with audiology at the Royal Sussex Hospital and they haven't been helpful.

Thanks for your concern David. I think the Brighton support group just about sums up the state of tinnitus 'support'. I've never been nearby on the exact right date to attend any of these support groups in the U.K. and I'm not sure that one hour every other month is going to keep anyone alive who is alone and is being tortured 24/7 by an incurable disease. I guess that's why we come here and bleed so openly. Because there is zero understanding in the real world. The whole thing is absurdly fucked.

 

[coffee_girl]

Go sit on Santa's lap, that always makes me happy

 

[Vicki14]

I'm not handling it....at all. I've never ever battled such an overwhelming urge to end this miserable sub human existence. Or even considered it was possible for a human being to feel this fucked with nobody and nothing to save them.

I was in accident and emergency last night slipping further in to delirium with pneumonia, a kidney infection and my constant screaming companion. I have never ever felt so alone, broken and fucking hopeless.

Tinnitus is a fucking curse and it's slowly but surely destroying me physically and mentally. I'm not sure it's possible for a human being to descend much further in to hell and I can't see myself living much longer despite all my efforts. It's taken all my defences.......This world is just a torturous prison now.

@Bam So very sorry to hear you're having a shit time, to say the least! It's not as though Tinnitus is enough to deal with alll this other crap is thrown in too, as a result of how mentally and physically disabling it is.

We all understand. I just wish there was a way to SOS! It's an absolute tragedy that this exists!

 

[Vicki14]

I've never been nearby on the exact right date to attend any of these support groups in the U.K.

If it's anything like the support group I attended, I wouldn't rush....here the idiot of an 'Audiologist' plugged his own business, made you feel more depressed than you were and did a mighty fine job at fucking up my tinnitus some more!!! Helpful!

 

[Bam]

@Bam So very sorry to hear you're having a shit time, to say the least! It's not as though Tinnitus is enough to deal with alll this other crap is thrown in too, as a result of how mentally and physically disabling it is.

We all understand. I just wish there was a way to SOS! It's an absolute tragedy that this exists!

I just wish I didn't have the dog Vicki. It would make the decision so simple just to be done with all this. I just don't know if I have the heart to end it with him still alive. I truly pity those with kids who have reached the same dreadful point as I have with this. It's like we're imprisoned in this horrific existence by all the things we love the most.

 

[Vicki14]

I just wish I didn't have the dog Vicki. It would make the decision so simple just to be done with all this. I just don't know if I have the heart to end it with him still alive. I truly pity those with kids who have reached the same dreadful point as I have with this. It's like we're imprisoned in this horrific existence by all the things we love the most.

I understand @Bam - you've a good heart thinking about your wee dog. I've 3 beautiful daughters who I want to see grow up. This condition rips your soul apart and turns what was once great into a misery. It's truly f***** up, like some sick joke!

 

[JohnAdams]

must read:
https://bunnyears.com/christmas-tree-empty-loveless-apartment-jessica-ellis/

 

[DebInAustralia]

I was just wondering if anyone is spending Christmas alone, not by choice, and if so, how do you cope?

This is my 6th year alone at home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and this year is so far the hardest and am honestly dreading it even tho it's my favorite days of the year.

Every time I look at my 7ft Christmas tree, I am reminded of fond Christmas memories with my family who is no longer with me and when I feel that empty place in my heart, most. And ironically I tell myself each and every year that I won't be alone the following year.

And getting tinnitus has really made being alone for the holidays almost a sure thing for years to come since going to events or even accepting invites to friends' houses for dinner is not possible because of tinnitus.

I just wondered if anyone is going through a similar situation and how they handle it.

Thanks for reading.

I am sorry for your sadness at this time.

I can relate. I have no immediate family left. My father and brother died prematurely, and I palliated my mother 5 years ago.

I am grateful to have cousins whom I regularly stay in touch with.

Christmas can be a very lonely time for some.

However, it can also be a lonely time for people with family.

I think the root cause of loneliness is when a person no longer feels connected to something or someone meaningful.

So, try to find ways to be connected; to yourself, your surrounds, and those around you (even online friendships).

If you need to talk, I am often about ...X

 

[dougwarby]

I was just wondering if anyone is spending Christmas alone, not by choice, and if so, how do you cope?

This is my 6th year alone at home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and this year is so far the hardest and am honestly dreading it even tho it's my favorite days of the year.

Every time I look at my 7ft Christmas tree, I am reminded of fond Christmas memories with my family who is no longer with me and when I feel that empty place in my heart, most. And ironically I tell myself each and every year that I won't be alone the following year.

And getting tinnitus has really made being alone for the holidays almost a sure thing for years to come since going to events or even accepting invites to friends' houses for dinner is not possible because of tinnitus.

I just wondered if anyone is going through a similar situation and how they handle it.

Thanks for reading.

I may well be alone too. Although I have family I could be with, the T is making life too miserable to make the journey. It sucks and its its only been 5 weeks

 

[dougwarby]

I have had tinnitus a long time and counselled many people with it. I can tell fairly quickly, whether talking to someone on the telephone or reading their post, if they have the right attitude. This does not mean they shouldn't feel negative or apprehensive at times about their tinnitus, because it isn't possible to be always positive, but there are certain signs to look for and I feel you will do just fine. Take your time and don't push yourself too hard.

Michael

Michael, out of interest, do you think that Julian Cowan-Hill on Youtube is correct in his view of tinnnitus, that it is the anxiety and fear that is the main problem?

 

[Bill Bauer]

Julian Cowan-Hill on Youtube is correct in his view of tinnnitus, that it is the anxiety and fear that is the main problem?

If that is what his videos are all about, then again, perhaps he is right as far as Some people are concerned. He is certainly right about some T spikes that end up being temporary (lasting a day or two). But I don't see how anxiety can cause T to stick around permanently. I mean it is impossible to maintain high anxiety for more than a couple of months. Eventually, the intensity of the anxiety will diminish. If T doesn't fade at that point, then surely there is more to it than just anxiety. Also, often I feel anxious, and yet my T is low, and sometimes my T is loud, but I know that I am very calm.

Please keep in mind that I don't have any medical background. I feel like I know more than an average person about T, and this is the result of me reading this forum over the past 22 months.

 

[Michael Leigh]

Michael, out of interest, do you think that Julian Cowan-Hill on Youtube is correct in his view of tinnnitus, that it is the anxiety and fear that is the main problem?

HI @dougwarby

Some of what Julian Cowan - Hill says in his videos I agree with and a lot of it I don't. Julian Cowan's tinnitus was not caused by "Noise trauma" Therefore, he knows nothing about it. Exposure to loud noise is one of the most common causes of tinnitus. Stress, anxiety and fear can affect tinnitus considerably and I agree with Julian Cowan Hill on this.

However, paying out copious amounts of money to him for hands on relaxation therapy, I do not believe is necessary. One can obtain similar results or better by following deep relaxation programmes that come with narration on YouTube. Practiced 3 to 5 times a week for a duration of 30 minuets a lot can be achieved in lowering stress and anxiety, which will improve the tinnitus. Medication in the form of antidepressant can help a lot too.

Tinnitus and a way forward.

Tinnitus can be a very complex condition and I have mentioned this many times in my posts, that are available on my "started threads". It comes in different levels of severity and no two people will experience it the same. In addition to this, is the way it affects a person's mental and emotional wellbeing - both play a significant role in how the individual will be able to cope with the condition long term.

Another important factor that some people do not realize, is the way one looks at "life" in particular, whether they are a positive or negative thinking person. One only has to peruse some of the conversations on Tinnitus Chat or read posts in this forum to see, there are some very negative thinking people here. There is nothing wrong in being occasionally negative, especially with a condition like tinnitus and when it is loud and intrusive. However, everything must be kept in balance. If negativity is left unchecked it can become all consuming and a person can find themselves spiralling down into the depths of oblivion if they are not careful.

I believe tinnitus is 90% mental. For it is they way we are able to cope with it, which will eventually allow us to get along with our life or forever be visiting tinnitus forums and other social media platforms, to vent our frustrations to the world, and blaming the government and medical profession for not finding a cure for tinnitus.

In this instance I agree with Julian Cowan Hill. If stress and anxiety are not managed, tinnitus can become a long term debilitating problem, simply because of the way it can affect a person's state of mind. There are many medical conditions that cannot be cured at the moment, tinnitus is one of them. In many instances it can be successfully treated, to enable a person to live a good quality of life.

Michael

 

[david c]

Michael, out of interest, do you think that Julian Cowan-Hill on Youtube is correct in his view of tinnnitus, that it is the anxiety and fear that is the main problem?

It's important to understand why therapists are putting forward this viewpoint. Tinnitus, as it is so widespread, problematic for so many and incurable, represents a hugely attractive commercial proposition for therapists. However, as tinnitus itself is largely untreatable, therapists who wish to "monetise" tinnitus have to claim that the primary causes of problematic tinnitus are mental health conditions such as stress, anxiety - which therapists can offer commercial solutions for such as CBT, mindfulness, relaxation techniques.

It's important to treat this viewpoint with great scepticism and to recognise the commercial bias of those presenting it. In my own experience absolutely the primary thing which makes tinnitus worse is exposure to loud noise - this is true whether the tinnitus was caused by loud noise in the first place or not. Please note that I am not arguing that stress/anxiety doesn't worsen tinnitus sometimes - clearly it can do. What I am against is the viewpoint that anxiety/stress are the main causes of tinnitus and of tinnitus getting worse.