Suicidal

[Daniel Lion]

At the risk of sounding like a narcissist, my problem is so rare and disabling (more common problems, like noise trauma, can be just as severe and disabling, but the cause is more straightforward) that I feel like on the advocacy end, once I'm in, I'm in. I want to have a very firm diagnosis before I go public -- this way the doubting is minimized.

Going public now would not be the end of the world or anything, but just with less benefit at this point. Part of my goal for advocacy is to describe all of the precautions and life changes that I take. Saying that I changed out my mouse for a quieter one or that I get symptoms from the muscle contractions of typing -- well that's the kind of thing that goes over better with the backing of medical evidence. I am close, but not there yet.

I understand completely. I have a family member who has Myasthenia gravis (rare and cruel beyond belief).
You're not narcissistic, you said the truth. Those with hearing loss at least have that hope dangling around.
You know I care and if I can help, let me know.
I am praying that you and @Chinmoku get that miracle, it does happen.

As far as advocacy goes, I have an obligation at this point. I will continue to write my letters that nobody returns except for computerized spam, a few exceptions - from scientists who wrote me back. My picture is a good idea for me because it's simple and people can have that visceral reaction.
Your story is important, we need to show the spectrum of what's going on here.
If it wasn't for the scientists stumbling onto the intestines and making that correlation to inner hair cells most people here would truly be screwed. Dumb luck in a way that hopefully will help a few folks here, nothing to do with advocacy or hearing trauma in the military etc.

Anyhoo... take care Zugzug, I am glad to be friends with you.

 

[Croaker]

I benefit from 3mg of melatonin at night. No more.

 

[Ava Lugo]

The visual snow, the hearing sensitivity, the acid burning in ears and face, the horrible tones, the TTTS, the distortions. It's all too much guys. I've always been a home body more or less but this lifestyle is taking such a toll on my mental health. A year without a single happy moment, an entire year wasted on constant suffering and 0 sort of progress.

My life did a complete 180 and all my old memories are haunting me. I know there are millions out there who suffer but I'm tired of this below subpar existence.

You have all those symptoms every single day?

 

[Shizune]

I feel embarrassed even typing this and it's very no-sh*t but please, no matter how desperate you are, take it easy with the medication. Back when this all began I couldn't sleep at all and not much helped. My PCP outright refused to prescribe me Hydroxyzine, the only thing that was helping me sleep, because she insisted it was just anxiety and had to be on antidepressants. Melatonin didn't work for me at all. Benadryl did nothing.

After being awake for nearly two days I took a cocktail of drugs to help me sleep. Ended up passing out in the shower because of it. Next day I had hyperacusis.

When you're delirious from oversleep it's easy to get carried away and have a "screw it all I need this" mindset. Just be careful and don't overdo it or mix anything. I've no doubt that incident contributed to my damage.

 

[Orions Pain]

You have all those symptoms every single day?

Yes.

 

[katri]

Has anyone else had their tinnitus revert back to normal for long periods after they got severe tinnitus?

 

[Pulsing Ear]

Has anyone else had their tinnitus revert back to normal for long periods after they got severe tinnitus?

For me it is really dramatic after I recover from a loud rock concert. My ears would ring for about 24 hours and then go away completely, when I was young, or go back to a lower volume when I got older.

Lately here with my other hearing problem, the tinnitus gets worse for a few hours and then goes back down. Sometimes one ear gets loud for just a minute or less and then goes back down.

 

[Psych]

Although I can understand the extreme upset that people are going through, having several debilitating things happening now myself, I'd encourage anyone considering suicide to please contact someone who can help you if you seriously consider going through with it. You are worth everything! <3

 

[Psych]

snip...There is a new sleep medication called Dayvigo, it is not gabaergic so hopefully it should not affect tinnitus negatively once discontinued. ...snip.

I'm curious as to what you mean by this. I was about to start taking Chlorella, which is supposed to increase GABA, but does what you're saying mean that things that increase GABA could have a bad effect on tinnitus once you stop taking them?

 

[Chinmoku]

I'm curious as to what you mean by this. I was about to start taking Chlorella, which is supposed to increase GABA, but does what you're saying mean that things that increase GABA could have a bad effect on tinnitus once you stop taking them?

Benzos and gabapentinoids notoriously do that for some people once you reduce them or even while taking them. Reactions to L-theanine and Taurine are highly individual. GABA is strictly linked to Glutamate and increasing / decreasing GABA has very individual responses on one's tinnitus. My tinnitus has never been helped by any GABA potentiator supplement, contrary to theory. I attach a file that explains the nuanced relationship between GABA and Glutamate.

 

[GBB]

I drove today for about an hour on the highway to go to a doctor. I had ear plugs and Peltor on. At first in the immediate aftermath it didn't seem like the spike was that big, but now I'm having a ton of trouble getting to sleep even with my meds... kinda disappointed my functioning level is still so low 5 months in. When I'm up and awake I can focus on something else even though the tinnitus is very loud, but my brain doesn't want to let me sleep...

It's really hard to lead a normal life when you can spike so high from so little

No pain, just huge spike in both ears that's 8/10 volume.

 

[katri]

@Chinmoku @GBB my ear inflammation may be causing my tinnitus to be lower. It's been lower for a day. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing. Does anyone on this forum have any experience with this?

 

[Psych]

Benzos and gabapentinoids notoriously do that for some people once you reduce them or even while taking them. Reactions to L-theanine and Taurine are highly individual. GABA is strictly linked to Glutamate and increasing / decreasing GABA has very individual responses on one's tinnitus. My tinnitus has never been helped by any GABA potentiator supplement, contrary to theory. I attach a file that explains the nuanced relationship between GABA and Glutamate.

Thank you very much. Looks like the Chlorella won't probably be a problem. Although I did take an ION test earlier this year, and it said my GABA level was fine. My moods change due to hormones - I'm normally on a pretty even keel. It's such an in-depth subject, and there's always something to learn, so I appreciate your sending that along!

 

[Chinmoku]

@Chinmoku @GBB my ear inflammation may be causing my tinnitus to be lower. It's been lower for a day. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing. Does anyone on this forum have any experience with this?

Mine never goes down, so I think it's a good sign that it has been lower. If you suspect inflammation you could try Curcumin or maybe a little fasting to see if it responds, provided this is medically safe?

 

[__nico__]

My hyperacusis is really bad again. I can't live on with this. I have nothing.

 

[twa]

I take a single dose of Clonazepam 1mg nightly. On the 23rd of December I got my dose out, but didn't have a drink of water to wash it down. I stuck it in my hoodie pocket and then got sidetracked and didn't end up taking it. I didn't realize till the next day midday when I reached in my pocket I hadn't taken the dose. This has never happened before.

I was feeling weird throughout the day and my tinnitus took on an electrical sound it doesn't normally have and became more intrusive. I also started having some mild random muscle twitches, my vision felt blurry, my ears had a mild sensation of fullness unlike the usual one I get and my sound sensitivity seems slightly increased.

I didn't double dose I just took my dose for the 24th of December earlier than I usually do and hoped it would make things return to normal. Unfortunately, everything is pretty much the same as of now.

Yesterday I also slipped on some carpeted stairs at my house and hit the back of my head, but not particularly hard. I don't know if my tinnitus changed before or after that happened honestly.

I don't know which one of these things caused how I'm feeling now or if it was a combination of both, but I really hope it goes away.

I hope you are feeling better. I took Clonazepam after I injured my back and as soon as I read up on it I started a micro-taper. I had weird symptoms like the twitches and although I did not have tinnitus then, once I stopped taking it I started having mild tinnitus. It's remained the same for 3 years, never changed until a recent acoustic trauma.

 

[Loui]

I consider Dignitas in Switzerland for assisted suicide and I already contacted them to ask if they do the procedure in case of severe tinnitus symptoms.

Waiting for their answer...

I don't want to hang myself and have my wife find me in such condition without any idea. So, I spoke with my family that I might have to leave this world because of severe suffering. It's so sad, that sounds can drive you crazy and insane and the medical world is only doing pseudo science for tinnitus. No one cares seriously and not enough funding is available.

Dignitas is my last hope.

I would just like to know if you have gotten an answer from Dignitas? My hearing issue isn't that bad yet, but it would be comforting to know if assisted suicide is an option if things get worse.

 

[Born To Slay]

My hyperacusis is really bad again. I can't live on with this. I have nothing.

Have you tried GABA drugs?

 

[Pulsing Ear]

My hyperacusis is really bad again. I can't live on with this. I have nothing.

Is there something that happened to you that you think caused it to get worse? Was it a slow thing over a matter of weeks, or did it come on real sudden?

I hope it goes away for you soon. My problems have gotten a lot better.

 

[Snake]

I'm losing it, noone will help us. Don't be a fool

 

[Pulsing Ear]

I'm losing it, noone will help us. Don't be a fool

What is going on with your hearing? I know how you feel because I've felt that too. It is no fun feeling hopeless. My myoclonus came back a little bit last night and I started feeling hopeless. Luckily my heart at least kept beating right. I always try to look on the bright side.

 

[Snake]

What is going on with your hearing? I know how you feel because I've felt that too. It is no fun feeling hopeless. My myoclonus came back a little bit last night and I started feeling hopeless. Luckily my heart at least kept beating right. I always try to look on the bright side.

Two acoustic traumas this year, first from dentist drill, next I went through a door's glass (a long story). My tinnitus is 2-3x worse than before and has stayed that way for months. I want to die, why should I live anymore?

 

[Pulsing Ear]

Two acoustic traumas this year, first from dentist drill, next I went through a door's glass (a long story). My tinnitus is 2-3x worse than before and has stayed that way for months. I want to die, why should I live anymore?

It should lessen and get back to how it was, or at least go down some. If you're like me, you'll eventually tune that stuff out and mostly forget about it. We have some members here that feel the same way as you. Maybe reach out to them.

My main problem is my heart failure, but I've got a big list of health problems now including stapedial myoclonus and tinnitus. Ive faced death several times and decided I want nothing to do with it.

 

[PeteJ]

Two acoustic traumas this year, first from dentist drill, next I went through a door's glass (a long story). My tinnitus is 2-3x worse than before and has stayed that way for months. I want to die, why should I live anymore?

How loud is it? What is it like?

Many people on here seem to describe theirs as a beeping or morse code like.

I don't have that. Mine has always been a ringing sound. Several high pitched tones. Spikes from sounds and the dentist drill. But, sometimes it seems random. The fear is I can't avoid what spikes it or I am accidentally in a situation that spikes it.

IF normal everyday sounds spike it, then what good is this life, right?

 

[PeteJ]

I feel embarrassed even typing this and it's very no-sh*t but please, no matter how desperate you are, take it easy with the medication. Back when this all began I couldn't sleep at all and not much helped. My PCP outright refused to prescribe me Hydroxyzine, the only thing that was helping me sleep, because she insisted it was just anxiety and had to be on antidepressants. Melatonin didn't work for me at all. Benadryl did nothing.

After being awake for nearly two days I took a cocktail of drugs to help me sleep. Ended up passing out in the shower because of it. Next day I had hyperacusis.

When you're delirious from oversleep it's easy to get carried away and have a "screw it all I need this" mindset. Just be careful and don't overdo it or mix anything. I've no doubt that incident contributed to my damage.

We produce our own melatonin.

The issue I have with medication is that it never treats the tinnitus which is causing the depression and distress in the first place.

If someone has depression usually, it's considered a neurological phenomenon or due to some brain chemistry. But, if a veteran loses his legs and limbs, isn't it natural to feel depressed? If the tinnitus is so bad, so intrusive or loud, how are antidepressants going to help?

That is the problem with tinnitus which is discussed in the research section of this forum, isn't it? There's no direct treatment in existence right now that improves or lowers volume of tinnitus. There's no "cure" or treatment that directly affects it in a positive way or any way?

Just medicating ourselves is *something* but in reality, it might only help a small percentage of people?

In my opinion or my perception, its effectiveness is in direct correlation to (perceived?) severity of one's tinnitus. I don't mean to be harsh but does that make any sense to anyone? Because, it does to me. :-(

 

[kingsfan]

But is depression still mechanically the same whether it's caused by tinnitus or by a divorce or loss, etc?

 

[Pulsing Ear]

We haven't lost any of the members in this thread to suicide have we? It scares me to read how some on here describe how they might actually be considering it. Do the members on here have a phone number or way to contact others for help? When I was in college I was good friends with a girl that had tried suicide several times but was unsuccessful. She later volunteered for a suicide hotline where people could call for help. It would be really nice if there was one for people suffering from tinnitus and thinking about suicide.

 

[__nico__]

Honestly I am so close to finally committing suicide. I'm just done.

Anyone want to read about my bizarre symptoms, read here:

People with Dysacusis, Distortions or Loudness Hyperacusis — Describe Your Symptoms!

I just want it all to stop. I really can't take it anymore.

 

[Kriszti]

We haven't lost any of the members in this thread to suicide have we? It scares me to read how some on here describe how they might actually be considering it. Do the members on here have a phone number or way to contact others for help? When I was in college I was good friends with a girl that had tried suicide several times but was unsuccessful. She later volunteered for a suicide hotline where people could call for help. It would be really nice if there was one for people suffering from tinnitus and thinking about suicide.

We lost Allan around a year ago. As an anonymous forum, some might know each other offline too, but other than that there is no way to know whether people disappearing from the forum are just taking a break, move on, or actually went through with suicide. I don't know whether it would be beneficial for members if we actually knew when someone killed themself, which is the sad reality when someone just had enough of this senseless, meaningless, everlasting torture.

Maybe just the insomnia talking but I don't know what a suicide hotline could say to chronic sufferers.

 

[Snake]

We haven't lost any of the members in this thread to suicide have we? It scares me to read how some on here describe how they might actually be considering it. Do the members on here have a phone number or way to contact others for help? When I was in college I was good friends with a girl that had tried suicide several times but was unsuccessful. She later volunteered for a suicide hotline where people could call for help. It would be really nice if there was one for people suffering from tinnitus and thinking about suicide.

We lost several people on Tinnitus Talk, that we know of and that we don't. We're going to lose more people in the future as long as there's no treatment.

How loud is it? What is it like?

Many people on here seem to describe theirs as a beeping or morse code like.

I don't have that. Mine has always been a ringing sound. Several high pitched tones. Spikes from sounds and the dentist drill. But, sometimes it seems random. The fear is I can't avoid what spikes it or I am accidentally in a situation that spikes it

IF normal everyday sounds spike it, then what good is this life, right?

High pitched hissing + something like ringing + something like I don't know what it is synthesizer? Several sounds all around my head + ears, they are loud on the level where I can feel physical pain + head burning. I don't know how long I will survive anymore, I lost my life and everything that was around me. I lost my urge to survive, lost someone that was everything to me (she lied to me that my condition is not a problem, also now after some events she's happy that she made my tinnitus bad like that xD and that she destroyed my life because second trauma was her fault. The second trauma sealed the deal.)