Suicidal

[PeteJ]

I want to kill myself. I just don't know how because I think I could only if it's carefully planned.

There's too many tinnitus tones and they are just too loud. I can't have a normal life like this. I don't want to be 'hearing' this for the rest of my life, not able to work and being broke. Even when I able to sleep, it's not deep sleep. It's not quality sleep. My ear has some pain today too. That always makes everything worse and I am so tired of having ear pain on top of everything.

 

[ajc]

I want to kill myself. I just don't know how because I think I could only if it's carefully planned.

There's too many tinnitus tones and they are just too loud. I can't have a normal life like this. I don't want to be 'hearing' this for the rest of my life, not able to work and being broke. Even when I able to sleep, it's not deep sleep. It's not quality sleep. My ear has some pain today too. That always makes everything worse and I am so tired of having ear pain on top of everything.

Please listen to the wise words @David S and others gave you.

It will take a few years but you will start getting your life back.

 

[Pawel1]

I want to kill myself. I just don't know how because I think I could only if it's carefully planned.

There's too many tinnitus tones and they are just too loud. I can't have a normal life like this. I don't want to be 'hearing' this for the rest of my life, not able to work and being broke. Even when I able to sleep, it's not deep sleep. It's not quality sleep. My ear has some pain today too. That always makes everything worse and I am so tired of having ear pain on top of everything.

I think that your biggest problem is not getting enough rest from sleep. Sorry, I don't read everything that's in this thread, but have you tried prescription sleep pills? If you go to the hospital and say that you feel bad, because you have Tinnitus, and you can't sleep, they will give you sleeping pills instantly. But, you can't arrive to the hospital by driving a car or motorbike. I don't know, how about taking like 1000 MG of GABA supplement and 500 MG of L-Theanine?Such a dose would make me feel heavy for at least few hours.

 

[PeteJ]

Please listen to the wise words @David S and others gave you.

It will take a few years but you will start getting your life back.

I CAN'T GET NORMAL SLEEP. I CAN'T WORK NOW BECAUSE OF HOW SEVERE THE TINNITUS IS!

I DON'T ENJOY LIFE. I HAVE EAR PAIN. I FEEL LIKE MY EARS ARE NO LONGER NORMAL AND ARE DAMAGED WITH PAIN NOW. I PREFER DEATH OVER THIS.

I sometimes think I should try something, hanging or electrocution because I don't want to go on. But, I have a dog and I don't want her alone. I asked two people to take her and I wasn't taken seriously. No one thinks I will off myself including here, it makes me want to even more.

 

[PeteJ]

My left ear feels bruised inside. Is that reason to worry?

 

[Bartoli]

@PeteJ.
Have you tried tackling sleep first, and then going from there, as some people suggested? Have you tried exercising (not too close to nighttime though), and using sound enrichment at night? I use the myNoise website "nocturnal garden". It doesn't have to cover your tinnitus, just give your brain enough of a distraction.

Other "sleep hygiene" tips too:

- no midnight snacking, this will boost your metabolism and keep you up. I'm guilty of this often.
- no blue light and screentime 1hr before bed.
- go to sleep only when you feel tired. When you're not asleep in 30 mins, get up and go for a walk.
- get up each morning at the same time.
- exercise during the day.
- no daytime naps if possible.

This will take some time and commitment before it will work. Eventually, you should settle into some sort of routine.

We all feel for you here,man. Take small steps. Start with sleep, it makes such a difference to your mood.

All the best.

 

[Allan1967]

I feel like a ghost today. Wandering around this earthly plane unseen, unconnected, just existing from one day to the next.

 

[EDDTEKK]

@Allan1967 this is how I fell everyday. I am on the survivor mode... walking in this world like a robot. Desperate, Hopeless .. its so brutal this fcking condition... why our brain isn't functioning normal? Why it creates these abnormal sounds?
This is the worst disease I know.
It doesn't kill you BUT you have to kill it by suicide if you want to stop it..
god is not existing

 

[PeteJ]

I want to know why my left ear is in pain! It is just around the canal so inside but not deep. It's also itchy. Is this an infection? It feels like it's bruised. My left ear! Almost always an issue with pain with my left ear. So tired of this! I don't see how this is related to hyperacusis since it is isolated to my left ear. Isn't hyperacusis impacting and affecting both ears?

What would cause pain in that area?!? It makes the t so much worse because it's like the t is causing or contributing to the pain but that can't happen, right?!? :-(

I wish this pain would go away and stop happening!

 

[Greg Sacramento]

Warm compresses can knock down itchy painful ears like nothing else can - even if caused from jaw joints that might include infection.

 

[GoatSheep]

I want to know why my left ear is in pain! It is just around the canal so inside but not deep. It's also itchy. Is this an infection? It feels like it's bruised. My left ear! Almost always an issue with pain with my left ear. So tired of this! I don't see how this is related to hyperacusis since it is isolated to my left ear. Isn't hyperacusis impacting and affecting both ears?

What would cause pain in that area?!? It makes the t so much worse because it's like the t is causing or contributing to the pain but that can't happen, right?!? :-(

I wish this pain would go away and stop happening!

No it's not always both ears. Or it may not be pain hyperacusis in both ears.

my left ear hurts too. Ache around the cheek and behind the ear. Then in the canal like you said. Also tingling and icy numb feeing to my nerves on that side of my face.

 

[EDDTEKK]

I think the nervus facialis moves around the outer ear, inside the ear canal and middle ear with his tinny ramifications.
Perhaps you have issues with that nerve?

 

[PeteJ]

I think the nervus facialis moves around the outer ear, inside the ear canal and middle ear with his tinny ramifications.
Perhaps you have issues with that nerve?

Perhaps? I don't know! This is insane. I don't know what is wrong and I am tired of being in pain all the time but the last few days has been excruciating without any relief. What am I supposed to do?

If I off myself, it will be because the ear pain is the last straw. It's bad enough that the damn tinnitus is so loud with multiple tones that I have a ****ing painful ear too!

Edit: I forgot to say I had pain previously but it subsided. Kinda. I have left ear pain that comes and goes. But, this time, it almost seems bruised. I don't know how else to describe it. It's not a burning sharp pain but very sore to any touch or any pressure. Trying an ear plug would cause agonizing pain, for example. The pain is around the tragus and in the ear canal but not deep.

 

[PeteJ]

No it's not always both ears. Or it may not be pain hyperacusis in both ears.

my left ear hurts too. Ache around the cheek and behind the ear. Then in the canal like you said. Also tingling and icy numb feeing to my nerves on that side of my face.

How often? Do you have any pattern or causation theories? I don't. I can only think of clenching but to cause pain for this long? To the same ear? Is it nerve damage? If it is, I am done. I don't want to live with t and constant ear pain the rest of my life.

 

[Daniel Lion]

Yep, this sucks.

I broke down yesterday, I was an asshole to my kids... they forgave me.

I told them about having a little person scheming in my ears 24/7... it breaks you. I will dust myself off and keep trying, slow and steady. I took them to school and cried, they don't deserve this, bur such is life. Dad is disabled, Dad is worn down, Dad is broke.

I am not done, I am just in the corner of the ring taking a beating.

I hope hearing aids work, and I hope eventually there is something that can target this disease for people who got it bad. We're just gonna have to dig deeper, there's no choice.
Trying to remain optimistic... just having a hard time now.
Love you all...

 

[Allan1967]

I am and have been in a very dark place. I don't know how to describe this but every day I wake up filled with dread. I don't know if I can ever get my life back to a semi normal state where tinnitus and hyperacusis are no longer dominating my life.

I have to go to work, to earn but I can't function because I'm so wrapped up in this desperate plight I'm in.

My tinnitus gets progressively worse throughout the day and has been even more so since my ear infection the other week and I still have a bit of a blocked ear on the right. It's like someone rubbing a wine glass rim. Life is abysmal.

I don't know if the remnants of this infection are making this much worse. I know people say give it time but I'm impatient and it's the not knowing if things will even out again that is killing me.

Please help!

 

[Pawel1]

@Allan1967 Sorry to be so blunt, but have you ever tried some 'stronger' recreational activities, that would help you in ignoring your Tinnitus? For example, if you go to Netherlands, there are hundreds of different kinds of cannabis products. Some of them might make your Tinnitus worse, some of them might make it better for you. Stuff like laughing gas and other anesthetic gases, definitely help me. I live in The UK, like you, and the local weather is a complete disaster. British weather is inducing so much physical and mental hardships in people, that the financial repercussions onto our country, are just uncountable. There are many things that are not good for you, and you don't realize it, you know.

We all need to have some patience, to get through this for the next couple of years, until an effective and safe Tinnitus treatment is developed. How you find motivation or joy to keep you going for the next couple of years? If I will be depressed, I am going to become a computer games player, but for now, I don't need that distraction, just yet. Do you think you could do better if you lived in another country?

If things get so bad, that you want to try anything.. Would you consider selling your house or car, and just following your dreams or something like that? I will be honest with you. By the time Christmas is here, I will have about £10,000 in cash. This kind of money would allow me to live a modest life in Poland, for about 4-5 years. But, I would not have to work during that time. Therefore, it would be a kind of waiting period for me, before Tinnitus cure will arrive. My Tinnitus is not bad enough, and I am not yet in such despair, to abandon The UK, but this possibility is there.. My health is most important, and so is yours!

If I will ever lose my current job, or have nothing else to lose, then I might just move to some place where I want to live, and I will find a way of making money in the way that is enjoyable for me. Comparing myself to others, would land me no-where, anyway.. Many village people just live off the land, and they don't need a single dollar to do that.. Why can't I do that? I can, if I want to!

 

[Daniel Lion]

I am and have been in a very dark place. I don't know how to describe this but every day I wake up filled with dread. I don't know if I can ever get my life back to a semi normal state where tinnitus and hyperacusis are no longer dominating my life.

I have to go to work, to earn but I can't function because I'm so wrapped up in this desperate plight I'm in.

My tinnitus gets progressively worse throughout the day and has been even more so since my ear infection the other week and I still have a bit of a blocked ear on the right. It's like someone rubbing a wine glass rim. Life is abysmal.

I don't know if the remnants of this infection are making this much worse. I know people say give it time but I'm impatient and it's the not knowing if things will even out again that is killing me.

Please help!

Sorry Allan,

Remnants of ear infection... hold on brother... let it subside.
I am sorry your hurting, I've had a shit go recently. Don't give up...
When the infection clears you'll get a wee bit of relief... just sucks waiting.
Hang on friend...

 

[Daniel Lion]

@Allan1967 Sorry to be so blunt, but have you ever tried some 'stronger' recreational activities, that would help you in ignoring your Tinnitus? For example, if you go to Netherlands, there are hundreds of different kinds of cannabis products. Some of them might make your Tinnitus worse, some of them might make it better for you. Stuff like laughing gas and other anesthetic gases, definitely help me. I live in The UK, like you, and the local weather is a complete disaster. British weather is inducing so much physical and mental hardships in people, that the financial repercussions onto our country, are just uncountable. There are many things that are not good for you, and you don't realize it, you know.

We all need to have some patience, to get through this for the next couple of years, until an effective and safe Tinnitus treatment is developed. How you find motivation or joy to keep you going for the next couple of years? If I will be depressed, I am going to become a computer games player, but for now, I don't need that distraction, just yet. Do you think you could do better if you lived in another country?

If things get so bad, that you want to try anything.. Would you consider selling your house or car, and just following your dreams or something like that? I will be honest with you. By the time Christmas is here, I will have about £10,000 in cash. This kind of money would allow me to live a modest life in Poland, for about 4-5 years. But, I would not have to work during that time. Therefore, it would be a kind of waiting period for me, before Tinnitus cure will arrive. My Tinnitus is not bad enough, and I am not yet in such despair, to abandon The UK, but this possibility is there.. My health is most important, and so is yours!

If I will ever lose my current job, or have nothing else to lose, then I might just move to some place where I want to live, and I will find a way of making money in the way that is enjoyable for me. Comparing myself to others, would land me no-where, anyway.. Many village people just live off the land, and they don't need a single dollar to do that.. Why can't I do that? I can, if I want to!

Nice idea... Allen has kids and a family to support. But maybe in the future Allen can plan his escape... we are all praying for Allen, that's for sure... cool idea, definitely worth looking into

 

[Allan1967]

Sorry Allan,

Remnants of ear infection... hold on brother... let it subside.
I am sorry your hurting, I've had a shit go recently. Don't give up...
When the infection clears you'll get a wee bit of relief... just sucks waiting.
Hang on friend...

I feel like I'm out of time @Daniel Lion. I'm consumed by a sense of hopelessness and just not knowing how and when my situation will ever turn itself around.

 

[Daniel Lion]

I feel like I'm out of time @Daniel Lion. I'm consumed by a sense of hopelessness and just not knowing how and when my situation will ever turn itself around.

I feel you man... I wish I could help, I know your pain is terrible beyond words.

Get some benzos from the doc and get knocked out.

I wish I could help, I wish I had the words, the power, but I don't.
I can only tell you, that I understand and worry about you deeply.

Change the antidepressant meds, they are not doing you any good, I think. Talk to you GP, keep hugging your kids and lean on your family.
They need you and this forum needs you.

You are in my heart and I am praying you get a break... you need one.
Don't give up... not yet...

Let's keep talking...
Love you Allan... hang tight brother.

 

[Daniel Lion]

Months ago I could wear plugs. Then, suddenly I started getting ear pain and I believe wearing plugs either contributed to it or exacerbated it. When I had pain then, I would rate it as 10/10 in severity. It made me cry and at one point, I went outside to choose a building to jump off.

Later, I just stopped wearing plugs. I carry muffs around with me and if I don't have time to put them on, I plug my ears with my index fingers. I still can't wear my muffs for too long before my ears get sore. I couldn't wear them for more than a few seconds back when I sometimes wore plugs. I suppose that means I have had some healing or improvement? I dunno. I hope it's a sign of something positive because the ear pain is too frequent and is still severe. It's 99% of the time my left ear.

What could an xray show? In my experience and from what I read here, physicians can't do anything or won't do anything. When I saw an ENT months ago, I told him about my ear pain (it was worse then - 10/10!) but he did exactly NOTHING.

You need to talk with GregCA or Greg Sacramento, they are genius on medical stuff.

Maybe you need a CT scan, maybe you need to wait and chill and slowly get better. You are not alone, that's for sure.

Don't give up.

In a few years we're gonna get together and have a quiet party celebrating overcoming this mountain of shit.

Stay strong... we are here for you.

 

[Bartoli]

it was even louder than my tinnitus

You mean the level of white noise in the maskers? I would think that was a good thing if inobtrusive low level white noise masks yours completely.

 

[Daniel Lion]

Habituation simply means: It's a low or lack of response to the ringing. The ringing is not a huge SHOCK to our system like it use to be. In all honesty tinnitus has not set a fate for me. It has it's challenges,but I am pushing as much against them as possible....

Fishbone, if it's not too personal.....could you describe your basic diet? It may be helpful to some folks here as you are both mentally and physically very strong...

Thank you... Daniel.

 

[fishbone]

Fishbone, if it's not too personal.....could you describe your basic diet? It may be helpful to some folks here as you are both mentally and physically very strong...

Thank you... Daniel.

I am a dedicated athlete, so I tend to live on lots of good carbs, protein shakes and I void fast food as much as I can. My diet is not perfect, but that's ok. It's very hard to always maintain a good diet. I have found out, that a good diet is something we should aim for. When my diet is bad (kinda rare) my body feels worst and the ringing is higher as well. Too much salt, sugar, processed food can really annoy the body. It's all about tracking things and just getting into a good routine.

I compliment my diet with fitness and always being active. Being in the gym has always been my calling. I am either training in there or I coach people on how they can better their results

 

[Daniel Lion]

I am a dedicated athlete, so I tend to live on lots of good carbs, protein shakes and I void fast food as much as I can. My diet is not perfect, but that's ok. It's very hard to always maintain a good diet. I have found out, that a good diet is something we should aim for. When my diet is bad (kinda rare) my body feels worst and the ringing is higher as well. Too much salt, sugar, processed food can really annoy the body. It's all about tracking things and just getting into a good routine.

I compliment my diet with fitness and always being active. Being in the gym has always been my calling. I am either training in there or I coach people on how they can better their results

Same, I get my carbs through sweet potatoes and locally grown potatoes. I eat real healthy and exercise everyday, have done my whole life. I eat fish and occasionally pork and duck which is delicious in this country. Fresh fruit everyday. I avoid salt and sugar for obvious reasons.
Keep up the good work. You are an inspiration.

 

[ajc]

I feel like I'm out of time @Daniel Lion. I'm consumed by a sense of hopelessness and just not knowing how and when my situation will ever turn itself around.

Did you draw that avatar of yours? Are you planning to exit in 2020?

 

[Allan1967]

Did you draw that avatar of yours? Are you planning to exit in 2020?

Using the Law of Attraction. It's worked for other things.

 

[JohnAdams]

Using the Law of Attraction.

Lol, I grew up in a Science of the Mind Church and my witch stepmother was a big wig there. She used to preach that like it was the gospel. Never worked for me. I have found it impossible to create my own reality by just focusing on things I want. As a matter of fact, I always seemed to get the exact opposite of what I wanted.

 

[Allan1967]

Lol, I grew up in a Science of the Mind Church and my witch stepmother was a big wig there. She used to preach that like it was the gospel. Never worked for me. I have found it impossible to create my own reality by just focusing on things I want. As a matter of fact, I always seemed to get the exact opposite of what I wanted.

It's worked for me several times. Hopefully one more crack at the whip.