Suicidal

[all to gain]

She gave you good advice. If the forum is helping you, then engage, if not..not. I get what you are saying, my new reality is not what I wanted either. It just came and happened, life is like that. I wanted an easier life, a less stressful life but it didn't happen that way. I am just like you and others stuck in a huge puzzle and trying to pick up the pieces and fit them in and make sense of things.

Don't think of the future, think of today and what you can do to, possibly make your situation better. When I first got afflicted with tinnitus, I would question my audiologist as much as I could. I would ask him about the dangers of sound and situations. I was so driven to figure things out and wanted to solve problems that tinnitus brought on. I was laughed at , mocked and they pointed fingers at me....calling me weird, because I told them that my ears were ringing.

Keep talking things out with her, stay motivated to show up to the sessions. All of us have our own point of views, it's a good thing to have someone give their own point of view and guide us. I have done this in the past, with people I have spoken with. Getting input from others could possibly help us out.

It's all about just keeping at it and slowly moving forward. It's a slow process and it can take time. If we keep at it eventually things can make sense. I have seen SO MANY dark clouds that I thought would never lift, but I slowly kept at it, slowly took daily actions and I was able to overcome some hardcore stuff.

Have faith, take small steps and try to move forward.

It's never easy, but small steps can eventually lead to a BIG gain!

Thanks Fishbone. But life has become a living hell. My old life ripped away... just at the time I helped bring two boys into the world!

 

[Michael Leigh]

I need to learn how to live/cope despite having this as right now my life is a black hole.

Counselling can help to make you feel better @Allan1967 but it can't do everything. By this I mean you have to make a conscious effect to reinforce positive thinking. This means engaging in things that you like to do and try to look at the positive things in your life and not on the negative. I am not saying never to think or feel negative about how you feel, for we all have downtimes. However, everything must be kept in balance. Unless you make a positive effort to reinforce positive thinking and also to actively do this your progress will be slow. Start by reading the articles in the links below and if you have a printer, I suggest to print them in read them often. This helps to reinforce positive thinking. They are a form of counselling.

Michael


https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/acquiring-a-positive-mindset.23969/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/positivity-and-tinnitus.12060/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-art-of-tinnitus.12066/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/staying-positive-with-tinnitus.12069/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/standing-tall.12070/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/i-would-rather-be-happy-than-right.12084/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/life-is-problematic.12317/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/try-and-help-yourself.12355/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/is-habituation-possible.12758/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/the-big-picture.19308/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/look-at-what-you-can-do-not-what-you-cant.20372/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/a-change-of-lifestyle.20643/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/inspiration.22894/

 

[linearb]

I've found the true cause of deforestation, everyone -- it's scared new sufferers diligently printing out copies of every single one of Michael's blog posts.

Call Elon Musk, technology can surely solve this for us. I bet we can come up with a technology that will allow us to read blog posts without printing them out -- perhaps a display device of some kind which connects directly to a computer.... oh, wait a minute.

 

[Michael Leigh]

@linearb

I receive many PM messages from members thanking me for writing my posts and I will continue to do so much to your chagrin. Or should I be more accurate and say jealousy.

The message in blue below, I received yesterday via PM from a member of this forum.

@Kah Povi I hope you don't mind me printing your message. Please accept my apologies for not asking your permission beforehand.

Michael

Reading your posts made me feel better. I am more capable of getting on with it. Thank you.

 

[Mister Muso]

I understand these feelings of despair. I console myself with the fact that I am nearing retirement age and have had a good and relatively care-free life before tinnitus struck. And perhaps we've learned some resilience and general coping strategies along the way.

If you are young and have tinnitus, my heart goes out to you, but remember you are stronger than you know - and on the plus side you have more time in which to recover, or for an effective cure to become available.

 

[Lane]

I grew up in a Science of the Mind Church and my witch stepmother was a big wig there. ...... I have found it impossible to create my own reality by just focusing on things I want. As a matter of fact, I always seemed to get the exact opposite of what I wanted.

@JohnAdams -- Sounds like you had a very interesting stepmother!

FWIW, or if you're interested, here's my own understanding on the law of attraction: It not only means having a focus on what we want in our lives, but taking the necessary steps to have it come to fruition. Another important (critical) component is to use our imagination(s) to "feel" what we desire as well as "think" it, and "believe" it will come to us.

Ironically, these same principles can also manifest a "reverse attraction". That is, if we really "fear" something, that in itself is putting our attention on "something", even though it may not be what we want. But the law of attraction doesn't recognize what we want; it just simply works when something is believed and felt with a certain amount of intensity.

I sometimes become concerned about people on this forum who fret "excessively" about getting spikes. Taking precautionary actions to protect ourselves from them is critical, but to do it from a place of fear might possibly be counterproductive, and lead us to experiencing the very thing we fear the most. -- It seems to me that a big part of life is learning to better understand how or why things come into our lives, and how we can somehow create better outcomes for ourselves.

 

[JohnAdams]

Sounds like you had a very interesting stepmother!

She is a horrible person. The biggest stirrer of shit I've ever witnessed. A total liar.

 

[acute]

If you told me in my 20s that I'd have severe ringing, horrible hearing loss and multiple health problems and for me to remain positive....I'd just laugh and say whatever. Now, it's a reality, it may not be what I fully want....but IT IS-WHAT IT IS.

I'm in my 20s and I still can't believe this is happening to me.

I can't.

 

[PureNoise]

I'm in my 20s and I still can't believe this is happening to me.

I can't.

Same. Mine got louder than the tv recently after some Tylenol for a cold. It was blasting torture 24/7 for a week now some hours it's better than that. Hopefully it calms down for us both.

Coffee shops saved my life basically. I need noisier environments. I have some hyperacusis but it's not as bad as my tinnitus. Idk how I'd cope with extreme tinnitus and bad hyperacusis. That's just zero escape.

 

[DaveFromChicago]

I'm in my 60s and I can't believe this has happened to me.
This condition is a full out Blitzkrieg assault on every level of a person's stability, sense of security, faith in the future, freedom from torment, et.al., etc.
It will be 6 years for me and my coping mechanisms are depleted.
In a 24 hour period I will notify myself at least 30 times how much I loathe this condition/state of being.
It resembles a dreadful anchor or exhausting weight in my consciousness that I cannot lose.
I will oscillate between "it's just a harmless sound" and "I can't find a way to accommodate this much longer."
Even if this actually disappeared (Mirabile Dictu !) my permanent, perpetual tinnitus paranoia would be guaranteed.
I can no longer define to myself what pre-tinnitus silence consisted of.

 

[Harley]

Same. Mine got louder than the tv recently after some Tylenol for a cold. It was blasting torture 24/7 for a week now some hours it's better than that. Hopefully it calms down for us both.

Coffee shops saved my life basically. I need noisier environments. I have some hyperacusis but it's not as bad as my tinnitus. Idk how I'd cope with extreme tinnitus and bad hyperacusis. That's just zero escape.

Be carefull in coffe shops, especially in the real busy ones, as metal trays and glass mugs end up on the hard tile floor quite often.

 

[PureNoise]

Be carefull in coffe shops, especially in the real busy ones metal trays and glass mugs end up on the hard tile floor quite often.

I avoid the hipster earthy ones that have those 90 decibel insanely loud old inefficient espresso machines. Starbucks is pretty good actually. And pubs with music at 65-70 dB mask my tinnitus completely. I wouldn't dare to at 10pm though or to any nightclub. Sad I loved going out socializing at night.

I can't sit in an apartment all day with my tinnitus blasting, it goes over the tv and is pure torture. I gotta be doing things and out of the house to block the tinnitus. Home is the worst place to be when it was my favourite place before tinnitus.

My inspiration is this dude https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/9426165/strictly-ben-cohen-tinnitus-unbearable-eyes-water/amp/

Severe tinnitus and former rugby athlete with severe hearing loss still lifts heavy weights and gives back to the community and has a wife and $$$.

Although I rather be poor with no tinnitus than have tinnitus.

 

[Michael Leigh]

@Lane @fishbone

Thank you both and to other members of this forum, for your kindness and continued support. It has spurred me on to keep posting, regardless of those that have tried to prevent this from happening.

I wish you all peace, health and prosperity.

Michael

 

[Allan1967]

My life is spiralling out of control.

 

[Daniel Lion]

My life is spiralling out of control.

Get some benzos... they help. Do it fast, fuck the psyche meds.
So sorry Allen, please reach out and demand help...
This is ridiculous... you need help.... now.

 

[all to gain]

I'm in my 60s and I can't believe this has happened to me.
This condition is a full out Blitzkrieg assault on every level of a person's stability, sense of security, faith in the future, freedom from torment, et.al., etc.
It will be 6 years for me and my coping mechanisms are depleted.
In a 24 hour period I will notify myself at least 30 times how much I loathe this condition/state of being.
It resembles a dreadful anchor or exhausting weight in my consciousness that I cannot lose.
I will oscillate between "it's just a harmless sound" and "I can't find a way to accommodate this much longer."
Even if this actually disappeared (Mirabile Dictu !) my permanent, perpetual tinnitus paranoia would be guaranteed.
I can no longer define to myself what pre-tinnitus silence consisted of.

How have you manged to live with it for 6 years? I don't see how I'm going to make it to the end of the year.

 

[valeri]

My life is spiralling out of control.

Same here Allan!
No support, no help, no care... Wish I was never born

 

[all to gain]

I'm in my 20s and I still can't believe this is happening to me.

I can't.

Neither can I! I have in now way accepted my new reality on an emotional level, but I type of have on an intellectual level. However, I still don't think I will ever truly accept it due to the way I got it. But I know this is not going to go away, and I yearn for my former life back. I just don't want to live like this, but I have no choice except the unthinkable.

All because of a few weeks on meds that I was told have no side effects.

 

[Jazzer]

My life is spiralling out of control.

Dear Allan - just like you - I know of nothing worse than this.
(I will probably now be accused of 'negativity' by those prats espousing their superior 'positivity' mantra, ad nauseam - lightweights to a man.)

First of all I congratulate you on your honesty.
It takes real courage to admit to oneself, let alone report the full extent of this tragedy to others.
It is totally the right thing to do.

I so wish I had a magic wand my friend - we would both be well this very instant.
Of course - I haven't.

I have however found a way to live and cope with my constant, severe Tinnitus.
It is not a cure.
I rely on some daily meditation / deep relaxation, when of course I hear my tinnitus, but even so relax so deeply that I do not have an emotional response to it.

This method helps me to go through the day in a much calmer condition, without that terrible feeling of absolute dread.
So - it is still there - but I'm okay,
and - I - will - be - okay.

I have posted my method before.
It probably won't help everybody, but if you want more details just say.

Much love to you my buddy,

Dave x
Jazzer

 

[Daniel Lion]

Dear Allan - just like you - I know of nothing worse than this.
(I will probably now be accused of 'negativity' by those prats espousing their superior 'positivity' mantra, ad nauseam - lightweights to a man.)

First of all I congratulate you on your honesty.
It takes real courage to admit to oneself, let alone report the full extent of this tragedy to others.
It is totally the right thing to do.

I so wish I had a magic wand my friend - we would both be well this very instant.
Of course - I haven't.

I have however found a way to live and cope with my constant, severe Tinnitus.
It is not a cure.
I rely on some daily meditation / deep relaxation, when of course I hear my tinnitus, but even so relax so deeply that I do not have an emotional response to it.

This method helps me to go through the day in a much calmer condition, without that terrible feeling of absolute dread.
So - it is still there - but I'm okay,
and - I - will - be - okay.

I have posted my method before.
It probably won't help everybody, but if you want more details just say.

Much love to you my buddy,

Dave x
Jazzer

Thank fuck for Jazzer... oh, sorry, excuse my profanity.

 

[Harley]

I'm in my 60s and I can't believe this has happened to me.
This condition is a full out Blitzkrieg assault on every level of a person's stability, sense of security, faith in the future, freedom from torment, et.al., etc.
It will be 6 years for me and my coping mechanisms are depleted.
In a 24 hour period I will notify myself at least 30 times how much I loathe this condition/state of being.
It resembles a dreadful anchor or exhausting weight in my consciousness that I cannot lose.
I will oscillate between "it's just a harmless sound" and "I can't find a way to accommodate this much longer."
Even if this actually disappeared (Mirabile Dictu !) my permanent, perpetual tinnitus paranoia would be guaranteed.
I can no longer define to myself what pre-tinnitus silence consisted of.

Tinnitus at this level has to be one of the most horrid conditiins in existence.
I keep thinking, that this level of torture has to be against all laws of the universe and something like this should not even exist.
But it does.

Just like yourself, I believe that even if Tinnitus just dissappeared overnight, one is likely to end up with some kind of PTSD disorder, no different than those coming from war.

I still can't believe this is happening to me 3 years later.
This truly is the deffinition of a waking nightmare.

 

[Daniel Lion]

Tinnitus at this level has to be one of the most horrid conditiins in existence.
I keep thinking, that this level of torture has to be against all laws of the universe and something like this should not even exist.
But it does.

Just like yourself, I believe that even if Tinnitus just dissappeared overnight, one is likely to end up with some kind of PTSD disorder, no different than those coming from war.

I still can't believe this is happening to me 3 years later.
This truly is the deffinition of a waking nightmare.

It is PTSD, it's brain damage... well you've been here for a while, so let's fight together... we can do this.

 

[Jazzer]

Thank fuck for Jazzer... oh, sorry, excuse my profanity.

Daniel Lion - I Love You !
Marry me - take me away from all this !
'ang on - I'm already married,
and he's a fellar ?
(Ooops etc....)

 

[Daniel Lion]

Daniel Lion - I Love You !
Marry me - take me away from all this !
'ang on - I'm already married,
and he's a fellar ?
(Ooops etc....)

No worries. I am getting a photo together with the Lao disabled swim team.

You set the bar so high, I am sorry to say I may have to stuff my shorts with a banana... you set the bar so damn high on top of that moose.

I miss you too brother... I hope to visit my brother in Holland this summer.
All is well... you are a great teacher and a beautiful man...

Love you too.

 

[all to gain]

Dear Allan - just like you - I know of nothing worse than this.
(I will probably now be accused of 'negativity' by those prats espousing their superior 'positivity' mantra, ad nauseam - lightweights to a man.)

First of all I congratulate you on your honesty.
It takes real courage to admit to oneself, let alone report the full extent of this tragedy to others.
It is totally the right thing to do.

I so wish I had a magic wand my friend - we would both be well this very instant.
Of course - I haven't.

I have however found a way to live and cope with my constant, severe Tinnitus.
It is not a cure.
I rely on some daily meditation / deep relaxation, when of course I hear my tinnitus, but even so relax so deeply that I do not have an emotional response to it.

This method helps me to go through the day in a much calmer condition, without that terrible feeling of absolute dread.
So - it is still there - but I'm okay,
and - I - will - be - okay.

I have posted my method before.
It probably won't help everybody, but if you want more details just say.

Much love to you my buddy,

Dave x
Jazzer

Can you post your method again or post a link to it?

Also, would you say that you enjoy life or has it been a hard slog?

 

[Jazzer]

Can you post your method again or post a link to it?

Also, would you say that you enjoy life or has it been a hard slog?

Certainly ATG - I can repost my quite simple method, but I would prefer to rewrite it to make it a little more straightforward.

Later today then x

 

[all to gain]

Certainly ATG - I can repost my quite simple method, but I would prefer to rewrite it to make it a little more straightforward.

Later today then x

OK, cheers.

The simpler the method, the better for someone like me.

 

[Jazzer]

OK, cheers.

The simpler the method, the better for someone like me.

The way I see it ATG:
We have tinnitus, and nobody as yet can cure it.
In a very real sense - we are stuck with it.

We simply have to learn how best to live with it.
I have had severe Tinnitus for over five years.
I needed to find a way to survive it.
I meditate.

The first thing in the morning, I lie in a warm bath.
Head to one side to facilitate easy breathing.
Eyes closed.
Allow the inside of the mouth to go quite soft,
with teeth apart, jaw hanging, lips closed.
(Classic relaxation technique).
Experience your lovely soft mouth.

Decide to cease any conscious breathing.
Just wait for your tummy (diaphragm) to take over your breathing for you.
You will hear your Tinnitus, but pay it no attention.
Just become an observer to your breathing.
Do not control your breathing - your tummy is now gently breathing for you.
You should begin to drift away feeling quite peaceful - in a hypnotic dose.

One useful aid is this:
- as you exhale - think 'deep'
- as you inhale - think 'er'
- deep-er.....deep-er.....deep-er....deep-er.....

continue to just observe your breathing.

Enjoy a feeling of peace.

If practiced every day your feeling of relaxation may follow you through the day.

We still have tinnitus - but the emotional impact is gradually lessening, day by day.

Dave x
Jazzer

 

[all to gain]

The way I see it ATG:
We have tinnitus, and nobody as yet can cure it.
In a very real sense - we are stuck with it.

We simply have to learn how best to live with it.
I have had severe Tinnitus for over five years.
I needed to find a way to survive it.
I meditate.

The first thing in the morning, I lie in a warm bath.
Head to one side to facilitate easy breathing.
Eyes closed.
Allow the inside of the mouth to go quite soft,
with teeth apart, jaw hanging, lips closed.
(Classic relaxation technique).
Experience your lovely soft mouth.

Decide to cease any conscious breathing.
Just wait for your tummy (diaphragm) to take over your breathing for you.
You will hear your Tinnitus, but pay it no attention.
Just become an observer to your breathing.
Do not control your breathing - your tummy is now gently breathing for you.
You should begin to drift away feeling quite peaceful - in a hypnotic dose.

One useful aid is this:
- as you exhale - think 'deep'
- as you inhale - think 'er'
- deep-er.....deep-er.....deep-er....deep-er.....

continue to just observe your breathing.

Enjoy a feeling of peace.

If practiced every day your feeling of relaxation may follow you through the day.

We still have tinnitus - but the emotional impact is gradually lessening, day by day.

Dave x
Jazzer

How long do you lie there for?

I would love to try this. but I don't know how practical it is for me what with kids etc. I could maybe manage it a few times per week.

Are there any other ways that you use to meditate that are more practical for someone in my situation?
Sorry if it sound like I'm poo-pooing your idea. I'm not.

 

[acute]

I was a young lady, healthy girl, with a normal life, a job in which I was valued, productive, happy, with friends and a partner. With A life.

Now I am nothing. I just want to die. I can't stand it not a minute more. My career is destroyed, my life is destroyed.

Everything I was is fucking ruined.

This fucking sound is so fucking loud. I can't stand.