Suicidal

[Chinmoku]

You are where I am!!

Today my tinnitus is the worst it has ever been. I'm having one constant panic attack as my ears scream. The screaming came first and then the panic. This is unbearable.

Yes, my stomach is twisting and churning. This is affecting me as a whole now. I look at my children and think about the life I have lost in these last few months. I don't know what to do next. There are a few of us in this boat, but medication is worsening our cases.

 

[all to gain]

Yes, my stomach is twisting and churning. This is affecting me as a whole now. I look at my children and think about the life I have lost in these last few months. I don't know what to do next. There are a few of us in this boat, but medication is worsening our cases.

I have to make a move! I think I will try to drop from 40 to 20 slowly. May make no difference, but at least i will have tried.

 

[Chinmoku]

I have to make a move! I think I will try to drop from 40 to 20 slowly. May make no difference, but at least i will have tried.

That's a 50% drop! I don't know the rules for prozac, but for benzos and gabapentinoids they never recommend to drop more than 10% at a time, perhaps 20% if you know you tolerate the reduction well
EDIT I saw you say slowly, then it's ok

 

[all to gain]

That's a 50% drop! I don't know the rules for prozac, but for benzos and gabapentinoids they never recommend to trop more than 10% at a time, perhaps 20% if you know you tolerate the reduction well
EDIT I saw you say slowly, then it's ok

I'm not going to do it quickly. Just miss 30 on one day for 4 weeks or so and then do the same on another day until im down to 20 across the board. If I had a liquid form or a tablet form it would be easier as I could cut up the tablets etc, but I have capsules.

 

[all to gain]

I was trying to think what could have caused my tinnitus to go through the roof. First I was thinking food. Now I am pretty sure it is the WEATHER!!

Yesterday was +2. I didn't look at the forecast today and nipped outside a while back for around 20-30 mins. It was cold, but I was well wrapped up. Just looked at the forecast and it's -12.

Maybe a coincidence, but I noticed the spike as soon as I got back home pretty much. Can pressures changes or simple cold make tinnitus worse? If they can then I'm in for one long and rough ride.

Never been this bad.

 

[FGG]

I was trying to think what could have caused my tinnitus to go through the roof. First I was thinking food. Now I am pretty sure it is the WEATHER!!

Yesterday was +2. I didn't look at the forecast today and nipped outside a while back for around 20-30 mins. It was cold, but I was well wrapped up. Just looked at the forecast and it's -12.

Maybe a coincidence, but I noticed the spike as soon as I got back home pretty much. Can pressures changes or simple cold make tinnitus worse? If they can then I'm in for one long and rough ride.

Never been this bad.

This apparently happens with Meniere's so I'm sure it could happen for other reasons too.

 

[all to gain]

I was trying to think what could have caused my tinnitus to go through the roof. First I was thinking food. Now I am pretty sure it is the WEATHER!!

Yesterday was +2. I didn't look at the forecast today and nipped outside a while back for around 20-30 mins. It was cold, but I was well wrapped up. Just looked at the forecast and it's -12.

Maybe a coincidence, but I noticed the spike as soon as I got back home pretty much. Can pressures changes or simple cold make tinnitus worse? If they can then I'm in for one long and rough ride.

Never been this bad.

BUT, it could be a delayed spike from what happened to me at an airport last week Thursday? Can a spike be THAT delayed?

My money is still on the weather change.

 

[Allan1967]

Sorry to hear about your experience specially with Lenire device, but let me try to figure out something which might help a little bit to understand.

1. While using the Lenire device did you feel that actually the volume output by the device was too loud, and you tried to put it down but it couldn't go down to a certain level? So the option you had was just to keep listening!
2. Did you go back for the first review in 6 weeks time and did they change the tone and / or put the volume down for you?
3. Is your tinnitus mainly tonal or hissing?

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Tonal

 

[all to gain]

This apparently happens with Meniere's so I'm sure it could happen for other reasons too.

Where I am it goes down to -30 C. Hope to God it won't get even worse as the temperature goes down.

My dream now is to get off of fluoxetine and for a miracle cure to come out ASAP. Wish me luck!!

 

[Aldran]

My tinnitus has also been driving to my wits' end. It is so loud and disturbing I can't even think straight. Lately, I have had a hard time getting through the day without having really bad thoughts. I can't even have a conversation with anyone most of the time because my tinnitus is so loud I can make out what they are saying. My tinnitus might be caused by 25 years of taking 4mg of Xanax a day for my anxiety, then having to stop about two years ago because doctors didn't want to prescribe it anymore as it became a liability. Then I was put on Gabapentin and Depakote, which I think might be a contributing factor, so I go off and on them. My tinnitus does fluctuate from day to day (from bad to worse), and I feel like I am on roller coaster, but I can't get off the ride! I am really freaked out!

 

[PeteJ]

Mine is always bad. 10/10 70 dB multi tones. How do you describe them when the tempo is super fast?

The only times there seems to be a slight reduction or calming down of it is when I wake up and on some occasions early evening. It seems I lose some tones momentarily and perhaps a volume reduction. It doesn't last long. Regardless of when it happens, it's only brief. Maybe 30 minutes or less. 10/10 to 9/10 or 8/10 isn't much of a relief change and it doesn't last long when it happens. It eventually returns to the insanely loud tinnitus.

 

[Tame]

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Tonal

As you answered yes to Question 1 and tonal to Q3, the Lenire device should actually work with you but the problem you are having is that the device is not set correctly. You need to be able to set the volume to even as low as zero, because in this case you will be able to control it and set it to a level which you only need, because every day the volume level you need to hear the treatment is different and any tone louder than necessary will spike your tinnitus and make it mad.

When you went back to Neuromod for the first review appointment, did they set it up for you and set the volume down and gave you the ability to set it down to even zero?

 

[Fabrikat]

If I had a liquid form or a tablet form it would be easier as I could cut up the tablets etc, but I have capsules.

I think you're dropping your dose too much too soon as well. Please take your time weaning yourself off something like Prozac. No doubt you're aware of AD withdrawal syndromes that cause all sorts of complications, like brain zaps, restless leg syndrome as well as tinnitus as a byproduct.

I'm no expert in this regard, but I would do it over many months to a year or even more. Don't risk aggravating your tinnitus. AD withdrawal is a serious issue that's only being recognised in recent years.

Pharmacists sell dummy capsules that you can open and fill with a portion of the powder from a broken open Prozac capsule. It's fiddly and not precise but doable. You can then potion control your dose in ever reducing amounts and stretch it out over a long period of time. It might be a safer way to go.

 

[all to gain]

I think you're dropping your dose too much too soon as well. Please take your time weaning yourself off something like Prozac. No doubt you're aware of AD withdrawal syndromes that cause all sorts of complications, like brain zaps, restless leg syndrome as well as tinnitus as a byproduct.

I'm no expert in this regard, but I would do it over many months to a year or even more. Don't risk aggravating your tinnitus. AD withdrawal is a serious issue that's only being recognised in recent years.

Pharmacists sell dummy capsules that you can open and fill with a portion of the powder from a broken open Prozac capsule. It's fiddly and not precise but doable. You can then potion control your dose in ever reducing amounts and stretch it out over a long period of time. It might be a safer way to go.

The plan was to go from 40 mg to 20 mg over 6 months. However, if I decide to come off of Prozac completely I would go from 20 mg to 0 mg over a number of years. It's the last bit that takes forever.

Not sure what to do yet.

 

[Star64]

I would also like to come off mine but I am stuck.

From past experience, if I lower the dosage the tinnitus goes up to unbearable level. Even assuming I can get to zero with monster tinnitus AND all the other horrible pains the pregabalin reduction would give me (you have experienced some of them with Clonazepam withdrawal, Star), what do I do if the tinnitus does not calm down once I hit zero and stay there a few days/weeks? In that scenario, going back on the drug (that would be needed to survive) is not guaranteed to lower it again.

The other option is staying on the drug or even increasing dosage further, but that is scary. Staying on the current dosage does not go well, tinnitus keeps slowly worsening anyway, not as fast as when the drug is reduced though. It's like if I am experiencing side effects and withdrawal symptoms at the same time, it worsens one way or the other.

The other possibility is actually that tinnitus is worsening in its own right for some other reason and the drug has little to do with that. In this case I should probably keep taking it to stay calm, although it's now affecting also my eyes and muscles.

What a mess. How I wish I had never taken this drug to start with. It will be the end of me.

It will not be easy for you but a man just recently wrote about his journey coming off Gabapentin on BenzoBuddies he said it was just as bad as coming off the benzo.

He went through a horrendous time too, but is doing ok now. He contacted me and said he still has minor tinnitus from these drugs and he is years out now. However, he is living a full life now, he said his tinnitus has calmed down to a very low level and all the other symptoms have left him.

He is under groovejuice on BenzoBuddies, look at success stories, he sent me a message by pm detailing his story more. He never had tinnitus until using these drugs.

Maybe if you do get off everything you will eventually improve too... I really feel for you, it would not be an easy decision.

I hope someone can help you if you do decide to withdraw. I am always here to help you if I can

 

[Star64]

This says it all really, but all too late for me:

"Freedom of Information Act requests showed that the majority of trials testing antidepressant drugs approved between 1987 and 1999 (Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, Serzone, and Effexor) were negative, and in sum, placebos were 82% as effective."

I wish I had taken a sugar pill, anything but the real deal, I wouldn't be in the mess I am in either... safe benzo I was told, wtf.

I always advocated for my patients but I failed on myself big time.

 

[all to gain]

I wish I had taken a sugar pill, anything but the real deal, I wouldn't be in the mess I am in either... safe benzo I was told, wtf.

I always advocated for my patients but I failed on myself big time.

I have failed myself big time, too. Hate myself for it and always will.

I was looking at an FDA access data file of a report by Eli Lilly on prozac which says these were observed in clinical trials: "Special Senses — Frequent: ear pain, taste perversion, tinnitus;" https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/drug...7/018936s081s082,020101s037,021235s009lbl.pdf

 

[Fabrikat]

was looking at an FDA access data file of a report by Eli Lilly on prozac which says these were observed in clinical trials: "Special Senses — Frequent: ear pain, taste perversion, tinnitus;"

It's still possible that your tinnitus could ease once you've reduced or stopped taking Prozac. And if you do need to take an AD, perhaps another type may be gentler on the ears.

 

[all to gain]

It's still possible that your tinnitus could ease once you've reduced or stopped taking Prozac. And if you do need to take an AD, perhaps another type may be gentler on the ears.

If I came off an AD now I would never go onto another one. I would have to find other strategies to 'cope'.

How I hate the word 'cope'!!!

 

[PeteJ]

I want to do it in the next day or two.

I want to choose helium but I don't have money to buy it. I don't have money to buy a rope.

I don't need money to jump off a building. If it's high enough, I should die from the fall.

 

[HootOwl]

I want to do it in the next day or two.

I want to choose helium but I don't have money to buy it. I don't have money to buy a rope.

I don't need money to jump off a building. If it's high enough, I should die from the fall.

Please Pete, hang in there. I know it's hard. Believe me, I have severe reactive T and horrible sound distortion in all outside and most internal environments. My only reprieve is a quiet room with music, but essentially I am for all intents and purposes bedbound. I'm trying to get out on my balcony little by little, and try to listen for the birds through the white noise and whistling distortion of the far off traffic but it's devastating all the same.

But each day we crawl closer to a cure. I know that we will see that, or at the very least effective treatments in our lifetime. Please, please just keep going. I know you use this thread as a cathartic release for all of your pain, but many of us understand at a visceral level what you are going through and you are not alone in your suffering.

Have you messaged linerab about that book? I'm convinced that your ear pain is treatable with the right regiment.

 

[PeteJ]

She does not have anxiety and doesn't panic so she habituates fast. She's not constantly hearing it at loud level.

But yeah she's way calmer than me. It's my first spike in forever and it's been only 8 days and I'm already in doom scenarios.

Please Pete, hang in there. I know it's hard. Believe me, I have severe reactive T and horrible sound distortion in all outside and most internal environments. My only reprieve is a quiet room with music, but essentially I am for all intents and purposes bedbound. I'm trying to get out on my balcony little by little, and try to listen for the birds through the white noise and whistling distortion of the far off traffic but it's devastating all the same.

But each day we crawl closer to a cure. I know that we will see that, or at the very least effective treatments in our lifetime. Please, please just keep going. I know you use this thread as a cathartic release for all of your pain, but many of us understand at a visceral level what you are going through and you are not alone in your suffering.

Have you messaged linerab about that book? I'm convinced that your ear pain is treatable with the right regiment.

I don't want to "hang in there."

You don't understand. I have severe ear pain right now. Out of nowhere and the tinnitus is loud. I am holding my hand to my left ear as I type this. The pain is inhumane.

I want to die. I tried joining a suicide site. I am willing to jump off a building. I have to decide which one.

Also fighting with a sibling about money. I don't want to endure this anymore. The only thing stopping me is fear of being crippled or a brain injury. I think if I go up enough stories I might succeed but I wanted a less risky method but I need money for those.

 

[acute]

I will simply kill myself if this does not improve. I don't care anymore, I just accepted my destiny. This is what life wanted to happen to me. I don't know why but I am living what I am living. It doesn't matter. I will never have a joyful youth. It doesn't matter. I just accepted this is what happened to me. This is what is happening. It has been a short life but no problem. I have accepted it. I will end my own suffering when the time comes. I will try to end this with all my strength. I think the most effective thing will be to jump over a bridge near here. I know what bridge, many people commited suicide there in the past. I already went to take a look. You have to have courage, who will win? The stupid survival instinct or the need to stop suffering and the desire to turn off the tinnitus forever?

 

[PeteJ]

My family member can inherit my car.

I wish I could have arranged for someone to take my dog. But, I can't wait any longer.

 

[joe e]

You have to have courage, who will win? The stupid survival instinct or the need to stop suffering and the desire to turn off the tinnitus forever?

I so wish sufferers like us could find peace.
I keep losing to the survival instinct and suffer immeasurably for it.
May I ask, how is your sleep, as I am suffering near total insomnia.

 

[PeteJ]

My ear bone and the muscle there(?) is in so much pain. Just immediately under the ear. Why can't anyone figure it out? Why do I have to live in this agony? This is is inhumane. Euthanasia should be allowed for this. Even assisted suicide. I think there is a place in Switzerland? Why only one country? This is cruel.

 

[acute]

I so wish sufferers like us could find peace.
I keep losing to the survival instinct and suffer immeasurably for it.
May I ask, how is your sleep, as I am suffering near total insomnia.

I take near two pills in order to put me sleep. But I wake up 4 hours later in the middle of the night. It's awful. I'm a fucking sleepless junkie and I couldn't care less.

I'm so sorry for your suffering...

 

[Juan]

I take near two pills in order to put me sleep. But I wake up 4 hours later in the middle of the night. It's awful. I'm a fucking sleepless junkie and I couldn't care less.

I'm so sorry for your suffering...

Pills for sleeping.. that's a bad idea. Try exercise, infusions, stuff like that… natural things.

 

[acute]

Pills for sleeping.. that's a bad idea. Try exercise, infusions, stuff like that… natural things.

Actually, EVERYTHING is a bad idea if you have tinnitus

 

[PeteJ]

Actually, EVERYTHING is a bad idea if you have tinnitus

How long have you had tinnitus? Do you use a fan or white/pink noise machine? Or an app on your phone?

Aps don't help me anymore and my fan doesn't help but it's a noise in the background besides the tinnitus.

I wish I didn't have to use it but my tinnitus is too loud. I get crappy sleep but I think your sleep will improve. I talk from experience. I get crappy sleep and crappy sleep but yours should improve from 4 hrs. The other guy is correct. If you are able to exercise like jogging or running, try? I wish I could.

I am sometimes up til 4am. The worst part about this is the poor quality of sleep. Besides duration, quality of sleep is also important.