Suicidal

[Chinmoku]

So you are 1/2 way there. You have already "externalized" the sound - this takes people a long time.

Here you touched on something. My tinnitus sounds totally internal and I think that contributes to make it unbearable. How do you externalize it?

 

[acute]

I wish I could die of COVID-19. I would go for it. Too bad a young person is highly unlikely to die from it.

Everything is better than this torture.

 

[DaveFromChicago]

To Acute:

Do you think that more attention would be paid to Tinnitus Treatment if I wrote to our Chicago Tribune.
Op Ed Department and requested (in the style of Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal") a method for contracting COVID-19 as a means of ending this Unprecedented Gulag of Misery?
In that case, would I just be regarded as an egregious nut, placed in a Mental Hospital, and cornered by an Apostle of JCH or Jastreboff?

Now I would truly be entrapped in Dante's Descending Rings of Hell.

Incidentally, the scimitar that continues to lop off major portions of my 401k because of the imploding Stock Market means that affording Lenire (if it ever comes to the USA) is out of the question.

 

[dan]

Here you touched on something. My tinnitus sounds totally internal and I think that contributes to make it unbearable. How do you externalize it?

It's a natural process, as per habituation.

 

[MrCrybaby]

Even tinnitus associations which actually should speak in the interest of tinnitus sufferers downplay this condition. But I have no idea how to change that.

Right now we actually have the unique (and limited time!) opportunity to demand change ourselves. The NIDCD (US body that funds studies on hearing) had a change in leadership and is accepting feedback. Even non US citizens can participate. I feel that the people on this thread in particular need their voices heard.

It's as simple as copying and pasting, see here for instructions: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...-—-our-input-for-nidcds-strategic-plan.40065/

 

[dan]

I wish I could die of COVID-19. I would go for it. Too bad a young person is highly unlikely to die from it.

Everything is better than this torture.

What does your sound like?
Can you hear it over the shower?

 

[PeteJ]

Trobalt, but it turn your skin turns blue and might stop your heart.

How do you get it? I think I read on here that it's difficult to get.

 

[PeteJ]

Have you tried Amitriptyline? Some people report it takes the edge off. Although others report it worsening their T or giving it to them in the first place. Yours is already off the charts though, so I can't see it hurting any more. I've been taking 25mg off and on mainly for the sedative calming effects. It hasn't effected my T in any way. At higher doses it's supposed to help with pain after a few weeks.

The opiates might help ear pain depending on dose, but ya, good luck ever getting a script for them.

Tried it. I have posts on here asking others about it. It didn't seem to help and a nurse practitioner told me to increase the dosage. I forget how long I took it but it was a very low (i.e. starting) dosage.

I suppose it's possible I didn't take it long enough but how long does it take to have an effect if any?

 

[PeteJ]

So you are 1/2 way there. You have already "externalized" the sound - this takes people a long time.

Now just think of it as a non-threatening external sound, i.e. a loud fridge or traffic noise, or imagine yourself on a flight. It gets easier over time and you might even tune it completely out some day (although I can't help you with how that feels like) it's been known to happen...

It's way too loud. Did you understand what I meant? When it's so loud, it seems inside and outside, several high pitched tones, I don't know how anyone could get used to it. Besides the volume, the worst thing is that it doesn't fluctuate much. It's constantly like what I described. I don't have enjoyment doing anything. It's constant torture. Do researchers even study tinnitus this loud?

 

[Tweedleman]

Tried it. I have posts on here asking others about it. It didn't seem to help and a nurse practitioner told me to increase the dosage. I forget how long I took it but it was a very low (i.e. starting) dosage.

I suppose it's possible I didn't take it long enough but how long does it take to have an effect if any?

I think you'd need a higher dose like at least 50 or 100mg for the pain relief to kick in, and give it like 4-6 weeks. I just take the 25mg for the immediate sedative effects.

 

[linearb]

It's way too loud. Did you understand what I meant? When it's so loud, it seems inside and outside, several high pitched tones, I don't know how anyone could get used to it. Besides the volume, the worst thing is that it doesn't fluctuate much. It's constantly like what I described. I don't have enjoyment doing anything. It's constant torture. Do researchers even study tinnitus this loud?

You just described, nearly exactly, my experience of life from 2010 - 2016.

I am truly sorry this is so horrible for you.

Yes, researchers study tinnitus of all volumes. This is how we have learned fascinating things like "tinnitus distress is associated with gray matter deficits in the right anterior insula, and this is connected to other regions which relate to volume, but the two things seem to be modulated separately by attentional processes" and "people with a physiologically larger amygdala tend to experience more severe distress states, and the size of the amygdala actually changes fairly rapidly based on brain state and can be "shrunk" fairly effectively with simple meditation (https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11682-018-9826-z plus several other studies I could show you since this isn't even the one I was thinking of).

When it is "inside and outside" and unrelenting, I believe you are correct, you do not "get used to it". My strategy was to put one foot in front of the other over and over again, and resist the urge to kill myself or anyone else.

As examples of how fucked up I was:

Here is me trying to buy some obviously super-scammy "experimental device" from someone in 2014: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...around-quantum-biology.5670/page-2#post-61263

Here is me trying Potiga and getting burned by it, a drug I believed to be extremely dangerous: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/retigabine-trobalt-potiga-—-general-discussion.5074/page-190#post-133335

Here is me in 2015 talking about taking experimental drugs sourced from very sketchy places: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/experimental-nootropic-fasoracetam.8941/#post-116463

Note that all that shit was from the end of my dark period. I wasn't even posting on here when things were really bad, but I could go find you some posts from another forum that really show how f'd up I was, building faraday cages around my bed, coming home from work early to cry, experimenting with cutting myself with knives for the first time since I was a little NIN-listening wannabe badass. All these things, and more.

edit: @PeteJ I will also point out that there are a couple sort of obscure benzodiazepines which are not used outside of Asia, and can generally be imported for personal use completely legally. Obviously without insurance there is some cost associated, and given that I think benzos are some of the most dangerous drugs in the world I feel awkward pointing this out. But, I know you have really struggled to find good medical treatment, and also I know that even with all the hell they have caused me, benzos are a big part of my quality of life now and I feel no shame about that, it is what it is.

 

[dan]

How do you get it? I think I read on here that it's difficult to get.

They sell it OTC in Spain...

 

[dan]

It's way too loud. Did you understand what I meant? When it's so loud, it seems inside and outside, several high pitched tones, I don't know how anyone could get used to it. Besides the volume, the worst thing is that it doesn't fluctuate much. It's constantly like what I described. I don't have enjoyment doing anything. It's constant torture. Do researchers even study tinnitus this loud?

Yeah I have that... plus loud medium pitched tones... an orchestra.
When sitting in a silent room, it's like I'm in a noisy restaurant loud.

 

[dan]

You just described, nearly exactly, my experience of life from 2010 - 2016.

I am truly sorry this is so horrible for you.

Yes, researchers study tinnitus of all volumes. This is how we have learned fascinating things like "tinnitus distress is associated with gray matter deficits in the right anterior insula, and this is connected to other regions which relate to volume, but the two things seem to be modulated separately by attentional processes" and "people with a physiologically larger amygdala tend to experience more severe distress states, and the size of the amygdala actually changes fairly rapidly based on brain state and can be "shrunk" fairly effectively with simple meditation (https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11682-018-9826-z plus several other studies I could show you since this isn't even the one I was thinking of).

When it is "inside and outside" and unrelenting, I believe you are correct, you do not "get used to it". My strategy was to put one foot in front of the other over and over again, and resist the urge to kill myself or anyone else.

As examples of how fucked up I was:

Here is me trying to buy some obviously super-scammy "experimental device" from someone in 2014: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...around-quantum-biology.5670/page-2#post-61263

Here is me trying Potiga and getting burned by it, a drug I believed to be extremely dangerous: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/retigabine-trobalt-potiga-—-general-discussion.5074/page-190#post-133335

Here is me in 2015 talking about taking experimental drugs sourced from very sketchy places: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/experimental-nootropic-fasoracetam.8941/#post-116463

Note that all that shit was from the end of my dark period. I wasn't even posting on here when things were really bad, but I could go find you some posts from another forum that really show how f'd up I was, building faraday cages around my bed, coming home from work early to cry, experimenting with cutting myself with knives for the first time since I was a little NIN-listening wannabe badass. All these things, and more.

edit: @PeteJ I will also point out that there are a couple sort of obscure benzodiazepines which are not used outside of Asia, and can generally be imported for personal use completely legally. Obviously without insurance there is some cost associated, and given that I think benzos are some of the most dangerous drugs in the world I feel awkward pointing this out. But, I know you have really struggled to find good medical treatment, and also I know that even with all the hell they have caused me, benzos are a big part of my quality of life now and I feel no shame about that, it is what it is.

So how did your tinnitus improve? Did you do stem cells or something?

 

[Greg Sacramento]

My tinnitus sounds totally internal

@Chinmoku Have you had blood work for immunity to determine a viral infection? The development of a cold from a sinus infection or Eustachian tube malfunction can cause inflammation of the mucous glands, middle ear pressure and if not treated - internal sounds. Tinnitus from this can improve or get resolved in time.

 

[Chinmoku]

@Chinmoku Have you had blood work for immunity to determine a viral infection? The development of a cold from a sinus infection or Eustachian tube malfunction can cause inflammation of the mucous glands, middle ear pressure and if not treated - internal sounds. Tinnitus from this can improve or get resolved in time.

@Greg Sacramento, in fact one of the blood tests had positive otoblot antigen results. This would be potentially associated with autoimmune ear disease. We tried antiviral and steroid medication to no avail. Of the three specialist I saw one prescribed the medications, while the other two said that the stability of my hearing seemed to exclude autoimmune ear disease. My eustachian tubes were observed with a camera and were found clean.

 

[linearb]

I just remembered Pete has me blocked and will read none of that

hopefully someone finds it useful.

 

[GregCA]

tinnitus is bent hairs in your inner ear. Caused over time by loud noise. No cure. My doctor examined my right ear and told me I have a few bent hairs.

I think the bent hairs s/he saw through the otoscope weren't from your inner ear...

 

[xyz]

Trobalt, but it turn your skin turns blue and might stop your heart.

I just read the reformulated Trobalt is now in the preclinical test phase

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...-research-center-pittsburgh-university.33271/

Hopefully it does not have the same side effects as Trobalt.

 

[PeteJ]

I just remembered Pete has me blocked and will read none of that

hopefully someone finds it useful.

I don't have you blocked.

But, it might take me a while for a direct reply. My left ear is in a lot of pain again. It was much better for several days until today. I think it was a noise but not certain what. I think it was a noise inside my apartment. It is so frustrating when normal sounds can produce pain in my ear but I don't know what noise it will be. Applying ice isn't helping much.

 

[PeteJ]

If you get pain in and/or around your ear, how long does it last for you?

Is this pain hyperacusis? My pain lasts any amount of time from a few days to what seems like a week or weeks. Left ear 99% of the time and pain is in the ear canal area but also goes elsewhere in the ear area especially just below and behind where the bone is - temporal bone, maybe?

I am posting this but it's harder to concentrate. It's bad enough from the loud tinnitus. I am just sick and tired of the pain coming all the time and is the only thing I have some control over and yet, I really don't.

 

[serendipity1996]

I just read the reformulated Trobalt is now in the preclinical test phase

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...-research-center-pittsburgh-university.33271/

Hopefully it does not have the same side effects as Trobalt.

I'm pretty sure this company has also made efforts to redesign Trobalt - they have a number of drugs in clinical trials and also pre-clinical development. https://www.xenon-pharma.com/product-pipeline/

 

[dan]

If you get pain in and/or around your ear, how long does it last for you?

Is this pain hyperacusis? My pain lasts any amount of time from a few days to what seems like a week or weeks. Left ear 99% of the time and pain is in the ear canal area but also goes elsewhere in the ear area especially just below and behind where the bone is - temporal bone, maybe?

I am posting this but it's harder to concentrate. It's bad enough from the loud tinnitus. I am just sick and tired of the pain coming all the time and is the only thing I have some control over and yet, I really don't.

Yes, pain hyperacusis, I get that too from any unexpected jarring noise.

 

[Orions Pain]

Each time I have a good day, I'm reminded of my limitations. Tinnitus & hyperacusis are absolute torture. Being in discomfort 24/7, living in fear of any sort of noise making it worse, the feelings of isolation, and absolutely no help from doctors nor support from family with friends. I can't believe something like this exists. This is inhumane.

 

[Contrast]

Each time I have a good day, I'm reminded of my limitations. Tinnitus & hyperacusis are absolute torture. Being in discomfort 24/7, living in fear of any sort of noise making it worse, the feelings of isolation, and absolutely no help from doctors nor support from family with friends. I can't believe something like this exists. This is inhumane.

Welcome to reality where tons of horrifying diseases get buried in the attic and thrown under the rug.

 

[PeteJ]

Yes, pain hyperacusis, I get that too from any unexpected jarring noise.

When? When does the pain start? For how long?

 

[linearb]

But, it might take me a while for a direct reply. My left ear is in a lot of pain again.

I am very sorry to hear that

If you get pain in and/or around your ear, how long does it last for you?

Is this pain hyperacusis? My pain lasts any amount of time from a few days to what seems like a week or weeks. Left ear 99% of the time and pain is in the ear canal area but also goes elsewhere in the ear area especially just below and behind where the bone is - temporal bone, maybe?

I get pain like this, sometimes quite debilitating. It's usually a constant dull pain, with shooting pain tthat can make me wince, and often my hearing seems "muffled".

For me sleeping with s ($1700 lol America) bit splint has made a HUGE difference.

Is your pain in direct response to noise? If so, that sounds like hyperacusis. If not, it sounds like TMJ pain, which can be debilitating all by itself. (When my TMJ was worse, my jaw would painfully dislocate sometimes, sending intense pain and ringing to the ear on that side)

 

[Orions Pain]

There's a huge difference between living and just being alive. Not sure how much longer I'll be doing the latter

 

[RishRamsey]

You just described, nearly exactly, my experience of life from 2010 - 2016.

I am truly sorry this is so horrible for you.

Yes, researchers study tinnitus of all volumes. This is how we have learned fascinating things like "tinnitus distress is associated with gray matter deficits in the right anterior insula, and this is connected to other regions which relate to volume, but the two things seem to be modulated separately by attentional processes" and "people with a physiologically larger amygdala tend to experience more severe distress states, and the size of the amygdala actually changes fairly rapidly based on brain state and can be "shrunk" fairly effectively with simple meditation (https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11682-018-9826-z plus several other studies I could show you since this isn't even the one I was thinking of).

When it is "inside and outside" and unrelenting, I believe you are correct, you do not "get used to it". My strategy was to put one foot in front of the other over and over again, and resist the urge to kill myself or anyone else.

As examples of how fucked up I was:

Here is me trying to buy some obviously super-scammy "experimental device" from someone in 2014: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...around-quantum-biology.5670/page-2#post-61263

Here is me trying Potiga and getting burned by it, a drug I believed to be extremely dangerous: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/retigabine-trobalt-potiga-—-general-discussion.5074/page-190#post-133335

Here is me in 2015 talking about taking experimental drugs sourced from very sketchy places: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/experimental-nootropic-fasoracetam.8941/#post-116463

Note that all that shit was from the end of my dark period. I wasn't even posting on here when things were really bad, but I could go find you some posts from another forum that really show how f'd up I was, building faraday cages around my bed, coming home from work early to cry, experimenting with cutting myself with knives for the first time since I was a little NIN-listening wannabe badass. All these things, and more.

edit: @PeteJ I will also point out that there are a couple sort of obscure benzodiazepines which are not used outside of Asia, and can generally be imported for personal use completely legally. Obviously without insurance there is some cost associated, and given that I think benzos are some of the most dangerous drugs in the world I feel awkward pointing this out. But, I know you have really struggled to find good medical treatment, and also I know that even with all the hell they have caused me, benzos are a big part of my quality of life now and I feel no shame about that, it is what it is.

Is it possible to import benzos from Asia, to somewhere in Asia? It's because my government has put these drugs under price control and all the drug manufacturers have made a cartel and stopped producing it. My stupid government just puts the drugs under price control without ensuring the future availability of drugs.

These are essential drugs and that's why they are put under price control.

 

[RishRamsey]

There's a huge difference between living and just being alive. Not sure how much longer I'll be doing the latter

Are you still going to your job? That's one of the very very few things that keeps me going - while I know that going out in traffic is only going to worsen me, I can't really stop doing my job.
But today it's really getting me down, haven't removed my ear muffs all day today in home