Suicidal

[PeteJ]

I notice a lot of young people here.

I honestly think I am worse off but I don't mean to offend those people. But, my reasoning is this: my ears were exposed to way more loud noises over a longer period of time. My ears suffered more damage and healing ability is less with more damage because I am older. That is my logic.

But, then I think my ears were normal at 20, 25, 30, etc. These young people here have tinnitus already. What was different? Genetics? Young people wear headphones too often and maybe listen at too loud a volume. Maybe noise pollution is just worse and louder. I dunno.

I think this condition is the worst there is and it's depressing to live like this. I don't want to imagine what a young person has to go through. I never heard of anyone who had this when I was young. I think it's hopeless when you consider that there is no treatment and only speculation when some miracle revolutionary treatment from research will arrive. I can't believe I have this - I ask this hopeless, useless question every day. I wish I protected and preserved my ears, whatever that means. Why is it frowned upon when you say you want the suffering to end, by whatever means necessary?

 

[Tweedleman]

I think this condition is the worst there is and it's depressing to live like this. I don't want to imagine what a young person has to go through. I never heard of anyone who had this when I was young. I think it's hopeless when you consider that there is no treatment and only speculation when some miracle revolutionary treatment from research will arrive.

And this is why we are right here in this thread with you.

 

[Orions Pain]

I notice a lot of young people here.

I honestly think I am worse off but I don't mean to offend those people. But, my reasoning is this: my ears were exposed to way more loud noises over a longer period of time. My ears suffered more damage and healing ability is less with more damage because I am older. That is my logic.

But, then I think my ears were normal at 20, 25, 30, etc. These young people here have tinnitus already. What was different? Genetics? Young people wear headphones too often and maybe listen at too loud a volume. Maybe noise pollution is just worse and louder. I dunno.

I think this condition is the worst there is and it's depressing to live like this. I don't want to imagine what a young person has to go through. I never heard of anyone who had this when I was young. I think it's hopeless when you consider that there is no treatment and only speculation when some miracle revolutionary treatment from research will arrive. I can't believe I have this - I ask this hopeless, useless question every day. I wish I protected and preserved my ears, whatever that means. Why is it frowned upon when you say you want the suffering to end, by whatever means necessary?

When I think about my age and the condition that my ears are in I literally just want to die. That is the worst part for me, my life was just starting, and now I'm just stuck in this nightmare state. I try REALLY hard not to think about this though. That's my short term goal, just to get through each day as best as I can. Life isn't very enjoyable for me right now, but I'm trying

 

[Tweedleman]

@PeteJ what happens to your tinnitus when you drink alcohol? Contrary to conventional wisdom, it's literally the only thing I've come across that has had any sort of positive effect on my tinnitus perception. I wouldn't go so far as to say it turns down the volume, but it seems to slightly dull the tones for me.

 

[PeteJ]

@PeteJ what happens to your tinnitus when you drink alcohol? Contrary to conventional wisdom, it's literally the only thing I've come across that has had any sort of positive effect on my tinnitus perception. I wouldn't go so far as to say it turns down the volume, but it seems to slightly dull the tones for me.

Nothing really. At least, it doesn't spike it or anything either.

 

[PeteJ]

When I think about my age and the condition that my ears are in I literally just want to die. That is the worst part for me, my life was just starting, and now I'm just stuck in this nightmare state. I try REALLY hard not to think about this though. That's my short term goal, just to get through each day as best as I can. Life isn't very enjoyable for me right now, but I'm trying

How old are you? There seems to be a lot of young females on here. Quite a few left. I can only assume their condition is mild but the ones who still post express themselves and describe their symptoms as hell. I don't understand how a young person can get it so severe at your age(s). I regretfully went to some concerts, was around noisy shops and worked in places I didn't want to be - wish I could change all that. I think all of them led to my tinnitus and hyperacusis. I am speculating but I don't have any other explanation. I only used headphones recently, about a year before the tinnitus onset and only sometimes.

Do you people expose themselves to loud(er) noise/sounds for longer periods of time? I am sorry you have to through this and this info should be sent to the respective governments. Society should know this exists and I am specifically referring to severe cases.

 

[linearb]

How old are you? There seems to be a lot of young females on here. Quite a few left. I can only assume their condition is mild

Why would you assume that, at all? There's a pretty well known subdemographic of tinnitus sufferers who tend to be women who notice onset at an early age and then have a progressive worsening, seemingly despite any ongoing hearing loss. I have read a bunch about this over the years.

Very respectfully, I think we should all be careful judging the situations of others. We're all in some kind of shitty situation or we wouldn't be here.

My sister mentioned in passing to me that since having shingles recently, her hearing is still down 30% in that ear, to practically nothing, and she has what she describes as "a loud, blaring constant tone" there. She didn't bring this up until like 40 minutes into our conversation, and barely seemed bothered by it -- but, i guess when you've had serious health problems and periods of being bedridden on and off for 2 decades, your sense of "this is fine!" changes a lot

 

[Agrajag364]

Look up MGTOW.

Both men and women dump their partners due to ill health, seems to be a fact of life.

 

[Orions Pain]

How old are you? There seems to be a lot of young females on here. Quite a few left. I can only assume their condition is mild but the ones who still post express themselves and describe their symptoms as hell. I don't understand how a young person can get it so severe at your age(s). I regretfully went to some concerts, was around noisy shops and worked in places I didn't want to be - wish I could change all that. I think all of them led to my tinnitus and hyperacusis. I am speculating but I don't have any other explanation. I only used headphones recently, about a year before the tinnitus onset and only sometimes.

Do you people expose themselves to loud(er) noise/sounds for longer periods of time? I am sorry you have to through this and this info should be sent to the respective governments. Society should know this exists and I am specifically referring to severe cases.

I'm 26. I've been going to concerts since I was 17 or so. I definitely exposed my ears to a fair share of noise through college and post grad but nothing the average person didn't do.

Ultimately what led to my tinnitus & hyperacusis was just that I went to too many concerts within a short period of time. Starting end of September - November I went to 4 total, two of them were only 4 days apart. I can recall feeling discomfort at that 2nd one, but I didn't know about tinnitus/hyperacusis so I stayed (I'm sure drinking helped). I've never experienced Tinnitus after a concert and not a single person I know wear ear plugs, I honestly didn't even know that was a thing.

I went on a trip two weeks later and we did a halloween bar crawl and the bars were all BLASTING music. Again I was drinking so probably didn't realize how bad it actually was. I also had a terrible cold that weekend so I'm sure flying with that only added to my problems.

I also used headphones a lot. At work, at the gym, at home. I have 3 housemates and very noisy upstairs neighbors so often I'd spend 4-5 hours or even more with my noise cancelling headphones on, daily, to watch stuff on my computer so I didn't have to hear the bangs and booms from my neighbor's TV.

I hate even thinking about all of this because it makes me SO depressed. I really do hate myself for all of this. I wish I had never gotten so into music and had other hobbies. Looking back on all of this actually makes me nauseous and sick to my stomach.

 

[Orions Pain]

Did you get an extended audiogram all the way up to 16kHz? Speech in noise testing? With noise-induced tinnitus you should be able to find something at least. Is your tinnitus mainly in one ear?

I have it in both. My hyperacusis is worse than my tinnitus. And no, they only did the standard one. I'm not sure how to go about getting a 16kHz audiogram.

 

[Bartoli]

I have it in both. My hyperacusis is worse than my tinnitus. And no, they only did the standard one. I'm not sure how to go about getting a 16kHz audiogram.

I just asked at my appointment. It's standard procedure for e.g. people on certain cancer drugs like cisplatin. So they probably have the setup right there in the soundproof room. I had to put on a different pair of headphones. It gave me some evidence on hearing loss around my tinnitus frequency. My normal audiogram was ok.
If you would go and get tested, it's really just for some peace of mind as they can't do anything about very high frequency loss.

 

[FGG]

I just asked at my appointment. It's standard procedure for e.g. people on certain cancer drugs like cisplatin. So they probably have the setup right there in the soundproof room. I had to put on a different pair of headphones. It gave me some evidence on hearing loss around my tinnitus frequency. My normal audiogram was ok.
If you would go and get tested, it's really just for some peace of mind as they can't do anything about very high frequency loss.

@Orions Pain, university audiologists are more likely to have this in the US. Also, unless I am mistaken, I have gathered you are in a similar geographic location as @HootOwl so maybe she can direct you since she has had it done locally.

 

[Bartoli]

@Orions Pain, university audiologists are more likely to have this in the US. Also, unless I am mistaken, I have gathered you are in a similar geographic location as @HootOwl so maybe she can direct you since she has had it done locally.

@Orions Pain I didn't consider you might've gone to a private audiologist instead of a university hospital, so @FGG neatly addressed that. Again, they cannot do much about it. If you're looking for some closure or just want to know if you might benefit from future regenerative treatments then you might check it out. I must add I stopped the test in my worst tinnitus ear at 14kHz. I didn't hear anything up to 50 dB. I found the 55dB tone so loud and piercing (even though only 5dB over sensory level) that I almost yanked off the headset.

 

[Orions Pain]

@Orions Pain, university audiologists are more likely to have this in the US. Also, unless I am mistaken, I have gathered you are in a similar geographic location as @HootOwl so maybe she can direct you since she has had it done locally.

I have Kaiser which restricts my options (I can't pick and cohose where I go) so if I go to a university audiologist I'd likely have to pay out of pocket. My full bill for the first ENT/Audiologist was $800 (about $400 for each specialist - pre insurance) so at the moment that's just not feasible.

I'm also out of work for at least 3 weeks unpaid due to the coronavirus and might be out of a job when our Shelter Ban is uplifted due to the industry I'm in.

 

[Orions Pain]

@Orions Pain I didn't consider you might've gone to a private audiologist instead of a university hospital, so @FGG neatly addressed that. Again, they cannot do much about it. If you're looking for some closure or just want to know if you might benefit from future regenerative treatments then you might check it out. I must add I stopped the test in my worst tinnitus ear at 14kHz. I didn't hear anything up to 50 dB. I found the 55dB tone so loud and piercing (even though only 5dB over sensory level) that I almost yanked off the headset.

Next time I go to an audiologist I'll see if the equipment they have has the capacity to test for this. It would be nice to have some closure. I do believe I have some hearing loss because on days when I am able to listen to music it sounds less dynamic than it used to. Like certain bits are missing.

 

[Orions Pain]

I just asked at my appointment. It's standard procedure for e.g. people on certain cancer drugs like cisplatin. So they probably have the setup right there in the soundproof room. I had to put on a different pair of headphones. It gave me some evidence on hearing loss around my tinnitus frequency. My normal audiogram was ok.
If you would go and get tested, it's really just for some peace of mind as they can't do anything about very high frequency loss.

My tinnitus isn't really the tonal kind. It sounds like static/sand waterfall/hissing. If I put in ear plugs the Morse code beeping in my ear ramps up to a tone but it's really hard to figure out the frequency since it only ramps up to a tone when I have ear plugs in.

 

[HootOwl]

I have Kaiser which restricts my options (I can't pick and cohose where I go) so if I go to a university audiologist I'd likely have to pay out of pocket. My full bill for the first ENT/Audiologist was $800 (about $400 for each specialist - pre insurance) so at the moment that's just not feasible.

I'm also out of work for at least 3 weeks unpaid due to the coronavirus and might be out of a job when our Shelter Ban is uplifted due to the industry I'm in.

The place I went to can do it for $150 (without insurance). Up to 20kHz. Are you located in Southern California?

 

[Bartoli]

My tinnitus isn't really the tonal kind. It sounds like static/sand waterfall/hissing. If I put in ear plugs the Morse code beeping in my ear ramps up to a tone but it's really hard to figure out the frequency since it only ramps up to a tone when I have ear plugs in.

Mine is also a narrowband noise. It sounds a bit like sand falling on a glass plate or air leaking out of a tyre. Only a shower drowns it out in terms of volume, and even then I'm afraid to listen too intently for fear of hearing it in there.

 

[Orions Pain]

The place I went to can do it for $150 (without insurance). Up to 20kHz. Are you located in Southern California?

No I'm in the Bay Area! Maybe I'll call around - UCSF, Stanford, Berkeley, and see if any of them have more options. I think UCSF has a Hyperacusis/Tinnitus department.

 

[Orions Pain]

Mine is also a narrowband noise. It sounds a bit like sand falling on a glass plate or air leaking out of a tyre. Only a shower drowns it out in terms of volume, and even then I'm afraid to listen too intently for fear of hearing it in there.

Same for me. I think it just blends in with shower noise so it's harder to distinguish. I remember going to the beach and the sound of waves was so overwhelming because I couldn't figure out if it was my tinnitus or the sound of waves themselves :/

 

[Contrast]

i won't be here much longer, the meme making software is pretty much done. The evidence is going to be shipped to the State of Hawaii tomorrow.

 

[Contrast]

Also if anyone realizes when people take leaves of of work for health problems, it's not always expected for them to get better. They are expected to "manage and accept" their new gimped life. Medical litature on horrifying health problems literally EXPECTS resilience/tolerance to build up over time. That's fictional BS.

SSI literally admits to this being the case. The habituation paradigm goes way beyond tinnitus.

 

[GregCA]

No I'm in the Bay Area! Maybe I'll call around - UCSF, Stanford, Berkeley, and see if any of them have more options. I think UCSF has a Hyperacusis/Tinnitus department.

I did a high frequency audiogram at Kaiser. I think that was during the same session we were doing tinnitus volume/pitch match.

 

[Orions Pain]

I did a high frequency audiogram at Kaiser. I think that was during the same session we were doing tinnitus volume/pitch match.

Oh gotcha. When I saw my first Audiologist it was like 5 days into having hyperacusis/tinnitus so I knew absolutely nothing about it, didn't ask much. At this point I had Blue Cross but recently switched to Kaiser. I'll ask them next time I go.

 

[PeteJ]

I'm 26. I've been going to concerts since I was 17 or so. I definitely exposed my ears to a fair share of noise through college and post grad but nothing the average person didn't do.

Ultimately what led to my tinnitus & hyperacusis was just that I went to too many concerts within a short period of time. Starting end of September - November I went to 4 total, two of them were only 4 days apart. I can recall feeling discomfort at that 2nd one, but I didn't know about tinnitus/hyperacusis so I stayed (I'm sure drinking helped). I've never experienced Tinnitus after a concert and not a single person I know wear ear plugs, I honestly didn't even know that was a thing.

I went on a trip two weeks later and we did a halloween bar crawl and the bars were all BLASTING music. Again I was drinking so probably didn't realize how bad it actually was. I also had a terrible cold that weekend so I'm sure flying with that only added to my problems.

I also used headphones a lot. At work, at the gym, at home. I have 3 housemates and very noisy upstairs neighbors so often I'd spend 4-5 hours or even more with my noise cancelling headphones on, daily, to watch stuff on my computer so I didn't have to hear the bangs and booms from my neighbor's TV.

I hate even thinking about all of this because it makes me SO depressed. I really do hate myself for all of this. I wish I had never gotten so into music and had other hobbies. Looking back on all of this actually makes me nauseous and sick to my stomach.

I feel 100% the same as you do.

 

[PeteJ]

Why would you assume that, at all? There's a pretty well known subdemographic of tinnitus sufferers who tend to be women who notice onset at an early age and then have a progressive worsening, seemingly despite any ongoing hearing loss. I have read a bunch about this over the years.

Very respectfully, I think we should all be careful judging the situations of others. We're all in some kind of shitty situation or we wouldn't be here.

My sister mentioned in passing to me that since having shingles recently, her hearing is still down 30% in that ear, to practically nothing, and she has what she describes as "a loud, blaring constant tone" there. She didn't bring this up until like 40 minutes into our conversation, and barely seemed bothered by it -- but, i guess when you've had serious health problems and periods of being bedridden on and off for 2 decades, your sense of "this is fine!" changes a lot

I assume it's mild and they left the site or it's really bad and they offed themselves. You don't have to like or agree with my assumptions.

I also can't do any of the tests they're talking about and my ear is in pain practically all the time. Plus, I am older.

 

[PeteJ]

Yes, not fatal but it's every bit as life threatening in a different sense, just like you've pointed out. All hearing disorders and impairments are absolutely wretched on the spirit.

Hopefully researchers can eventually lead us to completely regenetating the inner ear so we can fix all of this horrible shit.

They're not close to doing anything. ENTs aren't even as good as witch doctors. They're fucking useless. Probably the worst medical profession there is.

 

[Tweedleman]

They're not close to doing anything.

Depends on your definition of close. Our first generation of regenerative medicine is on pace to be here in ~5 years. But I can understand that still feeling like a lifetime for a severe sufferer like you.

ENTs aren't even as good as witch doctors. They're fucking useless. Probably the worst medical profession there is.

The ENTs you speak of aren't the same people as the researchers developing regenerative medicine. Let's not conflate the two. ENTs may be the ones that will administer the treatments on the frontlines, but their profession has nothing to do with how far away researchers are from releasing their products. Although I do agree with you that ENTs are mostly useless when it comes to hearing problems. Researchers, however, are so far ahead of the game. They've got drugs in clinical trials to treat cochlear synaptopathy, a condition which hasn't even been naturalized into the ENTs diagnostic textbook.

 

[bobvann]

I feel like a coward when I see this:



Whining about drumming making my ears hurt. Goes to show *&&%$ tinnitus.

 

[Harley]

I feel like a coward when I see this:



Whining about drumming making my ears hurt. Goes to show *&&%$ tinnitus.

Your feelings of cowardice are completely misplaced and might be the result of of the victim shaming that tinnitus sufferers are all too familiar with.
What you have is likely the most horrid condition a human being can get, as we are not really designed for this type of torture.

That guy may not have his arm, but I bet you he can relax and sleep like a baby, where he wakes up refreshed the next day, ready to face any new challenges.

If he (or anyone else for that matter) had on average 2 hour sleep per night (if you can even call it that) due to screaming tinnitus every single day with no relief and no hope of getting better, I can guarantee you that he would not be sitting behind that drum set (or really doing much of anything).

I would gladly trade him my arm for my tinnitus.
I would even throw in a leg, if I had to.
Then I could spend the rest of my life in peace, reading, writing, socializing, enjoying beautiful sunsets, listening to music, or feeding ducks by the pond, without screeching metal factory inside my head wrecking all of it.
Not to mention collecting some form of disability would be quite easy, compared to Tinnitus, where you get none.

It's not cowardice you should be feeling.
Personally, I would feel envy (as I do feel often, when seeing visibly disabled people, knowing I would happily take their place in a heartbeat, in exchange for silence).