Suicidal

[GBB]

When did your tinnitus turn on?

It's been about 1.5 months. Although the tone has fluctuated somewhat the base layer, which is this hyper high pitched ringing and burning, has not changed. I truly wonder if this the final stage of my life - I am 28 years old and have struggled every single day since this happened.

The cause was microsuction followed by acoustic trauma.

At this point I would literally do anything to help reduce the volume/intensity. If COVID-19 wasn't going on I probably have booked a ticket to South Korea by now for PRP injections. Maybe I'll buy a laser. Nothing is off limits because I am truly fighting for my life.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Although the tone has fluctuated somewhat the base layer, which is this hyper high pitched ringing and burning, has not changed.

Is it the pitch or the volume (or both) that haven't changed? Have you been protecting your ears from all of the sounds that don't feel right to you?

It seems to me that there is still a reasonable chance that eventually your tinnitus will begin to fade. Wait until you are at least 3-4 months in before considering the possibility that your tinnitus might never fade.

I need meds to sleep

What have you been taking?

Have you tried sound masking?

have struggled every single day since this happened

Most people here, including me, had been feeling this way during the first 3-6 months after the onset. For many (possibly for the [vast???] majority, but I can't be 100% sure) it eventually fades and then end up in "can hear it only in a quiet room" stage. Habituation takes at least 2.5-3 years to begin setting in. After that time many people (whose tinnitus hasn't faded) feel better about their tinnitus.

 

[GBB]

Is it the pitch or the volume (or both) that haven't changed? Have you been protecting your ears from all of the sounds that don't feel right to you?

It seems to me that there is still a reasonable chance that eventually your tinnitus will begin to fade. Wait until you are at least 3-4 months in before considering the possibility that your tinnitus might never fade.

It's super high pitched. No change - I can't definitively say if the volume has changed as I have been on prednisone when it seemed to go up and then back down, and now nortriptyline and mirtazapine. The volume has never reached a level where I didn't struggle day to day.

I have been protecting. I haven't left the house in a week either out of fear. Loud noises seem to set it off even more.

 

[Bill Bauer]

It's super high pitched. No change - I can't definitively say if the volume has changed as I have been on prednisone when it seemed to go up and then back down, and now nortriptyline and mirtazapine. The volume has never reached a level where I didn't struggle day to day.

I have been protecting. I haven't left the house in a week either out of fear. Loud noises seem to set it off even more.

It might be the case that the more high pitched it is, the longer it takes for it to become a buzz or a hiss. Given that ears heal at a truly glacial pace, six weeks is nothing. Give it more time. A lot more time. Hang in there, there's still a chance that this will begin to slowly go away on its own.

You will want to make sure that you don't hurt your ears during this period of vulnerability as your body is healing. You will want to avoid taking ototoxic drugs, avoid microsuction or syringing (performed when you need to clean wax out of your ears; a manual tool should be used), and not let your dental hygienist use an ultrasonic scaling tool on you (a manual tool should be used). For more details, see

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...eone-else-who-has-tinnitus.26850/#post-307822

 

[GoatSheep]

It's super high pitched. No change - I can't definitively say if the volume has changed as I have been on prednisone when it seemed to go up and then back down, and now nortriptyline and mirtazapine. The volume has never reached a level where I didn't struggle day to day.

I have been protecting. I haven't left the house in a week either out of fear. Loud noises seem to set it off even more.

https://news.ohsu.edu/2017/08/22/study-suggests-serotonin-may-worsen-tinnitus

Plenty of different experiences on here, but personally serotonergic meds send my tinnitus through the roof. Like 10/10 catastrophic unmaskable tinnitus.

 

[Pero1234]

Did the level of your tinnitus go down at all? Every day is excruciating for me. I feel so numb and disassociated from myself. Without some reduction I will not be able to habituate, I am sure.

The volume went up and down in the first few months. The sound changed several times too... It was very volatile... and often became more intrusive after new exposure to noise or even after my state of mind deteriorated.

After about 6 months... the clear tone beep in my ear changed into a wooshing hiss that I can best describe as being in my head. Sometimes when stressed or after exposure to noise I hear the hissing with a faint tone on top, but the tone goes away after while.

I did get habituated, so now I can only hear the hiss in a quiet environment...

And even then, if I don't actively pay attention to it, my only emotional reaction to the sound is: "ah right, it's still there."

I reached this level of acceptance (or habituation if you will) only after a year. And with a few weeks of therapeutic help along the way... it was either acceptance or losing my mind. It took me time, but I'm glad I chose the first option in the end.

Hang in there!

ps: I agree with Bill Bauer on giving it time.

 

[dan]

For what reason?

So we know exactly what kind of monster tinnitus does this to a person and what he experienced...

 

[dan]

I read on here recently from regulars and mods too (?) urging people to speak out etc. etc. which I find is pointless. Am I the only one?

No one listens. If I explain my tinnitus, they say, "oh that sucks." Then they walk away. No one can help. But, no one listens anyway. I know that many here who have relatives and doctors that claim they care but they really don't do anything and barely listen.

Only the researchers listen and I assume, they somewhat understand?!? They should be the ones to inform the doctors because only someone with medical credentials can get it through a doctor's thick skull the seriousness and genuine pain of the condition. Even ENTs are useless and they don't listen or care either. Or do researchers listen and care? I was trying to believe in the only optimistic possibility.

You have to wait for the Dr. Tzounopoulos pill... 15x more potent than Retigabine... it has to do something.

How many hours of sleep do you get a night before the spike?

 

[PeteJ]

You have to wait for the Dr. Tzounopoulos pill... 15x more potent than Retigabine... it has to do something.

How many hours of sleep do you get a night before the spike?

What pill? Wait how long? For what?

It 'spikes' at night before I sleep. I guess this 'spike' happens anytime between 8 and 11. It's already bad. It's hard to explain. I guess I would say, it's 9 or 10/10 before and 11/10 afterwards.

What also makes it so bad, is I want to sleep so just laying in bed. I tried sleep aids, smartphone apps for tinnitus and music but nothing helped. My tinnitus is worse than when I tried those on a regular basis, too.

I don't know what else to say. I guess there is nothing.

 

[GBB]

Hey HootOwl

I know what you are talking about with distortion. I have it with high frequencies. I think the distortion is where we have lost hearing at specific Hz and our tinnitus comes through instead. It's very unnerving. My Dr called it clipping. I get a lot of that glassy sound with white noise too as a result. I am struggling with the thought of living like this for the rest of my life. I also have reactive tinnitus too. You're not the only one suffering these conditions even though it feels that way. I wish there was something to be optimistic about but it's hard seeing it. I don't see how there's a future where FX-322 solves all these problems. I'm left with a very empty feeling and not knowing what to do.

I had a good day yesterday and today is so hard. I don't know if anyone else has said this before, but I feel like it is chewing at me on an unconscious level. My ideation is not depression driven - on my good days I feel great, but on my bad days I feel like I'm terrified and it's out of my control. This is what really scares me - it is not something I think about or pre-meditate - I feel like I have this almost impossible to resist allure to go do something... I'm not sure what's going on with me but I feel like I am having a psychotic break.

Has anyone else ever felt like their noise is breaking their brain down? Mine is so high pitched and scratchy, I feel like it is destroying my brain... I don't feel normal, I have tremors and agitation and fits.

Prior to this I have NEVER had psychological issues. Now I feel like I'm going to end up in a psych ward.

 

[Backpacker]

It 'spikes' at night before I sleep. I guess this 'spike' happens anytime between 8 and 11.

Does it happen even if you are sitting or only if you lie down?

I want to sleep so just laying in bed.

Again, does it spike regardless of your position?
And did you try to sleep with your head elevated (two pillows or folding some blankets or whatever) and if you did, does it help at all or not?

 

[Michael01]

Actually recently I did seriously think about doing such a thing, and went to a 2-hour bash bashing expedition to find the ideal place, as well as trying to escape the insidious noise that was really getting to me at the point. It's not so bad now, but if I ever need it the options is always there, as I found a location that had about a 1000ft straight drop in a nearby gorge.

 

[dan]

What pill? Wait how long? For what?

RL-81.

 

[PeteJ]

Actually recently I did seriously think about doing such a thing, and went to a 2-hour bash bashing expedition to find the ideal place, as well as trying to escape the insidious noise that was really getting to me at the point. It's not so bad now, but if I ever need it the options is always there, as I found a location that had about a 1000ft straight drop in a nearby gorge.

I sure understand that.

Several months ago, I started taking longer walks by myself and I passed a wooded area with a lot of trees. Several big trees, I forget if they were oak but I wondered if I could hang myself there.

 

[PeteJ]

Does it happen even if you are sitting or only if you lie down?

Again, does it spike regardless of your position?
And did you try to sleep with your head elevated (two pillows or folding some blankets or whatever) and if you did, does it help at all or not?

I am sitting down and it's pretty bad.

When I took my dog out for a walk, I passed a lot of noisy areas though. Maybe I need to compare to a quieter evening? It's hopeless though. I carry ear plugs with me but I don't want to wear them all the time! When the plugs are in my ears, there's no background noise at all so I am tortured by loud tinnitus tones. It's bad enough being outside, normally. But, at least, nature often has some noise that helps - wind, crickets, birds etc. It's not a lot of help since my tinnitus is so loud but it's something!

Sometimes, there's a bit of pain in my ear canal but at least, it goes away. But, the isolated tinnitus from wearing plugs is sheer hell. What am I supposed to do?!?

 

[69Hz]

I honestly don't know if "accepting this" is a viable possibility for me. Silence was such an important part of my life, to the degree where I'm not even sure if I want to live at all if I can't do the things that make me feel like myself. I'm a writer, I plan on teaching at an academic level, and I haven't been able to write anything since this started. I'm almost 5 months in, and even though it's slowly getting better, I'm still terrified I'll never get back to the place I was before all this.

 

[musicblue]

I honestly don't know if "accepting this" is a viable possibility for me. Silence was such an important part of my life, to the degree where I'm not even sure if I want to live at all if I can't do the things that make me feel like myself. I'm a writer, I plan on teaching at an academic level, and I haven't been able to write anything since this started. I'm almost 5 months in, and even though it's slowly getting better, I'm still terrified I'll never get back to the place I was before all this.

Completely hear you - I too wonder if it will ever be the same however I come out of this mess (if I get out of it). Silence for me was everything. I have had a very good and fun life so far - I was so active and up for anything. I would pack 48 hours into a 24 hour day so to speak. Now I am just surviving day to day, waiting the clock down, on the lookout for any hopeful change. I'm only 3 months in but its hard to see hope when things don't change and you see everyone else soaking up life like I used too. I would get on with some things but the ear pain and hyperacusis has put a stop to that..

 

[dan]

I am sitting down and it's pretty bad.

When I took my dog out for a walk, I passed a lot of noisy areas though. Maybe I need to compare to a quieter evening? It's hopeless though. I carry ear plugs with me but I don't want to wear them all the time! When the plugs are in my ears, there's no background noise at all so I am tortured by loud tinnitus tones. It's bad enough being outside, normally. But, at least, nature often has some noise that helps - wind, crickets, birds etc. It's not a lot of help since my tinnitus is so loud but it's something!

Sometimes, there's a bit of pain in my ear canal but at least, it goes away. But, the isolated tinnitus from wearing plugs is sheer hell. What am I supposed to do?!?

We're in the same boat my friend.

 

[Jazzer]

I don't know of anyone claiming they have severe tinnitus saying it got better.

Broken stereo cilia can not regenerate.

Those that 'got better?' had mild tinnitus and habituated.

 

[DaveFromChicago]

To PeteJ and Jazzer:

Julian Cowan Hill has frequently stated that he had such a severe case that he could not hear the other person on the line during a phone call. By learning to neutralize his anger / fear response, he "let go" of the tinnitus and it "let go" of him. He is now in a state of permanent total silence.

If you dare, check out his recent hour long discussions with Joey Remenyi on YouTube.

What a slog through a morass of pseudoscientific, unsubstantiated, easily disprovable drivel.

 

[bobvann]

Julian Cowan Snake.

 

[musicblue]

To PeteJ and Jazzer:

Julian Cowan Hill has frequently stated that he had such a severe case that he could not hear the other person on the line during a phone call.

Probably because they hung up when he mentioned his name.

 

[FGG]

Broken stereo cilia can not regenerate.

Those that 'got better?' had mild tinnitus and habituated.

You can sometimes get severe tinnitus from vascular problems or TMJ and those are currently treatable.

 

[dan]

I don't know of anyone claiming they have severe tinnitus saying it got better.

@Telis comes to mind...

 

[MRItechssuck]

One year... and not better... actually worse... but I see no breakthroughs have happened...

At one time my mild tinnitus did go away...

 

[Kriszti]

I feel awful. Raging tinnitus and raging headache, and still no sleep. I just want to sleep for months, or forever. I don't care. This is not life. I don't think I can make it until regenerative medicine or any treatment comes along.

 

[Gabriel5050]

@Kriszti I know how you feel, buddy. I'm not doing as bad as you are but I recognize the feeling. Please know you're not alone. Personally, the more I think about my life, the more I hate it and how I can't be normal. We're going to listen. If there's any moment in history we can hope for a cure and a better future it is now. 2020 has been hard, but hard times make strong people, and we ARE strong for the simple fact we carry on every single day. I wish you, and everyone here, good fortune.

 

[PeteJ]

@Kriszti I know how you feel, buddy. I'm not doing as bad as you are but I recognize the feeling. Please know you're not alone. Personally, the more I think about my life, the more I hate it and how I can't be normal. We're going to listen. If there's any moment in history we can hope for a cure and a better future it is now. 2020 has been hard, but hard times make strong people, and we ARE strong for the simple fact we carry on every single day. I wish you, and everyone here, good fortune.

I feel alone.

I feel if there was some revolutionary treatment coming soon, there would be news and reports of people being helped from them.

Also, I don't see how these treatments are going to be a universal help to so many people no matter their state or condition of tinnitus. Honestly, I am only interested in something that works with severely loud tinnitus.

I don't know what people talk about in the research/treatment section but I haven't read anything that sounds encouraging to me.

 

[Orions Pain]

Knowing I can be out of here by the end of of the month with a few clicks is so tempting. Hyperacusis doesn't get better, tinnitus grows louder. I don't plan on being here much longer. Life is full of misery anyways, so mind as well end it now.

 

[dipp]

Feeling awful. I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless. So tired of this.