Two Weeks and I Am Dying Inside

[Fangen]

Hello guys,

I will admit it, I have browsed this site a billion times by now. Reading lots and lots of threads, and I know, I am putting way to much effort, energy and focus on my T.
Like you probably have heard from a lot of members before, I can't stop focusing on the T. I try. I just can't understand how to ignore the "iiiiii" in my head when it is constantly reminding me that it is there.

My name is Fang, I am a 26 year old female living in Stockholm, Sweden.
My T most likely is due to exposure to loud music from a concert in a smaller venue two weeks ago (Dec 2nd). I can't tell how loud it was, I know it was loud and that is about it. I was not feeling uncomfortable, or ill from the noise. I think that IMAX theaters plays even louder noise (or it was at least the same volume).
I had some pressure on my ear, along with a clear ringing after the concert (that lasted around a little of an hour) and the rest of the friends that were with me had the same ringing and pressure. "It's always like this when I get out from a club" - so I was thinking right? I have been to three concerts in my life before, one that was huge in London and it never caused me any issues.

So I went to bed, woke up and realized that I still had a light pressure on my left ear. Panic aroused, and I could hear the ringing (although not as loud as before) and I was somewhat sensitive to louder sounds on the affected ear. I was very worried and my boyfriend assured me that it'd go away and that he still had some ringing as well. Time went by and I got worried after a few days that it still had not gotten better. I called an ENT out of panic and she told me that it was still very early from the trauma and that in the majority of the cases it'd go away. She booked me in for a check-up in the end of Jan (along with hearing test), and told me to go to a regular doctor to see if there was any infection etc. So I did, and the left ear seemed to look nice without any damage. Right ear had a large earvax build-up that they told me to buy some remedy for.
Earvax is now removed and the ringing after two weeks still haven't stopped. It almost feels like it has gone up a little.

Some days I can hear exactly when the ringing turns on a notch, and then it'd go down after a few hours. I know that I have been tensing my jaw in my sleep from before the T and I know I get tired my jaw almost everyday from stressing and tensing my body ever since the T came. I don't know if could be the cause of the T along with the loud music, or if the T is remained due to stress, or what I can do. The loudest ringing shifted from the left ear (right ear had some but not as loud) to the right ear. I don't really understand how it can switch ears, if it was caused by exposure to loud noise, it shouldn't be able to switch like that?

I booked a meeting with my dentist next week, just to see if he can help me relaxing my jaw (and maybe get rid of this crap), and then trying to re-book the ENT appointment to an earlier date.
Even if I have no trouble falling asleep (thank God for that I guess), I still get anxious when I get home. I live alone and it is too silent. I turn the TV on, watch some series, play some games etc. But when I go to bed to sleep I just hear that "iiiiiiii" and it stresses me out, knowing that when I wake up it will be there too. Every morning I just sit at my bed and hear that "iiiiii" and I get so depressed. I have lacked the motivation to go to work several times and it's kind of ironic. Right now I am about to go on holiday vacation and it scares me. I don't wanna be alone in my house with the T ringing away. I feel like I am going crazy. In my worst days I just cry and wondering how I am ever going to live with this and how I rather be dead than to hear it.

I know from reading lots and lots about T, that it can and will be better. Right now it's hard to believe it, and the time that it takes to habituate seems so far away. Some take a few months, some take years to get used to it. If I am going mad and depressed within two weeks, how will I manage to keep living until I get used to it? I just get it how people can forget about it, it's like someone setting of a loud high pitched noise right next to me all day long, and it just makes me wanna crawl out of my own body.

I also know that nobody can tell me if or when it might stop, if it is just temporary, or if it permanent or anything in that sense. I know. I tried to talk to some friends and I just get a pity from them. One of my best friends kind of ignored what I said and asked me about what I was doing for NYE. Really? It makes me even more depressed not being able to talk to someone that understands. Or that cares.
I can't to seem to enjoy anything I am doing. If I am having fun, my brain thinks right away "Oh, wouldn't it be nice that you didn't have T?"
I really, really miss laying in my bed listening to some soft music and just be able to relax. Now I am almost scared to go to bed, or even going home. Being alone is starting to cause me anxiety. I don't wanna be this person, I want my old life back...

/ F.

 

[Charlie396]

Hey Fang, I'm pretty much in the same boat as you are. 2 weeks in, caused by loud noise exposure, pretty much every feeling you described I have. Depression and anxiety all day long. At this stage I'm pretty sure the countless hours we've spent combing the internet for hope has probably magnified the depression and anxiety.

 

[Fangen]

Hey Charlie,

I am sorry to hear that you feel the same way as I do. I know I could probably go and try to give you all the good and positive advises right now but it'd be so messed up if I can't live up to them myself.

May I ask how your journey so far has been? Have you been to the ENT or done any test?
I hope we'll both get better, I know that the ENT told me serveral times that most of the cases actually goes away but me, being me, of course can't believe that until it happens.
You'll find me here if you want to talk, since we both are in the same crappy boat right now. I guess that is also why I came here, to find people that could just try to hold me above the water before I let myself drown.

 

[Charlie396]

Well I hate to be a downer but it's been as bad as I'm sure yours is. Couple days where I spend all day in bed wallowing in self pity, missed a few days of work, stopping working out, eating crap all day.

So yeah, its bad as I'm sure it is for everyone else. I have an ENT appointment in a month but i can't wait that long, as we speak I'm calling one of the best ENT departments in my area to try to get an appointment even if I have to pay out of pocket.

Are you usually around loud environments? Mp3 players? In my case I'm pretty sure its gonna be permanent because of years of stupidly blasting an iPod. In your case it would be weird if you regularly aren't abusing your ears with loud noise.

The other odd/depressing (hate to be a downer again) thing I've noticed is there aren't a lot of people here who report 'it just going away' in a couple weeks/months after bad noise exposure. Kinda makes me think we may have to learn to live with it

 

[Fangen]

Charlie, I am sure I am as much of a downer as you are. I do understand EXACTLY how you feel, it almost like you're writing down my thoughts.

I just recently started a new office job (from always working in retail) and also bought a pair of Beats on-ear headphones. Although I don't like having too much of the up-beat music at work, more listening to softer pop, I still listened to music several hours a day for the past months.
On the day of Doom, I listened to the band I was going to see and it's an electro, trap, lots of drops/bass kind of band. My ears were probably tired already? I try not to listen too loud at work because I don't want to bother the others so I am sure it wasn't over 85db. On my way to and from work (30 min total) I'd go somewhat higher due to lots of noise around.
We probably both have the same kind of background in this matter.

The only case I know is a friend of mine, he was pumping loud music for weeks and woke up with T. It changed sound and loudness until a week later when it went away during a night. He was working in quite a loud working place and listened to more music at night to drown the T out.

If it does not go away, I hope we can share our journey to being better together.

 

[billie48]

Welcome Fangen. I hope your T will go away as it is so new. If it doesn't, many people still find ways to habituate to their T, and you are never alone on TT as we have been where you are. I was in a mess a few years back with ultra high pitch T and severe hyperacusis. I also had relentless anxiety and panic attack due to prior condition of anxiety and panic disorder for decades prior to T. The sufferings were so intense I often thought I couldn't survive it nor the good life will ever return again. But today I live a normal and absolutely enjoyable life. I also travel extensively, now on vacation in Asia. I spot your post and thought I would share with you my story, hopefully you find courage and patience to soldier on with your T. Here are some of the things a new sufferer can do to help:

Masking to help with anxiety and step-by-step instructions from TT:
When T is new and the ringing is causing much anxiety and panic, it is advisable to get masking ASAP so you won't be so anxious and fearful. Stress and anxiety are toxic to T. So try masking if you haven't done so. Here is a TT thread with an audio player for many good masking sounds. It also comes with nice tips for new sufferers . There are also links to ATA & BTA with loads of more info. The more you understand tinnitus and how it works, the less fearful and stressful you are and which is good for T.
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/panic/
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/audioplayer/
If you need more masking sounds, here is free 'aire freshener':
http://www.peterhirschberg.com/mysoftware.html
Rain sounds are soothing indeed. How about making your own rain sounds with this rain generator:
http://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/rainNoiseGenerator.php
And if you need DIY notched Acoustic Coordinated Reset Neuromodulation (ACRN):
http://www.tinnitus.org.uk/acoustic-cr-neuromodulation
http://www.generalfuzz.net/acrn/

Supplements, diet and Natural alternative products for sleep:
Members here often recommend some good supplements, such as NAC, Magnesium, Zinc, B12, D3, etc., and reduce intake of salt, sugar, MSG, caffeine, alcohol etc. You may also want to help yourself to get more sleep. Sleep deprivation is one sure way to fire up T. Get some bed time masking such as a sound machine or a sound pillow etc., so you can fall asleep better. Instead of sleep meds from the doctor, you can try natural alternatives such as Camomile tea, Hops, Valerian tablets, Melatonin etc. Check out this site on using natural herbs for sleep problem:

http://www.christopherhobbs.com/lib...alth/herbs-and-natural-remedies-for-insomnia/

Prednisone and corticosteroids:
Since your tinnitus is so new and may be related to acoustic trauma, you may want to get your doctor/ENT to prescribe a course of prednisone or other corticosteroids. Members here often recommend new T patients to get this treatment as soon as possible. Here is a discussion thread on this treatment:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads...dexamethasone-others-oral-and-injections.348/

Read Success Stories:
Try to read as many success stories as you can. They can help lift your spirit and reduce your anxiety. They also contain insights and wisdom from those who have gotten better. I was in a mess a few years back afflicted with ultra high pitched dog whistle T and severe hyperacusis which turned all normal sounds unbearably loud and piercingly hurtful. I also had relentless anxiety and panic attacks. I never thought I could recover and have a good life again. But here I am living a normal and absolutely enjoyable life. I list some pointers which have helped me greatly. If you wish to read it, here is the link:

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...w-i-recovered-from-tinnitus-hyperacusis.3148/

You may want also to read the most read success story 'Back to Silence' with a simple effective strategy by IWLM:
https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-silence.7172/

There are a lot of things you can learn from TT to help you get better. Don't panic and don't despair. There is a high probability that you will be just fine. Just believe it. Take good care & God bless.

 

[Andersson]

Hi Fang.
New onset is scary for everyone.
No one can tell you if it will go away in time or not. There is a chance. However I recommend you to not only live by that. If it does go away see it as nice gift.
When I got mine 2012 I spent every day hoping it would go away. I went in agony for a long time.
I was to ent, Hearing unit with T rehab, physical therapist and physiologist.

Mine was so loud I could hear it over everything. Including when I was in the shower.
It took me over a year to learn to cope with it. But I have depression tendensies and anxiety problems before that so it took me a lot of work because T triggered it even more.

After time I could put T in the back. I went from minutes when I did not hear my T to hours and I could find joy in listening to music, watching TV. The playing games with my friends again or going out to eat.

My T volume did not really decrease during that time. But my anxiety and depression made it really loud because I could not handle it.

6 weeks ago my T shot through the roof. Hard to tell why but I started feeling down over life slowly again before (not because of T but other things, T was not even on the map)
And I got a nasty 3 week flu followed by waking up with a shot back. Few days after that it increased.

Right now I am struggling again. It was like my body said enough was enough with everything. The same way people go in the wall from working to much.
And my depression is back with force since T started.

Even with me managing to habituate and learn to live with it once I have a hard time. However I started to work with my depression, anxiety again and I will get back to where I was.

Right now I can hear T over everything again. Nothing can mask it or make me not focus on it. Just like before. But the brain is strong and it will be puT to the back again and I will not hear it all the time. However it takes time.
It can be frustrating. But it will take longer if you just try and wait for it to happen.

I see you are also from Sweden.
I can tell you I went through every bit of help I could get when I got it.
You have to stand your ground.
I don't live in Stockholm but there are Hörselenheter that got Tinnitus specialist there as well.
That helped me a lot actually.
Waiting to get back there next year.

Glad to chat on Skype or anything If you you want. Fellow Swedish T friend.

Cannot access Tt.com on my computer for some reason so typing it on phone with mobile data. So a bit sloppy

 

[Charlie396]

I'm noticing a lot of people had anxiety issues before their tinnitus. Well I'm part of the club! 7 years of clinically diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder which I'm sure is doing wonders for my tinnitus now!

 

[Andersson]

Charlie yes. I had depression anxiety problems for like 4 years before the onset of my T.
That is probably partly the reason I developed t. I never listened to loud music. But biology is different in everyone,sadly
Anxiety can also weaken the auditory center etc from sorting sounds which might make it easier to develop T.

But yeah. I have no clear case why I got mine. It is extremely linked to anxiety in my case. My T was the same volume. And yet it went from hearing it over everything to not really hearing it. My anxiety put T in focus and it makes it louder and louder and drives anxiety higher and higher. It is a really hard bad circle to break.

I got help with it. But have not been to a therapist etc in some time and with me getting worse the last months everything triggered again. I am not even sure if my T spike really is louder then before or not.
It might be the work of my brain since I again hear it over everything because my brain focus only on it again.

I keep telling my self that it's sooooo much louder now then it ever wasm . Without any proof that it actually is.
The brain might be smart but I am not that's why I am waiting for help from tinnitus rehab etc again to get help with it like in 2012.

A stronger person emotionally might not even have noticed the increase or just shrugged it off. While my anxiety took over 100%

 

[Charlie396]

A stronger person emotionally might not even have noticed the increase or just shrugged it off. While my anxiety took over 100%

THAT'S a big fear. I've heard so many people say eventually they conquered it and habituated and they hardly notice it after some time. I'm sure that's true of a strong willed person. As an anxiety ridden mess that doesn't resonate with me! Not yet anyway.

 

[Andersson]

THAT'S a big fear. I've heard so many people say eventually they conquered it and habituated and they hardly notice it after some time. I'm sure that's true of a strong willed person. As an anxiety ridden mess that doesn't resonate with me! Not yet anyway.

Trust me. If I could do it when I got it. Me with having major depression and anxiety problems before so can you. It might not be as fast as some but it can be done. And as i said I could hear my T over everything so not just when trying to sleep which was also impossible for me.

I will again. But before that is possible I need to work on my depression and anxiety again with help.as my therapist said. Right now you areally in a really bad circle. Tinnitus triggers anxiety which triggers depression and your feelings of it's hopeless which Mars T even worse.
But that bad circle can also go the other way around. When my anxiety gets better my depression will lift, some energy will come back which makes it easier to handle with T which will lower anxiety and T will be better again. . It's nothing that happens over night. And even I have a really hard time seeing it's possible right now. My thoughts and brain only focus on T which i hear over everything saying it's hopeless.
But I already did everything once and lived perfect last few years,so I already proven to myself that it cam be done.

It's gonna be hard. But it's possible.

PS. Sorry for all the errors. Writing on a phone gets messy

 

[Mojo]

I have heard that in Germany they give infusions into the ears. If i am correct the best result is whitin 3 months after the t started.
Maybe it is an option and maybe it can be done in Sweden.
Greetings
Ron

 

[Nucleo]

You look like a prime candidate for the AM-101 clinical trial.

More info can be found here: www.tinnitus-study.info

 

[JohnK]

Worth trying the AM-101 trial if you can. I'm trying myself!

Welome, I hope your time in Tinnitus Talk is both useful and short-lived!

 

[JasonP]

What helped me in the past was getting my hearing checked. I had lost some hearing and I decided to get hearing aids with built in maskers. The amplification of ambient sounds helped and when the ringing bothered me I would turn the maskers up for a bit. I found the maskers soothing. The audiologist can program several masking sounds in. Then if you don't want to listen to the maskers you can turn them down and sometimes you get residual inhibition in which the ringing seems a lot less. The biggest battle is the fight against the "fight or flight" feelings. This is a non-drug way to help with that. I hope you feel better as soon as possible. I understand how you feel.

 

[Fangen]

Worth trying the AM-101 trial if you can. I'm trying myself!

Welome, I hope your time in Tinnitus Talk is both useful and short-lived!

Thank you John!
I hope so too! However it seems that the AM-101 trial does not list Sweden as one of the countries that is participating in the study

 

[Fangen]

Thank you all for your replies, it does make things a little easier knowing that you have all gone through this.

I would say my T is mild, between Step 1 and 2. Sometimes I hear it very loudly when it gets quiet, sometimes I can hear it during conversations as well. This morning I woke up and it was more quiet than it was before bedtime. I get a little string of hope each time it seems to get more quiet, hopefully this is something that lasts. (Why do I even hope?)

I also talked to my boyfriend about T, we have spoken a few times (he and his sister was at the concert of DOOM as well) and this is the first time I believe he really understood how shitty I have been feeling.
He has had T for quite a few year, probably since he was 15. I think he was a hearing loss on one ear and T in both, now increased T in the left due to the concert of DOOM as well. He always goes around with headphones with loud, LOUD metal music and goes to clubs and concerts all the time. I am amazed he isn't deaf by now. I am fascinated about his care-free attitude towards T, somehow I wish I could just go "meh" towards my T as well. Not saying that I would go blasting music on full volume, but just being able to not care about it would have been so nice.
It also seems that his sister has no T at all or any issues after the concert. She must have ear out of steel.

To Charlie, he also told me that his first T did pass, it took months and it was a slow progress. Caused by a metal concert by a band that is notorious to play very very (illegally) high at an indoor-venue. It is not something that goes away during one day, but it got a little (un-noticeable) until one day you realize it is not there anymore. Unfortunately he had a little too much care-free attitude and continued to go to concert every other week until he got permanent T from Iron Maiden concert. So maybe if both you and I are lucky, we could hopefully get T-free. Or maybe he was lucky to be young and have better healing abilities.

Kind feel shitty that I called a doctor (regular) and they told me to just wait a while and hopefully it'd pass. Now I know that I could have been given cortisone injections and I feel so pissed off that I wasn't told this before it was too late. We don't have AM-101 treatment here either. Swedish doctor are basically "deal with it".

 

[Charlie396]

I also talked to my boyfriend about T, we have spoken a few times (he and his sister was at the concert of DOOM as well) and this is the first time I believe he really understood how shitty I have been feeling.
He has had T for quite a few year, probably since he was 15. I think he was a hearing loss on one ear and T in both, now increased T in the left due to the concert of DOOM as well. He always goes around with headphones with loud, LOUD metal music and goes to clubs and concerts all the time. I am amazed he isn't deaf by now. I am fascinated about his care-free attitude towards T, somehow I wish I could just go "meh" towards my T as well. Not saying that I would go blasting music on full volume, but just being able to not care about it would have been so nice.
It also seems that his sister has no T at all or any issues after the concert. She must have ear out of steel.

To Charlie, he also told me that his first T did pass, it took months and it was a slow progress. Caused by a metal concert by a band that is notorious to play very very (illegally) high at an indoor-venue. It is not something that goes away during one day, but it got a little (un-noticeable) until one day you realize it is not there anymore. Unfortunately he had a little too much care-free attitude and continued to go to concert every other week until he got permanent T from Iron Maiden concert. So maybe if both you and I are lucky, we could hopefully get T-free. Or maybe he was lucky to be young and have better healing abilities.

A lot of this is amazing. So have you known he's had T this entire time? I also am amazed with people that have 'oh well I'll deal with it' attitudes, I wish I could be that brave. I am in complete shock someone can get T, know exactly what it is, and continue blast headphones. There is an insane bravery to that.

There's only one person I know in real life with it, he's an old guitar player in his early 50's so his is pretty bad.
He got it in his late 20's and just figured it would go away, for the next two decades he continued to play in bands and just not caring I guess. Ironically enough he's now the manager of a small local music store so he's still around loud noise constantly, although this time with earplugs. I can't imagine how bad his must be.



And as fate would have it it looks like the AM 101 trial is available to me, there's an office less than an hour away. I'm been so torn this past few hours on whether or not to go through with it. It seems the reviews from people here who have done it have been lukewarm. As someone who already has pretty bad anxiety issues the idea of getting experimental drugs injected into my ear is so damn scary. Decisions decisions

 

[Fangen]

A lot of this is amazing. So have you known he's had T this entire time? I also am amazed with people that have 'oh well I'll deal with it' attitudes, I wish I could be that brave. I am in complete shock someone can get T, know exactly what it is, and continue blast headphones. There is an insane bravery to that.

I didn't know at all until the day after the day of DOOM. I was surprised and a little annoyed that he didn't warn me about loud noises (again, can't blame others for my own stupidity). He had his permanent since he was probably in his teens, with some hearing loss due to loud work environment when he was 19. He says that he still feels a little muffled and louder T in his left ear (the same side that I had some issues with) and he doesn't seem to bothered at all. He keeps blasting metal music at work and in his headphones like it's nothing. I don't know if I want to slap him or not. He is kinda that person that thinks "well I already got it so why care now", also he told me that "if it's a great concert and a band that I really wanted to see, it'd be worth any kind of aftermath (referring to T). --> Here I wanted to slap him for reals. I would have given up almost everything to get silence again and here he goes and think that his T was worth it.

I would have gone through with the AM-101 to be honest, but unfortunately it is not offered in my country. I guess it can't really get any worse, and if it doesn't help at least I've done something to help the cause and research forward. In the best case, you get better. But that is just me, I do understand why you are afraid and maybe I would have been hesitant too if I had to make that choice.

 

[Charlie396]

I just had a very depressing dinner with my girlfriend about the am 101 trials. She said seeing as how I've had so many anxiety issues in the past the injections would probably bring on a series of anxiety attacks as soon as I felt something was going wrong, she's probably right

In a way I wish I could adopt the attitude of your boyfriend right now. I'm astonished someone could be so carefree and not give a damn and continue to live life normally. I'm sure there must be others out there like him, guess some people are just extremely strong willed.

 

[Fangen]

Charlie,

Maybe she is right, she knows you better than I do. If you believe that she is right, then don't go on the trial. Hopefully, we'll find another way to manage.

I wish I had the same mentality as him right now, he got fairy early in his life and never seemed to be sad about it (or he didn't tell me about it). Maybe because he think that T is worth seeing his favorite band or whatever live. I don't think anything is worth it. If it was that or saving a loved one's life, then yes of course I'd pick T. But for a band that I like right now but maybe not in a few years? Nope.
Which is also another reason I feel down sometimes, the band was just "oh that'd be cool to see" - hardly not something worth hearing the T for.

Funny thing is that he thought they were playing very very loud, border to become unbearable, while I was just dancing around and feeling nothing. I mean, it was loud but not as loud as the pre-show. He told me that the pre-show was not nearly as high as the main show. It's funny how I couldn't feel that at all. I guess my T will go permanent since it was probably around 90-100 db (more even? no idea). Great job I did there. LOL :/

/ F.

 

[Charlie396]

Have you noticed any changes in your sound or pitch? Mine seems to be slowly getting higher despite trying to protect my ears as much as possible. Although I'm sure the lack of sleep/depression/anxiety might play a role in it.

 

[Fangen]

Have you noticed any changes in your sound or pitch? Mine seems to be slowly getting higher despite trying to protect my ears as much as possible. Although I'm sure the lack of sleep/depression/anxiety might play a role in it.

Yes. I think mine has gone up a little now and then (and stayed there). It has also switched ears, from left to almost always right. Sometimes I feel that high pitch like it's tearing out my brain, other days (less frequent) it is more of a "humming" sound. Like an old TV giving out electrical signals. The change in volume can be during the day, where I can feel it go up. Today I woke with a quieter sound, instead of the loud noise from before I went to bed. Not sure if that was because I felt a little more relieved after talking to my boyfriend + him sleeping over (that way I don't feel like I will die while he's around). I think the pitch is still more quiet today, I can hear it sometimes at work but now I can just barely hear it. If I put my headphones on (no music in), they usually amplifies the sound in my head, it's still high pitched. Annoying as hell but like I said, just a little more quiet. I hope it stays that way, or maybe I just have a better day..
How has your been?

 

[RogerDavis]

I sympathize with you although mine was not caused by loud noises as far as I know. I'm not a concert attender and have not been around loud noises. I had bad vertigo for several months earlier this year and when that subsided for the most part, the tinnitus started. In the last couple of weeks it has gotten worse and it seems its 24 hours a day. I was sitting in church on Sunday and realized that I could hear my T louder than I could hear the speaker. It's very frustrating. I found a little bit of relief when I was outside yesterday and the wind was blowing briskly which seemed to mask the sound. Now I try to drive with the windows down so that I maximize that feeling.

 

[Charlie396]

Yes. I think mine has gone up a little now and then (and stayed there). It has also switched ears, from left to almost always right. Sometimes I feel that high pitch like it's tearing out my brain, other days (less frequent) it is more of a "humming" sound. Like an old TV giving out electrical signals.

Pretty the same, started low the first week, in the right ear, now its both and louder. That awful electrical high pitched screech in the center of my brain is where it is now. Trying not to dwell on 'did I not do enough to protect further damage once it started'.

Well it's nearly 5 in the morning here in California and I'm actually anxious about going to sleep, the pitch is so brutal I've been dreading laying on that pillow feeling helpless. Really gonna try to have a 'to hell with it' attitude like your boyfriend has today.

 

[Fangen]

I did receive a message from another member here, advising me that having some classical music (or like soothing rain/forest sounds) at a low volume would help. I found some videos at youtube (one of them had some bamboo waterfall sound) and it was very relaxing. This was to help the brain stop listening to the pitch while we were asleep. I will try that and see if it works, otherwise it'll help you to fall asleep at least.

I do feel you when you say that you feel helpless, I do too sometimes. Not sure why I have it easier to fall asleep, it feels almost quiet just before I do fall asleep and it's actually kind of nice. Does your girlfriend and you live together? I feel that having my boyfriend over (unfortunately he is working during the Holidays and I can't always have him with me) does help a lot. Hearing the other person next to you breath and that kind of relaxes me and my brain to hear something else.

I will try that attitude as well, I have been feeling rather "okay let's do this" today but not sure how I will feel once I get home and feel very lonely. If you like, add me on Skype (i will be up when others aren't, it's like 2.30 pm here). In case you feel really down or just want to talk. It's up to you!

 

[Natalie Roberts]

Hello guys,

I will admit it, I have browsed this site a billion times by now. Reading lots and lots of threads, and I know, I am putting way to much effort, energy and focus on my T.
Like you probably have heard from a lot of members before, I can't stop focusing on the T. I try. I just can't understand how to ignore the "iiiiii" in my head when it is constantly reminding me that it is there.

My name is Fang, I am a 26 year old female living in Stockholm, Sweden.
My T most likely is due to exposure to loud music from a concert in a smaller venue two weeks ago (Dec 2nd). I can't tell how loud it was, I know it was loud and that is about it. I was not feeling uncomfortable, or ill from the noise. I think that IMAX theaters plays even louder noise (or it was at least the same volume).
I had some pressure on my ear, along with a clear ringing after the concert (that lasted around a little of an hour) and the rest of the friends that were with me had the same ringing and pressure. "It's always like this when I get out from a club" - so I was thinking right? I have been to three concerts in my life before, one that was huge in London and it never caused me any issues.

So I went to bed, woke up and realized that I still had a light pressure on my left ear. Panic aroused, and I could hear the ringing (although not as loud as before) and I was somewhat sensitive to louder sounds on the affected ear. I was very worried and my boyfriend assured me that it'd go away and that he still had some ringing as well. Time went by and I got worried after a few days that it still had not gotten better. I called an ENT out of panic and she told me that it was still very early from the trauma and that in the majority of the cases it'd go away. She booked me in for a check-up in the end of Jan (along with hearing test), and told me to go to a regular doctor to see if there was any infection etc. So I did, and the left ear seemed to look nice without any damage. Right ear had a large earvax build-up that they told me to buy some remedy for.
Earvax is now removed and the ringing after two weeks still haven't stopped. It almost feels like it has gone up a little.

Some days I can hear exactly when the ringing turns on a notch, and then it'd go down after a few hours. I know that I have been tensing my jaw in my sleep from before the T and I know I get tired my jaw almost everyday from stressing and tensing my body ever since the T came. I don't know if could be the cause of the T along with the loud music, or if the T is remained due to stress, or what I can do. The loudest ringing shifted from the left ear (right ear had some but not as loud) to the right ear. I don't really understand how it can switch ears, if it was caused by exposure to loud noise, it shouldn't be able to switch like that?

I booked a meeting with my dentist next week, just to see if he can help me relaxing my jaw (and maybe get rid of this crap), and then trying to re-book the ENT appointment to an earlier date.
Even if I have no trouble falling asleep (thank God for that I guess), I still get anxious when I get home. I live alone and it is too silent. I turn the TV on, watch some series, play some games etc. But when I go to bed to sleep I just hear that "iiiiiiii" and it stresses me out, knowing that when I wake up it will be there too. Every morning I just sit at my bed and hear that "iiiiii" and I get so depressed. I have lacked the motivation to go to work several times and it's kind of ironic. Right now I am about to go on holiday vacation and it scares me. I don't wanna be alone in my house with the T ringing away. I feel like I am going crazy. In my worst days I just cry and wondering how I am ever going to live with this and how I rather be dead than to hear it.

I know from reading lots and lots about T, that it can and will be better. Right now it's hard to believe it, and the time that it takes to habituate seems so far away. Some take a few months, some take years to get used to it. If I am going mad and depressed within two weeks, how will I manage to keep living until I get used to it? I just get it how people can forget about it, it's like someone setting of a loud high pitched noise right next to me all day long, and it just makes me wanna crawl out of my own body.

I also know that nobody can tell me if or when it might stop, if it is just temporary, or if it permanent or anything in that sense. I know. I tried to talk to some friends and I just get a pity from them. One of my best friends kind of ignored what I said and asked me about what I was doing for NYE. Really? It makes me even more depressed not being able to talk to someone that understands. Or that cares.
I can't to seem to enjoy anything I am doing. If I am having fun, my brain thinks right away "Oh, wouldn't it be nice that you didn't have T?"
I really, really miss laying in my bed listening to some soft music and just be able to relax. Now I am almost scared to go to bed, or even going home. Being alone is starting to cause me anxiety. I don't wanna be this person, I want my old life back...

/ F.

I was where you were at the onset on my T. Panic, couldn't be alone. Didn't want to go to work but also didn't want to stay home alone listening to the noise. Depression then set in. It was pretty rough. I'm about 8/9 weeks in now and they're not sure what caused it in my case, however i can say regardless of what caused it I am doing better. I get 2-3 days where the T is very low volume followed by an average day, then 2-3 days at lower levels. My panic is less and my acceptance is more. I'm not really depressed about it anymore either. Sure, it stinks and I wish I never had to deal with it but I am dealing with it and my life is moving forward so I can say you will be okay! Everything I've read on this website and from these supportive people tells me we will be okay and time is the biggest component in our healing! I have been seeing a counselor and working on mindful meditation techniques also, which help control my anxiety and have made a difference in acceptance for me.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I'm about 8/9 weeks in now and they're not sure what caused it in my case, however i can say regardless of what caused it I am doing better. I get 2-3 days where the T is very low volume followed by an average day, then 2-3 days at lower levels. My panic is less and my

@Natalie Roberts
HI Natalie, It is good to hear that you're making improvement and I'm sure your tinnitus will improve even more. Take care
Michael

 

[Natalie Roberts]

@Natalie Roberts
HI Natalie, It is good to hear that you're making improvement and I'm sure your tinnitus will improve even more. Take care
Michael

Thank you! I had 3 really awesome days where I only heard the T after waking up (or if I woke at night) and in the late evenings. I could even watch tv without being bothered by it. they were great days.. It's back today, a loud hissing sound and is pretty obnoxious but I was so grateful for the good days and am so hopeful for more. It's helping me be less negative!

 

[CarloZ]

Hello guys,

I will admit it, I have browsed this site a billion times by now. Reading lots and lots of threads, and I know, I am putting way to much effort, energy and focus on my T.
Like you probably have heard from a lot of members before, I can't stop focusing on the T. I try. I just can't understand how to ignore the "iiiiii" in my head when it is constantly reminding me that it is there.

My name is Fang, I am a 26 year old female living in Stockholm, Sweden.
My T most likely is due to exposure to loud music from a concert in a smaller venue two weeks ago (Dec 2nd). I can't tell how loud it was, I know it was loud and that is about it. I was not feeling uncomfortable, or ill from the noise. I think that IMAX theaters plays even louder noise (or it was at least the same volume).
I had some pressure on my ear, along with a clear ringing after the concert (that lasted around a little of an hour) and the rest of the friends that were with me had the same ringing and pressure. "It's always like this when I get out from a club" - so I was thinking right? I have been to three concerts in my life before, one that was huge in London and it never caused me any issues.

So I went to bed, woke up and realized that I still had a light pressure on my left ear. Panic aroused, and I could hear the ringing (although not as loud as before) and I was somewhat sensitive to louder sounds on the affected ear. I was very worried and my boyfriend assured me that it'd go away and that he still had some ringing as well. Time went by and I got worried after a few days that it still had not gotten better. I called an ENT out of panic and she told me that it was still very early from the trauma and that in the majority of the cases it'd go away. She booked me in for a check-up in the end of Jan (along with hearing test), and told me to go to a regular doctor to see if there was any infection etc. So I did, and the left ear seemed to look nice without any damage. Right ear had a large earvax build-up that they told me to buy some remedy for.
Earvax is now removed and the ringing after two weeks still haven't stopped. It almost feels like it has gone up a little.

Some days I can hear exactly when the ringing turns on a notch, and then it'd go down after a few hours. I know that I have been tensing my jaw in my sleep from before the T and I know I get tired my jaw almost everyday from stressing and tensing my body ever since the T came. I don't know if could be the cause of the T along with the loud music, or if the T is remained due to stress, or what I can do. The loudest ringing shifted from the left ear (right ear had some but not as loud) to the right ear. I don't really understand how it can switch ears, if it was caused by exposure to loud noise, it shouldn't be able to switch like that?

I booked a meeting with my dentist next week, just to see if he can help me relaxing my jaw (and maybe get rid of this crap), and then trying to re-book the ENT appointment to an earlier date.
Even if I have no trouble falling asleep (thank God for that I guess), I still get anxious when I get home. I live alone and it is too silent. I turn the TV on, watch some series, play some games etc. But when I go to bed to sleep I just hear that "iiiiiiii" and it stresses me out, knowing that when I wake up it will be there too. Every morning I just sit at my bed and hear that "iiiiii" and I get so depressed. I have lacked the motivation to go to work several times and it's kind of ironic. Right now I am about to go on holiday vacation and it scares me. I don't wanna be alone in my house with the T ringing away. I feel like I am going crazy. In my worst days I just cry and wondering how I am ever going to live with this and how I rather be dead than to hear it.

I know from reading lots and lots about T, that it can and will be better. Right now it's hard to believe it, and the time that it takes to habituate seems so far away. Some take a few months, some take years to get used to it. If I am going mad and depressed within two weeks, how will I manage to keep living until I get used to it? I just get it how people can forget about it, it's like someone setting of a loud high pitched noise right next to me all day long, and it just makes me wanna crawl out of my own body.

I also know that nobody can tell me if or when it might stop, if it is just temporary, or if it permanent or anything in that sense. I know. I tried to talk to some friends and I just get a pity from them. One of my best friends kind of ignored what I said and asked me about what I was doing for NYE. Really? It makes me even more depressed not being able to talk to someone that understands. Or that cares.
I can't to seem to enjoy anything I am doing. If I am having fun, my brain thinks right away "Oh, wouldn't it be nice that you didn't have T?"
I really, really miss laying in my bed listening to some soft music and just be able to relax. Now I am almost scared to go to bed, or even going home. Being alone is starting to cause me anxiety. I don't wanna be this person, I want my old life back...

/ F.

I was there were you were not too long ago, I kid you not. I got my T early September. I got it from listening to loud death metal music at max volumes on my MP3 for the past 5 years. It started as VERY mild buzzing when it first started. Only heard at night in complete silence. So I was only annoyed by it. But I still slept well and didn't bother me much. But sadly, that wasn't it. 2 weeks later this extremely mild buzzing became a moderate leveled high pitched sound. I was very scared and full of anxiety. I cried at least 3 time a day for a month. It horrible. I would wake up in the middle of the night with my T being even louder and making my head vibrate. It was something I started hearing over lots of things I usually didn't. Over the time, in my car, etc. I was on the site ALL day for a whole month. You can see all the post that I've made. Lol. But anyways, fast forward to right now, I'm feeling A LOT better. I hear my T right now and it's still the same moderate level. But it doesn't bother me much. I'm not even aware of it when I first wake up. Trust, you'll get used to it if it doesn't go away. You say yours a mild. Be glad it is. There's people who hear 24/7, but even then, those people still go on to habituate. William Shatner being a perfect example. billie48 says his T is 20x louder than a dentist drill, and he seems like a very happy and optimistic person whose given hope to many of us here on TT. Reading his success story really helped me A LOT.