I truly understand what you are going through, Kevin, and those of you who are newer sufferers. I was just like that too during the first few months. On top of my ultra high pitch loud tinnitus, I also had severe hyperacusis which turned all normal sounds into piercingly hurtful sensation, like scratching glass with metal. I couldn't stand the normal noise of TV, driving, washing dishes, social conversation, even the soft voice of my wife from a normal distance. Every sound felt like my ears being drilled & pierced. I had to withdraw from going out. No more movies, parties, eating outs, outdoor activities etc. I had to wear ear plugs all the time, but the ear plugs cut off all outside sounds, making the ultra high pitched loud tinnitus so dominant, so harsh to hear. Even masking had to be done with a low enough volume I could bear. I had to choose the lesser of the two evils, no run away, no escape.
Besides, being someone with decades of on & off anxiety/panic disorder, T & H also brought on relentless anxiety and panic attacks with their own myriads of horrible symptoms. Panic attacks are some of the worst sensations the human body have to bear, so much so that people become home bound or ground bound (panic about flying) just to avoid those horrible symptoms of panic attacks. For those who had suffered panic attacks and tinnitus, you know how hard it is to live with both of these devils. Then add hyperacusis to the mix and it was pure hell.
Life seemed so lonely, scared, hurtful and hopeless. Each day was a long, dark day of hurt and despair. And when I went to sleep, if I could sleep at all, I dreaded the almost inevitable loud scream of T awaiting for me once I woke up. And worse, the anxiety & panic prone brain had no chance against the raging scream in the ears the minute it woke up, and would instantly caved into another round of anxiety & panic attack even before I was fully awake enough to have a chance to reason myself out of these attacks. I had to instantly grab my bottles of meds. This was my utmost nightmare a few years back. Ativan, Prozac, sleeping pills kept me alive. They didn't cure or reduce T, but they prevented me from doing the unthinkable and everyday, as the tired and stressed out mind saw no way out but just endless sufferings ahead, perhaps for life, it dangled out the big 'S' word to make my overwhelmed nerves even worse. I thought I would never recover from such horror show and that T would be my end game.
But today, with a few years gone by, I am living a normal, enjoyable & productive life. Never say never. H is long gone, fading in a few months. T is still around, ringing just as loud and high pitch. T has not changed. I have changed. It doesn't scare me any more. My brain has hardened to this loud ringing and has ceased to treat it as a threat. I wake up most morning with the same loud raging scream. But my brain doesn't even respond to it. It fades it out of consciousness during the day, except when I am alerted on the subject of T like now. But I can listen to it without panic like before. This is something I considered impossible at the start. I was fooled by the T bully with so many distorted thoughts (cognitive distortions) and wrongly believed that the future will be a total catastrophe. What a T lie. Don't believe it. My story is not unique. Many people posted their success stories that they overcome T and live a happy life despite the horror show in the beginning. I am not superhuman, I am anxiety & panic prone. So if I can do it, most people can too. So relax, calm down, be positive and hopeful about the future. God bless you all with speedy recovery.
I know its not funny and I dont mean to poke fun. Its just nice to know others experience the same things i do.
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