Barry098

Barry098

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  • Barry098
    Positive development…T is still really darn loud, and I just don't give a fuck. Normally I would be crawling out of my skin at this volume…
    streifzug
    i hope to reach that place, too
    gameover
    Just wait until it is so loud that even if you don't give a fuck you won't be able to. And when the pain sets in. Good luck ignoring nox pain.
    Barry098
    Had an unusually low T month but then my ears were blasted this past Wednesday and I'm right back in T-hell.
    View previous comments…
    Barry098
    Just trying to live life…but as much as I try to avoid to them loud things keep getting me!
    4Grace
    @Barry098 same here. I am quick to destroy progress. Anytime I feel better I return to some sort of minimal living. I figure, ain't that the point. Never fails noise traumas all over the place no matter how carful. Stepping down from life seems impossible. Sorry to hear I am with you. You are not alone.
    Barry098
    @4Grace I constantly ask myself, is it better to drop the things I love doing or do them and suffer for it?
    Barry098
    Anyone else experiencing tremulous legs + pins and needles throughout lower body while trying to sleep…maybe it's not even connected to T?
    View previous comments…
    MindOverMatter
    It might be a stress response, and as you mentioned @BellaMia a nervous system out of sync. You should see your GP if you have it for more than 4-6 weeks.
    Barry098
    @MindOverMatter I think T is a nervous system problem and I only experience the pins and needles feeling in my legs when my T is screaming at me. Seems connected but maybe not.
    4Grace
    @Barry098 i have this. At the moment the back of my neck and 1/2 down my spine burns. The skin burns. Down below when you say you can't protect. What do you mean. I can't protect because I cannot survive the sound of my T with protection. Plus my ears burn. All sounds worsen me. I am bed bound most days. I took a ppi because my throat has been burning. Now my T has skyrocketed. I am those rare cases.
    Barry098
    Woke again with tremulous legs and noticeably louder T. Not sure why this is occurring every morning. Seems like I'm sleeping ok…
    Barry098
    T calms down after a shower and coffee. The T itself doesn't really bother me so much. But it feels like the symptom of a medical condition.
    4Grace
    Wow - if it calms down that awesome. I get depressed reading these comments because mine never calms down. No matter what I do. Can't have coffee and I should be taking baths. Showers spike me. Hod help me. I'm scared. Stock on my iPad all day, distraction. No choice.
    Barry098
    T was el screamo on Friday but decided to take the weekend off. What a wonderful feeling! I just wish it could last…
    gameover
    Nice. Silence? Or just low?
    Barry098
    Very low T…Every once in awhile I think
    I can hear silence but then when I listen hard I realize my ears are always ringing. For me that's as good as silence though!
    Barry098
    Human capacity for adaptation is astonishing. As loud as my ears are ringing, it somehow just feels normal again!
    Barry098
    I wonder if there's a connection between antihistamines and decreased tinnitus.
    RunningMan
    Like with various other things, I've heard it both ways. I've taken different ones and don't think it affected tinnitus. Unfortunately, I can't even say I've even slept any better with them (Diphenhydramine/Benadryl, Doxylamine, Hydroxyzine HCL, Trazodone, Nortriptyline).
    Barry098
    T was pretty mellow today, probably 2 or 3 out of 10. I spent most of the day avoiding situations that would antagonize it…
    4Grace
    @Barry098 - your stories give me a bit of hope. How you go from screaming T to a 2 or 3. I am in a bad spiral. Worsening all the time. It's heartbreaking to think if it goes away as it did for you in 2017 in can come back. Always need to be careful. Thank you for sharing your stories. Stay away from my posts. I'm a disaster. :) I can't protect from noise.
    Barry098
    @4Grace you are in good company. I can't protect from noise either. My T fades with time and then I get complacent and mess myself up again…endless loop :(
    Barry098
    Ah…nothing like that T alarm bell first thing in the morning that grabs you by the throat and shouts "wake the F up!"
    Barry098
    T calmed down this evening to a livable level. I hope the torturer didn't just leave the room temporarily to go sharpen some more tools!
    Jammer
    In some odd way, I appreciate that my T is consistently horrific, as opposed to tricking me into thinking I'm getting better, to then only to return with a vengeance a day later.
    Barry098
    I've had long periods of horrific. I'll definitely take any breaks in can get at this point!
    Barry098
    Feeling some chest pain recently...I think that's a good sign that my problems with tinnitus might be resolved in the near future...right?
    streifzug
    absolutely!
    Barry098
    Seriously wonder how many years this condition has taken off our lives collectively…I bet when added up, T is in competition with cancer.
    Barry098
    The only way to live with T is to embrace it as if you chose it. Resistance is futile and only causes more pain.
    View previous comments…
    L along the way
    However, plenty of rest, shifting focus from my head to more whole body experience, and attention on breathing.. all helpful. Anything that promotes wellbeing is the thing.. i'd say... hope a good today.. and going day by day
    Barry098
    @L along the way
    All great advice. I especially like what you said about shifting from the head to the body. This is very true for me as well. And day by day is great but often times it's step by step for me. Just depends on how intense things get. I appreciate your thoughts thanks for sharing.
    L along the way
    @Barry098 likewise, and i feel too, that every small step towards more wellbeing is valuable. Thank you too & hope today may be a good day
    Barry098
    So fucking tired of this rollercoaster…I'm right back to where I was summer of 21 and winter of 17. What's the point?
    gameover
    @Barry098. So sorry. Especially that you did escape it (fully!) once. How cruel to be pulled back into hell again. And again.
    Barry098
    Thanks @gameover I might request that my handle be changed to Prometheus because it would better suit my experience! I'm fairly confident that this will resolve too…it's just that I'm tired of going down this road again and again. Wish I could just live in a bubble…
    Barry098
    Went to a wedding yesterday. I stayed outside the dance party the whole night and my ears are still ringing louder this morning. WTF?
    Barry098
    I wish I was completely deaf…I'm tired of sound
    View previous comments…
    Jammer
    Unfortunately, you'd then be deaf with tinnitus.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    If being deaf meant no T I would consider it. Unfortunately it's likely worse.
    Barry098
    @Jammer I don't mind the T as much as the reactivity to external sounds and the fact that I get injured so easily. I would love to be able to go places without fear of this getting worse all the time. @Tryn2BHopeful not sure it's really an option anyway but it's fun to contemplate
    Barry098
    Had a low T day. Not sure why but it was a welcome relief from the past few days where it was off the hook loud.
    View previous comments…
    Barry098
    Mine never used to be like this. It is a new stage for me I guess.
    Pixelito
    Barry does yours normally vary from quieter to loud?
    Barry098
    @Pixelito recently yes. This is new though. In the past I would injure them and they would scream for months and then slowly they would resolve. If I didn't injure them they would remain pretty stable. This recent injury caused them to fluctuate really wildly. It's pretty disconcerting actually because I don't know what to expect from one minute to the next.
    Barry098
    This tinnitus anxiety diet is really effective! I'm already back down to my high school weight!
    streifzug
    I am growing fat.
    Barry098
    @steifzug that just means you have a good stomach for stress and anxiety. I only gain weight when I'm relaxed.
    Barry098
    Starting to turn the tide with regard to controlling my reaction to T.
    streifzug
    You are strong! I mean it.
    RunningMan
    That's good if you can control your reaction. Mine is automatic going on 2+ years now. Haven't been able to control my reaction since before that, when it was still somewhat mild compared to these days.
    Barry098
    @streifzug I appreciate your kind words. I am getting better at not letting it utterly destroy me but I'm still struggling with this like everyone else here
    Barry098
    Slept with ear plugs last night. It was a smoother awakening experience. Didn't have the electric cattle prod to the spinal cord per usual.
    Barry098
    Earplugs make me feel warm a fuzzy. Wish I could just leave them in all the time…but I know the downside. Severe hyperacusis is lurking!
    4Grace
    That's a beautiful gift. You can use them when needed if they don't bother you. Opens up the world a little. How anyone puts them in with screaming T is beyond me.
    Barry098
    Yeah…makes no sense but, maybe it's because I always feel safe with them in.
    Barry098
    Yesterday was a really low T day! Only major change I made was eating a banana. T came back in full force in the middle if the night though
    View previous comments…
    ZFire
    Could Bananas be the key ?
    RunningMan
    I have an icy banana smoothie about every day to soothe stomach discomfort. I don't think it helps my tinnitus.
    Barry098
    @ZFire that thread is hilarious. Thanks for sharing. I had a few good laughs. I doubt the banana actually made a difference but I'll try it again tomorrow and report back. Today, no banana and screaming T, BTW
    Barry098
    Tinnitus is my whole body alarm clock. I don't even have to set an alarm anymore, I just jolt awake.
    View previous comments…
    Barry098
    @RunningMan and @Joshua Macleod thanks for your feedback. The hardest part of dealing with T for me is lack of good sleep. Yesterday was a surprisingly quiet T day (that has never happened to me so early on after an injury). Last night I really thought I would finally get a good nights sleep but it was waking me up all night. Very exhausting and frustrating.
    Joshua Macleod
    I can only speak for myself, and I genuinely hope this happens for you too, but my sleep is so much better now than a year ago. I do sometimes still struggle to get to sleep, but I suspect that's unrelated life stresses. That said, I've been in those situations where you just cannot get to sleep.
    RunningMan
    I can usually get to sleep initially ok, but an hour or two later, I'm usually waking up, and after a time or two of that, I can't get back to sleep without zolpidem. I had some sleep improvement in the first few months of severe tinnitus when I sometimes got no sleep, but sleep is consistently poor still - 5 hr average broken sleep maybe.
    Barry098
    Does it make anyone else anxious to listen directly to your T? To me it kind of feels like looking the devil right in the eyes…
    View previous comments…
    Barry098
    @gameover i totally understand where you are. It draws all kinds of emotions out of you. I've dealt with this so long now though that I've entered this familiarity stage where it almost feels like an annoying relative that comes to visit. Or maybe I just have Stockholm syndrome at this point because I don't feel anger anymore.
    crescentsky
    yeah at times if there is like a new tone or sound or new volume. I would say about 20% anxiety and 80% misery + hopelessness. Fam & friends also adds to the anxiety, esp when they are demanding or questioning my life decisions.
    Barry098
    @crescentsky that sounds like my story for many years. This recent time though, it's weird but I have no anger, self pity or resentment about this. I think, I've pretty much made peace with this condition…so I only have the 20% anxiety that you describe…
    Barry098
    I have an amazing ability to forget how bad screaming tinnitus is once my ears calm down. Don't want to make this mistake again…
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