Another Option for Me — Suicide

[Vincent R]

After suffering with higher tinnitus since March and the associated anxiety and depression and all the other issues I've had to suffer along the years I'm seriously considering suicide. I just want to be able to sleep in peace, it's come to the point now where even sleep is no ways an exit to the hurt. Horrific nightmares, waking up and suffering with hurt all day, regret, self pity. I just can't do it anymore, I've lost my will to live.

I was looking at ways to kill yourself both painlessly and quickly, I just cannot see a future of me being bright and happy, I feel so bad for my family around me, but I feel things will never improve for me.

Death taken with your own hands is a flight. I'm not saying there's any shame in it, but no triumph either.

Death arriving on its own, after you've edured what cannot be endured, is a reward.

If you commit suicide you'll simultaneosly sabotaging your own reward.

 

[RicoS]

Death taken with your own hands is a flight. I'm not saying there's any shame in it, but no triumph either.

Death arriving on its own, after you've edured what cannot be endured, is a reward.

If you commit suicide you'll simultaneosly sabotaging your own reward.

Well God works in mysterious ways and never talk to you directly only through signs...so perhaps the louder your T is the louder the call from God is to go to him and we just keep ignoring him so he ramps up T to make his message clear. Still do not listen? ...put some anxiety and a depression with it to make the message even more clear.
He is waiting and waiting and we misinterpreting his signs. (It is just how you see things from a point of view)

 

[Lex]

Death arriving on its own, after you've edured what cannot be endured, is a reward.

If you commit suicide you'll simultaneosly sabotaging your own reward.

I like your attitude and I wish I had it. But even before T and H, I already had to deal with years of anxiety and depression at a young age. I barely made out of that alive after so much struggling. It made me see life as a burden imposed on me, an unwanted gift I was given (which is why "life is a gift" lost its meaning to me). I've always felt like that ever since, so getting T and H just intensified that. I'm still around because I don't want to pass before my mom if I can help it. But it's living for other people and not for myself, so there is no satisifaction in it. I'm just biding for my time.

 

[Paulmanlike]

I like your attitude and I wish I had it. But even before T and H, I already have to deal with years of anxiety and depression at a young age. I barely made out of that alive after so much struggling. It made me see life as a burden imposed on me, an unwanted gift I was given (which is why "life is a gift" lost its meaning to me). I've always felt like that ever since, so getting T and H just intensified that. I'm still around because I don't want to pass before my mom if I can help it. But it's living for other people and not myself, so there is no satisifaction in it. I'm just biding for my time.

Had similar problems Lex, serious anxiety issues and bad bouts of depression, fighting through another day. Feel like I can't rest from my mind and I'm tired.

Well God works in mysterious ways and never talk to you directly only through signs...so perhaps the louder your T is the louder the call from God is to go to him and we just keep ignoring him so he ramps up T to make his message clear. Still do not listen? ...put some anxiety and a depression with it to make the message even more clear.
He is waiting and waiting and we misinterpreting his signs. (It is just how you see things from a point of view)

Tried praying to God, even hoping he would talk to me in my dreams but all I see are nightmares. I try and conclude meanings from them but can't work them out.

 

[Lex]

@Paulmanlike It does get tiring. I know I am exhausted and it shows. People in my life can tell how badly I don't want to be here anymore. Even my mom -- who is religious -- prays that I find peace, whether it's through getting healed or getting called back home (a nicer way of saying "dying"). But of course, she doesn't want me to commit suicide (and understandably so). I honestly don't want to either. It's complicated and scary, I understand that much. I just wish not to wake up one day soon.

Here's hoping we get the rest we seek without bringing it upon ourselves.

 

[Paulmanlike]

@Paulmanlike It does get tiring. I know I am exhausted and it shows. People in my life can tell how badly I don't want to be here anymore. Even my mom -- who is religious -- prays that I find peace, whether it's through getting healed or getting called back home (a nicer way of saying "dying"). But of course, she doesn't want me to commit suicide (and understandably so). I honestly don't want to either. It's complicated and scary, I understand that much. I just don't want to wake up one day soon.

Here's hoping we get the rest we seek without bringing it upon ourselves.

Let's hope so lex, I've been thinking a lot about death lately. Very strange feelings/thoughts.

 

[RicoS]

Had similar problems Lex, serious anxiety issues and bad bouts of depression, fighting through another day. Feel like I can't rest from my mind and I'm tired.



Tried praying to God, even hoping he would talk to me in my dreams but all I see are nightmares. I try and conclude meanings from them but can't work them out.

So he did not respond to you? Perhaps he was to busy with other stuff. The only one who can help you is you. I am an MMA teacher and always in the ring or octagon before fighters go into a fight they pray to God that they will win.... But the one who wins says .. "God answered my prayers!" and the other one says "God has bigger plans for me".
The one who wins gives an after speech like this. "Dear people ...in the first place I want to thank God ....etc etc etc"

You know how rude this is for a trainer.... I was there sweating with him in the gym, learning him stuff, drive him from the gym and home. Picked him up when he could not go on etc etc... Where was God....did he do all those things.... So he should thank his trainers first not God. Who most of the time does not listen to anybody of us and we twist and turn every outcome into the positive thing of God.

You must help yourself and all the people here can tell you do not do it or do it...but you decide what is best for you. Do you think that when you are gone people cry over you for a 1000 years or something. No!!!! Nobody does..it is harsh reality but the truth. You will only be mentioned as the guy/girl who stepped out of life because of T and H or what ever and just like Gaby who quit on life ....everybody will have an opinion about you. Personally I understand it a human mind can only take so much. But some people can endure it better than others. Nobody feels what you feel only you can decide what is good for you or not.

All this bullcrap about God loves you and stuff makes me angry..... If I had all power and I wanted to show my wife I love her ....I would not ever give her T, H, PT, depression , anxiety in the first place. Not even to test her faith in me ... If I love her I would give her a life where she could experience life to the fullest and not put her on some sidetrack , not given her answers when she talks to me. I also do not want her to pray to me everyday for something good. She can use her time better. If i am all powerful I do not need people to pray to me etc etc because I do not need it I am fine as it is.

So long story short.... you do what you do ....talk here for ever if that helps you stay in this life. If you want to quit....quit! I would not hold it against you or judge you on it. I in a battle myself to stay positive and take care of my family. And believe me I hope there is an afterlife I really do and that T will not come along with it and you be in a better place. But before you leave this earth... I only advice you to take everything in mind....Have I done everything I could to deal with this crap? Do I know everything I need to know about it? etc etc etc....and after all that you still want to quit...just quit. But if you do not want to quit and just talk about quiting ...talk to a psych. They at least listen to you and give you an answer when you ask something....God will not. Or you should burn a bush and perhaps a burning bush will talk to you....worked in the past ;-)

Personally I hope you get over this suicide thought like most of us.... just like me.... I had it for months ...and it passed.... so it can also pass for you. If things do not chance you can also consider your options....
Take care and good luck !!! Pick yourself up and give life you last energy to at least give it a final run....

 

[RicoS]

But I believe that in this forum there is no one who has not strived to achieve peace (happiness), and in return, they got lost peace, forever with tinnitus.

.

Seriously!!!! what a stupid thing to say... I was super happy ...nice family , nice son, helping everybody.... , never in a fight with anybody....always doing good things.... I was happy with myself and others ....
Damn are you a troll or something

 

[canuhearmenow]

Well God works in mysterious ways and never talk to you directly only through signs...so perhaps the louder your T is the louder the call from God is to go to him and we just keep ignoring him so he ramps up T to make his message clear. Still do not listen? ...put some anxiety and a depression with it to make the message even more clear.
He is waiting and waiting and we misinterpreting his signs. (It is just how you see things from a point of view)

Since you brought up the subject of God and suicide... I believe you've got it wrong but will let you do your own reading:

https://www.openbible.info/topics/suicide

 

[RicoS]

Since you brought up the subject of God and suicide... I believe you've got it wrong but will let you do your own reading:

https://www.openbible.info/topics/suicide

What do I have wrong?
I see an internet page with letters on it .... telling things people wrote.... in the name of God and put it down as true.
What happens with real experience .... God loves people with T but does not help them.... nooooo there is always a twist like a bloody gameshow. Never straight to the point.
I went to a christian school in my youth I read the bible a dozen of times and the more I read it the more it came to my understanding that it is all written by people claiming to tell the truth of something.

If I go out on the street and tell people I talked to a burning bush and went op a mountain and told them that these are the rules to follow they put me in an asylum.

The bible is one of the most cruel books ever....

Mark 16:16
Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.

What stupid thing is that so if I am not baptized and help others all my life and do the right thing I still will be condemned. And sure all you God loving people will twist and turn to make it all sound good and we should read it that way and all this bla bla bla.

If you have T you are here on this forum..... neither God cured you or me. And at the end I will be judged bla bla bla etc etc etc. But know this I think if God is real he has more fun watching me kicking to his believe and doubt things and think for myself than be a religious zombie who follows him with millions of other zombies doing all the same thing.

2 Peter 2:9
Then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment,

Well he did not rescue you from T did he ? A ndkeep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgement. What the hack happened to forgiveness. If I am angry at somebody I can forgive him and not put punish him or her for the rest of his or her life.

Philippians 1:21-23
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.

So suicide is an option because depart and be with Christ seems to be far better.... But of course I read it wrong? Than the Bible should be written in children type English so we all can understand it.

You believe what you want about suicide and I really do not care... I wish I was that naive to believe in a God so perhaps you can handle T better believing in book. And I give you people all the credit for that it is your own choice what you believe. But do not tell me what is wrong or right.

Having more than one wife is in our society wrong but in other cultures a good thing and you can have 4 wives. Right or wrong is only what society claims it to be in rules written by man and because more people follow those rules than there are not it is indoctrinated as the true right or wrong, but is in the end just written down by man and we all confirm to it and take the punishment if we break these rules.

Nature has no wrtiitenrules and rules are only here because we as people are so damned selfish that we cannot live without them and be nice to each other. We need money to buy food but in Africa people starve to dead every day also children...where is your God ???? Kids with bonecancer? Where is your God helping them? Go to Africa and show those people in need of food the Bible...tell them this will cure there day to day hunger. It is nature.... some have luck others do not. The weak die first the strong survive...but we create some called society where it is important which car you drive, which cloths to wear, how many Facebook friends you have etc etc etc and we call our self advanced. But we are the cockroaches of the earth....wearing it down until there is nothing left. If we all want we could have food for everybody on this planet.... but guess what we do not look further than our TV screen and our Instagram and Facebook.
60 poeple dead in Irak because of a bomb.....23 children of 60 are dead.....but it is just a little news item....but we are still looking for Nathalie Hollaway.

People do not want to discuss their believes on this forum and we are so called all looking out for each other. We all have strong opinions about suicide....well it is a forum and I do not have any opinion on suicide. You get born...it is your life and you have to make it the best you can. If you think you had enough than you do your thing.
If God exists and you take your own life than he is a loving God and will forgive you because he is all knowing all loving. If God sends you to hell and burn for ever after you lived you life with T as long as you could he is a prick and I would not want to join his club anyway.

If I read the bible to me God is a dictator which wants everything on his terms. I lived a good life until i got T and H and if he wants to test me just when I have a son of 1 years old than screw this selfish prick and let him switch the channel to some of his believers which also got T and H and he does not want to cure and leave me out of this group.

And no I do not hate religions for some people they give stability in life...good for them... a lot of friends of mine believe in God and we can have healthy discussions about it. I like the Bible as a book and I love the movies...but to me it is just a book and a movie....

If suicide comes in to play and you want to help another forum member and he or she believes in God or not help them by all means..... this is just me talking.... a sinner in Gods eyes (although I do not know what I did wrong)...but we are all sinners anyway

And perhaps a cure for T will be found or not...... perhaps you can live with it and others not..... fact remain .... it is what it is ..... and if God cannot cure T ...who can? But know this.... I will never give up to cure my T so if God gives up I am not!

 

[canuhearmenow]

What do I have wrong?
I see an internet page with letters on it .....

Your reading comprehension must leave room for improvement, and I'm not wading through a wall of text.

I don't think God wants anyone to commit suicide and if you think otherwise then there is no point in further discussion on the issue.

I'm not going to change my viewpoint, doubt you will either and I have better things to do than argue pointlessly on a message board.

 

[Raphael7713]

Think like this: One day we'll die anyways and become free. But until then try to live this rare life. I know it's not always easy, but give it time and do things that you enjoy. Eventually we'll be set free.

 

[Vincent R]

I like your attitude and I wish I had it. But even before T and H, I already had to deal with years of anxiety and depression at a young age. I barely made out of that alive after so much struggling. It made me see life as a burden imposed on me, an unwanted gift I was given (which is why "life is a gift" lost its meaning to me). I've always felt like that ever since, so getting T and H just intensified that. I'm still around because I don't want to pass before my mom if I can help it. But it's living for other people and not for myself, so there is no satisifaction in it. I'm just biding for my time.

It's fine to live your life as if it were an exacting duty, something you have to carry out before being able to leave at peace with yourself.

Because it's not merely a perception. What you feel is how it actually is.

You're a girl who found yourself with a hammer in the hand and now use it to drive in nails. After all, what else are you supposed to do with it?

I understand how some people will choose nothingness -- no consciousness, no awareness, no self, no happiness because it also means no pain, no suffering, no fear.

Nothingness don't suffer from not existing, that's certainly true. Considering the vast complexity of reality, though, it seems a bit speculative to assume that death is something so simplistic. It's too early to write off the prospect of better times*.

*If "time" remains an applicable concept, that is. No way to know for sure with these things, obviously.