Be Honest. Do You Still Enjoy Life?

More like being altruistic for the mild and moderate (maybe?) cases out there.

 

After a couple of years of tinnitus, I started to once again enjoy my life as well as I did before I had it. My tinnitus fluctuates in intensity but even at its worst, I'm not aware of it most of the time.

The only thing that I miss, which I did not do very often even before tinnitus, is attending concerts and movies, but that could be done with ear protection if I really wanted to.

 

The vast majority either don't have tinnitus or it's mild. I have talked to others about it. They were already aware if they had a mild case. And even mild cases can clear it from their mind easily, like I used to be able to do a couple years ago.

 

Initially I didn't, I wasn't able to focus on or enjoy anything in my life and it really felt like no one would understand what I was going through because they either had very low standard tinnitus that I think most people can hear in very silent rooms or they didn't have any ringing.

I was overly cautious, afraid of listening to music, going outside etc. As time went on I was personally able to manage the sound sensitivity, ENTs were of zero help on this issue, it was purely cognitive. I still am careful about exposing myself to sounds/checking medications for side effects, but am able to do most of the things I would ordinarily do.

With that said, I don't go to loud concerts or bars, and wear earmuffs when using power tools. I also tell my kids to keep it down when they're screaming too loud.

 

Of course.

I wasn't looking for an approval from you my dear, just giving you my 2 cents on reasons why someone won't talk about it. There are reasons beyond what you'd assume.

Anyway, best of luck with your condition. I hope you feel better.

That's more like it.

I just don't want to be the reason their tinnitus gets triggered. I'd hate to see anyone I love go through this.

 

Yes. I have Meniere’s disease and refuse to let it rule my life. In addition to tinnitus I have random vertigo, hyperacusis, ear fullness, and unsteadiness. The tinnitus has changed to a new tone recently and I’m learning to habituate all over again.

I find that consciously focusing on other sounds helps so I’ll watch a show I really want to see or listen to a favorite song while I do housework. Especially music that makes me want to dance along as I clean. We still go fishing, take the dogs to the park or for a walk, I still ride my bike and am planning a hike when it cools off some.

I have appointment next week to get hearing aids, and I’ve invested in a few pairs of ear plugs for the bad hyperacusis days when I can’t do sound. I lost my job after my last vertigo attack because I was unable to return to work for a couple of weeks and they wouldn’t hold my job for me, but I am looking. That was a blessing really, I hated the job and didn’t care for the people.

So yes, I do enjoy my life. It’s not perfect and I still have all the normal problems, but tinnitus is absolutely NOT going to rule my life.

 

Since my tinnitus went from mild to moderate, my QoL reduced significantly. I have stopped going to concerts (which almost all of my friends still go to, I’m 25), I was constantly anxious about getting another worsening and nights were like hell. This is of course absolutely doable in contrast to people that have much more severe tinnitus/hyperacusis and luckily things have been going better. The volume of my tinnitus hasn’t reduced in the slightest, but emotional reactions to the sound are improving.

So: am I enjoying life right now? Meh, kinda.

 

Have hearing aids provided any relief?

 

No, I do not enjoy my life anymore after my tinnitus worsened in the beginning of this year. Mild tinnitus was difficult for me, but nothing like what I'm struggling with now.

I honestly feel that I don't really have a life, which I'm even ashamed to write, because I have the world's most wonderful and supportive boyfriend and great friends. But living with a permanent alien sound in my brain is inhuman. I have lost my appetite, I can only think and talk about tinnitus and I am crying all the time. I have nothing to look forward to and even "fun" times are no fun at all. I feel like giving up one hundred times a day and only some sort of weird primal survival instinct enables me to carry on. Doing the laundry, going to work, making the bed, preparing dinner, exercising... All these things seem pointless when you know you'll never be able to truly "reap the awards" of your efforts because no matter where you are, the godless demonic sound accompanies you. Never alone, never at peace. I feel like I'm being punished for being a horrible human being, because why else would I need to go through this? I find myself feeling relieved that I don't have any kids because I would not be able to take proper care of them during this ordeal. I am certain of it. I can't even properly take care of myself, and I'm making people around me miserable by being in so much pain.

It's heartbreaking to think of my life just 7 months ago. Was I always happy and problem-free back then? Of course not, but that's life and we all deal with it and find our happy moments and highlights. When life hits us hard, we can look forward to at least getting a good night's rest and peace to recharge for the next challenge life decides to throw. With tinnitus, that luxury is gone forever.

I am not coping, and I don't know what to do. I am scared, unhappy and lonely.

 

I understand 100 percent and am in the same boat. Nobody understands the loss. The suffering.

7 months for me too. It just gets worse and worse for me. Can’t handle it.

I wish you all the best.

 

For lack of better words, no. My life is over.

 

Tinnitus has severely diminished my enjoyment of life. I still hope that it will get better.

 

Enjoying life or not enjoying life is a day to day thing whether or not someone has tinnitus or not. I love life!

Was my life better before tinnitus? That's impossible to say. In the beginning, sure, I was looking to kill myself. That was around 30 years ago, and it is not nearly as loud now as it was in the beginning. Or maybe I'm habituated to it; it amounts to the same thing.

I still have times when it is super loud. During those times no amount of masking helps at all. But it has always gone down at some point. Some of this is in my control. I know that doing certain things makes it louder, so not doing those things is the way to go. I had to stop smoking weed, which created some really loud tinnitus episodes.

Each day is what we make of it, and that has remained the same. During those bad times, I get out and about, ride my bike, or get involved in something that requires all of my concentration. To be honest, I think my appreciation of life has been a lot greater since getting tinnitus. It teaches me not to take anything for granted; all things are constantly changing.

Living in a senior residence as I do, I have seen so many people have strokes right out of nowhere, and others have had serious things happen to them, including suddenly dying. It gives one a lot of respect for the present moment. One day, you and I will be one of those people.

 

No. I was starting to approach some kind of normality, but then I had a big health scare, and the tinnitus drastically worsened afterward, as did my ear sensitivity. I feel like I have a Reaper from Mass Effect blaring right next to my cochlea 24/7. It fills my whole head. I have not slept in a week. I'm not eating. I talk about nothing but tinnitus and suicide. I want to crawl out of my own body. I am scaring my family.

 

I love that first sentence. Who said life was easy? Before tinnitus, I had all kinds of problems that I thought were important. Tinnitus has taught me what is truly important. I'm thankful for that message, and I will do better when I move on from this affliction. And I will move on, even if it takes years.

I was depressed and suicidal in the past. I even attempted it. I'm not going to kill myself over some ringing in my ears. At the beginning of my onset, I was in agony. I couldn't imagine how I would live like this. But other sufferers told me it would get better. I found hope in that, and it did.

Nine months later, I'm coping. I take steps forward and steps back, but I am always trying to move forward. I have people who depend on me, and I have plans. Giving up is not an option. For such a negative person that I was, I am surprised by my resilience. Everything happens for a reason.

 

Everything happens for a reason! So why after 13 months of hell, just as I began feeling better and started moving on, my hyperacusis got massively worse? 2 months after that, noxacusis started!

Why is my son meant to grow up without me around? Why can't I lead a normal life, work, or even help around the house?

Everything happens for a reason is so BS.

I hate my life. I had nine years of agoraphobia from 23 until 32; I got help when I found out I was going to be a dad. I worked really hard for two years to get better. I started leaving the house again and got on a college course to become a social worker to help adults with learning difficulties, and a job at a halfway house for the homeless. 2-3 weeks before my son turned 1, I got severe tinnitus. It was awful, but after 12 months, I started to feel better, got my driving license, and started thinking about going back to college. 13 months in, my hyperacusis got massively worse. I started using hearing protection around my son, when driving, and in the kitchen. 3 months later, noxacusis started. I now have no audio on at all, hearing protection around the house, and barely go out or be around my son.

I hate my life and have made plans to end it; I just need to build the courage.

Mild sufferers have no idea and are used to defend themselves. Those who said differently and the truth, I'm so sorry.

 

You're fortunate to have such mild tinnitus, per your past posts, that makes it easy to say such a thing.

Many of us have severe tinnitus that just gets worse, not to mention other issues such as hyperacusis, noxacusis, reactivity, TTTS, anxiety, insomnia, etc.

Life definitely isn't even a fraction as enjoyable as it used to be when I had mild tinnitus that you could habituate to.

 

Please, watch your words. You may truly be hurting others, and I don't suppose it is your intention. I am glad you find the level of your tinnitus, of whatever severity, manageable. I really do. But do not denigrate other sufferers who are considering offing themselves. I assure you it is not because of "some ringing in ears." It hurts when it comes from people who have not experienced debilitating tinnitus, but it hurts even more who have allegedly also suffered from it. Some say "mild" sufferers are the worst enemy of the severe ones because they add to the stigma this is a mental issue when it isn't. And they may be correct.

Yes, most likely, there is a reason you or I got tinnitus: a combination of ignorance and noise exposure. For some, it is shit luck in the form of a virus, side effect of a medication, etc. That's the only reason here. It's understandable people cope by attaching "reasons," "meanings," or "signs" for whatever crap they end up dealing with. But that's just a way to cope.

 

I'm at the absolutely lowest point in my life. I try to keep faith that somehow I will survive this shit.

 

No and I can't see myself enjoying life anymore. I destroyed my ears and they are gone forever. I lost almost all the things that gave me joy and am still in the process of losing more. I just try to enjoy small segments of a day. There are good and bad days. I just want the reactiveness to go, please...

 

I'm still finding life, in between my catastrophic tinnitus, to be enjoyable, especially today. My granddaughter (13 years old) is spending the night and is currently making cookies with my wife to share for Easter Sunday dinner at my mother-in-law's home. Planning on a small, quiet dinner is something I'm looking forward to.

I'm finding joy in the activities that involve my family: having a heart to heart conversation with my son about his failing 2nd marriage today and informing him about my stage 3 renal failure; this, surprisingly, had lifted me up and helped relieve the burden of my declined health.

I'm finding joy, although the noise in my head is ever present, by cooking three meals a day to share with my wife and cleaning the dishes after the meal. Slowly and carefully cleaning the dishes has become a somewhat zen activity for me.

I've given up lamenting the things that I enjoyed pre-tinnitus, to now focus on what I can do now. Accepting that life has changed and turning towards life that now is, has improved my outlook to what time remains in my life.

Life sucks and then you die, for me, is a backwards approach. Life that you control until you die allows me to focus on and accept the life I have instead.

 

It's not easy to say for someone who has been suicidal.

It is easier to say for someone who wants to live for the others around them and holds out hope for improvement and treatment. My life has changed forever; I just choose whatever bit of optimism I can muster. I've had enough self-pity in my life.

Sorry for what you are going through. I do not have "mild" tinnitus and can empathize. But I'm not looking for a debate. I am simply answering the OP in terms of my experience and no one else's.

 

So, do we have self-pity? Do you think we don't want to be here for our loved ones? You're an ignorant joker. You have mild tinnitus; I've read your posts since you have been here. You just don't get it. Maybe stop with your BS.

You think my post explaining I'm suicidal is funny! Gaslighting POS!

 

No. I lost everything. Even though my tinnitus is absolutely crazy and worsens all the time, it's not my biggest problem. With severe hyperacusis, you cannot do anything. I no longer feel like a human.

 

My insomnia is very bad.

It's worse than tinnitus.

Pray for me.

 

I've had friends, family and multiple church congregations pray for me to no avail. I lost my faith in God because of tinnitus.

 

I don't believe in prayer, but I do believe in better living through chemistry.

Have you tried all the hypnotic prescription drugs? I have. Really, all of them because my health insurer wanted me to find the cheapest one that worked. The only one that works for me is Zolpidem (Ambien). If you haven't yet, try them all. The downside of Zolpidem is that you build tolerance, so you cannot take it every night.

Good luck.

 

Zolpidem was the first prescription medication I ever took specifically for sleep. I've been taking it for over two years, nearly every night straight for the last several months. I keep my tolerance down by taking a partial tablet overnight when I wake up and can't sleep, like 1.4 mg sublingual. Sometimes, it only keeps me asleep for about an hour, sometimes longer.

I'm trying out a much more expensive sleep med now called Quviviq (Daridorexant). The only issue with insurance is the higher co-pay and having to meet the plan deductible first. I didn't have to go through step therapy or involve a doctor except to write a prescription for it instead of Zolpidem. Unfortunately, it's not working to this point after several days, so I might not be on it for long.

 

I'm rooting for you, @BB23 - and pray for better days for you.

Insomnia is truly a horrible thing. I remember in my early days when I was struck with hyperacusis for the first time. I barely slept at all for two straight weeks, and I was a zombie that could not function.

Healing nerves and such pretty much all happens when sleeping, so sleep is crucial for virtually any healing and repair of mind and body.

 

When I first got tinnitus, I clung to the "fake it till you make it" mantra. I tried to convince myself that things would turn around, that someday, the constant ringing in my ears would just fade into the background because no one could live this way. I was so desperate that I even volunteered for one of those early clinical trials for tinnitus drugs, crossing my fingers for a breakthrough. But nothing came from it.

My hyperacusis was brutal, practically chaining me to my home. Every conversation with loved ones felt like an ordeal, triggering a painful burning sensation and a sense of fullness in my ears. It was a daily struggle, with each day feeling like a marathon, just trying to make it through, along with a host of other tinnitus-related issues.

Over the years, I faced my fair share of setbacks and wrestled with other health issues that nearly robbed me of my mobility. It took me years to regain even a fraction of the independence I once had.

I was suicidal for a few periods in my life. In those moments, I just pushed myself for one more day, then again the next day, and the day after that. I'm still healing from the trauma that tinnitus and other issues had on me with the help of medicines and therapy. I'm slightly surprised I'm still here ten years later, posting on Tinnitus Talk.

There is a quote by the late Cormac McCarthy that resonates deeply with me: "Keep a little fire burning; however small, however, hidden." Many will be surprised by where they are and how much joy is still possible in life, given enough time. Find out what your fire is, and make sure to kindle it; refuse to let it die out.

Despite all the BS that happened and the pain and trauma, there were moments of pure magic. I pushed myself to live—to travel, to hang out at bars, to soak up time with family, to fall in and out of love, and yes, even to attend events with loud live music (with trusty earplugs always on standby). Sure, looking back, some of my choices probably made my tinnitus worse, but I don't regret a single one.