Member"She loves her special mum,
and is trying to make her
all better. Pussycats just know..."
xxx
Don’t Know If I Can Keep Going
- Thread starter TracyJS
- Start date
"She loves her special mum,
and is trying to make her
all better. Pussycats just know..."
xxx
- Jul 29, 2018
- 125
- 63
- Tinnitus Since
- 07/2018
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Phone ring tone directly in my ear/hearing loss 15% l, 25% r
Hi Tracy JohnCC again, Just wanted to check in, say hi, and see how you are still doing. I also read a really good thread - Given Time, it does get better by Sheamus - in the Support Category. Actually it is a couple of threads/postings above yours. I do not know if you have read it, but I think it actually speaks very much to your situation. I think it is one of those, 'came at the right time' from someone who was in a similar situation. It speaks to hope and future possibilities. Let me know what you think about it?
All my support, JohnCC
All my support, JohnCC
Tracy, I don't swing by this place all that much these days, but this is me writing in another forum several years ago. It is pretty obvious that I was in a very bad place at the time, and it was frustrating too because I had had tinnitus for quite a while already, and had been the recipient of lots of support and some very good advice from veterans, very little of which was sinking in. Here's what I wrote:
"I certainly have profound suicidal ideations. Now my tinnitus fluctuates between being extremely loud and off the scale.It's just day after day of searing, squealing, hissing madness.Basically, I just don't understand what people are going on about when they use the word 'habituation'. How can one become less aware of sounds that are so loud, incessant, harsh and grating? CBT doesn't impress me either because it deals with cognitive distortions and not the primal emotions of fear,loathing and utter frustration/desperation that are so much a part of one's reaction to tinnitus.Sorry to sound so gloomy. But I see my situation as almost utterly bereft of hope."
"Much as I applaud the courage and tenacity of many of the contributors to this thread, there has to be a place here for people like myself who have struggled with very severe tinnitus for so long and simply do not wish to continue with that struggle any longer.We deserve the option of assisted suicide."
To cut a long story short, several years further down the road, I have now habituated to a point where I find my tinnitus occasionally annoying and distracting. Very occasionally, it can blindside me for a while. But usually, not for long. When it is at its peak, I can still sometimes go several hours without noticing it, even if I'm sitting in a relatively silent room.
You and others may draw whatever conclusions you like after reading this. Maybe you will think. 'Ah, this guy's tinnitus couldn't have been all that loud in the first place'. And that's fair enough. Tinnitus is a subjective experience that makes comparisons difficult. Plus, although my tinnitus is 'reactive' and fluctuates, I don't have accompanying ear pain or hyperacusis (though I did have tensor tympani syndrome for a while too).
All I am saying is that I was in a very bad place for a very long time and yet I still got through it. The logic of habituation (that if you decouple the infernal racket from the profoundly aversive reaction it provokes it will slip below the level of conscious awareness) has, in the long run, proved to be valid in my case.
This may not be any kind of substitute for a cure. But it is way beyond stoic endurance. I'm not merely putting up with tinnitus, or 'coping' with it.
As far as anxiety is concerned, Bronwyn Fox's Power Over Panic is a brief publication that I found helpful. Another good one is The Mindful Way Through Anxiety by Susan M. Orsillo and Lizabeth Roemer.
Anyway, perhaps reading what I have written will encourage a few people not to lose hope. That is all I am aiming for.
"I certainly have profound suicidal ideations. Now my tinnitus fluctuates between being extremely loud and off the scale.It's just day after day of searing, squealing, hissing madness.Basically, I just don't understand what people are going on about when they use the word 'habituation'. How can one become less aware of sounds that are so loud, incessant, harsh and grating? CBT doesn't impress me either because it deals with cognitive distortions and not the primal emotions of fear,loathing and utter frustration/desperation that are so much a part of one's reaction to tinnitus.Sorry to sound so gloomy. But I see my situation as almost utterly bereft of hope."
"Much as I applaud the courage and tenacity of many of the contributors to this thread, there has to be a place here for people like myself who have struggled with very severe tinnitus for so long and simply do not wish to continue with that struggle any longer.We deserve the option of assisted suicide."
To cut a long story short, several years further down the road, I have now habituated to a point where I find my tinnitus occasionally annoying and distracting. Very occasionally, it can blindside me for a while. But usually, not for long. When it is at its peak, I can still sometimes go several hours without noticing it, even if I'm sitting in a relatively silent room.
You and others may draw whatever conclusions you like after reading this. Maybe you will think. 'Ah, this guy's tinnitus couldn't have been all that loud in the first place'. And that's fair enough. Tinnitus is a subjective experience that makes comparisons difficult. Plus, although my tinnitus is 'reactive' and fluctuates, I don't have accompanying ear pain or hyperacusis (though I did have tensor tympani syndrome for a while too).
All I am saying is that I was in a very bad place for a very long time and yet I still got through it. The logic of habituation (that if you decouple the infernal racket from the profoundly aversive reaction it provokes it will slip below the level of conscious awareness) has, in the long run, proved to be valid in my case.
This may not be any kind of substitute for a cure. But it is way beyond stoic endurance. I'm not merely putting up with tinnitus, or 'coping' with it.
As far as anxiety is concerned, Bronwyn Fox's Power Over Panic is a brief publication that I found helpful. Another good one is The Mindful Way Through Anxiety by Susan M. Orsillo and Lizabeth Roemer.
Anyway, perhaps reading what I have written will encourage a few people not to lose hope. That is all I am aiming for.
Hi @TracyJS ,
First I want to say hello fellow feline friend. Riley is adorable. My murdering fuzz ball would also like to say hello if thats OK. His name is Leo.
Secondly, I suffer from anxiety panic disorder which started 8 months ago, 2 years after T onset. I'll share with you how I managed it and pushed through it in hopes that it might help.
At its worst, my anxiety was so bad that I could no longer fall asleep on my own. I was up for 3 days straight until I went to the ER and was prescribed Ativan. I worked like a miracle and I slept for 12 hours afterwards. But I was aware of the addiction it can cause and wanted to get off of it as fast as possible. I tried everything I knew at the time to go back to sleep but I couldn't. So 3 days later I had to take Ativan again and could finally sleep. So how did I break the cycle and mange my anxiety and panic attacks? These are things that helped.
First, I got out of my apartment and stayed at a family friends house. The change of scenery helped me not think about my anxiety since I think I was associating it with my bedroom to some degree. Another thing that helped was this. My family friend was a health nut and he made me this amazing vegetable soup. Had like 12 different kinds of vegetables. And I swear, after I ate that thing, I felt sleepy and calm. What I realized later on was my diet was extremely limiting and I was missing a variety of minerals and vitamins that help my brain regulate anxiety. So I make the soup myself. But thats not all. I also did a ton of research on what natural supplements help for anxiety. There are lots. I think I tried 12 different kinds. This is what I stuck with based on what worked and with the fewest side effects. Overall you want ones that increase GABA naturally. Thats exactly what Ativan and Xanex do. They increase GABA but in a unnatural ways that causes addiction. Because what happens is if you take Ativan for too long then your anxiety comes on even stronger and your body needs Ativan to cope. So I'd taper off as soon as possible.
PharmaGABA - This definitely helped increase the GABA in my brain and reduce my anxiety. its different from just plain old GABA so avoid that one. This one is absorbed differently and takes about 30-60 minutes to feel its effects. I highly recommend the chewable tablets which taste yummy and to suck on them, not chew them, so they are absorbed partially in the blood stream.
Liquid Passion Flower - This is another supplement that helped increase GABA. I was already using it as a sleep aid. Its a miracle herb. I recommend getting liquid drops that are alcohol free.
Magnesium - This is a mineral that a lot of people are deficient in and it has a calming effect. I starting taking this daily and its helped me keep my anxiety leveled. I dont like pills so I get one thats a powder that dissolves in water that you can drink.
Ashwagandha - This does help but in a different way. I don't use it much anymore but this improves your stress response. It doesn't increase GABA but effects cortisol levels instead. But if nothing else works then its worth trying.
So those are the things I take regularly when I feel my anxiety increasing. Now there are a few other things that has helped lifestyle wise. Seeing a therapist helped immensely. Being able to just unload your thoughts was a huge help and getting constructing supportive feedback was also very helpful. Helps you get out of your head. The other thing that helped, and this may not apply to you but I will mention it anyways, was often my panic attacks would come on in the middle of the night. I live alone and no one to talk to so I would call local and national crisis lines. Being able to just talk to someone at 3 am for 15 minutes made all the difference. So that could be an option for you if you feel your thoughts are just racing out of control. There are also called Warm Lines which are open day and night and are not considered crisis lines. It can vary by state but if there are none in your state, you can call other ones in other states as some don't restrict where you are calling from. One last thing that has also helped me was a book called Stop Obsessing. It really helps control obsessive thoughts which definitely trigger anxiety. You can probably find it at your local library even. Its an older book but these 2 doctors really know their stuff.
I hope something here will help and as others have said, you will adapt. You will habituate. Your wonderful brain will change and eventually you wont care nearly as much. Its not magic, it doesn't require a doctor or some pill. Its all you and you wont need to depend on anyone or anything to have it happen. You just need to hang in there and let your brain do it's thing,
First I want to say hello fellow feline friend. Riley is adorable. My murdering fuzz ball would also like to say hello if thats OK. His name is Leo.
Secondly, I suffer from anxiety panic disorder which started 8 months ago, 2 years after T onset. I'll share with you how I managed it and pushed through it in hopes that it might help.
At its worst, my anxiety was so bad that I could no longer fall asleep on my own. I was up for 3 days straight until I went to the ER and was prescribed Ativan. I worked like a miracle and I slept for 12 hours afterwards. But I was aware of the addiction it can cause and wanted to get off of it as fast as possible. I tried everything I knew at the time to go back to sleep but I couldn't. So 3 days later I had to take Ativan again and could finally sleep. So how did I break the cycle and mange my anxiety and panic attacks? These are things that helped.
First, I got out of my apartment and stayed at a family friends house. The change of scenery helped me not think about my anxiety since I think I was associating it with my bedroom to some degree. Another thing that helped was this. My family friend was a health nut and he made me this amazing vegetable soup. Had like 12 different kinds of vegetables. And I swear, after I ate that thing, I felt sleepy and calm. What I realized later on was my diet was extremely limiting and I was missing a variety of minerals and vitamins that help my brain regulate anxiety. So I make the soup myself. But thats not all. I also did a ton of research on what natural supplements help for anxiety. There are lots. I think I tried 12 different kinds. This is what I stuck with based on what worked and with the fewest side effects. Overall you want ones that increase GABA naturally. Thats exactly what Ativan and Xanex do. They increase GABA but in a unnatural ways that causes addiction. Because what happens is if you take Ativan for too long then your anxiety comes on even stronger and your body needs Ativan to cope. So I'd taper off as soon as possible.
PharmaGABA - This definitely helped increase the GABA in my brain and reduce my anxiety. its different from just plain old GABA so avoid that one. This one is absorbed differently and takes about 30-60 minutes to feel its effects. I highly recommend the chewable tablets which taste yummy and to suck on them, not chew them, so they are absorbed partially in the blood stream.
Liquid Passion Flower - This is another supplement that helped increase GABA. I was already using it as a sleep aid. Its a miracle herb. I recommend getting liquid drops that are alcohol free.
Magnesium - This is a mineral that a lot of people are deficient in and it has a calming effect. I starting taking this daily and its helped me keep my anxiety leveled. I dont like pills so I get one thats a powder that dissolves in water that you can drink.
Ashwagandha - This does help but in a different way. I don't use it much anymore but this improves your stress response. It doesn't increase GABA but effects cortisol levels instead. But if nothing else works then its worth trying.
So those are the things I take regularly when I feel my anxiety increasing. Now there are a few other things that has helped lifestyle wise. Seeing a therapist helped immensely. Being able to just unload your thoughts was a huge help and getting constructing supportive feedback was also very helpful. Helps you get out of your head. The other thing that helped, and this may not apply to you but I will mention it anyways, was often my panic attacks would come on in the middle of the night. I live alone and no one to talk to so I would call local and national crisis lines. Being able to just talk to someone at 3 am for 15 minutes made all the difference. So that could be an option for you if you feel your thoughts are just racing out of control. There are also called Warm Lines which are open day and night and are not considered crisis lines. It can vary by state but if there are none in your state, you can call other ones in other states as some don't restrict where you are calling from. One last thing that has also helped me was a book called Stop Obsessing. It really helps control obsessive thoughts which definitely trigger anxiety. You can probably find it at your local library even. Its an older book but these 2 doctors really know their stuff.
I hope something here will help and as others have said, you will adapt. You will habituate. Your wonderful brain will change and eventually you wont care nearly as much. Its not magic, it doesn't require a doctor or some pill. Its all you and you wont need to depend on anyone or anything to have it happen. You just need to hang in there and let your brain do it's thing,
- Jul 29, 2018
- 125
- 63
- Tinnitus Since
- 07/2018
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Phone ring tone directly in my ear/hearing loss 15% l, 25% r
Hi Tracy John again. Just thought I would put out a 'Hello' and a 'How are you doing?' and a 'How's Riley doing?', and a just letting you know you are not forgotten. If you want to talk feel free to send me a note.
All my support
JohnCC
All my support
JohnCC
@another sean
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate your kindness and support. You provided a lot of helpful things to consider.
Anxiety and panic are quite challenging.
Oh my goodness, Leo is adorable!
Look at that face!
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate your kindness and support. You provided a lot of helpful things to consider.
Anxiety and panic are quite challenging.
Oh my goodness, Leo is adorable!
Look at that face!
- Jul 29, 2018
- 125
- 63
- Tinnitus Since
- 07/2018
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Phone ring tone directly in my ear/hearing loss 15% l, 25% r
Hi Tracy Great to hear from you
Did you ever get a chance to read the post by Sheamus - in the Support Category? It was a great read and it gives everyone who reads it that sometimes very hard to see thing called hope. Are there any shows or movies that you like?
JohnCC
Did you ever get a chance to read the post by Sheamus - in the Support Category? It was a great read and it gives everyone who reads it that sometimes very hard to see thing called hope. Are there any shows or movies that you like?JohnCC
How did you do it?
I've hit the rock bottom and see no way out!
It's been 8 years for me so I am losing any hope of habituation.
First of all, I have heard about people who have habituated tinnitus after having it for more than eight years. So don't write yourself off or be too hard on yourself. It took me about five years to get anywhere, and even then I was only shakily habituated for quite some time.
In my case, I decided to commit to a mindfulness programme for eight weeks (the one described in John Kabat-Zinn's book 'Full Catastrophe Living'). I did this alone. I had resolved to kill myself if I didn't get anywhere with it.
At some point in that process, I experienced a small, existential shift. I was sitting in meditation, thinking 'This is futile' with the tinnitus squealing away full pelt, when I suddenly saw the persona that accompanied the tinnitus as precisely that: a bundle of thoughts and emotions that I could continue to buy into or let go of. The realization that there was this tiny bit of wiggle room became the start of something. It wasn't an especially profound shift but it was a beginning of sorts.
Another thing that happened was that I began to stop rising to the bait of tinnitus. It was almost a slacker-type thing. I just couldn't be bothered summoning up the angst any more. Which just left me with the noise, which in turn, began to seem less emotionally salient, in spite of how loud it was.
After that, even when the tinnitus spiked or reacted unpredictably to wherever I happened to be, it slipped more and more below the level of conscious awareness.
I am fortunate that the job I do is immersive. That helped a lot too.
Lastly, I must add that I can still get blindsided by tinnitus. Occasionally, it still bothers me. For example, this week it has morphed quite a bit and been annoyingly hyper and intense.
But a lot of the time I am unaffected by it. It's weird. After a few hours, I will notice it and think , 'Jesus, that's loud!' That's more typical of my current experience.
I have no idea whether any of the above account is helpful or not. But it is the best I could do because the turning point was several years ago. However, in my living room, there's a huge dent in the door where I once head-butted it in frustration. It serves as a more vivid reminder of how bad things oncevwere.
In my case, I decided to commit to a mindfulness programme for eight weeks (the one described in John Kabat-Zinn's book 'Full Catastrophe Living'). I did this alone. I had resolved to kill myself if I didn't get anywhere with it.
At some point in that process, I experienced a small, existential shift. I was sitting in meditation, thinking 'This is futile' with the tinnitus squealing away full pelt, when I suddenly saw the persona that accompanied the tinnitus as precisely that: a bundle of thoughts and emotions that I could continue to buy into or let go of. The realization that there was this tiny bit of wiggle room became the start of something. It wasn't an especially profound shift but it was a beginning of sorts.
Another thing that happened was that I began to stop rising to the bait of tinnitus. It was almost a slacker-type thing. I just couldn't be bothered summoning up the angst any more. Which just left me with the noise, which in turn, began to seem less emotionally salient, in spite of how loud it was.
After that, even when the tinnitus spiked or reacted unpredictably to wherever I happened to be, it slipped more and more below the level of conscious awareness.
I am fortunate that the job I do is immersive. That helped a lot too.
Lastly, I must add that I can still get blindsided by tinnitus. Occasionally, it still bothers me. For example, this week it has morphed quite a bit and been annoyingly hyper and intense.
But a lot of the time I am unaffected by it. It's weird. After a few hours, I will notice it and think , 'Jesus, that's loud!' That's more typical of my current experience.
I have no idea whether any of the above account is helpful or not. But it is the best I could do because the turning point was several years ago. However, in my living room, there's a huge dent in the door where I once head-butted it in frustration. It serves as a more vivid reminder of how bad things oncevwere.
- Aug 29, 2015
- 7,069
- Tinnitus Since
- 2004
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Meniere's Disease
- Mar 6, 2018
- 496
- Tinnitus Since
- Jan 20/2018
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Most likely accoustic trauma
Just out of curiosity...if you were to assign a percentage to your tolerable days (I'm trying to avoid saying good days, because there are no good days with tinnitus on that level), versus the bad days, what would it be on average?
My few last GOOD days were in May 2017! I remember them clearly!
Since than most of the days are pure survival days and only few in between when it's bit more tolerable.
But those are not good days, just bit easier to survive!
Last edited:
- Jul 29, 2018
- 125
- 63
- Tinnitus Since
- 07/2018
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Phone ring tone directly in my ear/hearing loss 15% l, 25% r
Hi Tracy Just thought I would drop you a message to say 'hi' and see how you and Riley are doing. So HI to both you and Riley!!
If you are thinking about practising or learning about meditiation, I have been doing that for years, so if you have any questions, please feel free to send you a note.
Hope all is well, and remember, here you are not forgotten, but are important to us all.
All my best,
JohnCC
If you are thinking about practising or learning about meditiation, I have been doing that for years, so if you have any questions, please feel free to send you a note.
Hope all is well, and remember, here you are not forgotten, but are important to us all.
All my best,
JohnCC
The OP of the back to silence thread has habituated after decades of suffering with t using his method. It's never too late.
It was a similar experience for me, Sleaford, but I don't think many believe me. In fact, I've noted people taking over 10 years to habituate to a point where it has no impact on their life any more, so each journey is completely unique. No one should ever write off their life or presume to know how they'll feel the following year, or the year after, etc.
One guy of note who took over 10 years to habituate was on a news report that I saw on YouTube a while back. He described his tinnitus as a really loud metallic noise, like the screeching brakes of a subway train.
I'm good friends with rock-bottom believe me. I've come through things that I never thought would be possible and I'm still here, breathing, and in a much better place. It's not something that can be given to someone in a paragraph over the internet. It sounds cheesy, but everyone has to go on their own journey to find some kind of solace when it comes to conditions like these. What I will say, though, is that I don't think it's ever possible if you don't believe yourself that it is. There has to be 100% acceptance for someone to climb out of the hole that this condition puts us in.
Noise inside the head is unacceptable,
and yet we have to accept it.
That is the dilema, and the reality.
- Jun 6, 2013
- 1,373
- Tinnitus Since
- January 2002
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Dental Surgery
I am so sorry I have not responded sooner. Please don't think I didn't appreciate you reaching out in such a way. I am just in a really bad place. Your offer to work together is so kind. If you are still interested I'd be willing to try. PM if you want to talk about it more.
- Jun 6, 2013
- 1,373
- Tinnitus Since
- January 2002
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Dental Surgery
This is a great step @TracyJS !! I do hope you and Valeri can look into the buddy system with the mindfulness and be each others inspiration.
It is a way to deal with the anxiety and fear.
My tinnitus is loud screeching metal sounds that is non-stop. I never thought I would make it. But, I did. I still have days where it brings me to my knees usually under stress or mental exhaustion.
It is a way to deal with the anxiety and fear.
My tinnitus is loud screeching metal sounds that is non-stop. I never thought I would make it. But, I did. I still have days where it brings me to my knees usually under stress or mental exhaustion.
@Starthrower - when I first came on here I was desperately searching for those people who I really believed had this 'thing' as bad as I did.
Perhaps I was the worst case ever ???
I just had to find serious sufferers.
Without that I would be lost.
I soon found @fishbone, @Ed209, yourself and others.
Reading your histories I absolutely knew that your Tinnitus was severe.
You were not lightweight 'hobbycraft' psychobabblers.
You were like me!
I did have the will to succeed, but not the belief that I would in fact make it.
I reminded myself daily of your incredible progress each time you guys posted.
Your examples held me together throughout the coming days.
I clung on to your examples.
Like you guys, I still have low times, low days, I still have noise, of course, but the difference is that I am coming through, I am coping, I am making it, I am living my life again.
By being heroes, you showed us all that we could be heroes.
Of course, it is a terrible shame that we need heroism to come through this thing, when we should be living carefree lives, like everybody else, but I believe that courage is a necessary ingredient for our survival.
Courage can grow inside us.
A big thank you for your shining examples, and for sharing your stories and encouragement.
You made a very real difference..
Love to everybody - especially to
@TracyJS
just now.
Dave xx
Jazzer
fishbone
Member
- May 5, 2016
- 2,594
- Tinnitus Since
- 1988
- Cause of Tinnitus
- loud noise and very bad sickness
Living with severe tinnitus and -80 db hearing loss makes life not easy at all. My tinnitus has been even more demonic lately and it's even more tougher. AT the end of the day, it's all about our willpower and our courage. I know the affliction will not go away. It can get even tougher. I have two choices, either let it control me or I take control.
I had insane amounts of noise last night and the worst punishing headaches. I felt lonely as usual and I had martial arts class coming up. Due to the crazy ringing and the bad headache my bp was kinda higher. I was getting ready to go to class and I was like "This is pure hell". These Damn ears are just crazy loud. How can one person function through such an ordeal. Then I told myself, the hell with the ringing, bp and pain. I am going to class no matter what.
I don't have the luxury of getting daily support. I don't have anyone, telling me that they love me. I don't have the luxury of having someone being by my side when I am in pain and helping me. I don't have the luxury of having this demonic ringing fading and getting lower.
I live my life through the pains and epic afflictions, this is a must. Some say that we are born with strength and courage. I don't think I was born with this. This life smacked me so many times and I got tired of taking it's crap. So now I don't take it anymore and I am in warrior mode now.
I live my life and take control now. Affliction will exist, but the warrior will be the boss now and take control.
I am sorry for all that suffer from this, but I am not going to let this damn thing stop me from living my life.......
NEVER!
Bless.....
PS- Even with the amounts of hell I live through, I still smile daily. I still give and help the less fortunate. I still enjoy my life and have gratitude for my life.
