Don’t Know If I Can Keep Going

[emmalee]

I don't have the luxury of getting daily support. I don't have anyone, telling me that they love me. I don't have the luxury of having someone being by my side when I am in pain and helping me. I don't have the luxury of having this demonic ringing fading and getting lower.



PS- Even with the amounts of hell I live through, I still smile daily. I still give and help the less fortunate. I still enjoy my life and have gratitude for my life.

You have all of us, fishbone.

Your strength, determination and sheer will to live, despite your struggles, inspires so many of us here on TT.

 

[glynis]

I don't have the luxury of getting daily support. I don't have anyone, telling me that they love me. I don't have the luxury of having someone being by my side when I am in pain and helping me. I don't have the luxury of having this demonic ringing fading and getting lower.

We love you fishbone,and sending you lots of hugs xxx
love glynis x

 

[emmalee]

@Starthrower - when I first came on here I was desperately searching for those people who I really believed had this 'thing' as bad as I did.

Perhaps I was the worst case ever ???

I just had to find serious sufferers.
Without that I would be lost.
I soon found @fishbone, @Ed209, yourself and others.

Reading your histories I absolutely knew that your Tinnitus was severe.
You were not lightweight 'hobbycraft' psychobabblers.
You were like me!

I did have the will to succeed, but not the belief that I would in fact make it.
I reminded myself daily of your incredible progress each time you guys posted.
Your examples held me together throughout the coming days.
I clung on to your examples.

Like you guys, I still have low times, low days, I still have noise, of course, but the difference is that I am coming through, I am coping, I am making it, I am living my life again.
By being heroes, you showed us all that we could be heroes.
Of course, it is a terrible shame that we need heroism to come through this thing, when we should be living carefree lives, like everybody else, but I believe that courage is a necessary ingredient for our survival.
Courage can grow inside us.

A big thank you for your shining examples, and for sharing your stories and encouragement.
You made a very real difference..
Love to everybody - especially to
@TracyJS
just now.
Dave xx
Jazzer

Courage can grow inside of us Dave.

Thank-"You" for being such a shining example!

 

[Jazzer]

I don't have the luxury of getting daily support. I don't have anyone, telling me that they love me. I don't have the luxury of having someone being by my side when I am in pain and helping me

Dear fishbone, I am so sorry that you, and others on this site, don't have the companionship of a partner to support you.
If we all lived close by, we could show you.
But I need to repeat that you are very dearly loved and respected by those in this community.
You must know that.
Small consolation perhaps, but these feelings are absolutely genuine my friend.
Dave x
Jazzer

 

[Jazzer]

Courage can grow inside of us Dave.

Thank-"You" for being such a shining example!

Thank you Ems - so glad you are back, by the way.
Dave x
Jazzer

 

[emmalee]

@TracyJS

Do you want to try mindfulness with me?
We are both in the bad place so we need to do something, doing it together may be easier. What do you think?
Maybe @Sleaford Mod can guide us through.

@TracyJS
This is a wonderful idea, I hope it works out for both you and @valeri.

 

[Ed209]

@Starthrower - when I first came on here I was desperately searching for those people who I really believed had this 'thing' as bad as I did.

Perhaps I was the worst case ever ???

I just had to find serious sufferers.
Without that I would be lost.
I soon found @fishbone, @Ed209, yourself and others.

Reading your histories I absolutely knew that your Tinnitus was severe.
You were not lightweight 'hobbycraft' psychobabblers.
You were like me!

I did have the will to succeed, but not the belief that I would in fact make it.
I reminded myself daily of your incredible progress each time you guys posted.
Your examples held me together throughout the coming days.
I clung on to your examples.

Like you guys, I still have low times, low days, I still have noise, of course, but the difference is that I am coming through, I am coping, I am making it, I am living my life again.
By being heroes, you showed us all that we could be heroes.
Of course, it is a terrible shame that we need heroism to come through this thing, when we should be living carefree lives, like everybody else, but I believe that courage is a necessary ingredient for our survival.
Courage can grow inside us.

A big thank you for your shining examples, and for sharing your stories and encouragement.
You made a very real difference..
Love to everybody - especially to
@TracyJS
just now.
Dave xx
Jazzer

It's tough going Jazzer, but we can live a happy life again. I could quite easily have gone off the rails permanently; it was HARD to get back to any kind of normality. The tragedy for me was the loss of my live music career. I'm not sure if anyone can really understand the devastation this causes unless it has happened to them, and in your case Jazzer, I know you understand what it's like: to dedicate your life to music only to have the rug ripped from beneath you is an incredibly difficult situation to deal with. You can't just switch off a lifetimes worth of work overnight, and at the same time I miss the comradery of rehearsals and having a drink afterwards. I also miss not regularly seeing other bands perform, especially when it's a friends band.

However, I had a clear choice: continue to be miserable and let the depression consume me, or take stock and rebuild my life from the ground up. I reluctantly took the second option and managed to turn my life around. Don't get me wrong I still have down days but I frequently find they are more than likely not tinnitus related. My biggest issues right now relate to my chest and joints, particularly my shoulders. It seems cruel but the gym was my second sanctuary and I feel like that's been robbed from me as well with the way things are going. But I can only dust myself down and take happiness from other things such as my daughter and all the memories I can create.

Life would be so dull if we were constantly happy though wouldn't it . How would we even know the difference after a while? We sometimes need a bit of hardship to shake things up somewhat, and to allow us to appreciate what true happiness feels like when we finally experience it again. It tastes so much better and you savour it a lot more when you have been in the trenches.

It's my belief that everybody (at some point in their life) faces times of torment and misery. It's inescapable, even if you believe others have it better, I can assure you they most likely don't. I have a few friends who are multi-millionaires and have mansions with pools, cinemas, studios, arcade rooms, bars, etc, and super cars parked outside. Truly the stuff of dreams. I've had heart to hearts with one wealthy friend in particular, many times, and it's amazing how quickly and easily our barometer to life adjusts, regardless how much money you have, or what car/s you drive. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is our sanity and that's often the one thing that we neglect the most. Creating happy memories is worth more than any tangible asset, so we shouldn't let tinnitus take this from us.

When I see thread after thread of people sufferering it honestly affects me. I wish I could do more.

 

[emmalee]

@Ed209

Another insightful post from you, Ed. You speak from your heart and your soul every. single. time.

It's my belief that everybody (at some point in their life) faces times of torment and misery. It's inescapable, even if you believe others have it better, I can assure you they most likely don't. I have a few friends who are multi-millionaires and have mansions with pools, cinemas, studios, arcade rooms etc, in their houses and super cars parked on their driveways. I've had heart to hearts with one wealthy friend in particular, many times, and it's amazing how quickly and easily our barometer to life adjusts, regardless how much money you have, or what car/s you drive. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is our sanity and that's often the one thing that we neglect the most. Creating happy memories is worth more than any tangible asset, so we shouldn't let tinnitus take this from us.

So very true, Ed. We all know people who seem to have it all. They really don't though. We all struggle at some point in our lives.

We cannot let our struggle define us.

 

[glynis]

@Ed209,
My ears are so loud 24/7 but at the moment my hands are a big problem and excruciating pain and wrists needing to wear hand braces.
The base of my thumbs have a bone lump due to Ostio Arthritis that cause pain but they now think I have Carple Tunnel and awaiting scans on my hands.
Pain killers,freeze spray and splint so it's hard to post in them.
Life keeps throwing me lemons but I'm fighting back...look like I have boxing gloves on my hands

..love glynis

 

[emmalee]

@glynis

It breaks my heart to know that you struggle so much. You are our rock here on TT. Where would we be without you?

 

[Ed209]

@Ed209,
My ears are so loud 24/7 but at the moment my hands are a big problem and excruciating pain and wrists needing to wear hand braces.
The base of my thumbs have a bone lump due to Ostio Arthritis that cause pain but they now think I have Carple Tunnel and awaiting scans on my hands.
Pain killers,freeze spray and splint so it's hard to post in them.
Life keeps throwing me lemons but I'm fighting back...look like I have boxing gloves on my handsView attachment 21271 ..love glynis

I looked like that when I was on holiday in Florida a few years back. This is a persistent wrist problem I have which is obviously related to playing guitar. I had it so bad at the time it nearly ruined the holiday as I couldn't grip anything or swim.

It's horrible Glynis having multiple problems, but my philosophy is to try not to dwell on the doom and gloom of life. I know you are an absolute warrior and have endured far too much.

 

[emmalee]

I looked like that when I was on holiday in Florida a few years back. This is a persistent wrist problem I have which is obviously related to playing guitar. I had it so bad at the time it nearly ruined the holiday as I couldn't grip anything or swim.

It's horrible Glynis having multiple problems, but my philosophy is to try not to dwell on the doom and gloom of life. I know you are an absolute warrior and have endured far too much.


View attachment 21273

There are So many warriors here and their strength is what helps others.

Ed, is there a story behind your friend? Care to share? He is very interesting looking!

 

[Ed209]

There are So many warriors here and their strength is what helps others.

Ed, is there a story behind your friend? Care to share? He is very interesting looking!

Yea, he's supposed to be the Doc from Back To The Future. I cropped the photo but in the original you can see more of the DeLorean at the side.

 

[JohnAdams]

Living with severe tinnitus and -80 db hearing loss makes life not easy at all. My tinnitus has been even more demonic lately and it's even more tougher. AT the end of the day, it's all about our willpower and our courage. I know the affliction will not go away. It can get even tougher. I have two choices, either let it control me or I take control.

I had insane amounts of noise last night and the worst punishing headaches. I felt lonely as usual and I had martial arts class coming up. Due to the crazy ringing and the bad headache my bp was kinda higher. I was getting ready to go to class and I was like "This is pure hell". These Damn ears are just crazy loud. How can one person function through such an ordeal. Then I told myself, the hell with the ringing, bp and pain. I am going to class no matter what.

I don't have the luxury of getting daily support. I don't have anyone, telling me that they love me. I don't have the luxury of having someone being by my side when I am in pain and helping me. I don't have the luxury of having this demonic ringing fading and getting lower.

I live my life through the pains and epic afflictions, this is a must. Some say that we are born with strength and courage. I don't think I was born with this. This life smacked me so many times and I got tired of taking it's crap. So now I don't take it anymore and I am in warrior mode now.

I live my life and take control now. Affliction will exist, but the warrior will be the boss now and take control.

I am sorry for all that suffer from this, but I am not going to let this damn thing stop me from living my life.......

NEVER!

Bless.....

PS- Even with the amounts of hell I live through, I still smile daily. I still give and help the less fortunate. I still enjoy my life and have gratitude for my life.

we all love you fishbone.

 

[fishbone]

@Ed209,
My ears are so loud 24/7 but at the moment my hands are a big problem and excruciating pain and wrists needing to wear hand braces.
The base of my thumbs have a bone lump due to Ostio Arthritis that cause pain but they now think I have Carple Tunnel and awaiting scans on my hands.
Pain killers,freeze spray and splint so it's hard to post in them.
Life keeps throwing me lemons but I'm fighting back...look like I have boxing gloves on my handsView attachment 21271 ..love glynis

My dear lady, although I am in great amounts of pain 24-7, I wish I could take some of your pain away from you and give you comfort....

As sad as it may sound, I have never known and lived a life without pain.

 

[glynis]

@Ed209,
I have the light colour thumb splints also ,can only just about pick up a cup.
you look cool and love your friends outfit .
Had a lovely catch up with my twin today and off out having fun tonight with hubby and family .
love glynis

 

[emmalee]

Yea, he's supposed to be the Doc from Back To The Future. I cropped the photo but in the original you can see more of the DeLorean at the side.

I thought there was something familiar about his costume.

 

[glynis]

@fishbone,
I'll be fine ,it's just a bump in my path of life..it will take a gob stopper stop me laughing and smiling...
Life is to short for doom and gloom so when problems pop up we deal with them the best we can and keep bouncing back

 

[Jazzer]

@Ed209,
My ears are so loud 24/7 but at the moment my hands are a big problem and excruciating pain and wrists needing to wear hand braces.
The base of my thumbs have a bone lump due to Ostio Arthritis that cause pain but they now think I have Carple Tunnel and awaiting scans on my hands.
Pain killers,freeze spray and splint so it's hard to post in them.
Life keeps throwing me lemons but I'm fighting back...look like I have boxing gloves on my handsView attachment 21271 ..love glynis

Dear Glynis - I really don't know how you manage to come through for every one of us, while suffering so much yourself.
You truly amaze me.
If only life treated us all fairly, but I know that's too much to ask.
Much love
Dave x
Jazzer

 

[Greg Sacramento]

@fishbone You are doing it all right including exercise. I just want to pass this on to you. In this article it quotes that 42% of patients have their symptoms worsen after eating certain foods. I know a dietary nutritionist who said that it's actually 90%.


https://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/features/fibromyalgia-the-diet-connection#1

 

[DebInAustralia]

@Ed209,
My ears are so loud 24/7 but at the moment my hands are a big problem and excruciating pain and wrists needing to wear hand braces.
The base of my thumbs have a bone lump due to Ostio Arthritis that cause pain but they now think I have Carple Tunnel and awaiting scans on my hands.
Pain killers,freeze spray and splint so it's hard to post in them.
Life keeps throwing me lemons but I'm fighting back...look like I have boxing gloves on my handsView attachment 21271 ..love glynis

You'll need nerve conduction studies you poor love.

I was meant to have bilateral CT surgery but decided against it because of the length of time I would be required to have off.

I tried the splints but did nothing for me unfortunately.

very painful. hope you get some relief Glynis xxx

 

[glynis]

@DebInAustralia,
Thank you, needs sorting soon but got wait for scans.

love glynis xxx

 

[glynis]

@Jazzer,
Thank you for your lovely words.
We are all helpful supportive members on here and makes Tinnitus Talk a lovely place to come for support and give support and off topics about ourselves and pets and your lovely cats .
love glynis x

 

[Jazzer]

@glynis - basically Glynis
We're simply the best......xx

 

[Acufénico]

Hi, please i need advice.
Since January after a headphone use to listen to 2 movies and some music at low volume one night, develop hyperacusis, now all fans (including PC), TV sound, music from anywhere, air conditioning .. Spike my T.
I almost always play Sound Enrichment (nature) with my sound machine when I go to sleep, I tried to play pink noise but spike my T and i can not sleep.

Am I doing it right? Is it the right path?

I've had to change my job and I've lost my social life, now I'm losing my mind day by day.
Thanks fishbone for your words, you are a wonderful person.

 

[glynis]

@Acufénico ,
You might find Whit noise generators helpful along with counselling as it can help and for some cure Hyperacusis.
They need to be set bellow your tinnitus.
Try not over use earplugs as will make your ears more sensitive and you need to build up time around sounds again slowly.
love glynis

 

[valeri]

Hi @TracyJS ,

First I want to say hello fellow feline friend. Riley is adorable. My murdering fuzz ball would also like to say hello if thats OK. His name is Leo.

View attachment 20907

Secondly, I suffer from anxiety panic disorder which started 8 months ago, 2 years after T onset. I'll share with you how I managed it and pushed through it in hopes that it might help.

At its worst, my anxiety was so bad that I could no longer fall asleep on my own. I was up for 3 days straight until I went to the ER and was prescribed Ativan. I worked like a miracle and I slept for 12 hours afterwards. But I was aware of the addiction it can cause and wanted to get off of it as fast as possible. I tried everything I knew at the time to go back to sleep but I couldn't. So 3 days later I had to take Ativan again and could finally sleep. So how did I break the cycle and mange my anxiety and panic attacks? These are things that helped.

First, I got out of my apartment and stayed at a family friends house. The change of scenery helped me not think about my anxiety since I think I was associating it with my bedroom to some degree. Another thing that helped was this. My family friend was a health nut and he made me this amazing vegetable soup. Had like 12 different kinds of vegetables. And I swear, after I ate that thing, I felt sleepy and calm. What I realized later on was my diet was extremely limiting and I was missing a variety of minerals and vitamins that help my brain regulate anxiety. So I make the soup myself. But thats not all. I also did a ton of research on what natural supplements help for anxiety. There are lots. I think I tried 12 different kinds. This is what I stuck with based on what worked and with the fewest side effects. Overall you want ones that increase GABA naturally. Thats exactly what Ativan and Xanex do. They increase GABA but in a unnatural ways that causes addiction. Because what happens is if you take Ativan for too long then your anxiety comes on even stronger and your body needs Ativan to cope. So I'd taper off as soon as possible.

PharmaGABA - This definitely helped increase the GABA in my brain and reduce my anxiety. its different from just plain old GABA so avoid that one. This one is absorbed differently and takes about 30-60 minutes to feel its effects. I highly recommend the chewable tablets which taste yummy and to suck on them, not chew them, so they are absorbed partially in the blood stream.

Liquid Passion Flower - This is another supplement that helped increase GABA. I was already using it as a sleep aid. Its a miracle herb. I recommend getting liquid drops that are alcohol free.

Magnesium - This is a mineral that a lot of people are deficient in and it has a calming effect. I starting taking this daily and its helped me keep my anxiety leveled. I dont like pills so I get one thats a powder that dissolves in water that you can drink.

Ashwagandha - This does help but in a different way. I don't use it much anymore but this improves your stress response. It doesn't increase GABA but effects cortisol levels instead. But if nothing else works then its worth trying.

So those are the things I take regularly when I feel my anxiety increasing. Now there are a few other things that has helped lifestyle wise. Seeing a therapist helped immensely. Being able to just unload your thoughts was a huge help and getting constructing supportive feedback was also very helpful. Helps you get out of your head. The other thing that helped, and this may not apply to you but I will mention it anyways, was often my panic attacks would come on in the middle of the night. I live alone and no one to talk to so I would call local and national crisis lines. Being able to just talk to someone at 3 am for 15 minutes made all the difference. So that could be an option for you if you feel your thoughts are just racing out of control. There are also called Warm Lines which are open day and night and are not considered crisis lines. It can vary by state but if there are none in your state, you can call other ones in other states as some don't restrict where you are calling from. One last thing that has also helped me was a book called Stop Obsessing. It really helps control obsessive thoughts which definitely trigger anxiety. You can probably find it at your local library even. Its an older book but these 2 doctors really know their stuff.

I hope something here will help and as others have said, you will adapt. You will habituate. Your wonderful brain will change and eventually you wont care nearly as much. Its not magic, it doesn't require a doctor or some pill. Its all you and you wont need to depend on anyone or anything to have it happen. You just need to hang in there and let your brain do it's thing,

Hi Sean,
Can any of the supplements you listed for anxiety be used with benzos?
I take small amount of Rivotril before sleep but also during the day sometimes.
I would love to use something not so harmful.

 

[Acufénico]

Thanks glynis, your answer is much appreciated

 

[another sean]

Hi Sean,
Can any of the supplements you listed for anxiety be used with benzos?
I take small amount of Rivotril before sleep but also during the day sometimes.
I would love to use something not so harmful.

You could ask your doctor but personally I wouldn't mix them. I would find how long the particular Benzo you are taking stays in your system and then when its out, try the supplement. they very greatly. some are in for up to 12 hours.

 

[valeri]

You could ask your doctor but personally I wouldn't mix them. I would find how long the particular Benzo you are taking stays in your system and then when its out, try the supplement. they very greatly. some are in for up to 12 hours.

It's up to 60 hours for Rivotril!
Which supplement helped you the most? What's your first choice?
I guess you didn't take them all together.