Don't See the Point Anymore to Staying

[jdjd09]

I can't qoute single sentences with ny damn phone and its annoying. I have a deaf friend BOTH ears, has T and leads a VERY happy & fufilling life. Would he like his hearing back? Yea sure! but it isnt gonna happen and he still leads a great life, in fact 100% better than mine! He feels bad for MY situation! You can move on, or not..but it is possible!

When did he lose his hearing? Does he have any hearing left? Is it uneven?

Also, does he work or how old is he now? I'm curious how he got his situation, how he got better, and what he does now?

Also, how is your condition? Why does he feel his isbnot owrse than yours? Not saying he is wrong.

Also, I'm on my phone so sorry for all these typos.

 

[Sailboardman]

@Sailboardman I have been to the US. I made my experience. i Do NOT think all americans are lunatics with guns. Not at all. Actually a lot of my friends are american. I was talking about the government. NOT a generalizatiin about us citizens.
I meant disfunctional concerning the health system, if it cannot help people like @jdjd09 . Germany does help.
I didnt want to start a political discussion. It just makes me angry and frustrated to see that other people are suffering. when he would be living in my country, due to our health system, they would have helped him.
Thats all. And by the way I wasnt the one who said USA is disfunctional.
I am sorry it was too aggressive, like I said I just wish they would have helped him, and would also help him now.

Zora, you say you didn't make generalizations, you're correct. My apologies. You were actually being very specific. May I quote you:

"The USA sucks." "Worst 1st world country to live in." "Americans are so fucking stupid."

So, if I were to replace the words Germany, or Germans in those quotes, how would you feel? Bet you'd fire back a similar retort to mine, no matter what context they were referencing to.

However, being an open minded American, I submit, you're entitled to your opinions and of course like many other countries, we're far from perfect.

Anyway, what would the German healthcare system do differently, from the American healthcare system, to alleviate jdjd09's suffering? I see your posts, as well as you seeing mine and they seem very similar in context, to what kind of suffering we have to endure everyday. So, how has your country helped you? I'm very serious here. I would be on a plane tomorrow, if I knew that your doctors were able to treat my symptoms and alleviate my suffering, better than my American doctors. Hell, I'd go to any country, that could fix me!

So, give us some insight and enlighten us. What would you suggest, jdjd09 do?

Peace, Sailboardman

 

[jdjd09]

Zora, you say you didn't make generalizations, you're correct. My apologies. You were actually being very specific. May I quote you:

"The USA sucks." "Worst 1st world country to live in." "Americans are so fucking stupid."

So, if I were to replace the words Germany, or Germans in those quotes, how would you feel? Bet you'd fire back a similar retort to mine, no matter what context they were referencing to.

However, being an open minded American, I submit, you're entitled to your opinions and of course like many other countries, we're far from perfect.

Anyway, what would the German healthcare system do differently, from the American healthcare system, to alleviate jdjd09's suffering? I see your posts, as well as you seeing mine and they seem very similar in context, to what kind of suffering we have to endure everyday. So, how has your country helped you? I'm very serious here. I would be on a plane tomorrow, if I knew that your doctors were able to treat my symptoms and alleviate my suffering, better than my American doctors. Hell, I'd go to any country, that could fix me!

So, give us some insight and enlighten us. What would you suggest, jdjd09 do?

Peace, Sailboardman

Again, the crazy person in the thread who is seeking help is somehow going to have to be the sane one?

Just as I asked her I'm going to ask you to drop the politics topic or start a new thread elsewhere on this.

We both know the questions your asking aren't really looking for an answer. If they are though and I'm wrong (I may be), then please take the topic out of this thread.

Again, the crazy person is somehow saying this . Thanks. And just like I meant to her, I mean no offense to you either when I say this. Just asking to drop the topic from the thread.

 

[jdjd09]

@jdjd09 I brought up the drafted boys for a reason...You completely miss my point and why I posted specifically about Vietnam Vets. Again, watch the docu and maybe you will find some inspiration.

You have no control what is gonna happen to you in life but it's how you decide to proceed that counts. (and you can) Just like I've had to and my situation is extremely difficult! !!!!, and all the others here. At this point what else is there to say? I wish you peace.

I do have one last piece of control in this life. I can end it at any point of I try hard enough. Only question is what happens next. If I knew this would be a lot easier. Like honestly knew 100% what's next.

But the option will always be there. After being denied real antianxiety meds again today after visiting another gp stating my masive anxiety they did apsolutly nothing . They said they don't prescribe XANAX or other things like that. Even though when I visited er doctor, she said if was probably the only thing that would help at this point. But that er doctor told me she won't prescribe it either because she can't track me like a in patient.

I'm about to exercise that right soon as they won't even give me meds. I'm prob kicked out of am101 trials anyways at this point as I missed a follow up trial day last week as I forgot about it because I'm shutting down. Also got my short term disability leavr denied as well as i didng stay long enough away from work. this life a wrap soon.

 

[just1morething]

@jdjd09, do you have a primary care doctor? Usually their policy is to do no harm. I would think they would prescribe some anti-anxiety meds to get you by until seeing a psychiatrist. My Dr. would let me try almost anything for tinnitus. Unless they think your mental state is so bad that you would OD on something IDK?

I would try to call the psychiatrist's office and get a emergency appt. Don't let them give you a boatload of AD's either. If you say you are suicidal that's what they may do. I found out that the hard way. The side effects were terrible. Just benzos for now to take the edge off your anxiety and noise.

 

[Michael2013]

Jdjd,

Have you read this success story yet? I see you continue to look for more examples of people with tinnitus and hearing loss, so I wanted to make sure you saw this one.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...earing-loss-and-tinnitus-positive-story.9802/

She is 23 years old and lost ALL hearing in one ear.

 

[Cheza]

Only question is what happens next. If I knew this would be a lot easier. Like honestly knew 100% what's next.

At the risk of sounding woo-woo, I met a psychic years ago with an incredible ability to predict things. Because of where I was emotionally at that stage of my life, 27 years old in fact, and barely recovering from a series of devastating personal traumas, he and I discussed suicide.

What he told me is that when you commit suicide, you come back right where you left off because you haven't resolved the issue. Most Christians don't believe in reincarnation, they believe if you commit suicide it's likely you'll go to hell.

The way I see it, you have 4 possible outcomes:
1. You die and nothing happens afterwards. You and your soul are extinguished forever, with no legacy;
2. You die and go to hell forever as punishment for taking your life. I imagine there's tortuous pain in hell;
3. You die, you reincarnate, and you have physical issues that are as bad, or worse, than what you're dealing with now;
4. You die, you reincarnate, and whatever kind of life you have will have nothing to do with this life.

I am no stranger to the issue of suicide. A very nice woman I know recently committed suicide at the end of a long battle with extremely painful ovarian cancer. For a 27-year-old, though, it's a bad choice, especially with all the research going on now to help veterans coming back from war with hearing loss and tinnitus.

I'm interested in knowing all the things you have done to help yourself get through this. Other than am-101, which you somehow managed to sabotage by not going, what else have you done? Balance exercises? Audio notch therapy? Supplements for calming the CNS? Counseling? TRT? CBT? Brain games to stimulate your prefrontal cortex to redirect your reaction away from the limbic system? Meditation?

It's hard work to adjust to physical impairments of any kind. No one can do this for you. What effort have you actually expended to help yourself?

 

[barnacle]

At the risk of sounding woo-woo, I met a psychic years ago with an incredible ability to predict things. Because of where I was emotionally at that stage of my life, 27 years old in fact, and barely recovering from a series of devastating personal traumas, he and I discussed suicide.

What he told me is that when you commit suicide, you come back right where you left off because you haven't resolved the issue. Most Christians don't believe in reincarnation, they believe if you commit suicide it's likely you'll go to hell.

The way I see it, you have 4 possible outcomes:
1. You die and nothing happens afterwards. You and your soul are extinguished forever, with no legacy;
2. You die and go to hell forever as punishment for taking your life. I imagine there's tortuous pain in hell;
3. You die, you reincarnate, and you have physical issues that are as bad, or worse, than what you're dealing with now;
4. You die, you reincarnate, and whatever kind of life you have will have nothing to do with this life.

I am no stranger to the issue of suicide. A very nice woman I know recently committed suicide at the end of a long battle with extremely painful ovarian cancer. For a 27-year-old, though, it's a bad choice, especially with all the research going on now to help veterans coming back from war with hearing loss and tinnitus.

I'm interested in knowing all the things you have done to help yourself get through this. Other than am-101, which you somehow managed to sabotage by not going, what else have you done? Balance exercises? Audio notch therapy? Supplements for calming the CNS? Counseling? TRT? CBT? Brain games to stimulate your prefrontal cortex to redirect your reaction away from the limbic system? Meditation?

It's hard work to adjust to physical impairments of any kind. No one can do this for you. What effort have you actually expended to help yourself?

@jdjd09
Very interesting post and I think it might be a good idea for jd and indeed me to think about what we have done so far to deal with the situation and what more we can do. I for one feel as if I'm in a living hell which alternates with moments of being bearable and some moments which are even fun. I want my life back, my sense of humour back, my joi de vivre ( though might have misspelt that) back. I use to make myself and others laugh but now I a mostly pour out negative thoughts and am probably driving my very tolerant family round the bend.

But I know that ending it all would cause them the most immense pain and sense of guilt. So I will hang on in and see what I can do to improve things and see what time will do and I hope @jdjd09 will think about doing the same. I have never known such pain and (if I was the crying type) I would have cried me several rivers by now. But just as this demon T jumped out on me from nowhere, I'm hoping that happiness will do the same.
So look after yourself jdjd et al, be kind to your self and try and build a better life as best you can at the moment.

 

[jdjd09]

@jdjd09, do you have a primary care doctor? Usually their policy is to do no harm. I would think they would prescribe some anti-anxiety meds to get you by until seeing a psychiatrist. My Dr. would let me try almost anything for tinnitus. Unless they think your mental state is so bad that you would OD on something IDK?

I would try to call the psychiatrist's office and get a emergency appt. Don't let them give you a boatload of AD's either. If you say you are suicidal that's what they may do. I found out that the hard way. The side effects were terrible. Just benzos for now to take the edge off your anxiety and noise.

That was the doctor I saw. They won't prescribe it. The policy in the USA is don't get sued, not don't do harm. XANAX is a drug that requires great care more than the doctor wants to put an effort into dealing with. Other drugs are easier to prescribe. Same thing with pain meds of people need them badly.

I don't k is how to get them to give me anti anxiety meds. I tried calling the psychiatrist, no one has an appointment for months out. I have one for end of March with one, and they will probably play the same fucking game of I don't want to give the drugs that require me to think to prescribe.

 

[jdjd09]

Jdjd,

Have you read this success story yet? I see you continue to look for more examples of people with tinnitus and hearing loss, so I wanted to make sure you saw this one.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...earing-loss-and-tinnitus-positive-story.9802/

She is 23 years old and lost ALL hearing in one ear.

Yes I read that and it's about the only one I can really relate to in this place. Most people just talk about having hearing loss without it even registering on an audiogram. I really think people have no idea how bad it gets when it start showing up on the audiograms.

 

[jdjd09]

At the risk of sounding woo-woo, I met a psychic years ago with an incredible ability to predict things. Because of where I was emotionally at that stage of my life, 27 years old in fact, and barely recovering from a series of devastating personal traumas, he and I discussed suicide.

What he told me is that when you commit suicide, you come back right where you left off because you haven't resolved the issue. Most Christians don't believe in reincarnation, they believe if you commit suicide it's likely you'll go to hell.

The way I see it, you have 4 possible outcomes:
1. You die and nothing happens afterwards. You and your soul are extinguished forever, with no legacy;
2. You die and go to hell forever as punishment for taking your life. I imagine there's tortuous pain in hell;
3. You die, you reincarnate, and you have physical issues that are as bad, or worse, than what you're dealing with now;
4. You die, you reincarnate, and whatever kind of life you have will have nothing to do with this life.

I am no stranger to the issue of suicide. A very nice woman I know recently committed suicide at the end of a long battle with extremely painful ovarian cancer. For a 27-year-old, though, it's a bad choice, especially with all the research going on now to help veterans coming back from war with hearing loss and tinnitus.

I'm interested in knowing all the things you have done to help yourself get through this. Other than am-101, which you somehow managed to sabotage by not going, what else have you done? Balance exercises? Audio notch therapy? Supplements for calming the CNS? Counseling? TRT? CBT? Brain games to stimulate your prefrontal cortex to redirect your reaction away from the limbic system? Meditation?

It's hard work to adjust to physical impairments of any kind. No one can do this for you. What effort have you actually expended to help yourself?

I'm dead, this is hell. I'll hit the reset button.

I tried therapy which is ongoing. I tried supplements. I tried trials but going to prob get kicked out now. I'm dead. This life wants me dead. I got denied short term disability leave o er this at work.

I'm dead. It's time to check out and catch the bus now.

 

[jdjd09]

@jdjd09
Very interesting post and I think it might be a good idea for jd and indeed me to think about what we have done so far to deal with the situation and what more we can do. I for one feel as if I'm in a living hell which alternates with moments of being bearable and some moments which are even fun. I want my life back, my sense of humour back, my joi de vivre ( though might have misspelt that) back. I use to make myself and others laugh but now I a mostly pour out negative thoughts and am probably driving my very tolerant family round the bend.

But I know that ending it all would cause them the most immense pain and sense of guilt. So I will hang on in and see what I can do to improve things and see what time will do and I hope @jdjd09 will think about doing the same. I have never known such pain and (if I was the crying type) I would have cried me several rivers by now. But just as this demon T jumped out on me from nowhere, I'm hoping that happiness will do the same.
So look after yourself jdjd et al, be kind to your self and try and build a better life as best you can at the moment.

Imagine it NEVER being bearable or maskable. That is the hell I'm experiencing.

 

[Atlantis]

Can someone please close this thread, I'm getting tired reading this, the person (@jdjd09) is unwilling to accept the possibility of improvement over time. He doesn't do anything but place blame on others. He doesn't take the lead of his life when he is guided to do so.

 

[ceauses97]

Can someone please close this thread, I'm getting tired reading this, the person (@jdjd09) is unwilling to accept the possibility of improvement over time. He doesn't do anything but place blame on others. He doesn't take the lead of his life when he is guided to do so.

He is frustated, and I'm sure you have been there too. Give him time. You can simply ignore his posts if you find it annoying, no one is forcing you to read anything in this thread.

 

[barnacle]

He is frustated, and I'm sure you have been there too. Give him time. You can simply ignore his posts if you find it annoying, no one is forcing you to read anything in this thread.

Fairpoints. Sometimes people in severe distress need to keep articulating that. I can do that with my family; I guess that not everyone can. Though I think it can be counter-productive if done too much.

 

[barnacle]

Imagine it NEVER being bearable or maskable. That is the hell I'm experiencing.

Mine is now seldom maskable but it is still sometimes bearable. It often feels like hell and so unreal. But I think people have to just decide that they want to go on and from there begin buildinga better life or best life that can. Damn, I have just received divorce papers from my wife! That was a bit depressing but now I'm thinking that maybe that is the starter pistol (not loud one of course!) for meeting someone new. If one thing will take our minds of T, it is S*%!

 

[Michael2013]

Yes I read that and it's about the only one I can really relate to in this place. Most people just talk about having hearing loss without it even registering on an audiogram.

What do you mean the only one? My hearing loss shows up on audiograms, as does many others here.

I really think people have no idea how bad it gets when it start showing up on the audiograms.

Trust me, you are in the absolute wrong place to make the comment that people here have no idea how bad it gets. If there is one place that you can go where people can understand EXACTLY how you feel and where you can find people who are unfortunately far worse off than you, this is it. You have convinced yourself that your unique in some way that you can't overcome this. But you're not, and you can -- but only you can do it.

-Mike

 

[jdjd09]

What do you mean the only one? My hearing loss shows up on audiograms, as does many others here.

Trust me, you are in the absolute wrong place to make the comment that people here have no idea how bad it gets. If there is one place that you can go where people can understand EXACTLY how you feel and where you can find people who are unfortunately far worse off than you, this is it. You have convinced yourself that your unique in some way that you can't overcome this. But you're not, and you can -- but only you can do it.

-Mike

I know you have hearing loss and others do too, but I would say the majority dont from reading around. Sorry if it sounded like I was saying no one else. Im just saying her story was the one I could relate to the most on here.

As far as people having it worse on here, that may be. But, again, from reading on here it sounds like mjaority have the milder form not heard 24-7 with zero mask.

I'm probably being forced to go to psych ward tonight by parents. They told me that. So doubt that will help me. All I want is anti anxiety meds. That is all I want. If I get those I'll calm down somewhat.

 

[jdjd09]

Can someone please close this thread, I'm getting tired reading this, the person (@jdjd09) is unwilling to accept the possibility of improvement over time. He doesn't do anything but place blame on others. He doesn't take the lead of his life when he is guided to do so.

As others said, turn the channel ID you dont like it. No one is forcing you to read this. I'm seeking help. I'm not the best at this but I'm attempting to get help.

 

[Michael2013]

I know you have hearing loss and others do too, but I would say the majority dont from reading around. Sorry if it sounded like I was saying no one else. Im just saying her story was the one I could relate to the most on here.

As far as people having it worse on here, that may be. But, again, from reading on here it sounds like mjaority have the milder form not heard 24-7 with zero mask.

I'm probably being forced to go to psych ward tonight by parents. They told me that. So doubt that will help me. All I want is anti anxiety meds. That is all I want. If I get those I'll calm down somewhat.

Strange how our perceptions are different. I would have said that the majority here (at least those who stick around awhile) have more intrusive 24/7 tinnitus.

Good luck if you end up going tonight. Look at it as an opportunity to meet with a psychiatrist and see if there is some medication they can put you on.

 

[Cheza]

Strange how our perceptions are different. I would have said that the majority here (at least those who stick around awhile) have more intrusive 24/7 tinnitus.

Mine is, and I never stop trying to do something about it. It's totally altered my life. No job anymore because I can't work with it, living off dwindling savings. Have to turn down going to social events because everything is too loud for me now. Can't take long walks because T ramps up when I'm outside. Jeez, I moved to this area because it's ideal for hiking and it's just gorgeous in these mountains and now I can't enjoy it. Ironic, isn't it?

The first eight months were sheer hell. I didn't dare use knives in the kitchen for fear of doing something impulsive, and I removed and hid the bullets to my gun. I can't remember where they are now, so I hope no one tries to break in.

At this point, though, I'll keep trying because as time goes on it has gotten better. Now I'm diligently trying audio notch therapy and I do believe there's a bit of improvement, if you don't factor in last night which was hell.

I have benefited so much from so many members of this forum. I really try to stay focused on what's good in my life, and to realize that even though the situation is unique and painful to me, that there are tens of millions of people in the world who are dealing with this same affliction. Someday there will be a treatment or a cure, but until then we just have to accept the hand we're dealt and make the best of it.

 

[jdjd09]

Mine is, and I never stop trying to do something about it. It's totally altered my life. No job anymore because I can't work with it, living off dwindling savings. Have to turn down going to social events because everything is too loud for me now. Can't take long walks because T ramps up when I'm outside. Jeez, I moved to this area because it's ideal for hiking and it's just gorgeous in these mountains and now I can't enjoy it. Ironic, isn't it?

The first eight months were sheer hell. I didn't dare use knives in the kitchen for fear of doing something impulsive, and I removed and hid the bullets to my gun. I can't remember where they are now, so I hope no one tries to break in.

At this point, though, I'll keep trying because as time goes on it has gotten better. Now I'm diligently trying audio notch therapy and I do believe there's a bit of improvement, if you don't factor in last night which was hell.

I have benefited so much from so many members of this forum. I really try to stay focused on what's good in my life, and to realize that even though the situation is unique and painful to me, that there are tens of millions of people in the world who are dealing with this same affliction. Someday there will be a treatment or a cure, but until then we just have to accept the hand we're dealt and make the best of it.

While I appreciate your post and feel for your situation, it really gives me little hope in my situation. The prospect of not being able to work and be any way productive won't work for me. I have zero savings and no one to turn to. My family is abusive and partially why I ended up in this situation in the first place in my life.

I see little future in this. Your not the only one on here who said they have intrusive tinnitus and can't work either.

 

[Atlantis]

While I appreciate your post and feel for your situation, it really gives me little hope in my situation.

It sounds like in your point of view nobody on this site is able to give you any hope. I see a lot of hope offered but you are not willing to accept the fact that things will get better. Why are you so determined for this to ruin your life? How the hell can you foresee the future?

 

[Cheza]

I see little future in this. Your not the only one on here who said they have intrusive tinnitus and can't work either.

I can't work at my income-producing job, but I'm writing a book and staying involved with the Humane Society, and doing what I can for friends who need whatever assistance.

It takes time, that's what everyone is telling you. I certainly saw no hope two years ago. You now have the option to get some meds. Take advantage of it. Try some of the things mentioned in my earlier thread. Just try. That's all we're asking of you here.

 

[Atlantis]

@jdjd09

Someone who's been offering you great help in this topic sent me a private message commenting on your case and you. I'm relaying it to you, but withholding the person's name for privacy.
Please take a hint from this as I fully agree with all of it:



We've been leading a horse to water, and he not only doesn't want to drink it, he's p*ssing in it. Sorry to say that, but I'm wondering if he just wants the attention. If it weren't his hearing loss and tinnitus making him despondent, it would be something else.

He has no idea what you're going through, because he doesn't pay attention to who has severe tinnitus and who doesn't. We're all the same to him, unless we commiserate completely. It's sad. He needs help beyond what we can offer on this forum. I hope he gets it, comes back, and shares a more hopeful outlook.

 

[jdjd09]

@jdjd09

Someone who's been offering you great help in this topic sent me a private message commenting on your case and you. I'm relaying it to you, but withholding the person's name for privacy.
Please take a hint from this as I fully agree with all of it:



We've been leading a horse to water, and he not only doesn't want to drink it, he's p*ssing in it. Sorry to say that, but I'm wondering if he just wants the attention. If it weren't his hearing loss and tinnitus making him despondent, it would be something else.

He has no idea what you're going through, because he doesn't pay attention to who has severe tinnitus and who doesn't. We're all the same to him, unless we commiserate completely. It's sad. He needs help beyond what we can offer on this forum. I hope he gets it, comes back, and shares a more hopeful outlook.

I know who probably wrote it, but it's unimportant at this time and not going to name call. No I never had this issue before this, period. I had issues in life before but I never bifched about them 24/7. I just did what I could. Nothing has should me down like this in life.

Also, no, I don't view everyone on here the same. I do at least acknowledge that not everyone s T is the same level and loudness, which I feel many want to ignore. I had T before this, I never bitched about itbor sought help for it. It was heard, but I could ignore it.

I'm seeking help from gp's and attrmpting to get benzos as that is really the only thing that will help me at this point.

Ok I guess I'll go die off, that seems to be societies answer to people who are beyond help. Same with homeless, let's just sweep them from city to city until they die off too. I'm seeking help in the real world, I've seen at least three doctors attempting to get help, they won't help.

 

[jdjd09]

Would this treatment help me?

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/lidocaine-and-dexamethasone-perfusion.2877/

Please someone tell me. If this will make the fucking ringing stop I'll go there. I'll quit my fucking job. Just tell me a cure. The above information is the type of stuff I need to here.

 

[Telis]

Also, no, I don't view everyone on here the same. I do at least acknowledge that not everyone s T is the same level and loudness, which I feel many want to ignore. I had T before this, I never bitched about itbor sought help for it. It was heard, but I could ignore it.

I thought that your issue was the hearing loss and not the tinnitus? Did you not say you could live with the tinnitus earlier in this thread? This is hard one to follow, you are all over the map.

Your hearing loss is in the speech range right? You sound like a pretty good candidate for hearing aids. i would explore that option if I were you. I'm sure others have suggested this already though.

 

[Cheza]

I thought that your issue was the hearing loss and not the tinnitus? Did you not say you could live with the tinnitus earlier in this thread? This is hard one to follow, you are all over the map.

I picked up on that, too. Much earlier in the thread I jumped on @AnxiousJon for referring to jdjd09's tinnitus as a "paper cut," and it was explained to me that tinnitus wasn't the problem, it was the hearing loss, and that's why Anxiousjon was more or less dismissing the tinnitus aspect. But now it's the tinnitus in addition to hearing loss.

 

[jdjd09]

I picked up on that, too. Much earlier in the thread I jumped on @AnxiousJon for referring to jdjd09's tinnitus as a "paper cut," and it was explained to me that tinnitus wasn't the problem, it was the hearing loss, and that's why Anxiousjon was more or less dismissing the tinnitus aspect. But now it's the tinnitus in addition to hearing loss.

It's both. I'm saying the tinnitus was already there. If the hearing loss didn't happen it wouldn't be louder at this point.

It confusimg because I'm not explaining myself well. If I didn't have the hearing loss, I wouldn't have the t I have today. Aka, I would have what I had before which didn't bother me.