Don't See the Point Anymore to Staying

[Aaron123]

I'm not sure how I missed this, but you are in college. Thus you have access to resources that others might not. I'm sure your University has a counseling center. Have you been there? If not, make an appointment and get some help. Given the way you are describing your situation, I would suggest asking for someone who does CBT if that is an option. Go to student health if necessary.

I'm also sure it has some type of student services office. If you are in danger of failing out of school and losing your job, you should talk to someone there. I can assure you that they have seen all kinds of situations in the past. They may not be able to "fix" things, but they will have ideas and perhaps suggestions for resources.

Dropping a class or two when in the midst of a crisis is nothing to be ashamed of. However, even though you have dropped one class, it doesn't appear that you are taking any steps to improve your situation. This may end up making a bad situation a lot worse than it has to be. Looking from the outside, it seems like you should take enough classes to maintain good standing in your school and do as well as you are able to do in those. That should free up some time and space to get the help you need and to keep your job. The people at student services will be able to help with the academic side of things including contacting faculty if necessary. I can assure you that they have seen all kinds of medical emergencies and will know what options are available.

Longer term, who knows, maybe you will have to change directions though I think you would be surprised at how many people on here have a background in computing.

 

[Dayl88]

I'm in my 20s too your not the only one plus have got schizophrenia and ptsd too thinks ain't good but it could be much worse ya know.. it will get better or T might go completely. Keep the faith stay strong

 

[Michael2013]

@Michael2013 , Thanks for your response with all this. Can I ask if you had tinnitus when you were 22 or while in college at all? How were you able to get through college with your hearing loss and no hearing aids? Also, did that amazon book help you, I found a PDF of it but not sure it will help me? If it did help you, what improvements did you see?

I did not have tinnitus until I was 33. Is that too old of an age for it to matter anymore?

That book has helped a lot of people, including myself. I think you would benefit more than most given what you have written, and keep writing. You need to find a way to realize that this isn't a death sentence unless you make it one. It can help you with all of your cognitive distortions. For example, instead of saying "I'm doomed. My life is over because I am in my 20's." and instead say "So many people have overcome far worse than what I have at all ages; there is nothing they did that I can't do."

One interesting thing about hearing aids is that once I got them, it took me about 6 months to really get used to them. What I hear with them in is my new 'normal.' If I take them out, I suddenly feel like I lost a lot of hearing. My brain has adjusted and become used to the new sound. The same thing is going to happen to you in a few months... you're not going to notice you even have any loss. Over time, your brain will adjust and it will just sound... normal.

I guess for me, my main issue is it really feels like life is over. I could deal with this if it was later in life after I established a family and had some work experience. I'm sure it would suck later on too, but earlier on seems very much worse.

That's such a cop out. Sorry bud, but you aren't some special case. You're wasting time looking for an excuses instead of trying to dig your way out. That, too, is something most people do. In the beginning for me, my T was somewhat pulsatile, so I thought that was going to prevent me from adjusting. I was wrong. I had severe/profound hearing loss, so that was going to prevent me from adjusting. I was wrong then, too. I came up with several excuses as to why I was different. But I wasn't, and you're not either.

You know what my nuerotologist told me when I got tinnitus and hit with another drop in hearing? That I had enlarged vestibular aqueduct syndrome. Its a form of progressive hearing loss where increased head pressure can cause more drops in hearing. So now I'm also faced with the realization that I'm likely going to be fully deaf one day. I can't run marathons anymore. I have to stop all vigorous activities that I enjoy like racquetball and other sports. Can't lift weights or lift anything that would require excessive straining. Hell, a simple bike or car accident and I'm deaf.

Should I have just given up because I was 33 and already had a family? You think that's easier than what you are dealing with? Sorry, but you're not some special exception because of your age. In fact, you're damn lucky because it could be a whole lot worse. Get the book. Stop focusing on all the negatives and seek out the positive side of things.

Mike, can I ask you why you are still on the boards if it doesn't effect you anymore? Are you just trying to help people on here. I don't mean offense by the question btw. I'm just curious, if it's not bothering you, why still be on here?

Tinnitus and hearing loss no longer bother me. I'm here because it's a topic I'm interested in and I want to help. I'm not here all the time, and it's just one of several websites I periodically visit for some online reading. I also spend time on reddit, a mustang forum, a gaming forum, and some other news sites when I have some spare time.

-Mike

 

[linearb]

@AnxiousJon I'm sympathetic to what you're trying to say, but I don't know if it's beneficial to the poster here, it feels a bit toxic.

To some extent, if people need to just wallow in their ego a bit, I'm okay with that... God knows I've been there!

This condition sucks. Having your health fall apart sucks. I think it's fine to be selfish and in pain, at least for some significant period of mourning.

That said, I don't think you're off base in your reply here... just throwing in my two cents.

 

[jdjd09]

Totally. You are the exception to everything. No one has it as bad as you.
Even though you have no hyperacusis or phantom sounds, or ear pain(that you have reported) and you still have a good ear; Yours is the worst. But of course once we find someone who has a carbon copy of your situation you will just find some reason why you are not able to habituate like they did.
Do you realize how much worse this would be if you had kids and a wife? Can you imagine having this happen when you are at the top of your game and losing your established carrer and losing all your clients, and having your whole family thrown out on the street? What about falling from those heights. Oh, but that wouldn't happen because they aren't you.
You get to habituate to this before you have to deal with those pressures.
@Michael2013 Had more on the line to lose and had more to fear.
@linearb learned his programming stuff after his loud tinnitus started.
But there is no example you will accept.

There really is alot arrogance in how you approach the alleged uniquness of your situation. I also really haven't been forward enough with you in how much I detest your worship of success, and your dehumanizing philisophy of what should happen to anyone who has something as bad as your condition or worse. If you were consistent in your analysis of what makes a life worth living you, how much of the population should kill themselves? This is a truly disgusting, wretched view.

Not claiming I'm the person with the worst life in the world, but I am claiming this situation is effecting me. Now, whether I get over it or move on that may be a possibility and I hope that it is a possibility.

 

[jdjd09]

I'm not sure how I missed this, but you are in college. Thus you have access to resources that others might not. I'm sure your University has a counseling center. Have you been there? If not, make an appointment and get some help. Given the way you are describing your situation, I would suggest asking for someone who does CBT if that is an option. Go to student health if necessary.

I'm also sure it has some type of student services office. If you are in danger of failing out of school and losing your job, you should talk to someone there. I can assure you that they have seen all kinds of situations in the past. They may not be able to "fix" things, but they will have ideas and perhaps suggestions for resources.

Dropping a class or two when in the midst of a crisis is nothing to be ashamed of. However, even though you have dropped one class, it doesn't appear that you are taking any steps to improve your situation. This may end up making a bad situation a lot worse than it has to be. Looking from the outside, it seems like you should take enough classes to maintain good standing in your school and do as well as you are able to do in those. That should free up some time and space to get the help you need and to keep your job. The people at student services will be able to help with the academic side of things including contacting faculty if necessary. I can assure you that they have seen all kinds of medical emergencies and will know what options are available.

Longer term, who knows, maybe you will have to change directions though I think you would be surprised at how many people on here have a background in computing.

Yeah, I am trying to work with a psychologist right now. Also, I only go to school online and work fulltime. So college can't really help me too much with this outside helping me with dropping the courses and working around getting back into school at a later date if I can do that.

 

[jdjd09]

I'm in my 20s too your not the only one plus have got schizophrenia and ptsd too thinks ain't good but it could be much worse ya know.. it will get better or T might go completely. Keep the faith stay strong

Do you have hearing loss as well? How has these things effected your life and how have you learned to cope or succeed in life with these challenges? It sounds though like you may be coping well. I appreciate you sharing.

 

[AlexSongitus]

Can I ask at what age your friend got tinnitus and at what age he got hearing loss (the IT one)? What about some of your other friends?

I think age plays a big role in this. Your expected to have health issues later on in life. You are also, though, expected to have had work experience without this issue by that point and also probably have a family by that point for support. I feel like getting both these in your 20s is a death sentence (or just a sentence where you have to now work menial jobs, which doesn't work well in USA).

I don't know if it makes you feel any better but once again I got diagnosed with much higher hearing loss after another audio test at 40db in the 8000hz range, and that was 2 weeks after Prednisone, and to be honest, if they didn't show it to me on paper, I would have no idea because I can't honestly tell a difference that my hearing got any worse since the noise exposure. Maybe for you it's really noticeable, but perhaps some of that also has to do with you just getting tested. I feel like there's a good possibility most of that hearing loss they are discovering in my case could have happened at an earlier time, and it's just the first time I had my hearing checked and only a part of it happened during the noise exposure that caused my T.

To be honest a lot of what you are describing is similar to what I was going through when I was in college at your age, 22, and it had nothing to do with T. I simply didn't know which direction to go at that time and lost interest in my majors, and ended up dropping out to pursue a career in sales. I thought like that as well and regretted it at times, thought that I "missed my chance". And coincidentally I was double majoring in CS and Math. Now I don't. Life isn't over. It took many twists, got married, divorced, started new relationships after that, rebuild my life twice since. Just in the past 10 years alone it feels I restarted my life over twice, and will do so again.

It's a bump in the road for you no matter what happens and you have plenty of time, irrelevant of what happens, to re-invent yourself over and over. My worst enemy wasn't the events that changed my life, it was dwelling on them for too long and wasting time! The only thing I regret is spending too much time and energy on thoughts like what you are going through. Not the life-altering events themselves.

It's exactly things like this in life that builds character and makes you a stronger person when you get through them and find yourself having past them. Try to be more open minded, and at least allow the possibility to enter your mind that things can still turn out great for you, even if right now it seems everything is a tornado wrecking havoc on your plans and life is over. The sun always shines brightest after the storm, and in my case that's really been true multiple times in my life. Give that possibility a chance in your mind, even if you consider it to be a small chance at this time.

 

[jdjd09]

I did not have tinnitus until I was 33. Is that too old of an age for it to matter anymore?

No, was just mainly curious was all.

That book has helped a lot of people, including myself. I think you would benefit more than most given what you have written, and keep writing. You need to find a way to realize that this isn't a death sentence unless you make it one. It can help you with all of your cognitive distortions. For example, instead of saying "I'm doomed. My life is over because I am in my 20's." and instead say "So many people have overcome far worse than what I have at all ages; there is nothing they did that I can't do."

One interesting thing about hearing aids is that once I got them, it took me about 6 months to really get used to them. What I hear with them in is my new 'normal.' If I take them out, I suddenly feel like I lost a lot of hearing. My brain has adjusted and become used to the new sound. The same thing is going to happen to you in a few months... you're not going to notice you even have any loss. Over time, your brain will adjust and it will just sound... normal.

Ok, I will get the book. Do you mind sharing what exercise in the book you found the most helpful (or maybe there were multiple)?

Also, was there a reason you waited to get hearing aids, beyond costs? Were you able to function fine without them? I'm questioning if I really even need them, or if I am just overreacting right now to my situation. Not sure if I really need them in my case or not. Of course if I ask an ENT, they will want to sell me one. But, also been told by them that hearing loss can come back within 6 month period of time. Who knows.

I guess a lot of my doom and gloom comes from people linking studies to this and that with hearing loss and tinnitus basically making people stupider or have dimintia or losing cognitive abilities. But, part of me honestly questions some of the studies too. For example, most the people in the study were probably older, so of course they are probably going to have decline in those abilities. Especially if they can't hear. So, its hard to know what is real and what isn't. People saying there life is over on here. Or people saying they have some tinnitus and hearing loss, but were able to move on in life and live normal lives programming computers etc..

That's such a cop out. Sorry bud, but you aren't some special case. You're wasting time looking for an excuses instead of trying to dig your way out. That, too, is something most people do. In the beginning for me, my T was somewhat pulsatile, so I thought that was going to prevent me from adjusting. I was wrong. I had severe/profound hearing loss, so that was going to prevent me from adjusting. I was wrong then, too. I came up with several excuses as to why I was different. But I wasn't, and you're not either.

You know what my nuerotologist told me when I got tinnitus and hit with another drop in hearing? That I had enlarged vestibular aqueduct syndrome. Its a form of progressive hearing loss where increased head pressure can cause more drops in hearing. So now I'm also faced with the realization that I'm likely going to be fully deaf one day. I can't run marathons anymore. I have to stop all vigorous activities that I enjoy like racquetball and other sports. Can't lift weights or lift anything that would require excessive straining. Hell, a simple bike or car accident and I'm deaf.

Should I have just given up because I was 33 and already had a family? You think that's easier than what you are dealing with? Sorry, but you're not some special exception because of your age. In fact, you're damn lucky because it could be a whole lot worse. Get the book. Stop focusing on all the negatives and seek out the positive side of things.

Can I ask how long it took you to find this situation normal and it not effecting you at all? It sounds like this is a complete non issue for you now at all, so this gives me some hope.

Tinnitus and hearing loss no longer bother me. I'm here because it's a topic I'm interested in and I want to help. I'm not here all the time, and it's just one of several websites I periodically visit for some online reading. I also spend time on reddit, a mustang forum, a gaming forum, and some other news sites when I have some spare time.

-Mike

I see thanks for sharing this. Again, I appreciate your input into this. I guess one last question, have you notice the sound effect you at all in following code or what is going on at all? Like following a recursive function at all or anything like that? I'm wondering how much of the noise is actually effecting my cognitive ability and how much of it is just me thinking its effecting me and the negative feelings around it. But, then again, I'm not sure.

 

[jdjd09]

I don't know if it makes you feel any better but once again I got diagnosed with much higher hearing loss after another audio test at 40db in the 8000hz range, and that was 2 weeks after Prednisone, and to be honest, if they didn't show it to me on paper, I would have no idea because I can't honestly tell a difference that my hearing got any worse since the noise exposure. Maybe for you it's really noticeable, but perhaps some of that also has to do with you just getting tested. I feel like there's a good possibility most of that hearing loss they are discovering in my case could have happened at an earlier time, and it's just the first time I had my hearing checked and only a part of it happened during the noise exposure that caused my T.

Yeah, for me I noticed the difference. But, maybe I get used to it, idk. Can I ask what hearing loss you have right now beyond the 40db a 8khz?

To be honest a lot of what you are describing is similar to what I was going through when I was in college at your age, 22, and it had nothing to do with T. I simply didn't know which direction to go at that time and lost interest in my majors, and ended up dropping out to pursue a career in sales. I thought like that as well and regretted it at times, thought that I "missed my chance". And coincidentally I was double majoring in CS and Math. Now I don't. Life isn't over. It took many twists, got married, divorced, started new relationships after that, rebuild my life twice since. Just in the past 10 years alone it feels I restarted my life over twice, and will do so again.

It's a bump in the road for you no matter what happens and you have plenty of time, irrelevant of what happens, to re-invent yourself over and over. My worst enemy wasn't the events that changed my life, it was dwelling on them for too long and wasting time! The only thing I regret is spending too much time and energy on thoughts like what you are going through. Not the life-altering events themselves.

It's exactly things like this in life that builds character and makes you a stronger person when you get through them and find yourself having past them. Try to be more open minded, and at least allow the possibility to enter your mind that things can still turn out great for you, even if right now it seems everything is a tornado wrecking havoc on your plans and life is over. The sun always shines brightest after the storm, and in my case that's really been true multiple times in my life. Give that possibility a chance in your mind, even if you consider it to be a small chance at this time.

Can I ask how old you are now? I can see if I manage to somehow get back to a "normal" life, this could make me a better person potentially (or not, who knows). I guess I wonder what is the point of all this suffering though sometimes if we all just die in the end? Maybe that is too deep a question for this thread. I guess all I see is negativity on these boards and how much this messed peoples lives up. But, maybe that isn't the situation for most who lose there hearing and get T? I'm not sure what to believe anymore I guess :/.

 

[AlexSongitus]

Yeah, for me I noticed the difference. But, maybe I get used to it, idk. Can I ask what hearing loss you have right now beyond the 40db a 8khz?



Can I ask how old you are now? I can see if I manage to somehow get back to a "normal" life, this could make me a better person potentially (or not, who knows). I guess I wonder what is the point of all this suffering though sometimes if we all just die in the end? Maybe that is too deep a question for this thread. I guess all I see is negativity on these boards and how much this messed peoples lives up. But, maybe that isn't the situation for most who lose there hearing and get T? I'm not sure what to believe anymore I guess :/.

The audio test didn't show any other, but from testing it myself I can tell you I noticed drops in one ear at around the 6000 range in one ear and at around 7000 range in the other. I tested it with 2 different headphones and got slightly different results so I don't know how much of that is the equipment. I'll be 34 soon. The point of suffering is so you can experience joy in life. One doesn't exist without the other. Then we would all be robots, completely even keel and leveled throughout our entire lives. It's what makes us human, it's what creates memories worth remembering! They all serve their purpose and like I said, overcoming adversity, and suffering and loss is a big part of character building and making you a better, stronger person in the future. So yes, there is definitely a point in all this. And it's all in how you take it and see it at the end of the day.

Stay strong. Look jd, 10 years from now you will probably be able to joke about all this, have gotten married, had kids, living a completely different life than what you are imagining now and you will be the one telling someone else your story to help them get through similar problems. It's worth finding out and it's definitely worth experiencing the ups that come after downs like this. And the next time life throws you a curve ball and kicks you down like this, you will already have experience in dealing with it and bouncing right back much quicker because of what you are learning right now.

 

[Tamika]

Can I ask at what age your friend got tinnitus and at what age he got hearing loss (the IT one)? What about some of your other friends?

I think age plays a big role in this. Your expected to have health issues later on in life. You are also, though, expected to have had work experience without this issue by that point and also probably have a family by that point for support. I feel like getting both these in your 20s is a death sentence (or just a sentence where you have to now work menial jobs, which doesn't work well in USA).

He got the hearing loss and T together in his mid twenties. The others are in the range of 10 to 20 years. Interestingly those that got it the youngest seem the least bothered by it. They just look at me and say 'don't listen to it'.

I can see that you are obviously freaking out about this and I completely understand and sympathise. I know you are frantically just looking for answers. I understand and am not taking your comments to heart. However you do risk offending people if you say it doesn't matter if you get it when you are older 'as you are expected to get health issues'. I was in perfect health before getting this. As another post said you have the pressure of more to lose potentially when you are older - marriage, family, job and home. We are all in this together. No matter what our age we are here to support one another. Tamika

 

[Michael2013]

Ok, I will get the book. Do you mind sharing what exercise in the book you found the most helpful (or maybe there were multiple)?

I don't have the book in front of me so I can't say. But it isn't that long and it's worth going through the whole thing.

Also, was there a reason you waited to get hearing aids, beyond costs? Were you able to function fine without them? I'm questioning if I really even need them, or if I am just overreacting right now to my situation. Not sure if I really need them in my case or not.

I had them as a kid in grade school, but they were more trouble than they were worth so I stopped wearing them. The reason I decided to get them later on in life was more because of the advanced technology. I saw a video of a guy demonstrating the bluetooth capabilities and how he could stream audio, including music, directly to his ears. That seemed cool, so I decided to give them a shot. I figured if I'm going to be half deaf anyway, I might as well get some benefit out of this.

Of course if I ask an ENT, they will want to sell me one. But, also been told by them that hearing loss can come back within 6 month period of time. Who knows.

If you complain to an ENT that you can't hear as well, there are usually only two real solutions for SNHL today that he could possibly recommend: 1. Wait and see if it returns or 2. Get hearing aids.

If I were you, I would wait at least 6 months. If it doesn't return by that point, it's likely permanent. And if you're still feeling like you are missing out on sounds at that point, then you may benefit from them. But you just might also just get used to it by then and no longer care.

I guess a lot of my doom and gloom comes from people linking studies to this and that with hearing loss and tinnitus basically making people stupider or have dimintia or losing cognitive abilities. But, part of me honestly questions some of the studies too. For example, most the people in the study were probably older, so of course they are probably going to have decline in those abilities.

A couple things to keep in mind with those studies, first the reduced cognitive abilities and dementia is seen once the person is older (like 60+ years old). Second, one of the reasons they believe hearing loss is associated with dementia is because of social isolation. If you withdraw from conversations with people as a result of your hearing loss, then you are at a much greater risk. Your hearing loss is not significant enough to put you in that group. You can still turn on a TV and understand what people are saying, can't you? The great thing for us is that is 30-40 years away and I'm holding out hope that there will be some good Alzheimer's and SNHL cures by then.

Can I ask how long it took you to find this situation normal and it not effecting you at all? It sounds like this is a complete non issue for you now at all, so this gives me some hope.

It really is a non-issue for me. I would say it took me up to 6 months to get back to where I would say I was normal again.

I see thanks for sharing this. Again, I appreciate your input into this. I guess one last question, have you notice the sound effect you at all in following code or what is going on at all? Like following a recursive function at all or anything like that? I'm wondering how much of the noise is actually effecting my cognitive ability and how much of it is just me thinking its effecting me and the negative feelings around it. But, then again, I'm not sure.

I think your problem is due to anxiety from tinnitus and hearing loss. You are so wrapped up in this negative fearful state that you can't function normally. I don't really do any programming anymore other than some occasional SQL. I do work with complex financial applications in a stressful environment and have no problems due to tinnitus or hearing loss. Well, other than actually not hearing people sometimes, but hey, that's life for me.

-Mike

 

[AnxiousJon]

This anecdotal, but I want to encourage you with something. Someone posted this in the "Positivity Thread" in the support section:

Having T for 20 years it has become as normal as I go thru my day. 90% of the time my mind just ignores it. This will sound odd to most people especially the new ones with T. It is difficult to put into words but it has become my companion. At times I sit in silence with the ringing quite pronounced and it envelopes me in a kind of comfort if that makes sense. I can sit and meditate in a very peaceful state.

It caused me to realize something. I responded:

I didn't find this post till just now. I have been experiencing this too at night for the last week or so. Sometimes the louder it gets the more comfort I feel. It's really nice.
It's like the comfort I get from sleeping under the light of an outdoor, mercury-vapor lamp, or the rushing wind and sleet against my car when I slept on the mountain after working/snowboarding.

Now the original poster said, "This will sound odd to most people especially the new ones with T". Why would he say that? Why would he guess, that to new suffers, what he was going to say would sound completely unrealistic, even crazy?

lmao, what??!

I told you it would sound odd

Because you can't imagine what it is like to see something in such a completely different way, like seeing something that you now think of as torment, as comforting. But it is possible to trust that such a thing can be done, if you believe in what the mind is capable of, even if you don't feel that way about the object in question now.
That is what I want you to ponder more of; that your brain is powerful and capable. This ties in well with the book that is being recommended by @Michael2013. That book would never work for anyone unless the mind could make some wild changes!

 

[Telis]

This anecdotal, but I want to encourage you with something. Someone posted this in the "Positivity Thread" in the support section:

It caused me to realize something. I responded:

Now the original poster said, "This will sound odd to most people especially the new ones with T". Why would he say that? Why would he guess, that to new suffers, what he was going to say would sound completely unrealistic, even crazy?


Because you can't imagine what it is like to see something in such a completely different way, like seeing something that you now think of as torment, as comforting. But it is possible to trust that such a thing can be done, if you believe in what the mind is capable of, even if you don't feel that way about the object in question now.
That is what I want you to ponder more of; that your brain is powerful and capable. This ties in well with the book that is being recommended by @Michael2013. That book would never work for anyone unless the mind could make some wild changes!

Yeah great, how do we even know what this guy actually hears? Comparing one persons T to the next is totally pointless. Maybe he hears a loud white noise like a peaceful water fall, who knows. And maybe if he had the same tinnitus as the next guy he would be completly disabled by it, we don't know do we?

These stories are great but let's keep it real, the heroics get tiring along with these Hollywood endings. We don't know anything about one persons tinnitus to the next, let's not pretend that we do just for the sake of a good story.

i have arthritis in my right thumb, it's about twice the size of my other hand, it hardly bothers me. I play 15-20 hours of tennis a week with that hand. Is my situation the same as someone that is crippled and can't walk with arthritis? Should I be a success story for the arthritis community? Talk about how I don't even think about it? Speak about how my mind is very powerful because I could care less about the condition and it's no big deal? No that would be pretty arrogant, not to mention egotistical and ignorant, I better not do that.

Why do we generalize so much with tinnitus? Is it because we can't see it? It's all the just same thing? Out of sight, out of mind?

 

[AnxiousJon]

Look, I'm sorry you're upset, but neither I nor the person I quoted, was comparing anyone's T. Sorry; just wasn't.
As an anecdote I was showing that whatever unverifiable experience I have/had, was terrifying and debilitating, and now has completely changed in my perception. Maybe if I was someone with much worse T, this same level of change in me would only produce 30% habituation(so to speak), for that much more severe level of T.
That's not the purpose of telling the story though. The purpose of telling the story is so that OP who is disproportionately freaking out about mild hearing loss and how his "whole life is over", can see that his perception of it can change even if it feels like there is no way of that happening. I try to tailor what I am saying to each person, and where they are at. I do think it is exactly what he needs to hear, because I don't think he is someone with screaming T, because he doesn't talk about it that way. His main issue IS one of perspective. Could I have been more detailed in preventing misconceptions or offense for other people than the one to whom I was speaking? Sure; but they aren't who I was writing for, and when you are dealing with people in crisis you have to be simple and to the point.
You can continue to say what you want, but I'm not going to argue this further. I'll let everyone else who reads my post determine if what I said was at all inappropriate to illustrate the point, and if the point was worth expressing.

 

[jdjd09]

I hear the ringing 24/7 over EVERYTHING but the shower. I had tinnitus before this without hearing loss. It wasn't that loud and I was like the others and semi enjoyed it. It didn't bother me. I never even posted or looked up forums about it. It was just there and didn't bother me as I rarely heard it unless I foucsed on it.

Now I hear it all the time. Never a break. Plus hear less with the hearing issue. Can't enjoy music anymore.

Honestly after this entire week I'm pretty but back to square one. I'm done with life. I can't focus. I can't hear things as well around me. I can't enjoy driving in car with music or headphones.

Sorry but it's a combination of everything . even a therapist I saw pretty much acted like they can't help me. I'm done this is all over. I had a good life and was headed in the right direction, but now honestly it's all over.

 

[AnxiousJon]

If you haven't tried any meds, then there is no way you can say you have tried everything.
Meds were so crucial for me getting perspective, and I hope others will agree that it helped them as well.
I understand you feel so certain that your view can't change or even should. It really does feel like the way you are thinking is reasonable. It doesn't seem/feel like you are engaged in warped thinking. And after all,
"why would meds help? That just tampers with chemicals to adjust mood, and my problems is tinnitus and hearing loss; I want those gone. No moving on. No meds. I refuse. I demand my life back the way it was."

 

[jdjd09]

I have tried some meds and they don't make me want to be here anymore either. Logically I lost all reason being here. Not saying others should kill themselves, I can speak for me though. Even therapist I talked to basically said they probably can't help me and would pay me back for the next visit to basically stop the sessions.

Eventually people on here will give up on me too. If I can't take care of myself financially in the USA, just want to die 24/7, and hate every waking moment then I see no reason to continue. I didn't mind existence before this life it seems.

 

[AnxiousJon]

I didn't mind existence before this life it seems.

You know what? I'm tired of trying to appeal to why you should want to live for this present life only. I'm tired of trying to prop that up and getting you to like such a proposition.
I don't even believe in that; I'm living my current life for the one to come. I don't believe there is hope if this life, if this is all there is.
"I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live"
-Queens of the Stone Age





If you want to know about the gospel of Jesus Christ let me know(private messgae); I'm a skilled theologian.

 

[Aaron123]

Even therapist I talked to basically said they probably can't help me and would pay me back for the next visit to basically stop the sessions.

I'm really not sure what to make of this statement. I've known (or know) a number of therapists, and they aren't ones to give up - certainly not right way. What does "they probably can't help me" mean? What do you view as "help"?

Regarding meds, even if you have tried "some meds" there are "some other meds". If you have done meds through your GP, I would suggest finding a good psychiatrist.

Eventually people on here will give up on me too

What are you hoping to get from people "on here"? A number of people have offered empathy and really sound advice about cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, giving yourself some time, etc. However, we aren't trained professionals. I think you either need to go back to your therapist or find a different one. Alternatively, since you seem to be in crisis now, you could go to the ER and explain how you are feeling in the same way you are explaining it here. If you don't want to go to the ER, then I would suggest calling 1-800-273-8255.

 

[jdjd09]

You know what? I'm tired of trying to appeal to why you should want to live for this present life only. I'm tired of trying to prop that up and getting you to like such a proposition.
I don't even believe in that; I'm living my current life for the one to come. I don't believe there is hope if this life, if this is all there is.
"I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live"
-Queens of the Stone Age





If you want to know about the gospel of Jesus Christ let me know(private messgae); I'm a skilled theologian.

This is what I was hinting at in my post. Eventually people will tire of helping and hints why I feel I should just go. If I can't take care of myself, I know society won't either. I don't live in a society like that. Not claiming society owes me anything either. Just that if they aren't going to help me when I can't help myself than there is no point.

 

[jdjd09]

I'm really not sure what to make of this statement. I've known (or know) a number of therapists, and they aren't ones to give up - certainly not right way. What does "they probably can't help me" mean? What do you view as "help"?

Regarding meds, even if you have tried "some meds" there are "some other meds". If you have done meds through your GP, I would suggest finding a good psychiatrist.


What are you hoping to get from people "on here"? A number of people have offered empathy and really sound advice about cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, giving yourself some time, etc. However, we aren't trained professionals. I think you either need to go back to your therapist or find a different one. Alternatively, since you seem to be in crisis now, you could go to the ER and explain how you are feeling in the same way you are explaining it here. If you don't want to go to the ER, then I would suggest calling 1-800-273-8255.

The psychologist wanted to attempt to equate me having this issue and other health issues in my past as a pattern in my life somehow caused by me wanting to self sabotage myself rather than it being just health issues that unfortunately happened and there wasn't a " pattern" to them. I said I don't agree that I'm self sabotaging and went back and forth and that is when he thought he can't help me potentially in my case.

I'm tired of being medded up in life. I think after a certain point one has to ask the question when it's just not worth it anymore. Like when someone is on life support. Sure, the machines can keep you alive, but what is the point if quality of life is shit?

What help am I hoping for? I don't know honestly. Maybe some hope comes about from this thread eventually. Sure, your not "professionals", but let's be honest wtf is one anyways.? The professional doctor s didn't diagnose or treat me properly, which lead me to this situation.

Why I don't go to an er is because I will be billed 20k or more and possibly loss my job from a stay at the er. Then what? If I don't have a reason to live now, then that sure is a way to give me more reason to go. I'm not sure how some of you all find this "time" to go to the er whenever. If I lose my job no one is taking care of me.

Again, I'm on thin ice with this life. I post on here with slight hope I find a reason to stay. But, I think after a certain point, society really does expect you to just die off or get out of the way after a certain age and point in life.

 

[Aaron123]

I would suggest calling 1-800-273-8255.

 

[jdjd09]

I would suggest calling 1-800-273-8255.

Sure, and then have them call the cops on me which then force me to the er for 5 days? I'm not that stupid, as that leads me down the same path as going to the er myself.

 

[AnxiousJon]

I'm not tired of answering you. I'll type for 10+ hours on this thread if I think it will do good. I quoted you saying that before this, you think you "didn't mind" existing.
How am I supposed to convinced someone that has no ambition about living, that this world has something to offer, when I don't even believe in that mysefl?
Once we get into this realm I really can't help, because my real advice for this kind of question("what makes life worth living?") is much more religious than people want to hear.

 

[jdjd09]

I'm not tired of answering you. I'll type for 10+ hours on this thread if I think it will do good. I quoted you saying that before this, you think you "didn't mind" existing.
How am I supposed to convinced someone that has no ambition about living, that this world has something to offer, when I don't even believe in that mysefl?
Once we get into this realm I really can't help, because my real advice for this kind of question("what makes life worth living?") is much more religious than people want to hear.

Not sure then you can help, not sure anyone can help, and this goes back to my point about this society. Which is if I can't take care of myself in this life and i know no one else is going to, then not much reason to stick around.

 

[AnxiousJon]

This is about your reason for wanting to live, not society; this situation brings out more clearly that you lack direction and purpose, personally. You know how many places in the world there are, wherein the average person is in broken health, and wishes they could live on the streets of america?
I've slept in my car when I had to and used public facilities for hygeine. I've worked dead-end job after dead-end job(something you confessed is beneath your dignity). I've struggled with unknown attention problems that caused me to drop out of school and unknown health problems. Life has been difficult, and it still doesn't make sense, but I'm not done. I have a reason to live. And if I have to live on the streets, then I know my Father will take care of me there, and if I die, he will help me die well.
I can't impart a reason to live to you without speaking religious truth.
That is why I don't have anything more to add to this thread.

 

[John G]

Not sure then you can help, not sure anyone can help, and this goes back to my point about this society. Which is if I can't take care of myself in this life and i know no one else is going to, then not much reason to stick around.

Look, this is a support forum. There has been alot of support/advice here for you and you don't seem to appreciate that. I think you need to find a new doctor/ specialist that is an "Expert" in talk therapy.

Do you think that talking negative every single time is going to help you get better?. I fell into a deep depression thinking the same way you do.

Show some appreciation to the people on this forum and to yourself,and you may be surprised to see things improve in your situation.

 

[jdjd09]

This is about your reason for wanting to live, not society; this situation brings out more clearly that you lack direction and purpose, personally. You know how many places in the world there are, wherein the average person is in broken health, and wishes they could live on the streets of america?
I've slept in my car when I had to and used public facilities for hygeine. I've worked dead-end job after dead-end job(something you confessed is beneath your dignity). I've struggled with unknown attention problems that caused me to drop out of school and unknown health problems. Life has been difficult, and it still doesn't make sense, but I'm not done. I have a reason to live. And if I have to live on the streets, then I know my Father will take care of me there, and if I die, he will help me die well.
I can't impart a reason to live to you without speaking religious truth.
That is why I don't have anything more to add to this thread.

I think most people want there health regardless of where they live. Also, many just die off due to lack of health facilities , so honestly probably someone like me would have died off a while ago. Which I don't see as a bad thing, me dieing off. Not saying that they should suffer though, I think everyone deserves healthcare.

I'm glad you find hope in your religion. But, I'll be honest , I would like to seek out help about this life. So, in the end, I'm still at square one. Which, IMO, means it's time to go sometime this year.